“No, Luca. What do you mean the baby is here?” She grabs her stomach. “Oh my God, is she okay? She can’t be. It’s too early. Oh my God, Luca.” Hadley begins to cry and I wipe the tears as they fall.
“Hadley, baby, I’ve seen her. I’ve seen Valeria. She’s okay,” I try to reassure her. “She’s in the NICU and she’s being a strong, little fighter. Don’t cry. She’s doing fine right now.”
“I need to see Dr. Jones. Please, Luca.” The tears won’t stop falling as she begs me.
“I’ll be right back.” I kiss her forehead before leaving to find Dr. Jones. A few minutes later, I return and Hadley is still upset and crying.
“What the fuck happened?”
“You told me you were have small pains. Were they worse throughout the day?” Dr. Jones asks.
“Yes, but I thought it was Braxton Hicks. I didn’t know. What about Valeria? I read in the books that some babies can survive being born this early.”
Dr. Jones nods. “Yes, Valeria has a high chance of survival. Like I told Luca, I can tell you all the bad stuff that could happen–”
Hadley cuts her off. “Like brain damage, physical disabilities, slow development.”
“Yes,” she begins, “and then you can have a strong healthy baby. Hadley, you were already measuring big and we had planned to take her early. I know this baby is a fighter and that she will survive just fine.”
“How long will she be here?”
“Well, if all goes well, she may be home by New Year’s.”
“That’s months away,” I say. “I know you said a long time, but...New Year’s?” Wow.
“That’s if it goes well. She could stay longer. It depends on how well she does. She has to heal and grow. You both need to remember that,” Dr. Jones reminds us.
I nod. “Right, she needs to be healthy and ready first. Thank you for all your help.”
“Of course. Get some rest, Hadley.”
When Dr. Jones leaves, I turn to Hadley and wipe away the last of her tears. “I’m glad you’re okay.” I kiss her softly. “Valeria will be fine,” I repeat.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Hadley
I can hear Luca speaking softly in Russian in the corner. I turn my head toward his voice and open my eyes. His suit is wrinkled, his eyes are tired, and I can see the worry written all over his face.
My poor Luca.
When he hangs up the phone, he closes his eyes. I watch him take a couple deep breaths and leans his head against the wall.
“Luca.” My voice is rough and my throat is dry.
He quickly turns to me, giving a small smile and comes over to me. “Are you okay?” He pushes a strand of my hair away.
“Yes. I’m assuming you were on the phone with Mama and Papa.”
He nods. “They’re on the way. Mama pretty much hung up on me once I said Valeria was here.”
I laugh, but it hurts too much.
“Do you need anything? Here, have some water.” Luca puts a straw in front of me and the cool liquid soothes the burning in my throat.
“Luca, you need to get back to the team.”
“No. I need to be here.” His tone is one not to argue with, but that’s never stopped me.
“You can’t stay here for four months. You’ll lose everything.”
“I only need Valeria and you.”
“And hockey,” I remind him.
Luca opens his mouth to argue but Dr. Jones and another man comes into the room.
“Hadley. Luca. I want you to meet Dr. Craigson. He’s the head of the NICU and will be taking care of your little girl.”
Dr. Craigson is in his forties with wavy dark hair and green eyes. Not a bad looking guy, but he doesn’t look like a head doctor either as I notice his stone wash jeans peeking through his long white coat.
He shakes both of our hands. “It’s nice to meet you both.”
“How’s our baby?” I ask.
“I agree with Dr. Jones when she said that she’s a fighter. She doing well. Her heart is strong and vitals are as well as can be expected. If she keeps this up, she’ll be home by New Year’s.” He smiles at both of us.
“Let’s talk about you, Hadley,” Dr. Jones jumps in.
“Me?”
“When we took your blood this morning, your iron is still low. I’m going to give you couple more units of blood. I’m also going to order another ultrasound to check your uterus. I want to make sure that there’s no additional bleeding.”
“If there is?”
“Then we’ll repair it.” She tries to sound hopeful.
