The Most Dangerous Mitch in the Multiverse

by Paul Ormond

“Yeah, I’ve heard that one before,” Mitch said as he looked up at Drak standing on the rocks overhead. “Welcome home, by the way.”

  “And a warm welcome it is,” Drak said before he hopped off the ledge. “Don’t you worry, Mitch Mythic. We’ll get you safe and sound before you know it. I’ve got a plan.”

  “Here we go again,” Mitch said.

  “Why do you have such little faith in me? Have my plans not served us well in the past?”

  “It was your plan that got us into this mess in the first place.”

  “That is hardly the case, and you need to stop blaming me for our current predicament.”

  “I’m not blaming you. I’m simply stating facts.”

  “How come stating facts always sounds like complaining when it comes out of your mouth?”

  “Will you two stop bickering?” Gerald said. “We’ve got bigger fish to fry. Our prisoners have arrived.”

  “I still can’t believe you found them,” Mitch said while he watched Davis and Babcock escorting the captives up the hill. The rest of the soldiers formed a perimeter around their companions as they approached.

  “Call it whatever you want, but it happened. In the intelligence world, we credit serendipitous events to hard work and industriousness,” Gerald said. “But we definitely got lucky, whatever the case.”

  “Are we really that lucky?” Mitch asked. “Never in a million years did I think I would be dragging Robert Chapman across an alien desert.”

  “After all we’ve been through, I’m not sure how anything could surprise me anymore,” SoHee said.

  Pulling Robert by the arm, Davis dragged his prisoner up the last few steps and dropped him a few feet from where Mitch sat while Babcock released Kalis from her grip and sat opposite Robert.

  “You won’t get away with this,” Robert spat, rolling onto his side.

  “It looks like we already have,” Mitch said while he looked over his metal suited nemesis. “I found you strapped to a stone in an ancient temple ready to be sacrificed. I don’t think the Masters have any plans to rescue you, but if you really want to be sacrificed, I think we can arrange something.”

  “You have no idea what you’ve done, Mitch,” Robert shouted before looking to the sky. “Not only did you destroy an entire planet, you’ve also gone and made enemies with an inter-dimensional war machine. There is no doubt the Masters will put everything they’ve got into hunting you down. You’ve doomed yourself, and you’ve also doomed everyone you know and love because I’m certain their next move will be a full conquest of planet Earth.”

  “Oh, now you’re privy to the inner circle? Did you learn all of this while they discussed how they were going to sacrifice you?” Mitch said as he glared at Robert. “Besides, we watched Mother die. She was swallowed by that wall of fire, her and your beloved Commander Holrathu.”

  “You have no idea what you are talking about,” Robert said while he came to his knees. “If you think a little of bit fire is going to destroy them, you’re dumber than I thought. That machine isn’t Mother, she’s the whole network as far as I can tell. She is everywhere, and she is unstoppable. And Holrathu is as indestructible as they say he his. I’ve been through the process the Masters go through. It’s like passing through a black hole, and when it’s done, your whole being has been altered.”

  “As much as I hate to admit it, Mitch, this waste of flesh has a point,” Gerald said after he stood up. “No one here can verify the status of the Masters or that thing you call Mother. If they did survive, which is highly likely, they would fix their full attention on the task of apprehending and destroying us. When I ran an op on a suspect, the first thing I would do is go right to their house and put the squeeze on their next of kin.”

  “I’m not sure why all of you are trying to lecture me on this. Of course they are going for Earth. It’s always been their plan,” Mitch said. “It doesn’t really matter though, does it? By the look of things, we don’t need the Masters to kill us. Our deaths await us just over the next sand dune.”

  “Why do you always have to be so negative?” SoHee asked. “There’s got to be a way out of this.”

  “Yeah, stop being so negative, Mitch,” Kate said from a nearby rock.

  “You should listen to your girlfriend,” Gaelin added. “She’s right. You are being negative.”

  “I’m the negative one? Did you just hear what they have been saying?” Mitch said before turning to face Gaelin. “Apocalypse is nigh on Planet earth according to Robert and Gerald. Actually, it’s kind of interesting that you two are both on the same page as soon as you get back together. Is that why you saved this lunatic, Gerald? Is there something you’re not telling us?”

