“What is there to talk about? Everything else will get handled one way or another. There’s nothing ‘part-time’ about this. Either I’m here or I’m not, and I’ve already told you which one I am. I wouldn’t do that to her.”
There it is. The rage has now made its appearance. “How do I know for sure? How do I know that when I wake up from my C-Section, your ass hasn’t taken off? I don’t, Luca, because you’re still scared and that scares me. Can’t you see that?” The tears begin to build behind my eyes as I tell him my biggest fear.
“I’m always going to be scared, Hadley, but if I wasn’t willing to fight, like I have every single day since I came back, then I would have left already. I wouldn’t leave you at a time like that either. Can’t you see I’m obviously not going anywhere? I’ve never lied to you before and I’m not going to start now.”
“Fine. Great. Thanks for all your insight, but I’ll just have to wait and see because I’m still worried. Now, I have work to do and I know you need to get packed to leave again in the morning.” I wipe the tears harshly from my cheeks and leave the room without looking back at him.
~ ~ ~
Luca is gone when I wake up. I either didn’t set my alarm or shut it off in my sleep because I'm late to work. Thankfully, I have no meetings and really don’t miss anything.
All day long, I replay our fight in my head. I get mad because he’s stubborn; well what the hell am I? He’s never lied to me, and he is trying, but my fear is still there. I can’t handle giving birth to our daughter and him running away. I can’t do it. There’s no way.
Luca: Landed in Indiana.
I stare at my phone from his text. He might still be mad at me, but he understands me enough that I’d worry if I didn’t hear from him. Just like he does to me.
Amy buys me lunch, but these damn pains are so bad, I can’t even think about eating. I keep taking deep breaths and rubbing my belly, but there’s no relief. Fuck, if this is a small preview of child labor, I’m glad that I’m having a C-section because I sure as hell couldn’t make through anything natural.
“Hadley, you look as pale. What’s wrong?”
“Fucking Braxton Hicks,” I growl.
Amy tilts her head. “Should I know him?”
“It’s not a him. It’s a pain.” I take a deeper breath.
“Are you in labor?” Now, she pales.
“No, it’s fake labor.” I think.
“Anything I can do?”
“Could you grab me a glass of water?”
She nods and I stand up from my desk chair and walk around the room. The pains are serious now and I feel a sudden gush between my legs. I stop and look down and see a stream of thick, red blood stream down my leg right before I pass out.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Luca
This morning, Andre called, needing a ride because his car wasn’t cranking and he rather not hassle his wife with taking him because she’d have to shuffle the twins into the car and she was already ill with him. When I arrive, he isn’t quite ready. I find myself in the living room with the twins.
“Hey, do you like cars?” the little boy, Wilson, asks me.
“Yeah, sure.”
“Here.” Wilson hands me a toy car.
“What about princesses?” the girl, Wendy, asks.
“Princesses are cool.” I glance for one of their parents, but it’s just me and the kids. A wave of worry runs through me.
“You talk funny,” she adds.
“It’s my accent.”
“Why do you have an accent?” Wilson questions.
“Because I’m from Russia and I grew up speaking Russian, not English.”
This catches Wendy’s attention. “So, you’re like Dora.”
Who the hell is Dora? “I don’t know Dora.”
They both looked shocked. “Dora goes on adventures with Boots and she can speak Spanish. We know some numbers in Spanish. Can you tell us something in Russian?” Wendy’s voice is pleading.
“Yeah, teach us a word,” Wilson begs.
“Um, okay. What word?”
“Car,” Wilson says first.
I say, “avtomobil,” and he repeats it. We say it a few times and I’m impressed when he conquers it after the fifth time.
“My turn!” Wendy pats my knee as if to get my attention. “I want to say hello.”
I repeat the process with her. They’re pretty fast learners. For a moment, I wonder if I’ll teach Valeria Russian.
“Okay, I’m ready,” Andre says from behind the couch.
