When I get home, Hadley is still at work. My phone is nearly dead, so I head to our room for the charger. On the way back, I pause at the nursery. Part of me still can’t believe this is happening. Yet the evidence is right in front of me.
Lilac-painted walls, white furniture, a fully stocked changing table, a rocking chair because apparently that’s the only kind of chair you put in a nursery, and little decorations to match everything else. I attempt to picture myself in this room with our Valeria, hoping something has changed and I’m no longer like Darryl and unable to picture myself as a father.
Nope. Still nothing. Hadley, I can see. I went shopping with her once and I could see her excitement, her eagerness to meet our daughter. Then there’s me, still feeling kind of ‘eh’ about it. I mean, I am looking forward to it, but at the same time, I want to vomit from all the anxiety.
I’m so not ready for this.
Downstairs, I plug my phone in and wonder what to do about dinner. I’ve been the primary cook for our entire relationship. Hadley can, of course, but I like doing it and my food is better, if I say so myself. The first time I cooked for Hadley, I took a risk and wasn’t sure she would even taste the meal. I knew it was good because it was one of my mother’s recipes, but I wasn’t sure Hadley would go for something that wasn’t junk food or unhealthy.
She sat on the counter and watched me. She’d make a frown every now and then when I’d add an ingredient she wasn’t sure of. At one point, she even said, “You know I love our delicious American food. Are you sure I’ll like this?”
“Yes,” I nodded.
“What is it called again?”
“Golubtsy.”
“What the hell is it?”
“Stuffed cabbage basically.”
“Stuffed cabbage? I’m more of a potato chip girl, if you hadn’t noticed.”
“I had. That’s why I’m fixing this. To broaden your tastes. You’ll like it, Hadley. No one has ever been able to resist one of Mama’s recipes.”
“Well, I trust you, but if I don’t like it, you’re buying the pizza I’ll have to order.”
“Hadley, baby,” I stopped and gave her a look. “You’ll like it, probably love it, so be quiet.”
I wasn’t wrong either. She liked it and has eaten it every time I’ve fixed it since then. I don’t feel like fixing it tonight though. With a glance at the clock, I realize I should have enough time to run and pick something up before she gets here. She’s stopped complaining about the healthier meals I’ve been feeding her for the most part. Tonight, I’ll let her have her junk food again.
After running into town and buying burgers and enough fries to feed an army, or a pregnant Hadley, I come back home. I’m in the kitchen, taking it out of the bags when I hear Hadley come in.
“Luca, please tell me I’m not delusional and I really smell french fries.”
I laugh and look over my shoulder. “You can’t smell the burger, too?”
She comes over to see the food for herself. I watch as she grins. Her eyes flick up to mine. Hadley grabs my face, tugs me down, and kisses me. “God, do I love you right now. I was starving and thinking how nice it would be to eat the only true vegetable there is, fries. And here it is.” She takes our plates and begins to walk to the table.
As I fix us a glass of water, I call over my shoulder, “Hey, one of those is mine, and I’m hungry too, so don’t get carried away.”
“Then you better hurry the hell up, Oh Captain, My Captain.”
Chapter Twenty-One
Hadley
And so it begins...
My heart is pounding. My hands are shaking, and damn it, I have to pee, but I’m not moving from this chair until the fifteen blue screens in front of me have turned to the live picture of THN’s anchors ready to launch the greatest sports station in the history of sports news.
Okay, that part might be a bit dramatic, but I’m going to make it into the top five. That’s a guarantee. It’s the opening season of the hockey league and games are set. Since September first, we have been running old games, special features, updates of training camps, trades, and everything in between that, but today is the day.
The screens switch from blue to a live shot of the anchors and it’s the beginning of THN. Mr. York pats me on my shoulder as he walks away from me. He did it. I did it. We did it. The crazy scheduling, the budget fixes, the hiring and replacing until we had the perfect staff all brought us to this moment.