  “It was you that saved him, Mitch,” Gerald said. “I simply plucked him out of the sky. If you think I’m in league with this douchebag, you’re sadly mistaken. But he is right. If they survived the battle, they will be thirsty for vengeance. And the smart move is to make a play for Earth.”

  “And for the ten-thousandth time we’re stuck out here in the middle of the desert,” Mitch said. “I’m a realist, always have been. The Masters and Earth don’t matter if we don’t find a way out here.”

  “This is the last of our water,” TaeJun said before he placed his pack on the ground and produced a half empty bottle. “There’s enough for everyone to get a bit and that’s it.”

  “And now reality hits us in the face,” Mitch said after TaeJun passed the bottle to Davis.

  “You just don’t have any patience, do you, Mitch?” Drak said as he looked up and scanned the horizon. “I told you I have a plan.”

  “And what exactly is your latest plan? Are you going to call up some Chalthantarian taxis?” Mitch asked.

  “Something like that,” Drak said. “You don’t worry, Mitch Mythic. This is my planet. I put in a call and I’m waiting on a response.”

  “A call, how did you call?” Mitch asked, looking at Drak. “That means you used your device. I thought we weren’t using them in case of an emergency.”

  “We were only going to use the devices when we absolutely had to,” Drak said. “I absolutely had to make the call because I cannot listen to you whining about not having anything to drink for a few hours. Everything is fine. You just wait and see.”

  “You know what this is? This is gaslighting,” Mitch said as he wiped his brow and sat back down on a rock. “Why are all of you downplaying the seriousness of this situation?”

  “No one is downplaying it,” SoHee said. “I think you just need to relax.”

  “Ok. Let me just crawl under this rock and relax while we wait to die,” Mitch said.

  “You really should listen to her,” Robert said.

  “Why isn’t he gagged? Can somebody literally stick a sock in his mouth?” Mitch shot back before he jumped up. “Do I really have to sit here and listen to Captain Lunatic Robert Chapman giving me advice? This whole thing is your fault and I’m the one that needs to chill out. I would absolutely love to waterboard you right now. Lucky for you we’re fresh out, but we’ve got plenty of sand. Gerald, you’ve got a lot of experience with this stuff. Is sand boarding a thing or am I being too much of a maverick?”

  “That’s enough,” Drak said before he turned and walked up the slope. “Follow me. It’s time.”

  “Time for what?” Mitch shouted. “Is this when your plan begins?”

  “You’ll see,” Drak said, disappearing over the rise.

  “None of this is surprising anymore,” Mitch said after rubbing his eyes. “You heard the man. Let’s go see what this big plan is all about.”

  “What’s gotten into you, Mitch?” SoHee said before standing up. “We’re all at the ends of our ropes, but you need to hold it together.”

  “I’m sorry if I’m getting worked up. It just seems like every time we are about to get out of this, we just get more tangled up,” Mitch said.

  “Everybody has your back here, Mythic,” Gerald said, as he stood to follow Drak. �
��And we’re all thinking the same thing. It’s time you trust in your friends to see this through.”

  “He’s right, Mitch,” Robert said.

  “No. That’s enough out of you. I thought we were shutting him up?” Mitch said in a rage.

  “If we gag him in these conditions, he might choke and die,” Davis said. “I’ve seen it happen before.”

  “And why is that a problem?” Mitch asked.

  “Because of your sense of humanity,” Robert said. “You’ve already got enough blood on your hands, don’t you think?”

  “I saved your life and I could end it just as easily,” Mitch said before he turned and climbed the hill. “Gerald, if you want this guy so badly, he’s all yours, but keep him away from me, or I’ll be forced to do something drastic.”

  “That was a little harsh,” SoHee said as she caught up with Mitch at the top of the hill.

  “I know. I think I’m losing my mind,” Mitch said. “Is this what PTSD feels like?”

  “Maybe. It’s certainly been traumatic,” SoHee said. “But we’ve got to find a way to hold it together. Something is going to go our way. I can feel it.”