Wendy tells him, “zdravstvuyte,” and he looks confused. Then Wilson says, “avtomobil,' and holds up his toy car.
“What are you two talking about?”
The kids laugh. “I told you hello, daddy,” Wendy giggles, enjoying that her father couldn’t understand her.
“And I said car! He taught us Russian. He’s like Dora.”
Andre laughs heartily. “Yes, he is. Come give me a hug and a kiss.” They run to him and he tells them to behave while he’s gone.
I’m surprised when they hug me, too. We leave a second later. They weren’t so bad. But then, Andre’s a good dad.
After a moment of driving, I ask, “Who is Dora?”
Andre laughs again and tells me about the TV show. “Are you ready for your baby girl to be here?”
“Yeah. I’m just not sure I’m going to be a good parent,” I say, deciding to be honest.
“You’ll be fine. It’s sort of like how you and Hadley are.”
“What?” That doesn’t make any sense.
“Well, you care for her, you love her, you protect her, and you stand back to let her navigate her way through the world. That’s basically the same thing you’ll do for your child.”
“It’s completely different,” I argue, but Andre is shaking his head.
“Not really, Luca.” He thinks about it for a second. “Look, it’s like being a captain.”
He’s already lost me. “How?”
“Everything you need to be a captain, you’ll need to be a dad. You’re a mentor, you lead, you take charge when you need to, and you’re there for your fans and us. We get on your nerves sometimes and we look up to you. The only difference is you won’t change our diapers and you don’t come home to us running around and screaming. It’s different, but the principles are the same. Make sense?”
“Oddly enough, yeah. Thanks.” And it does. I actually feel a little better about things. Not a lot, but some.
“So what are you going to be?” Andre asks.
“Huh?”
“When she starts talking, what is she going to call you? What are you going to name her? I don’t think you’ve said.”
“Oh. Her name will be Valeria.” I pause to take a deep breath before I answer his other question. “I don’t know what she’ll call me. I call my father ‘papa’. I don’t think I’d want to be called ‘daddy’.” I shake my head at the thought and frown. “There’s still plenty of time.”
“It’ll be here before you know it.”
The entire morning has been running through my head. It still bothers me that I can’t say Valeria without needing a moment to recollect myself. It’s not going to do me any good if I can’t say my daughter’s name.
Before practice, I decide to call Papa. Maybe he can help me. He doesn’t take long to answer.
“Hey, Papa. How are you? Are you busy?”
“I’m fine. I’m sitting here reading a book. Where are you?”
“I’m in Indiana. We’ve got a game here tonight. I wanted to talk to you.”
“Is Hadley okay? Are you okay? Is the baby okay?” He sounds a little panicked.
“Everyone is fine. I didn’t mean to worry you. I just...Hadley and I were fighting because she knows I’m still pretty panicked about the whole thing. I don’t know. I thought you could help.”
“Luca, tell me what you’re feeling. I told you how scared I was, but I have a feeling there is something you’r
e not saying.”
I’m quiet for a moment before I can gather the courage to tell him. “I know you said not to put this on her, and I’m not, but I can’t help but think about it more, especially since she’s going to have her name. It still hurts to even say it out loud.”
“Oh, son.” He sounds so sad and it breaks my heart. “It still hurts me, too. But do you really think that if Valeria was alive, she wouldn’t be thrilled to have her niece carry her name? I know that she would.”
“She would be excited,” I agree.
“You’re right. She would be. Luca, maybe I didn’t say this enough, but let me say it again. Your mama and I don’t blame you for Valeria. Not one single moment since that tragic accident happened did I think it was because of you. I know you did everything to save her. I know you would have switched places with her if it meant she would live. I’m proud of you, Luca. I’m proud of the seven years I had with Valeria. I can’t wait for my time with Little Valeria. You are going to make an amazing father. I know it.”
His words sink in, and I’m so glad I called him. “Thanks, Papa. I should go. I’ll call you soon.”