My eyes flick to the top right screen and I see Luca skating. The Bucks home opener is tonight, and even though I’m not going to be there, Luca understands. I rub my belly, which seems to keep growing and has no end in sight.
This morning, I spent ten minutes crying over some stretch marks I found. That fucking cocoa butter shit didn’t work. Luca couldn’t figure out what I was crying about, but he did try to console me. If these hormones don’t get in check soon, he may toss my pregnant ass into a rubber room. I think that’s another reason why he’s happy the season’s started; he can get away from me.
Amy rushes over to me; a crisis as already begun. The film crew in Alabama can’t stream live shots to us. Ugh! Fucking technology. I jump on the phone and get the tech department to get their heads out of their asses and fix this. After a several minutes of me shouting and the techs trying to tell me what’s wrong, it’s finally fixed.
“Are you heading to the game?” Amy asks as I pack up for the night.
“As much as I want to, I’m too damn tired.” I rub my belly. Little Valeria is all over the place and it actually hurts a bit. “Don’t forget I have a OB/GYN appointment and I’ll be a few minutes late in the morning.”
“We’re fine. Um, but you need to put five dollars in the swear jar.” She holds out her hand. I give her a dirty look. “You told me that no matter what, you weren’t going to cuss anymore, and not to back down until you gave me the money,” Amy pales as she repeats my words.
I growl, thankful she can’t hear my words in my head. I grab my wallet and hand her the money. “How much is in there now?”
“Enough for me to retire,” she mumbles before walking out.
I roll my eyes and head home.
The house is dark when I pull in, and I wish I had gone to the game because Luca is leaving right after the game to board a plane for his next game tomorrow. I drop everything on the kitchen table and my phone begins to ring. If something has gone wrong, then I’m going to have heads rolling by midnight.
However, it’s Mama who’s on the phone.
“Mama, shouldn’t you be asleep?”
“I can’t sleep right now. I’m thinking about you.”
“Oh.”
“Just wondering how you are since Luca is starting the season and will be on the road more.”
I shake my head. I’m sure that she and Luca had this all planned out. I can already feel the hourly phone calls are going to begin again. “Mama,” I say firmly. “I’m fine. This isn’t the first time Luca’s been on road games.”
“It’s the first time he has with you seven months pregnant.”
I roll my eyes. “Mama–”
“Please let Papa and I come stay with you until the baby is here.”
She has begged me for the past several weeks for them to come and stay with us. I know how badly she wants to be here, but I don’t know if I can handle the hovering. I love the woman as if she were my own mother, but I don’t want to hurt her feelings, either.
“You two have a life in Russia. You don’t need to–”
“Yes, we do need to be there for you.”
Why do I even try to argue with this woman? Now, I know where Luca gets his stubbornness. I pray Little Valeria doesn’t get that gene. Oh, who am I kidding? I’m as bad as Luca is.
Our poor baby. I rub my belly again.
“Mama, how about this?” I know I can negotiate with her. “Why don’t you come the first week of November?”
“Perfect!” she yells enthusiastically in the
phone. “I’ll book it right now,” she says and hangs up.
I can’t help but laugh. She means well. She and Papa will spoil Little Valeria rotten. Then again, that’s the job of grandparents.
I change into Luca’s sweats and shirt, curl up on the couch, and turn on the game. Bucks are up by two. As I watch the game, my eyes grow heavy.
~ ~ ~
The pounding on my door startles me and I panic as I race to it. The dawn light has dimly lit the room. I peek out the glass and see two officers on the other side.
“May I help you?” I ask as I open the door.
“Are you Hadley Lincoln? The fiancée of Luca Zotov?” the first officer asks.
My stomach drops and I quit breathing. “Yes,” I’m able to answer.
“Mr. Zotov called us stating that he couldn’t get ahold of you and wanted us to check in on you,” the other officer informs me. “Are you okay?”
Oh, come on, Luca, I think as I nod my head.
“My phone must have died. I’m sorry, officers, that you had to come all this way. I promise that I’m fine,” I reassure them.
