Dewey Fairchild, Teacher Problem Solver

by Lorri Horn

  “We’re not destroying it,” reassured Dewey. “We’re just accessorizing.”

  “Yeah, I know,” she agreed.

  “Remember our motto,” sang out Colin as he walked over to his closet.

  “We have a motto?” laughed Seraphina.

  “Yup,” he replied, smiling. He’d been working overtime on his own. “We have five or six of them, actually!”

  He pulled out what looked to be nothing short of fifty posters. Each poster had a Tootsie Roll glued to it, toilet paper dangling, and one of the several slogans with the words, “This Message Has Been Brought to You By the T-issue Committee and Friends of the Vending Machine.”

  “Oh! You mean our slogans!” said Dewey. “Let’s hear them!”

  “Yours first up, of course,” said Colin, giving props as he unveiled the posters and slogans.

  We want Tootsie Rolls—We want Toilet Rolls

  Conservation, Not Elimination

  It’s a Terrible Way to Waste

  Our Gut Tells Us This Is Wrong!

  Take the Ending Out of Vending Machines—Let the Good Times Roll Again!

  Flow Freely with The T-issue Committee!

  Dewey literally rolled on the floor laughing. “These are perfect!” He laughed so hard his stomach hurt. “So good! So good!”

  Seraphina just shook her head. “Oh boy,” she said. “Oh boy.”

  “I got inspired by your family’s gift and just riffed off it!

  “Well, that’s good work, man, good work.” Dewey laughed so hard his nose began to run, and he walked over and blew his nose into a tissue that dangled off the poster.

  “Nooo!” yelled Seraphina and Colin together, laughing.

  When they had all calmed down again, Dewey continued the planning.

  “So we hang these all over the school Sunday night. We put Clara’s cookies in the garden, vine the snacks, and I think we’re set to go.”

  “Then what?” asked Seraphina.

  “Then we wait,” instructed Dewey.

  “Wait?” she replied. “Wait for what?”

  “I don’t know,” admitted Dewey. “Something that lets me know what to do next, I guess.”

  “Well, that’s not much of a plan.” She had assumed he had this more thought out.

  “Sometimes I just have to wait to see what happens to figure out the next move. Let’s just let it unfold.”

  Seraphina found this quite unsuitable, however. She was supposed to sneak out, hang up signs, and redesign the school garden without a next step in place?

  “I don’t like this,” she complained. “Can’t we at least think through some possibilities?”

  “I think they are just going to make you nervous!”

  “I’m nervous not thinking about them,” she said.

  “Well,” replied Colin. “We could get arrested for trespassing.”

  “What?! Really?”

  “Sure,” replied Dewey. “Or we could get suspended for defacing property,” he added.

  “Geez, you guys. I just meant what our next move should be after everyone discovers the garden and the signs.”

  “Well, if we’re not sitting on some cold stone slab of a prison cell, I guess we’ll . . .” He stopped and looked at Seraphina. “I’m kidding. I’m kidding!” he repeated when she looked distressed.

  “You go. Suggest our next move,” he offered, smiling with encouragement.

  “Um, we could call a meeting with the administration?”

  “Sure,” Dewey nodded. “We can do that.”

  “Yes. We can do that. Feel better?” Colin put his hand on her shoulder.

  “No. We don’t know what we’ll say!”

  “We don’t know what they’ll say!” Colin objected. “How can we know what we’ll say?”

  “Okay, okay. Just tell me the plan for Sunday,” she sighed.

  “Right. That, you’ll be glad to know, I’ve got right here,” and Dewey tapped the side of his head.

  “Let’s divide the posters up and do those first. Wolfie is coming with us to stand guard. There is no security on campus on the weekends, so it should be fine.

  “Then we’ll meet at the garden and set that up.

  “We need to gather all the supplies for the garden and put them in a big pile in front of it. I’ve got the cookies. When you finish your posters, start getting the snacks you’ve been squirreling away. Oh, and speaking of squirrels, we need to set up the Ultrasonic Repellers. We may need to research a bit more for any other needed supplies.”