“We’ll be there in about two weeks. Your mama is already packed and I’m not sure if I’m going to be able to drag her away once Little Valeria comes. So, make sure you prepare Hadley.”
I laugh. “I will. I’m really glad you’re coming, too. I know Hadley is as well.”
“I love you, Luca. See you soon.”
Talking to Papa has relieved some of my anxiety. I knew they didn’t blame me, but I did. It means a lot that after what happened, after I took part in him losing his little girl, that he still believes I’ll be a good father.
I survived a few minutes alone with twins, and they survived, so there’s something good. During practice, my mind is elsewhere. For the first time, I can picture myself as a father. I could teach Valeria Russian and watch Dora with her. If she talks fast enough or animated enough, Hadley won’t be able to make out what she's saying, which can be fun.
Maybe I can do this. I’m still pretty cautious, but I feel better about it.
Hadley will be happy to hear this. Hopefully, she’ll be able to relax more.
Before my game, I send her a text.
Me: I’m ready, Hadley. To be your husband and a father to Valeria. I’ll call you later.
I’m whisked onto the ice before I can wait for her reply. The first period starts with an impact as a Mustang scores within the first thirty seconds. Before we get to the five-minute mark, I hear Coach yelling for me. My shift isn’t over, but I go to the bench anyway.
“You need to go see Mr. York.”
“What? Now?”
Play stops and he says, “Hurry up, go.”
What the hell? I hurry back across the ice to take the exit towards our locker room. Down the hallway is a solemn looking Mr. York. Why would they pull me from the game?
“What’s going on?”
“Luca.” He’s never called me by my first name. It’s always been Zotov. My pulse quickens immediately. “You need to change right now. Hadley’s been rushed to the hospital. My plane is on standby at the airport and waiting for you. There’s a driver outside, too. You need to leave. Right now.”
“She’s...she’s in the hospital?” I feel lightheaded and I lean against the wall for support. “What happened? Is she okay? Is the baby okay? What do you know?”
Mr. York is very calm as he answers me. “All I know is that Amy called me. Hadley passed out at the office and apparently, she was bleeding. Amy called 911, and they rushed her to the hospital. Luca, you need to leave right now. You need to get to her.”
I’m sure my heart has already jumped out of my chest. Mr. York follows me to the locker room where I shed my clothes and skates and quickly change. He escorts me out to where the driver is waiting. My mind is reeling and I feel like I might pass out. Mr. York says something before he closes the door, but I don’t hear him.
God, what if something happens and I don’t make it in time? He didn’t know what happened and I won’t know until I land. Time passes too slowly as I head to the airport. It seems to take forever before we’re in the air. I keep repeating in my head over and over that I hope Hadley’s okay. I hope she and Valeria both are okay.
I just need to get to the hospital. I need to keep my shit together until then.
When we land, another driver is waiting for me. Thanks, Mr. York. I don’t know if I would be able to deal with having to find a ride to the hospital. Time finally seems to pick up pace. I run into the hospital and rush to the nurses’ desk.
“I need to find Hadley Lincoln. She came in earlier and she’s pregnant and I need to see her and talk to someone who can tell me what’s going on,” I rush out in one breath. My mind goes blank for a second as I try to remember Hadley’s doctor’s name. “Maybe Dr. Jones? She’s Hadley’s doctor. Is she here?”
“It’ll be just a moment. You can wait in the waiting room and she’ll come find you,” the nurse tells me.
I have to wait? I’ve been waiting for who knows how long it took me to get here! I don’t say that, though. Instead, I go stand in the waiting room. Sitting isn’t an option at this point. I’m too worried. The nurse still didn’t say anything whatsoever about Hadley and how she’s doing. She could have given me some sort of update.
It takes about five minutes before I see Dr. Jones walking towards me. I meet her halfway. “What the hell happened? How is she? Can I see her?”
“Luca, we need to talk. Follow me to where we can go somewhere quiet,” her voice is firm and I know I won’t be able to argue with her about it. I nod and she leads me to a private waiting room. This can’t be good. She hasn’t told me anything yet. What if I’ve lost Hadley? What if I’ve lost them both? “I want you to sit down and listen to everything I have to say before you ask anything, all right?”