They both nod and leave. I lock the door and grab my phone. Sure enough, it died. I plug it into the charger in the kitchen. When it comes to life, I have twenty text messages, sixteen missed calls, and twelve voice mails. I don’t even bother to listen or check any of them. I immediately call Luca.
“Hadley, shit. Baby, are you okay?” Luca sounds panicked.
“Luca, I’m fine. My phone died, that’s all. You really didn’t have to send the police.”
“What was I supposed to do, Hadley?” he yells. “I couldn’t get a hold of you.” He begins to yell at me in Russian and I give up even trying to understand him.
“Luca, I’m fine, and you need to rest for the game.”
There’s a moment of silence and I know that he’s trying to calm down.
“I love you and I was worried,” he whispers and I can hear every emotion he’s feeling.
“Luca, I love you and I love that you were worried, but I’m fine. I promise you that I am.”
He releases a deep breath and I can picture him running his hands through his hair. “Maybe we should look into a house phone in case your mobile dies again.”
“Well, if it will stop the Omaha police from coming out here, then yes we should,” I try to joke with him.
“I had no other choice, baby.”
“Well, would it help you to know that your parents will be in a few weeks?”
“Yes,” he answers right away.
I laugh. “Okay. Go rest. I love you.”
“I love you.”
When I end the call, my heart swells a little bit. He does care. I know he does, but that question, the one I don’t want to answer, is still hanging out in the back of my mind.
Will he leave?
It could still happen. Maybe he’s waiting for Little Valeria to come. Would he leave me at the hospital? What would I do then? Could I handle all that stress?
~ ~ ~
Dr. Jones tells me to lay back and I listen to the paper crinkle as I try to get comfortable. She pulls out her tape and measures my belly.
“Hadley, it looks like you’re measuring about a week earlier than we originally thought.”
“We’ve talked about that.”
“We have.” She begins to push on my stomach and rotate my belly a bit. “I still think you might go early, but that’s nothing to be concerned with. The baby is doing well. Any other issues?”
“The sharp pains, the ones I told you about.”
Dr. Jones nods. “That’s more than likely Braxton Hicks Contractions.”
“Don’t those come later on?” I could have sworn that’s what one of the books had said.
“Some women have them earlier, but you need to remember you only have about ten weeks left, Hadley.”
Ten weeks?
Ten weeks.
Holy shit, ten weeks.
“Hadley, you okay?”
I nod. “I didn’t realize it would be that soon.”
“Yes, it will be. You’re going to do great.”
I nod again.
~ ~ ~
I keep complaining about Luca not being ready, but what about me? I lean against the nursery doorframe. I love it. It’s picture perfect. Luca did most of the work, but I did help. I go over to our room and lay on his side of the bed. I nuzzle my face into his pillow and inhale his scent.
My fear takes over me as I lose myself in my thoughts. What will I do if Luca leaves me? I would continue my job at THN. I’m sure Mama would move in. There’s no doubt in my mind about that. I would be a single mom, just like my mom was.
Little Valeria wouldn't have daddy-daughter play dates. Luca wouldn’t see her dance recitals, or whatever sport she chose to play. Would I tell her about Luca? Of course, I would. I’m not an evil bitch. I would tell her about our years together, our traveling, and all the fun times.
I close my eyes and think about our memories. The one that hits me is when Luca took me to Russia for the first time. We had only been dating for a few months. It was our first summer together. My mother wasn’t sure about me going all the way over there, but I was an adult and I promised to check in often.
The moment I met Mama and Papa, they treated me as if I were their own. I’ve never doubted that for a single moment. Although, Mama would not let Luca and I stay in the same bedroom. She still doesn’t like the idea that we’re not married after ten years.
I first saw pictures of Valeria when Luca took me on a tour of the house. She looked like Mama with the big caramel eyes, but lighter hair. Luca never talked about her until he took me out to the pond.