  “Yes, research. I like that idea. Like what?” asked Seraphina.

  “Well,” replied Dewey, “just picture all of our steps. Where are we putting the cookies down? In the dirt? We need something that makes sense in a garden to put them in or on to keep them safe and clean. And how are we going to hang the snacks? Fishing line? String? Hooks?”

  Seraphina started to hyperventilate. “Holy cow! We’re not ready at all!”

  “We’re really not,” agreed Colin.

  “And how are we even getting there?”

  “I guess we just need to sneak out. Think we can do it?” asked Dewey.

  “What? No way! My dad would totally notice if I snuck out of the house at night.”

  “My parents too!”

  “Hmm. Right. Yeah, mine too,” agreed Dewey. “Ha, okay, right. New plan. We’ll have to go Sunday during the day.”

  “DURING THE DAY?!” both Colin and Seraphina protested together.

  “Yeah. It’s better in some ways. Sort of. I mean, I don’t think we risk jail that way,” laughed Dewey. “It’s much easier to just say we got confused and thought the day to do the garden work was Sunday if somebody sees us. Plus, evidently, we still have a few things to work out.”

  “O-kay,” Seraphina replied slowly.

  “Okay!” reassured Colin.

  “Earlier is probably good. Let’s keep it as honest as possible too. Tell our folks we’re going to the school to continue some work on the garden.”

  “Yeah, I like that,” agreed Seraphina.

  “And we’ll divide up the final research and supplies needed,” added Dewey.

  “That’s good. But just how early Sunday do you have in mind? We have to get there early for the real garden, tomorrow too. I need my beauty rest, you know,” drawled Colin.

  “That’s true. You really do,” teased Dewey. “Seven Sunday morning. Can you handle that?”

  “Uugh. Yeah, okay.”

  “Let’s bring math books. If someone sees us, we’ll try to say we’re meeting to study math.”

  “Speaking of implausible . . .” laughed Colin.

  “True, but it’s something.”

  “Oh, it’s something,” Colin said.

  “Okay, well, I’m going home to do some deep breathing with my rock collection,” said Seraphina. “I’ll see you both at the garden planting tomorrow. Who is looking up and bringing what for Sunday?”

  “Let’s see. Can you figure out how to ‘plant’ the cookies? I’ll handle how to hang the snacks. And, Colin, you oversee how to hang the signs without defacing or damaging the paint, so we don’t get in any trouble for that.”

  Dewey looked at Seraphina and Colin and nodded. “Okay! I’m going. If anyone gets stuck on research or supplies, text the group.”

  “Me, too.” Seraphina walked toward the door with Dewey.

  “Laters gators,” said Colin, and he closed the front door.

  A Snack Attack

  Unlike most of the country where brown crunchy leaves began to cover the ground and the earth would soon be blanketed by snow, in southern California you could harvest a vegetable garden year-round. Beets, broccoli, Brussels sprouts, cabbage, carrots, cauliflower, chard, iceberg lettuce, onions, peas, radish, and spinach could all be p
lanted and grown this time of year. Many of these crops were chosen to be planted this growing season in their school garden.

  The Saturday garden planting had been buzzing with worker kids and parents who showed up to make sure that a healthy garden would grow at Ladera Linda Middle School.

  The next morning, the sleepy garden was empty. Neat dark rows of damp earth covered the base of young seedlings planted yesterday. A medium sized apple tree and two bird baths sat empty, awaiting the winged songbirds’ arrival. Two watering cans, some trowels, and one bright pair of gardening gloves scattered about on the perimeter.

  The early morning grass wet the toes of Dewey’s shoes as he walked across the open field to meet his friends.

  Colin already sat at the benches with the posters face down. The table had been damp, but fortunately, Colin had had the wherewithal to wipe it off before setting the posters on it.

  He sat at the table and rolled up little balls of blue putty and stuck them on the back of the posters.

  “Morning, Captain!”

  “Good morning, Chief,” replied Dewey. “Why are you using that blue stuff instead of tape?”

  “This stuff sticks but doesn’t damage any surface. It won’t damage the walls or paint.”

