Breaking and Entering

by Wendy Perriam

  He emerged from the cover of the bushes and ventured into the field, fascinated and baffled at once. Two concentric circles had been marked out with stones on the grass, the campers forming a third circle around them. He was now in full view, but he realized no one was likely to spot him when they were so caught up in the ritual, every face rapt in concentration. All at once, he saw Penny step into the centre of the inner circle, to join the wolf-clad stranger. What on earth was the fellow doing? He had stooped towards her left foot and seemed to be wafting the smoke from his shell with a sort of feather-fan thing; his rough pelt almost touching her pale body. He continued to fan the fumes in a slow theatrical manner, proceeding up the left leg and the left side of her body, then around the top of her head, and back along the spine, and finally down the right leg to the right foot.

  Daniel watched with increasing irritation as the entire process was repeated; the unsavoury-looking man squatting down once more to Penny’s feet; his long hair brushing her bare leg. The drumbeats grew more intense, thrumming and vibrating in excitement, while all eyes were fixed on Penny. Suddenly, the wolf-man began to flap his feather-fan around her head, moving it faster and faster like a frenzied circling bird. The drumbeats matched its rhythm, finally pounding to a tumultuous climax.

  Daniel turned on his heel and slunk back the way he’d come. He couldn’t bear that noise a moment longer – it was too unsettling, even threatening. He also felt completely at a loss. He had returned after just one day’s absence to find these two outlandish strangers conducting a ceremony more bizarre than any he’d yet witnessed. They made him feel like an interloper from a more conventional tribe, whose staid and sober members would never dream of prancing around with smoke and drum and feathers, but would remain tamely indoors with their improving books, their rational and demonstrable ideas.

  He crossed to the next field, then picked his way through the camp to find his own tent – or rather Penny and Pippa’s tent. He had scarcely set foot in it as yet. Inside, it was a tip: piles of dirty clothes left just anyhow; the bedding jumbled, streaked with mud; and a few discarded apple cores giving off a ripe and fusty smell. Penny’s sundress lay crumpled in one corner. He picked it up and held it pressed against him for a moment; resolving there and then to sleep in the tent tonight, to get close to her again – close in every sense. Once he had her in his arms, it would be much easier to talk.

  Elated by the thought, he set about tidying up; the simple routine task restoring some semblance of order to his life. He folded all the clothes, transferred the rubbish into one large plastic bag, then gave the double sleeping-bag a really vigorous shake. Several things fell out: a sock, another apple core, and an elaborate tortoiseshell hair-comb with a ruched velvet frill attached, which he remembered seeing Corinna wearing. So what was it doing in Penny’s sleeping-bag? She couldn’t have borrowed it from Corinna – it was useless for short springy hair. That left only one conclusion: they must have been sharing a bed. He slumped down on the groundsheet, staring miserably at the comb. The last thing he needed was any further complications – his mind was confused enough already. And he was worried about Pippa. Had she been there, watching her mother canoodling with another woman? And where was she now, for heaven’s sake? Penny was obviously too absorbed in wolf-men on the one hand and female liaisons on the other to have time left for her daughter.

  He rolled over on his stomach and buried his face in the pile of folded clothes, wishing he could cancel the whole day – the dalliance with Juliet, the horror of the Sayers thing, the disillusion with his parents, and now this new affront. He felt an overwhelming need to sleep; to sink down into a different world where partners were faithful to each other, chaplains were good holy men, parents loved you and protected you, and holidays meant pleasure.

  ‘Gosh, darling, you gave me quite a shock!’

  Daniel opened his eyes, found himself staring into Penny’s freckled cleavage, exposed by the deep V of her tee-shirt. At first he couldn’t remember where he was and took some time to surface; eventually struggling to sit up and rubbing his cramped limbs.

  ‘I’m so glad you’re back! I was getting really worried.’ She didn’t sound worried in the slightest, but bubbly and euphoric, as if she’d had one glass too many. ‘I was afraid you’d miss the party.’

  ‘What party?’

  ‘You’re not ill, are you?’ she asked, ignoring his own question and squatting down beside him.

  ‘No. Just knackered!’

