Wicked Lucidity

by Wicked Lucidity [lit]

  I sighed. “I’d willing take her death into me repeatedly. Yeah, well, if that didn’t get me the darkness that seems to eat away at me would.” I smiled. She didn’t. “Does Tripp know, umm, now that he’s on a higher plane does he know that I was keeping that from him? Does he know that’s the reason I said no to adopting a baby--an infant. I knew I wouldn’t be alive to be there for it, for him.”

  “No. Your father has done a good job of hiding it from everyone, your mother included. He couldn’t hide it from me because I felt it when I came to you eleven months ago, before I died.”

  “That’s why you refused to let me heal you and why you tried to bind me,” I said, finally understanding what she’d been talking about. She nodded. I hugged her again. “I am so sorry that I went against your wishes and let Hilary say goodbye. I just thought....”

  “Shh,” she pressed her tiny hand to my lips, “you were right to do that. I couldn’t see it objectively. You let Riston say goodbye to me too. Eric as well. They needed that closure, Karri. But you already knew that they would.”

  I pulled back and held in my tears. “Hilary is beautiful and smart. She’s perfect, PJ.”

  “Thank you. Eric, Riston and Amber have done a good job of raising her since I’ve been gone. She doesn’t know it but when she dreams that she’s playing with me, she really is. So, I get to spend her nights with her.” PJ took my hand in hers and patted it. “Thank you for helping her hear me, Karri. When she tipped her head back on the front lawn, after flipping around, it was the first time since I had to go that she listened when I spoke to her in waking hours.”

  “Hey, cut the kid some slack. She gets her stubborn streak from her mom.”

  She laughed. “And her Uncle Riston and Aunt Karri.”

  That made me stop laughing. “I’m not Aunt anything. I can’t be anything to your brother, PJ.”

  She tipped her head and gave me a puzzled look. “But you already are, Karri.”

  “No I’m not.”

  “Do not make me throw lettuce at you again.” She grinned mischievously. “I miss our time together. It changed my life. Did you know that?”

  “Yeah, right.” I took a deep breath. “PJ, why am I not freaking out right now?”

  “Because I’ve blanketed you with peace and serenity so I could talk with you openly, hon. Plus, I thought you could use a friend and a moment of downtime right now.”

  “I miss you.”

  “I know. I think about you all the time. The minute I sensed your energy around Hilary, holding her secure while you swung her around in the yard I couldn’t have gotten there faster if I tried.” She played with a strand of her long hair. “I knew they’d be okay now that they had you with them, Karri. Just like I was okay once I had you.”

  I snorted. The idea of me helping anyone was absurd. I was and had always been a mess.

  “I’m serious, Karri. I was supposed to die nine and half years ago. See, I never told you that before I met you I’d been sinking into the darkness you now find yourself spiraling towards. I couldn’t seem to find my way out and Riston couldn’t figure out how to help me. It wasn’t until I heard you screaming out for help that I felt like I had a purpose.”

  I shifted, pulling the sheet up more and listened to her go on. “Karri, I stopped Riston from hearing your cries for him. Amber was right. He would have come and he would have slaughtered them but he wouldn’t have stopped there. He’d have kept killing, trying to work out his hate with himself for having left you there to begin with. And he wouldn’t have been able to ever look at you again without the guilt of that weighing on him.” She rubbed my arm lightly. “I came because I knew I could help you both. I could protect you and I could keep him from being lost to the darkness. I wanted you both to be happy, Karri.”

  I covered my mouth and shook my head. “PJ, I blamed him. I said the most horrible thing to him about not coming when I called. He left. I don’t know where he went. He just....”

  “Vanished?” she asked, not seeming the least bit surprised. “He can do that. So can the rest of the team. It’s a trick your father taught them over a hundred years ago but you already know that. You just like to push details about him out of your mind.”

  My jaw dropped. “Riston is over a hundred years old?”

  “Well, duh, who did you think the two-hundred-year-old pain in my ass was?”

  I lifted the sheet high and went to head towards the master bedroom. “I need to get dressed and find him, PJ.”