  “Nice,” said Dewey, and he joined in rolling and sticking.

  “Where’s all the stuff?”

  “I dropped it off last night in front of the garden. Clara drove me, lugged about ten boxes.”

  “Isn’t that kind of conspicuous?”

  “Nah, I left them in the sacred vending machine spot. Between last night and now, I doubt anyone saw them.”

  Seraphina then showed up with two pink boxes in her hands, which could be nothing other than donuts.

  “My mom wanted to bring everyone donuts, so here you go, everyone!”

  “Are you serious? Two dozen donuts for the three of us. That’s a good ratio,” grinned Colin, picking out one sprinkled and one glazed and taking a two-fisted bite of each.

  “Just don’t get any jelly on the signs,” cautioned Dewey.

  “Eww, jelly? No, I didn’t get any jelly,” reassured Seraphina, tilting the box to show him. “My feet are all wet from that grass. There’s a lot of dew when you get here this early.” She grabbed a donut napkin to wipe her toes.

  “Hey, dew. Get it? Dew. Dewey. You’re Dewey!”

  “Is that the first time you’ve ever thought of that?” asked Dewey.

  “Yes, I think it is.” She grabbed a donut and set it down on a napkin, licking her fingers before wiping them on her pants.

  “Did your parents name you for the morning dew? That’s so poetic!” She pinched off some blue putty to roll and stick on the back of the posters.

  “Yeah, Dewey. Very poetic,” chuckled Colin.

  “No. After some famous guy whose last name was Dewey.”

  “Oh yeah, who?” asked Seraphina, pulling out her phone and preparing to look it up.

  “Can we maybe do this later?” suggested Dewey. “It’s getting late.”

  “Yeah,” joked Colin. “Let’s Dewey this later.”

  Dewey rolled his eyes.

  “Okay, okay,” conceded Seraphina. “But you know I love that stuff.”

  The posters all had the putty on them and stuck to one another because there were so many of them, they’d had to stack them up. They would each have to carefully peel their own stack apart as they hung them.

  “You know what to do. I got the south part of campus. Colin, go east and west. Seraphina, you go north.”

  “And what do we do again if someone sees us?” asked Seraphina.

  “Yeah? Hey, where’s Wolfie?” asked Colin.

  “I decided it would be harder to explain being here with a dog. Besides, he can’t guard three places at once.”

  “Hmm. Maybe,” shrugged Seraphina.

  “Don’t open any locked doors,” cautioned Colin.

  “That’s the stupidest suggestion I’ve ever heard,” laughed Dewey. “How are we going to open them if they are locked?”

  “Hmm. Well, don’t go into any offices or anything.”

  “We’re not complete noobs,” Seraphina reassured. “We’re just hanging these in major corridors and hangout spots.”

  “Okay, okay. Everybody relax. We got this. Operation We want Tootsie Rolls—We want Toilet Rolls, commence action!”

  They all just stood there.

  “Okay, great for a poster—not so excellent for moving troops,” Colin said, shaking his head.

  Dewey laughed. “Okay, then. Go!”

  The three of them went separate directions.

  As he went east, Colin could hear his footsteps walking down the usually busy corridors. The morning air still felt cool against his skin as he carried his signs.

  He set them down in a pile on the ground and picked his first spot for hanging a sign. He decided over the water fountain would be good and pressed the four corners of “Conservation, not Elimination” onto the wall.

  He pressed the edges down on the top two corners and then the bottom two, rubbing carefully as he did so. Then, for extra measure, he used his fist as a hammer.

  Next, he grabbed “T-ISSUE: It’s a Terrible Way to Waste” and hung that right in front of his math teacher’s classroom.

  Colin papered the walls down the hallway and then the areas over the lockers as well. He then headed to the west part of campus where the cafeteria and the nurse’s office were locked. He wouldn’t have gone in the nurse’s office, but the cafeteria would have been cool. Instead, he hung signs outside the bathroom doors because they fit so perfectly with their campaign.

  The top of his arms tired. His heart jumped when he heard a noise. He froze expecting to look up to see someone there, but all remained quiet and empty as Colin hung his signs. He must have imagined it.