  ‘Well, tonight will perk you up. It’s a sort of Native American pow-wow with drumming and dancing and all sorts of chants and songs and things, and it’s going on till dawn, and then we greet the rising sun and …’

  ‘You can count me out,’ he grunted, flopping back on the bedding.

  ‘Oh, don’t be a spoilsport! Everybody’s coming.’

  ‘Well, I’m not.’

  ‘What’s the matter, darling?’ She reached out and squeezed his hand. ‘Has your cold got worse?’

  ‘No,’ he lied. ‘It’s better.’

  ‘Well, didn’t you enjoy your day?’

  ‘Oh, yes. It was fantastic!’

  ‘So what did you do? Tell me all about it.’

  ‘I visited this ruined Cistercian abbey …’ He watched her excitement fade to bored politeness. He couldn’t tell her anything – not now. He kicked Sayers and the Cistercians to the cellar of his mind; tried to take an interest in her own day. ‘But what about you? What’s all this Native American stuff?’

  ‘Oh, it really is amazing!’ The exhilaration surged back into her voice. ‘I hardly know where to start. We’ve learned such masses today, my head’s in a total spin. You see, these two Robins showed up and …’

  ‘Robins? You mean birds?’

  She laughed. ‘No, silly – people! Two marvellous men who both happen to be called Robin. They met in Dakota where they were working with healers from the Plains Tribes. We call one Robin and the other Rob, so they don’t both answer at once! But they’ve got these medicine names as well – names the natives gave them, which they use in the formal ceremonies. Rob is Dancing Antelope and Robin’s Wolf Warrior.’

  Daniel bit back a retort. Perhaps he, too, should invest in a new name – Wounded Hart or Moping Ruminant. He did feel utterly deflated. How could he spend the night with Penny if she planned to sing and dance from dusk to dawn, and had two new rival healers to bewitch her? ‘But where’s what’s-his-name?’ he asked. ‘Stephen, as you call him. Has he left, or something?’

  ‘Of course not! Rob and Robin only came here because they’re friends of his. Apparently, they all spent some time together in Peru. They were studying there with another shaman several years ago.’ She unbuckled her sandals, wiggled her grubby toes. ‘No, Stephen’s gone on a mission of mercy. A local farmer called here, to beg help for his wife. I’m not sure what was wrong with her, but Stephen went rattling off in the farmer’s ancient Land-Rover and told the Robins to hold the fort till he got back. Oh, Daniel!’ She knelt up, took his hand again, her face radiant, alert. ‘The native traditions are absolutely magical! We’ve just had this fabulous pipe ceremony …’

  ‘Yes, I saw you.’

  ‘You saw us? When?’

  ‘Before I crashed out here. Heaven knows what time it was. I heard the noise and watched you for a while. Your Wolf Warrior chappie seemed to be blowing smoke on your legs. Funny sort of ceremony!’

  ‘Oh, that wasn’t the ceremony. That was smudging.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘Smudging. It’s what you do first, to purify everything – the pipe, and all the people taking part, and the sacred space itself. It’s like a sort of smoke-bath. You burn these special herbs, you see. Robin brought them with him. Desert sage – that gets rid of all the negative energies. And lavender, for forgiveness, and something called sweetgrass, which Robin says brings beauty into your life.’

  Exactly what I need, thought Daniel: one waft from Robin’s magic fan and I’ll be able to for
give the beauteous Sayers, and everything will be sweetness and light.

  Penny was still talking, leaning forward and gesturing exuberantly. ‘You burn them in a shell because that’s the water element. The herbs themselves are the earth element, and the smoke’s the air, so you end up with all four elements – fire, air, earth and water. They’re really keen on symbols. Rob explained it all. The bowl of the pipe represents everything that’s female in the universe, and the stem is everything male. So when you join them in the Pipe Ceremony, that’s a symbol of making love.’

  ‘Penny …’ He longed to stop her at that point; turn symbol into fact. But she hardly seemed to notice he had spoken.

