Unbreak This Heart

by Betty Shreffler

  “Right now, the pain I feel is the betrayal of my closest friends, including you.”

  His eyes go wide. “Would you have believed me if I’d told you sooner?”

  “I don’t know. I wasn’t given the chance to decide that.”

  “I liked you, Alex. I liked you from the first day we met, but you were set on giving your and Todd’s relationship a second chance. Who was I to destroy that? I thought maybe the son-of-a-bitch had got his shit together and truly wanted to make it work. I saw that you were happy and I couldn’t bring myself to be the one to ruin that. So I waited. I let things take their natural course and didn’t intervene. Do you think that was easy? I hated seeing you with him. The day he walked into my gym to pick you up, the asshole threatened me. He told me if I said anything about the blonde he’d make sure you believed I was trying to sabotage your relationship and threatened to have me fired. Not that he could, but the audacity of that prick alone had me ready to wipe the floor with his arrogant smirk.”

  My tear-soaked eyes catch the bright light of the lamp as I turn to face Carter. “He threatened you?”

  “Yes, this is why I’m coming clean about all of it. I want you to know what kind of man Todd really is. You shouldn’t go to the funeral. You shouldn’t go anywhere near him.”

  My doorbell rings and Carter’s attention whips to the door. “Who is it?”

  “It’s dinner. I ordered delivery for us.”

  Opening the door, Carter takes the pizza, then pays the delivery guy.

  “Have as much as you want. I’m not hungry.” Dropping down on the couch, I place a pillow protectively on my lap.

  Setting the box on my counter, Carter joins me on the couch. Putting his elbows on his knees, he rests his chin in his folded hands.

  “I’ve hurt you twice tonight and I’m sorry. Hurting you is something I never want to do. I want to fix everything. I want to make you feel better. Tell me how.” Leaning back against the couch he stares into my eyes, studying me, reading me as best he can.

  “What’s done is done.” I sniffle, wiping my tears off my cheeks. “I just need time to work through it. I understand why you didn’t leap to tell me. You didn’t know if I’d believe you over Todd and you’re right. I don’t know what I would’ve believed. I was so caught up in trying to get back what I once had, it took me a while to realize he wasn’t what I wanted anymore. I wouldn’t have let him woo me away from you because…I love you.”

  Sliding his hand into mine, he rubs his thumb over it. A small gesture, but ample enough to pull at my heart.

  “This isn’t how I imagined telling you, but you need to know. I love you and it hurt me today when you insinuated I could easily be won back by Todd. I realized this evening you needed to know that won’t happen because of how much I love you.”

  His free hand extends along the back of the couch and gently grazes my cheek before brushing my hair behind my ear.

  “I love you too. That’s why I handled your news so poorly today. You’re my girl and I’ll do anything to protect you and what we have. I saw you going to the funeral with Todd as a threat and reacted like an idiot. I can’t say sorry enough, not until I know you’re not hurting anymore.”

  “You don’t have to worry about the funeral. I’m not going. Not after what you told me Todd did with that woman. Broken up or not, it disgusts me. I wish I hadn’t wasted my time trying to reconcile things with him. I’m an idiot. I had an amazing guy right in front of me the whole time.”

  A smile lifts the corner of his mouth before fading. “You did, but you were worth the wait.”

  Leaning forward, I remove the pillow and ease into his open arms. Holding me close, he soothingly rubs my back and kisses my head.

  “Can I hear you say it again?”

  “What?”

  “Those three words.”

  “I love you.”

  He squeezes me a little tighter. “Yeah, those words.”

  CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE

  —

  ALEX

  Cool water ripples around the lounge pool float I’m resting on. The midday sun bathes my skin in comforting warmth. Next to me, Jane’s voice drags me back from the nap I was close to.

  “I’m glad you came to my house today instead of the funeral.”

  “I feel bad missing it to be honest, but I have no desire to be near Todd.”

  “I’m relieved Carter told you the truth. I have no doubt it was painful to hear, but you needed to know.”