  Colin’s mind wandered as he worked some more. He should have brought his drone with him today. It would have been so great to fly it on the soccer field. You’re not allowed to do that at school, of course, but with no one around, it would have been perfect.

  How could he manage to go back and get it now? He probably couldn’t.

  Thirty minutes later, the team met back at the garden, each with nothing extraordinary to report other than that their mission had been accomplished.

  “It’s quiet around here,” observed Seraphina.

  “No, no, no. Now you’ve done it!” cried Colin. “Quick. Go knock on some wood, three times!”

  “What? Why?” asked Seraphina.

  “You’re gonna jinx us,” he warned, getting up and looking around until he found something he thought would satisfactorily ward of the evil she’d invited and knocked three times.

  “Where does that come from, anyway?” asked Dewey.

  “My mom!” replied Colin.

  “No, I mean originally. Why do people knock on wood? My grandmother used to spit three times.”

  “Ha! I don’t know,” laughed Seraphina. “But could we puh-leez get back to work?”

  “Yeah, sure. You and Dewey are the ones getting us off track!” scolded Colin.

  “Puh-leez,” Seraphina reiterated.

  Dewey laughed, “You’re a nut, Colin.” He then redirected them to the boxes under the overhang where the vending machines used to sit.

  “There’s a lot of stuff. We’d better get going.”

  “How are we hanging the snacks?” Seraphina asked.

  “Fishing wire, ribbons, string,” Dewey replied, lifting the lid on one of the boxes.

  “Okay, well, let’s move some earth, Worms! Get it? Earthworms? Move some—get it?”

  Dewey did a whole body shudder. “Worms. Gross.”

  Colin laughed.

  “I love worms! They feel all slimy and smooth as they inch along,” Seraphina
said.

  “Like a wet booger,” Dewey shuddered again, and his friends laughed.

  They each stacked a few boxes and head into the garden.

  Seraphina had researched landscape fabrics to put the cookies atop and had strips of fabric to lay in the garden. “Try not to put them where the real seeds are so we don’t mess them up,” cautioned Dewey.

  “Oh, I know just how to do it.” Seraphina held up some fabric for Dewey to inspect. “I got the woven kind. If I put it in the right spots, the material will protect the real plants better by helping the soil keep its moisture. Win-win, baby!” She began to lay down the strips and set out rows of plant cookies.

  As Seraphina planted the cookies, Colin began hanging chips, nuts, snack bars, and jerky from the green pea trellises. Dewey supplied lines of thin fishing wire and a hole puncher, and Colin tied the line through the holes. Dewey picked the bird fountain as the most fitting place to nest the beverages. Their vending machine didn’t have sodas, and they would never win a battle to get colas at middle school. So just bringing back the cold beverages they did allow would have to do. He loaded up the bird bath with drinks like it was a cooler at a picnic, and then moved to stringing the apple cookies to hang in the tree.

  They had forgotten to bring a step stool or ladder, but Dewey found one of Shawn’s leaning up against the wall outside of the gym. Both Seraphina and Colin held the ladder when Dewey climbed it to hang the apples. That became a three-person job because they knew that if any one of them broke an arm, the whole mission would be compromised.

  They worked three and a half hours straight. The sun warmed up the garden as the day grew, but it still felt cool out. Colin’s appetite also began to grow, and he threatened to eat the display.

  “Well, I’m starving!” he said, hanging up his last bag of mini pretzels. “A man cannot live on eighteen donuts, you know.”

  “Whoa,” whispered Dewey as he stepped back to look at what they’d done. “Whoa.”

  Neat tidy rows of celery, endive, pumpkin, kale, spinach, squash, artichoke, broccoli, and carrot cookies lined the garden. Bags of chips, pretzels, cookies, candy, granola bars, corn nuts, crackers, trail mix, Pop-Tarts, beef jerky, and popcorn hung from the pea cages and trellises like colorful mobiles—merry-go-rounds of snacks. Red and green iced apple cookies with little green and brown stems dangled from above. Before them stood a three-dimensional vending machine wonderland—a garden of snacks.