  She snickered. “You don’t honestly think that he’d just walk away and leave you for making a comment that hurt him, do you?”

  I locked eyes with her. “He walked away and left me once before. I need to find him.”

  Taking hold of my arms, PJ held me steady. “Karri, listen to me. The man was confused. His life turned upside down that day too. Do you know what he used to do?”

  I shook my head.

  “He used to sit in his room, with the shades down and try to mentally see you, Karri. Just like he could see you when you danced for him while he was chained to the bed. That’s why I put you in that get up. If he’d have seen you and recognized you as being his Karri-Lynn, he wouldn’t have asked you to stay back. He’d have broken his chains and taken you.” She gave me a rather serious look. “Riston would use that gift while he was alone and stay like that for hours, watching you as you grew up.”

  That couldn’t be true. “He would have seen what....” I stopped in mid-sentence and closed my eyes tight. “I stopped him from seeing that, didn’t I? I didn’t mean to.”

  “No, you didn’t. William did.” She sighed. “His obsession with you being a demon came from what he tried so hard to deny, his own power.”

  I took a step back fast and hit the wall. “Ouch. Wait, you’re saying that William wasn’t human?”

  “No. He wasn’t. And he hated himself for that, Karri. That sick bastard took that fact out on you. There would be certain times of the day that Riston couldn’t get to you mentally, no matter how hard he tried. He couldn’t connect. After I passed, I learned why. William would sense him and block him from seeing you. That’s why he was....”

  “So, adamant that RJ cared, that RJ....”

  She nodded. “RJ loved you and didn’t trust his gut when it came to them. And that he would indeed try to come.” PJ followed me as I headed into the master bedroom. While the walls looked like they used to, my bed and my dressers are what filled it. “Blame me if you have to blame someone because there were times that you were there that Riston had packed to go to you and I stopped him. I thought you were fine. I didn’t know, Karri.”

  I stilled, letting her go on.

  “All of us thought he was nuts when it came to you. We had to explain to him that it wasn’t appropriate to just pop in and watch you grow up whenever he wanted. Don’t get me wrong, he didn’t have anything he shouldn’t have had on his mind. It was impossible for him to think of you that way. But that didn’t mean he couldn’t worry about you, couldn’t care for your well-being and happiness.”

  As I thought back to my time with William and Madge I could pick out moments, away from them, while I was at school or walking to or from, moments that I felt a certain something. I couldn’t put my finger on it at the time but now it made sense. “That was him? The times when I’d sense something, someone watching me. Ohgods, it was Riston.” My breath hitched. “He was the only positive reinforcement and feeling of being loved that I had, PJ and I thought he was just my imagination--I thought he was....”

  “A feeling that your mind created to keep you from going insane? Yeah, I know that now, honey.” PJ put her arms out and looked every bit the part that she didn’t have to play. She was the real deal. An honest to god angel. “On days that were good for you, days that you’d do something special at school and be happy, Riston would beam. But times that you were picked on, upset, even sick, it took all of us to control him. To keep him from rushing to you.”

  I though
t about what she was saying. While part of it made sense, the rest didn’t. “He didn’t know me when he saw me in the front yard playing with Hilary. He had no idea who I was until I told in the kitchen and he looked floored, like he couldn’t believe that I’d actually grown up. And he’s made comments about that since then. How could he have come to me all the time and not know me when he saw me? I haven’t changed a bit since I was sixteen, PJ.”

  “Karri, William managed to completely lock Riston out by the time you hit high school. He went off the deep end, dragging his team and me out to look for you, positive that you’d been hurt. When I found you singing in a church choir you sounded so happy, so full of life that I told him you were fine and not to show himself to you because you were happy. We were all concerned that you’d recognize him and none of us were sure how you felt about him after he was forced to put you with someone other than himself.” She shook her head. “After meeting you I realized that you’re always happy when you’re singing. It doesn’t even matter what the song is. I am so sorry. Had I known, had I sensed your pain I wouldn’t have stopped him. I’d have let him go in and take you.”