  My gaze shifts from the puffy white clouds against the baby blue sky to Jane’s pained expression. “I was angry with all of you, but after thinking it through this week, I realized why you didn’t say anything. None of you wanted me to think you were trying to sabotage the relationship because I did know none of you wanted me to be with him.”

  “It’s true. We didn’t, but we wanted you to make the decision on your own and not be influenced by our feelings toward him. Well, Kyle and Carter felt that way. I never hid how I felt about it.” Her sheepish grin brings a smile to my face.

  “That’s why you’re my best friend. You never shy away from telling me how it really is.”

  “Always,” she giggles atop the rim of her cup before sipping her drink. “Even though you didn’t get to tell Carter how you felt the way you wanted to, are you glad you told him you love him?”

  “I am. Our argument brought us closer. We’ve been having deeper conversations about the future and what we both want.”

  “Like marriage and kids?” Jane grins.

  “Yes, like marriage and kids.”

  “I’ll make a hell of a maid of honor.”

  “Let’s not get carried away. We aren’t talking anytime soon.”

  “Sure, sure. Whatever you say, babe.”

  With the flick of my wrist I splash water in her direction. The carefree laughter rolling from our bellies makes me forget all about Todd and the funeral.

  ***

  My feet swing through the air as I land on my couch. With my phone in hand, I read Carter’s text that he’ll be over later after he’s done changing the oil on his mom’s car. With a text back, I let him know I’ll have dinner waiting for him. It’s a while before I need to start cooking, so I set the phone down and swap it for my glass of wine and the TV remote.

  The warm sun, drinks, and time with Jane did me good today. I feel refreshed, relaxed, and eager to see Carter. A sudden pounding on my door startles me, shifting my glass in my hand and spilling wine on my couch. “Shit!” Thankfully I chose white wine this evening.

  “Just a minute!”

  Carrying the glass to the kitchen counter, I set it down and amble to the door, irritated with the interruption to my relaxing evening.

  With a look through the peephole I see Todd on the other side. He appears disheveled, still in a funeral suit, the tie crooked, his hair every which way as if he’d been running his hands through it. Turning my back against the door, I bite my lip. I can’t pretend I’m not home. I already announced my presence. Idiot!

  “Todd, now’s not a good time.” I wince, hoping he’ll accept that and go away.

  “Please, Alex, let me in.” His voice is strained, broken.

  “I know you’re hurting. I can’t fix it for you.”

  “Alex, please, I need you. I’m begging you.”

  A thud hits my door. I look through the peephole to see Todd’s head collapsed against his folded arm and my door. I can hear the tears from my side. The memories of my lonely, tear-filled nights creep into my mind. Guilt picks at my stomach, nagging me.

  Slowly my hand turns the bolt and opens the door. His tear streaked face meets mine.

  “Thank you.”

  Wobbling over my threshold, the stench of alcohol is heavy.

  “Did you drive here?”

  “Took a cab from the bar.”

  With a hand to his arm to stabilize him, I usher him toward my couch. “You should sit down. You don’t look well.”

  “I
’m not,” he stammers.

  Letting me assist him to the couch, he forcefully pulls me down next to him.

  “Why didn’t you come today?” He sounds angry, distraught, not himself.

  “I don’t think it’s the right time to explain it.”

  “I want to know why.”

  Frustrated, I confess. “Because I learned about the blonde woman from the gym—Lana.”

  His hand brushes through his hair, tugging at it. “Fuck Lana, she didn’t mean anything to me. It was always you. You were meant to be my wife. But my fiancé couldn’t stand to have me touch her. For a little while I just needed a woman to want me. I closed my eyes and imagined she was you when I fucked her.”

  Standing, my chest constricts, and I fight back the feeling of nausea. “I think you should go.”

  “I don’t want to go. I want us back. I want to be inside my girl and forget all this pain.”

  Bold hands touch my hair, fisting it as his other arm wraps around my waist, holding me tight against him. Turning, I back out of his grasp, placing a hand at his chest.