He had told me how much he hated that pond and the memories it held. I never pushed him to tell me. I knew that he would when he was ready. Luca did everything on his own time. He never rushes into anything.
Come on, it took him ten years to ask me to marry him.
He finally opened up to me when he took me on a picnic a few days before we left. I cried as he briefly skimmed the details of Valeria’s death. He didn’t go into great length the first time, but I knew he wouldn’t. I was honored that he trusted me with that part of his life.
I open my eyes and scan the room again. Luca does everything when he’s ready. He promised he wouldn’t leave me. I just need to be patient, and that’s something that I’m not very good with.
~ ~ ~
I tried to be home two hours ago. I wanted to be there when Luca came home. He was so upset about the loss last night that I didn’t even mention the doctor’s appointment to him. I hoped to have dinner made and surprised him, but that didn’t happen.
“Luca, you home?”
“I’m here.” I hear him in the TV room and I go in there and sit next to him on the couch.
“How was your flight? I saw your text that you landed, but I was busy in a meeting.”
“It was fine. How was your meeting? They kept you late.”
“It was nuts. However, the hockey league released more copyrights to us and that’ll help when we do more features and Classic Game Nights. Are you hungry? We could go out.”
“No, not really, but if you are, I guess we can,” he shrugs.
“I had a huge meal earlier and surprisingly, I’m not hungry at all. I think that means Little Valeria is asleep.” I rub my belly. “I went to the doctor yesterday.”
“Oh, yeah. How did that go? Everything still good?” He looks over at me.
“Well, apparently those pains I’m feeling are Braxton Hicks contractions and Dr. Jones said not to be concerned with them. And…” I pause. He’s going to flip, but I have to say it. “It looks like we’ll be parents in about ten weeks.”
“What pains?” He turns to look at me. “You haven’t told me about any pains, Hadley. And you’re already having contractions? Why the hell haven’t you been telling me this?”
“Luca, calm down.” Shit, I hadn’t told him about them. I hoped he would h
ave ignored that part. “I’m fine and they are fake contraction pains. I’m not in labor. I didn’t tell you because I didn't want you to worry. The season was getting ready to start and I knew that you had enough stress. Everything is fine.”
“It’s not fine!” he yells at me. “I’ve been worried regardless. This is something you should tell me no matter what. Are you not going to tell me when you go into labor because you don’t want me to worry? Damn it, Hadley!” He jumps from his seat and stares me down.
“Now, who’s being silly?” Who the hell does he think he is yelling at me like that? “You damn well know I’ll tell you when I go into labor. I thought it was Valeria moving around a lot. If you didn’t notice, this is the first time I’ve been pregnant, so I didn’t know what the fuck the pains were. The doctor said not to worry, so I’m not. Stop yelling at me!” I raise my voice at him.
“You should have told me.” He shakes his head. “God, ten weeks?” And there’s the panic in his eyes as the color drains from his face.
“See why I didn’t tell you about the pains? Your face says it all. You’re already on the verge of jumping off the cliff away from fatherhood.” I can hear how mean my tone is, but I don’t back down. I’m tired of this. He wants to run then he needs to tell me now.
“I’m not going anywhere. Maybe I wouldn’t have this look on my face if you would tell me what the hell is going on when it happens. Waiting only makes it worse.”
“I didn’t tell you because you haven’t had a nightmare in over a month. God forbid if I should look out for your well-being. Maybe if you would talk to me instead of being a stubborn Russian ass, we wouldn’t have these shouting matches.” The rage in my voice echoes off the walls.
“I haven’t talked to you because I have nothing to say. I’m here and I’m going to be here.”
“You better be because I don’t want our daughter to have a part-time daddy that only wants to be around when he feels like it. There’s still a lot to talk about between now and when she comes, but you never want to talk.” I throw my hands up in the air. There I said it. I want him all in with Little Valeria. I want him here with me every step of the way.
You and Me Forever (Oh Captain, My Captain Book 6) Page 13