  Something brushed past me and I turned, expecting to find someone. No one was there. “I think my house is haunted. That or someone else I know that kicked it is toying with me.”

  PJ just laughed. That was never a good thing. I rolled my eyes, snickered and went to my dresser and pulled a gray thong out. PJ clapped for me and I rolled my eyes. “Yes, I am finally wearing underwear. Happy now?”

  “Yes and no.”

  “What’s that mean?” I asked, sliding the thong up and over my legs.

  She grinned. “It means that I’m happy but if I know my brother he’ll put an end to that very soon. It still amazes me how different you became the second the ritual was completed, Karri. You went from being shy about who you are and what you look like to being completely open and practically dripping sex.” She laughed and shook her head. “When I ran into Victoria for the first time, after I passed, it hit me then. You were made to be that way and had she lived you would have grown up being around her, seeing her natural ability to be sexy. And if you would have learned from her, it wouldn’t have left you doing a one-eighty after the ritual.”

  “So, you’re saying that you woke up my inner slut?” I asked, playfully.

  The smile that spread over her face was a classic. One I missed seeing. “No. I’m saying that I simply unlocked the door that had to remain closed until you were of a proper age, Karri. And in doing so, I made it possible for you and Riston to be together. He couldn’t have desired you sexually without it being done and you couldn’t have wanted him that way either. I’m more than happy that it worked.”

  “PJ.”

  “Oh, don’t give me that ‘don’t get so excited’ tone. That man loves you and he is not one to take no for an answer.”

  A bubble of laugher erupted from me. “Riston does not love me. I think the air up their must be thin or something.”

  “Or thin around the five foot ten level down here,” she said, not giving an inch. “Karri, he told you that he loves you.”

  “Eww, you were watching when I was with your brother? I, the one who normally has no stopping point, think that is wrong.” I wrinkled my nose and shivered.

  PJ flipped me off. “I was not watching you fuck my brother. Though I can only image his surprise when he figured out he had a bed partner like you for a mate.”

  “Hey, what the hell is that supposed to mean?”

  “Hmm, let me see,” she pressed a finger to her lip, “remember the human, the one who took your virginity?”

  “Not really but Amber reminded me that his name was Dom. Does that sound bad?”

  She chuckled. “No. I remember him. He laid in your bed for an entire day after you were done with him, staring wide-eyed, like he wasn’t sure if he was dreaming or not. He was still pinning after you long after I left and Amber arrived.”

  I pointed at her. “That was not my fault. You didn’t tell me that my magik would flare up during intercourse. How was I to know that? And while we’re on the subject of my virginity why in the hell did you go to all that trouble of sending me to Riston while he was chained to a bed and then not let him be my first?”

  The look on her face surprised me. “So, you would have wanted RJ to be your first?”

  “PJ, if he really is who everyone keeps telling me he is, my mate, then I wish he’d have been my only anyone,” I said, meaning every word of it. “Don’t take this the wrong way, I cared for Tripp more than I should have. I know that but....”

  “You didn’t love him like he loved you. I know that. So does he, Karri.” She arched a brow as she noticed the bra I’d picked out--a tiny, barely cover me gray one. “Nice. Anyway, Tripp never pressed you to tell him that you loved him because he knew that he didn’t own that last piece of your heart. The part you kept separate without even realizing it. The part that hold’s RJ in it, Karri.”

  Unsure if I was ready to deal with that fact or not, I changed the subject. “Why do the two of you have nicknames that no one but me uses?”

  “Because Jack gave them to us and they stuck. Whenever we were around him we were PJ and RJ. To the rest of the world, we’re just Paula and Riston.” She laughed. “Gawd, for over a hundred years your father pissed Riston off by calling him RJ.”

  I smiled. “What changed that?”

  “You did.”

  “Huh?” I asked, as the feeling of being touched returned to me. This time I didn’t bother looking around for the source. I just gave in and let it hold me.