  “You’ve had a lot to drink tonight. You’re upset and not yourself. You should go home and sleep it off.”

  “You’re all I’ve thought about. Night after night. It didn’t matter who I dated or slept with, you’d come back into my mind when I’d close my eyes to sleep. I missed the smell of your body next to me. The feel of your soft skin…” My back hits the counter as Todd’s fingers swipe across my lips. “The way you’d react when I kissed you.”

  The taste of liquor fills my mouth as his tongue forces between my lips. Shoving him back a step, he stares at me bewildered.

  “You need to go. I’m in a relationship with Carter. You and I…we aren’t good for each other…there’s too much baggage. We’ve hurt each other too many times.”

  Taking my hand, he steps closer. “I never wanted to hurt you. I tried to wait, but you shut me out. My touch revolted you. Do you know how that made me feel?”

  “I didn’t realize how much until it was too late.”

  Touching my cheek, his thumb brushes over my jaw. “It’s not too late for us. I’m willing to do what it takes to have you. Let me have you. Let me love you.”

  Leaning in for another kiss, I press my hand to his chest, stopping him. “You’re not in a good place right now. You’ve lost your father, you’re emotional, you’ve been drinking. I’m going to call you a cab to take you home.”

  Moving to the coffee table, I pick up my phone. Todd seizes it from my grasp.

  “I’m not going home. We have more to talk about.”

  “Give me the phone. Carter is coming over soon and you need to be gone before he gets here.”

  “What the hell do you see in him?”

  My hand swipes across my moist forehead.

  “Todd, don’t do this.”

  “Have you slept with him?”

  Glossy hazel-green eyes narrow in on me. For the first time, the look in Todd’s eyes frightens me. Shifting, I try to move past him and he blocks me.

  “That’s none of your business.”

  “You did, didn’t you? You spread your legs for a man you barely know, but you cry when I put my dick on you?”

  “That’s enough! You need to leave!”

  “Why do I repulse you? I’m not the man who raped you!”

  The slap echoes and stings my hand before I realize what I’ve done.

  “I’m sorry. You need to go. We can’t fight like this.”

  Touching his reddening cheek, his eyes transition. My phone whips through the air, crashing into the wall behind me.

  “Nothing in my life is right! We would’ve been married by now! You’d be having my child! Your rapist didn’t destroy only your life, Alex. He took away mine too!”

  “I know you’re hurting, but being here, fighting with me, it isn’t helping.”

  With tears in his eyes, Todd rushes forward and forces me into his arms, burying his head in my hair.

  “I’m sorry I walked out on you. I never should’ve let you go.” One hand cups my head as the other rubs along my back. “My father told me to always go after what I want. To not give up until I have it in my hands. That’s you, Alex. You’re what I want. I realize that now more than ever.” Easing his grip, he wipes at the tear falling down my cheek.

  “Call Carter, tell him not to come. Give us tonight.”

  Another tear falls as I struggle with the emotions this fight is bringing out of us.

  Running my hand down his arm, I shake my head.

  “I can’t. I don’t want us anymore. I want to be with Carter.”

  The sudden force of Todd’s muscled arm shoving me onto the couch shocks me.

  “No, you don’t. You think you do because it’s easy with him. Love isn’t easy. When you love someone, you fight for them.”

  “This isn’t like you. I’ve never seen you act this way.”

  Dropping to his knees in front of me, he caresses along my legs. “Because I’m here, pouring my heart out to you and you’re trying to shove me out the door.”

  Both our heads snap to the sound of my phone ringing.

  “That’s him, isn’t it?”

  When I attempt to stand, Todd pushes me back down. “Let it go to voicemail.”

  “Why don’t we put this conversation on hold and finish it when you’re feeling more yourself.”

  “I know you, you’ll do everything you can to shut me out. Avoid my calls, texts, visits. I have you here now. Let’s talk now.”

  “I don’t feel there’s anything else to discuss. We want different things.”

  “What changed?” Todd’s grip on my knees tighten, and he drags me forward, closer to him. “You wanted us to get back together. Why don’t you want that now?”