  ‘It’s also a symbol of the whole of creation. In fact, what I really like about their ideas is the way they see everything as one, with no great gulf between animals and men, or even animate and inanimate. I mean, when Robin had finished the ceremony, and we’d each gone into the circle and offered prayers and things, he asked Great Spirit to hear our prayers and then he said, “for all our relations”. At first I thought he was referring to his family, but Rob explained that the phrase means all of creation – what he calls cloud-people, and stone-people, and standing-people (they’re trees), and winged people, and four-legged people and two-legged people. Don’t you think that’s beautiful – that clouds and stones and trees and birds and animals are all part of us and joined to us?’

  ‘Yes, I suppose it is,’ said Daniel bleakly.

  ‘Actually, I kept thinking of you, darling, because there was so much stress on tobacco. It seemed funny really – there you are, trying to give it up as an anti-social vice, while for them it’s the central part of a ceremony! Apparently, spirits love tobacco. So when you build the Medicine Wheel, you sprinkle some between the stones, to attract them. Then you fill the pipe with seven separate pinches of tobacco and offer the first pinch to Great Spirit and the rest to the six Directions – that’s Grandfather Sky, Grandmother Earth, and each of the four winds.’

  Daniel could suddenly see Sayers’s pipe, sitting dead and cold in the ashtray; smell that tobacco-breath again. Would the vile smell ever leave him? He grabbed Penny’s arm, tempted to blurt out the whole story.

  She misinterpreted the gesture as interest in what she was saying, and continued with even more enthusiasm. ‘I mean, what on earth would you have done, darling, if you’d been there when we smoked the pipe? We all had a little puff, you see, and I wondered if you’d find it just too tantalizing, and all your resolutions would go phut. Corinna and I were laughing about it afterwards.’

  Daniel froze. ‘Listen,’ he said, distracted now from Sayers. ‘You and Corinna …’ What could he say without sounding jealous or offensive, or even slightly paranoid? He said nothing, in the event, since Penny had jumped in again.

  ‘Oh, Corinna adored the whole thing! In fact, she and I did a lot of the initial work building the Medicine Wheel. You have to find these special stones to mark out the circles on the grass, so you go on what’s called a power-walk and ask Great Spirit for help. Circles are terribly important, Robin says.’

  Yes, he thought, and so is our relationship: it’s falling apart, and you seem blithely unaware.

  ‘We’ll be doing circle dances tonight. You must come, Daniel, and meet the Robins for yourself. And there’s another super couple who arrived today. You’ll really like them – I know you will. She’s an aromatherapist and he’s …’

  ‘Look, I’m sorry, Penny, but I don’t feel up to a party.’

  ‘But we’ve just had a whip-round to pay for all the food and stuff, and I chipped in a fair bit – enough for the three of us. In any case, it’ll make you feel much better, darling. Drumming changes the energies. Robin says it’s been scientifically proved. It actually influences the biochemistry of the brain, so if you’re feeling down, it can alter your whole mood.’

  Daniel blew his nose with unnecessary force. Already he disliked the Robins for no other reason than their hold over his credulous wife, who was parroting their every word. ‘Where’s Pippa?’ he asked abruptly. It seemed unlikely in the extreme that his unsociable daughter would want to attend some raucous party, notwithstanding Penny’s contribution towards her share of food and drink.

  ‘She’s gone to the coast with Judith and Tony. The dog’s much better, apparently, so they’re having a little jaunt, to celebrate.’

  So everyone was celebrating on what for him had become Black Tuesday. His bitter thoughts of Sayers had seeded a new worry over Pippa. ‘Do you think she’s … you know … safe with them?’ he asked.

  ‘What d’you mean?’

  ‘Well, we don’t really know them from Adam.’

  ‘I do! I’ve spent ages talking to them. They’re absolute darlings, and solid as a rock. In fact, we’re jolly lucky they’re here. They’ve done more for Pippa than I thought anybody could. I must admit I’m a little disappointed that Stephen hasn’t done his stuff and given her a private session. But then I suppose he’s frightfully busy – not just with the people here, but being called out to all and sundry in the area. And anyway perhaps he’s wise enough to know that Pippa can be helped best through the dog. I mean, we’ve seen it for ourselves, darling. It’s really taken her out of herself and given her more confidence. Tony even suggested that she’s got such a way with animals she should train to be a vet.’