“I could lose my uterus, though.” My heart drops. It’s not the fact that I wouldn’t be able to have any more kids, but I wouldn’t be a full woman anymore.
“Let’s not borrow trouble. First, the ultrasound and then we’ll go from there. Okay?”
I nod and the doctor leaves.
“Baby, what is it?” Luca sits on the side of my bed and cups my face. “Tell me.”
“I won’t be a real woman if she takes my uterus.” The tears roll down my face. I thought that once I had Little Valeria, these fucking hormones would stop, but now they seem worse.
“What? Baby, that’s not true. You’re a woman through and through.” He leans close to my ear. “Trust me, I’ve kissed every inch of your delectable, womanly body.”
I giggle and softly kiss his lips. “Thank you, Luca, for everything.”
“You don’t have to thank me, baby. Hey,” he stops and grins. “Where’s your phone?”
“Oh, I don’t know.” I shake my head. Shit, I don’t even know where my purse is.
“Here.” He hands me his. “Look at my text message to you. My last one.”
I’m perplexed as to why he wants me to look at his phone, but I do. I find my name in his list of messages and tap it. My heart stops and my mouth drops. My eyes leave the screen and look into his brown eyes.
“I love you, Hadley. In the past twenty-four hours, I feel like my whole life has been turned on its head. But I’m glad that it has.” I can see in his eyes the honesty that he’s revealing. “I love my sister and after talking to Papa, I think that I finally realize that...even though I still hold some blame, she wouldn’t want me to live like I have been. Hadley, I want my future with you and our daughter. I’m going to make mistakes. I am. I know it, but I want you to be by my side when I do.”
“Oh, Luca.” The tears come faster.
“You’re the only woman that I’ve loved. You’re the only wife that I’ll ever have. And I will always be here for you.”
“You and me forever,” I choke out, sniffling.
“You and me forever.” He leans his forehead against mine.
~ ~ ~
I was given two more units of blood and then Luca forced me to eat soup. Amy came by and gave me my phone and purse. She told me that everything is smooth sailing at THN and not to worry about anything. Mr. York came by as well. He told Luca not to even think about hockey and ordered me to rest.
“Don’t think about anything but your daughter and resting.”
After everyone leaves, Luca takes me down to see Little Valeria. I’m still too weak to walk, so he pushes me in a wheelchair. I knew that she would be small, but I’m shocked when I see her for the first time.
The nurses are talking to Luca, but I can’t tear my eyes away from her tiny body. The nurses gave her a little Bucks cap because they know she is Luca’s baby. Her diaper is too big, but the nurses say she’s doing great.
“May I touch her?” I finally ask.
“Of course.” The nurse opens small circular door on the side and I reach my hand in.
Little Valeria is warm and I watch her chest rise and fall. The beeping of the heart machine is all that I can hear. She’s beautiful. Even in her tiny form, she’s the most beautiful baby I’ve ever seen. Luca and I created her from our love and I don’t think I’ve ever loved anything or any person as much as I do her.
I stick out my
pinkie and reach for her hand. Instantly, she grips it. I know the books say it’s instincts, but right I now, in my head, my baby girl is holding her mommy’s hand. I don’t want to let go. I don’t want to leave our baby, but I’m tired. Luca tells me that I can come back later after a nap. I nod and close the door of her incubator.
Luca rolls me back to the room and helps me back in bed. Right before I fall asleep, Dr. Jones comes back in and discusses the ultrasound.
“Everything looks good. I’m going to keep you for tonight, but tomorrow you should be able to go home.”
I’m relieved that I’m okay, but my heart breaks at the fact that I’ll go home without Little Valeria. I try to fight the sleep, but I fail and soon my eyes close.
~ ~ ~
I take a deep breath and open my eyes. I turn my head to the left and Mama is knitting next to me.
“Mama.”
“Oh.” She drops her yarn and cups both of my cheeks. “How is my girl?”
“How did you get here so fast?”
Mama perks one eyebrow at me and I’m sure she could've swam to get here. Never underestimate the Zotov’s, that’s a sure thing.