  PJ tipped her head and ran her fingers over the end of my bed. “I think you were around one when it happened. We thought you’d picked up a bug from a supernatural playgroup that your mother insisted you be part of. It was horrible. You ran high fevers, couldn’t keep anything down and fussed non-stop.” She stopped and stared at me as I finished zipping my jeans. “I wanted to help Victoria and let her get some sleep so I offered to take you and watch you for a few hours. Riston, Jack and the team had been gone on a week-long mission. When they came rushing into my house with Riston in their arms, unconscious with a high fever and the sweats I didn’t know what the hell was going on.”

  I pulled a tiny navy cami-like top over my head and freed my hair from it. “Well, what was wrong with him?”

  “He’d been ambushed by a series of sparterous demons. Their bites are poisonous to any form of shifter. When they told me what day he’d first been bitten I could hardly believe it. It was the same day you came down sick. Riston is six foot five and....”

  “Two hundred and thirty two pounds,” I said, helping her out. “Oh, he wears a thirteen shoe size in case you needed to know. Don’t ask. Carry on.”

  PJ snorted. “You started crying and screaming at the top of your lungs while they were there. I ran and got you and then ran back to try to help Jack and the guys figure out a way to heal Riston. I set you down long enough to grab a book Jack needed and you hobbled over to Riston, still walking only on your tip toes. I watched you fall and tumble right into him. Something happened, you took his sickness into you, completely healing him. His eyes snapped open and he snatched you up just as you began to convulse.”

  She headed towards my closest. “You father went for you but Riston actually did a partial shift and put his clawed hand to father’s throat. He wouldn’t let us have you. He encircled you with his power and healed you. You opened your eyes and said ‘RJ” clear as could be. It was then that we all knew that there was a bond bigger than we ever thought possible between you and Riston. It was also the day he stopped being pissed about being called RJ.”

  PJ turned and pitched my black, chunky heeled sandals at me. I caught them and blew her a kiss. “Ever the helpful fashion consultant.”

  “Well, death can’t stop everything,” she said, tossing her hair back and doing her best southern bell impersonation. “You know, I think Riston doesn’t even know how muc
h you’ve softened his rough edges, Karri.”

  “Huh?”

  “Before you were born he was all about the next kill, the next party, the next easy fuck, the....” She bit her lip. “Umm, sorry. Don’t be upset with him.”

  “PJ.”

  “Yeah?” she asked, looking concerned.

  “The man was alive for centuries before I showed up. If he didn’t screw other women I’d be worried about him. You don’t have to worry. I’m not the jealous type.” I thought about Riston sliding into another woman and instantly wanted to kill something. “Okay, I lied. I think I might be that type. Oh gods, what the hell is happening to me?”

  She snickered. “It’s natural, Karri. He’s your mate. The need for monogamy is great when it comes to that. I expect that a lot will be different with him than with other men. But one may still prove to be an issue.”

  “Who, Tripp?”

  PJ shook her head. “Jean-Paul. I understand why you did it, why you let him mark you but it....”

  My stomach tightened. “I didn’t understand what I was agreeing to, PJ. I swear it. All I knew was that I was losing the war with the darkness and had no anchor. When he offered to help me, I didn’t know that it gave him certain powers over me.”

  She came towards me fast and put her hands in mine. “I know that, Karri. I know how innocent and trusting you were then, and I know that at the time Jean-Paul was in the height of trying to win your hand. His distaste for Riston is great. He thinks that any man who would not show up when his mate, especially you, was ready to accept him has no right to call himself you mate.”

  That was a good assumption on Jean-Paul’s part. I could hardly blame him. “Wait, why didn’t Riston come? I mean, after you left why didn’t he ever come?”

  “Because the moment I took you to him while he was chained to the bed you felt how powerful he was and it scared you. It scared you so much that I couldn’t let you lose your virginity to him, Karri. He’s a powerful alpha male. Even at his most gentle he would have hurt you unintentionally and I’m not sure you could have forgiven him for that, not with being so close to what had almost happened with William. It had only been about two months. If I’d have let Riston free of those chains he wouldn’t have been able to stop himself from taking you, not after I’d sent you in to tempt him--to get him thinking of his mate.”