  “We’re different people than we were two or three years ago. I’m…a different woman. What we had is gone. We can’t get back to where we were.”

  “But you still love me, don’t you? I saw it in your eyes the day at the beach. I saw how hard it was for you to walk away from me.”

  My head lowers. “You’re right, it was. You do hold a special place in my heart. We share a strong history together.”

  “If Carter wasn’t in the picture, would you want to be with me?”

  “It’s not that simple. It’s not only how I feel about Carter. It’s how I feel about you. I’m…not in love with you.”

  His grip on my legs tighten as an uncontrollable growl escapes his chest. “Fuck, Alex. Kick a man while he’s down, why don’t you?”

  “I don’t want to hurt you. I’m being honest with you.”

  “Then tell me, have you slept with him?”

  “Todd.” I place my hands over his and try to slide them off my knees. He doesn’t budge, and my nerves kick up a notch.

  “Tell me.” He reads my eyes and my silence, getting the answer he doesn’t want. “That’s what I thought. You let him fuck you.”

  Dropping down onto the floor, he lays on his back. “Jesus, Alex. How do you think this makes me feel? I wasn’t sure we were done, but you’ve made it pretty clear we are by letting another man fuck you.”

  “You’ve had too much to drink. You were at your father’s funeral earlier today. I know how much it hurts to lose a parent. I want to be there for you, but we can’t keep on like this. You need to go home and get some rest.”

  Leaning over, I take his hand and try to raise him off the floor.

  Jerking his arm, he pulls me down on top of him. Clutching me in his grasp, he keeps me from getting up. One arm raises, and he grazes his hand over my face as he stares at me.

  “You’ve hurt me. Really hurt me.”

  Wiggling, I try to free myself.

  His expression morphs as he recognizes my desire to break free.

  “That’s right. I remember how much you hate my touch.”

  With my hair tight in his grip, he shoves me off him. Pain ripples across my shoulder and cheek as I’m slammed i
nto the coffee table. Buckling over, my hand goes to my face as I struggle to stand.

  “Shit, Alex. I didn’t mean to—”

  “Leave!”

  “Let me help you.” Reaching his hand out for me, I swat it away.

  “Get out!”

  Todd stares at me, different thoughts crossing over his eyes. With a pissed off click of his tongue, he storms toward the door.

  With his hand on the knob, he stops and turns back to me. “I really do love you. I never wanted it to be like this between us.”

  “You’re an asshole. That’s why I chose Carter. He’d never walk out on me, give up on me, or push me before I’m ready. He’d never treat me like you did tonight.”

  Jaw twitching, he looks straight ahead and breathes in deep. I watch his profile, seeing the effect my words have on him just before he turns his back to me and walks out.

  ***

  The materials of my first aid kit are scattered across my bathroom sink. Rushing to tear the gauze package open, I glance in the mirror at the bruised and broken skin on my face. My time is short before Carter arrives and I’m scared of how he’ll react when he sees me. I’m afraid to lie to him, but even more afraid if I tell him the truth he’ll go after Todd. Any fights outside the ring can get him suspended or lose his contract with Knock Out Champions.

  I reach for my phone. I can cancel tonight. Avoid him until my face is healed. My shaky fingers fumble over the touch keys as tears stream down my cheeks. I never should’ve opened the door. Why did I open the door?

  My heart stops when I hear the familiar knock. Quickly, I toss everything into the first aid kit and put it back under my sink. Rushing to the front door, I look through the peephole at Carter.

  “I was just going to call you. I’m not feeling well. I think I got the stomach flu. I don’t want to give it to you. Let’s reschedule for another night.”

  “I’m not worried about getting sick,” Carter chuckles. “I’ve been anxious to see you all day. Let me in. I’ll take care of you, hold your hair back.”

  More tears uncontrollably escape my eyes. My back goes to the door and I slide down until I’m a ball on the floor. I want him to hold me, confess to him everything that happened, but I know what will come of it, and I can’t do that to him.