“Where’s Luca?”
“I sent him and Papa home to rest for a little bit. I told them I can handle things here.” She sits back down and picks up her knitting needles again.
I have no doubt in my mind that she can handle it all. “Did you see Little Valeria?”
“Only through the window. The NICU visiting hours were closed, but I’ll go when they open back up. She’s absolutely beautiful.”
I smile, but the dread fills me quickly as I watch her fingers create a masterpiece. “Mama, I’m scared.” My voice cracks.
“Oh, Hadley.” She stops and looks up at me. “You have nothing to worry about. That little girl comes from a long line of stubborn, hardheaded women. She wanted to make a grand entrance and she’s going to be just fine. I promise you.” Mama wipes my tears and kisses my cheek. The smell of sugar soothes me and I know she’s right. Little Valeria is going to be fine.
After a few minutes, my tears finally stop and Mama forces me to get up. She tells me that I’m weak because I’m not moving. She helps me up and makes me walk to the bathroom. She helps me wash up and for the first time, I see the staples across my belly. No more bikinis for me, but I have my daughter and that’s what matters. Mama doesn’t put me in bed; she makes me sit in the rocking chair.
Once I’m settled, Luca and Papa come in. Luca looks better now that he’s changed his clothes. Papa hugs me and looks me over to make sure I’m okay.
“Mama’s taking care of me.” I wink at him.
Luca kisses me and kneels next to me. “You look better.”
“I feel it, too.”
We all chat for a little bit before Mama announces she’s ready to meet to her granddaughter. Luca gets the wheelchair and we all head down to the NICU. Mama ooh’s and ah’s over Little Valeria in Russian. Papa is quieter, but I’m sure I see a tear or two in his eyes. There’s a man who never cries. We spend several minutes in there and Mama puts the tiny mittens she made on Little Valeria’s hands.
I look over at Luca who is standing behind me and take his hand. “You haven’t touched her.”
“I can’t right now.” He shakes his head and I don’t push him any further.
I nod. He will when he’s ready.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Luca
I’ve been home with Hadley for two days, though we’ve made frequent trips back to the hospital to see Valeria. My parents have left to do some grocery shopping for us. It was hard to leave without Valeria, but I’m glad she’s with the doctors and is being well taken care of. Every time I look at her, my heart swells and sinks at the same time. She’s so fragile looking. She’s still doing well though.
“Luca.”
I turn my head to look at Hadley, who is sitting next to me on the couch. “What is it? Do you need something?”
“No,” she shakes her head. “When are you going back to work? Mama and Papa are here, so we’re covered. Plus, the next couple of games are at home. You need to go play before you get rusty.” She gives me a smile, but I don’t return it.
I haven’t thought about hockey, and I know I need to. I don’t want to, though. I don’t want to be pulled away from a game or practice to hear news that’ll turn everything upside down. Having my parents here does make me feel better. “Are you sure you’ll be okay?”
“I’ll be fine for a few hours every day without you. At least you aren’t hopping on a plane right away, Luca. You need to get back to it.”
“Fine,” I mutter.
“Don’t sound so thrilled about it,” she teases.
“I won’t. It’s going to be hard to focus.” I angle myself toward her, stare into her eyes and add, “If something changes while I’m at work, the minute it happens, I expect a phone call. And you’re not going to lie about how you’re feeling or if you need something. Mama and Papa are here to help, so let them.”
Hadley rolls her eyes. “I’m not completely helpless, but fine. I’ll do all of that. You should probably go in this afternoon, especially since there’s a game tomorrow. Mama and Papa should be back shortly and I’ll be fine until they get back.”
I narrow my eyes at her. “I don’t like you pushing me out of the house. There’s not another good looking Russian hiding in here, is there?”
Hadley laughs, shakes her head, and I smile. “Go.”
After a quick kiss, I tell her I love her and then I leave. When I arrive, various people stop me along the way to ask how Hadley and the baby are doing. I keep my responses short, but say enough so they know that they’re doing fine right now. I talk to the coach before running into Mr. York.