I don’t sit. I can’t. Not yet. “Just tell me if she’s okay or not first,” I plead, desperate to know this one piece of information. “You’re killing me.”
“Hadley is fine.” I let out the breath I was holding. “But a lot has happened in the past few hours that you need to know, okay? I need you to remain calm and listen to me.”
I take a seat in the chair, inhale deeply, and nod. “Okay, go ahead.”
“When Hadley talked to me about the pains, I thought they were simple Braxton Hicks contractions. Hadley never indicated that they nothing more than small pains. If she had told me the truth, I would have done more testing.
“When she passed out, it was due to loss of blood. Hadley suffered a placental abruption. That’s when the placenta rips away from the uterus. This is very dangerous.” Dr. Jones has to take a deep breath herself, and I tense. “I had to make a decision when I arrived. I had to deliver your baby in order to save her and Hadley.”
What? “The baby is here? But it’s too early, isn’t it? She isn’t supposed to be here yet.” Suddenly, that horrible story from that wretched book replays in my mind. “Is she okay? Is she going to be okay? When can I see them?”
“Yes, she’s here. She’s about ten weeks early and weighs a little over three pounds.” Three pounds? My world slows, causing me to get dizzy. “However, she has a strong heartbeat and she’s a fighter, but I can’t even begin to speculate on the problems that could occur with preemie babies. Her lungs aren’t quite fully developed, and she’s in the NICU right now. As for Hadley, I was able to save her uterus and we gave her two units of blood. She’s resting. I can take you to see your little girl if you want first. But remember she’s very small, Luca,” she gently reminds me.
“Yeah, okay. Valeria and then Hadley.”
“We didn’t know her name. Right now, she’s baby Zotov.” Dr. Jones gives me a small smile, sounding hopeful. “That sounds like a beautiful and strong name,” she adds as if by name alone, our little girl will be okay.
Dr. Jones leads me to another floor and down a few different hallways before we reach our destinat
ion. I change into a gown, wash my hands, and put on a mask before entering the NICU. My heart leaps into my throat when I see our baby. She’s so tiny and covered in tubes. I run my eyes over her, almost having a hard time believing she’s here. Dr. Jones repeats again how she can tell Valeria is a fighter.
“How long will she stay here? She’s doing good right now, right?” I ask quietly, never taking my eyes off of Valeria.
“Luca, I’m not going to lie to you. She’s going to be here for a long while. You won’t be going home with your baby anytime soon.” I don’t think Hadley will be happy to hear this. “But, yes, she’s doing as well as can be expected.”
“Will it be a long time before we’ll be able to hold her?” Part of me wants to hold her and tell her she’ll be okay because she’s strong. She has my sister’s name, so she may have my sister’s strength as well. I hope so.
“You can touch her. Maybe later on this week you can hold her. Right now, I want her to stay warm and rest.”
I watch her for a moment longer. She’s so fragile. I don’t want to touch her just yet. I need to see Hadley first. “Where’s Hadley?”
Dr. Jones once again leads me around until we reach Hadley’s room. The tension almost completely leaves my body when I see her, even though her eyes are closed. I walk over to her as the doctor leaves the room. I take her hand, intertwining our fingers. Once she’s feeling better, she’s going to hear one very long lecture about not being completely honest with the doctor and scaring the hell out of me. I should probably call my parents, but it’s too late in the night. I’ll call them tomorrow.
After about an hour or so, Hadley wakes up.
“Hey, baby. How are you feeling?”
“Luca?” She seems confused to see me. “Where am I? What’s going on?”
“You fainted at work and were bleeding, so they brought you to the hospital. Dr. Jones had to deliver the baby. You’re both okay. Let me go get her and she can explain everything to you better, okay?”
You and Me Forever (Oh Captain, My Captain Book 6) Page 14