  Daniel made no comment. Secretly he had often hoped that Pippa would follow in his footsteps by going up to Cambridge, but he had never expressed the idea in so many words, being always very careful to leave her options open. Tony, clearly, had no such scruples, and had now added career-adviser to his role of substitute father. He fidgeted on the groundsheet. The tent was claustrophobic, and seemed to be sweating as they were themselves; the air inside stale and over-breathed. Noises drifted through the flaps – voices, laughter, the yelping of some other dog – but he felt cut off from that outside world; cut off even from Penny. She was sitting so close he could smell her flowery talc and the wood-smoke in her hair; could see the outline of her nipples pushing against her tee-shirt, yet it was impossible to touch her, to lean down and kiss the cleft between her breasts. He was so preoccupied with her body – the bare expanse of thigh where her full skirt had rucked up – that he was startled when she spoke again, returning his attention to Pippa and the problems.

  ‘Actually, they should be back quite soon. They’ve only gone to Aberystwyth. Pippa liked the name! And tomorrow they’re taking her to see a Roman gold mine. It’s much better for her to be out and about. When she’s here all day, she gets very edgy, especially with Rick.’

  ‘There’s nothing wrong with Rick.’

  ‘Maybe not, but Pippa seems … well, frightened of him.’

  ‘That’s stupid. He’s just a harmless boy. And anyway he’s desperately shy – I bet he’s more frightened of her.’ He heard the tetchiness in his voice, decided not to pursue the matter. He was sick and tired of arguments, and was also beginning to realize that he’d never be able to leave the camp before the end of August – an eternity away. It would be cruel to sever Penny from her Robins, or to deprive Pippa of her pleasure-trips and her bond with Judith and Tony. So once again he was trapped.

  ‘Look’ – he tried again – ‘why don’t we go out, the three of us – say the day after tomorrow? I’ve hardly seen anything of you or Pippa, and this is meant to be our holiday. I wouldn’t mind a trip to the coast myself. Or we could drive north to the mountains.’

  ‘Listen, Daniel, darling,’ Penny put her arm round him. ‘It’s good for us to have a break from each other – and that goes for Pippa too. We hardly ever do, you know, and the nuclear family can be awfully sort of stifling.’

  So Corinna says, he muttered under his breath. Or maybe Rob or Robin. ‘Nuclear family’ wasn’t an expression Penny used.

  ‘What did you say?’

  ‘Nothing.’ He didn’t trust himself to speak again. He had given up his own holiday plans and come to Wales for his daughter’
s sake, and now both Penny and Pippa were going their separate ways. Yet he was uncomfortably aware that it was partly his own fault. From their first or second day here, he had noticed Penny slipping back into that gregarious and carefree lifestyle she had enjoyed before their marriage and which he had selfishly stopped. She was obviously so gratified to have her happy anarchy restored, he could understand her desire to escape the restrictions of a much narrower family life. He shook off her encircling arm, interpreting her embrace as a mere clumsy attempt to mitigate the harshness of her words.

  ‘I don’t know what’s got into you, Daniel. You really seem down in the dumps. Which is all the more reason for you to come tonight. Drums are fantastically powerful. Rob says they’re alive – living creatures like ourselves. They can heal us and transform us, connect us with the rhythm of the earth. And he’s brought this marvellous rattle – a genuine native one, with bird feathers on top. You see, the sound of the rattle wards off evil spirits, so …’

  ‘Oh, Penny, for God’s sake! You can’t expect me to swallow that.’

  ‘Hold on a minute. You don’t even understand. Rob says evil spirits can mean simply hatred or depression. You don’t have to take it literally.’

  ‘Rob says a lot of things.’

  ‘Yes, he does. And some of them are brilliant. He really makes you think. If only you’d open your mind for once, instead of being so suspicious …’

  He snatched up the tortoiseshell hair-comb, clenched it in his hand. He hated being labelled suspicious – Penny and Corinna condemning his closed mind (as JB had done already), then taking advantage of his absence.

  ‘You can even play the drum yourself, if you like. Rob let me have a go. He told me in private that the rhythm works like an orgasm – a huge release of pent-up energy, then peace and relaxation.’