“Zotov, it’s good to see you back. How’s Hadley and Valeria?”
“Good. Hadley’s home and Valeria is doing as well as expected. My parents came, so having them here has helped,” I answer.
“That’s great. It’s good to have support around. I know the team will be glad to see you and hear an update. Most of them are in the workout room, if you want to head that way. It’s really good to see you, Zotov. Send Hadley my best wishes.”
I’m overwhelmed by the well wishes and other words of support my teammates provide. I take part in the exercises before going to skate for a bit. It clears my head and relaxes me. Before I know it, it’s gotten late. When I check my phone, there’s one text from Hadley.
Hadley: Little Valeria is as beautiful as ever. No changes & Mama saved you a plate of leftovers.
Part of me is bummed that she went to see Valeria without me. I might not be able to see her tomorrow since it’s a game day and I’ve missed out on seeing her this afternoon. I head home, eat dinner, and spend time with everyone. My mind is still on Valeria for the most part.
When we head to bed for the night, Hadley asks, “How was it?”
“Fine. Everyone sends their wishes.”
“Are you looking forward to tomorrow then?”
I nod as we slip beneath the sheets. It doesn’t take long for Hadley to fall asleep, but my eyes remain open and staring at the ceiling. I run my normal schedule over in my head to see if I’d have a window of time to run by the hospital to see Valeria. There may be, but it’s still bugging me that I didn’t see her earlier. I glance at Hadley, who is still sound asleep.
Quietly, I slip out of bed, change, and drive to the hospital. Maybe I can convince someone to let me see her. I just want to check in on her. I know there are medical professionals around her 24/7 and that she’s well taken care of, but I still want to check myself.
Before I head up to the correct floor, I stop and buy a few cups of coffee. It’s late; surely the nurses will appreciate it. The nurse looks up when I walk to the nurses’ station.
“Mr. Zotov, what are you doing here?”
“I brought coffee.” I hand her a cup. “Could I see Valeria? Please?”
She eyes me for a mom
ent before nodding. “Thanks for the coffee. Your little girl has been doing great, by the way.”
I nod. After changing and being as quiet as possible, she leads me to my daughter. Her chest rises and falls as she breathes and her fingers twitch in her sleep. She has me mesmerized. I hold my hands behind my back as I look down on her. Hadley brought it up the other day that I hadn’t touched her yet. I don’t know if I can do it. She’s just so small and I’m anything but. I don’t think anyone would call me a gentle giant either. Maybe I’ll eventually work up the confidence.
For now, watching Valeria while she sleeps is enough for me. I stay until the nurse kicks me out, sending me home before anyone realizes I was gone.
~ ~ ~
Life regains a sense of normalcy as I get back to hockey. It’s more difficult to focus before the games than during it, which I am thankful for. Unfortunately, my sleeping has suffered a bit. Every night this week, I’ve sneaked out to go check on Valeria. The nurses take the coffee and then they’ll let me see her. One or two of them tries to joke by asking for a specific type of coffee for next time. I just raise my eyebrows at them, but I usually bring what they asked for the next night.
Valeria has continued to be strong and prove she’s a little fighter. Hopefully, things will stay as such so we can bring her home at New Year’s. I really wanted to come tonight because I leave in the morning for the first away game since she was born. It’s been wearing on my nerves that I won’t be nearby. The moment I see her though, it eases my anxiety a bit.
She’s such a beautiful baby. She really is. Babies always looked pretty much the same to me before, so I wonder if I have imaginary baby glasses on that make my baby more beautiful than the rest. The thought makes me smile. Valeria’s eyes open, glancing around her surroundings. She’s always been sleeping when I make my late night runs to see her.
I glance around, but the nurse just stepped into the adjoining room. “Valeria,” I begin in a low whisper. “You should be sleeping.” She blinks and her fingers twitch again. Her fingers are slender and long. She makes a fist as if to tell me she’s not going to sleep just because I said she should be. My heart hammers in my chest as I make a decision.
You and Me Forever (Oh Captain, My Captain Book 6) Page 15