  “I guess I’ll just have to follow your lead then,” Mitch said.

  “Is that Drak there?” SoHee asked, peering into the distance.

  “I think so. What’s he standing on?” Mitch asked, picking up his pace.

  “What is that?” Mitch asked as he neared a rusted metallic deck embedded in a rock face.

  “Our ticket out of here,” Drak said while pulling SoHee up.

  “Doesn’t look like a landing pad,” Mitch said before he looked back and saw their companions clambering up the sandbank.

  “Mitch, haven’t you learned anything?” Drak said before he strode across the deck and grabbed a latch embedded into the surface. “We’re not going up. We’re going down.”

  “No, no more caves and no more tunnels,” Mitch said, shaking his head.

  “You wanted to get out of the desert. This is the way,” Drak said while he flashed his famous grin.

  “Nothing good ever happens when we go down into these things,” Mitch said.

  “Maybe, but you don’t have much of a choice, do you?” Drak said before he pulled open a narrow hatch. “It’s either stay out here and fry or take your chances underground. Good news, though, there is a lot of water down there.”

  “Oh, this is just typical,” Mitch said as the soldiers pushed Robert and Kalis onto the deck.

  “Like it or not, Mitch. You are going underground,” SoHee said before climbing through the opening.

  CHAPTER THREE

  XIAOFAN PULLED BACK the bucket and dumped its contents onto the dirt floor. Rummaging through the pile at her feet, she pulled out a MindHIve model and struck it with her hammer. The screen split on impact and she tossed it into a bucket at her side before repeating the process.

  Opposite her, Yuan reached down and pulled out the split phone. Peeling back the cracked screen, she threw it into a large bin filled with an alkaline liquid. The splash back hit the metallic wall of the shack, causing XiaoFan to look up from her work.

  “Be careful. That stuff can kill you,” she said.

  “What does that matter? We’re all gonna die anyway living in this hellhole,” Yuan said before she grabbed another cracked screen.

  “But if we apply a little more caution, we may be able to extend our lives long enough so we can get out this hell hole. Some of us have plans, you know.”

  “Like they’ll ever let you into any university. Look at the grime under your fingernails. Even if you aced the exam, nobody in WeiShi ever made anything of themselves. What makes you think you’ll be the one?”

  “I did ace the exam, and people make it out of WeiShi all the time.”

  “Yeah, and they wind up in Guandong making shoes for 18 hours a day. Face it. No matter what we do, we’re doomed.”

  “I have no idea when that dark cloud formed over your head, but please stop throwing your shade my way.”

  “Wake up, sis. It’s late at night and we are cracking old phones open to pay for rice. Our father is in prison, and Mom’s been dead for three years. Even if you did get into a university, who would pay your tuition? I don’t see any rich guys knocking on our door coming to take you away.”

  “I’ve got a plan and I’m sticking with it. I can get a loan for school and I’ve made some contacts online.”

  “And you’re worried about me being careful? This whole thing of yours, these phones and all that. What you’re getting yourself into sounds way more dangerous than a chemical spill.”

  “The process is sound, and the science has been verified by others. I’ve read the journals. We’re literally sitting on top of a gold mine.”

  “But there isn’t anyway you can get at it. This stuff, what do you call it?”

  “Rare earth.”

  “Rare earth or whatever. I just read a thing in XinHua Daily, talking about how difficult it is to extract those things. You know all that trade war talk.”

  “With the technology they are using, yes. But if we apply inReal then everything changes.”

  “That technology is illegal. Anybody caught with it gets disappeared.”

  “The people that get caught with it are fools, and they deserve to be disappeared.”

  “Is one of those fools my sister?”

  “That remains to be seen, but I’m not planning on getting caught.”

  “That’s what everybody says.”

  “I’m not going to be the one using it. I’m just giving them what they want. It’s all deep web, untraceable.”

  “Who told you that? I just read a story about a child trafficking site getting busted on the dark web.”

  “You really need to stop reading all of that. They only print those stories to keep everyone in line.”

  “It doesn’t mean it didn’t happen and what you are doing is still illegal.”

  “According to the people that benefit from keeping it that way, but with this stuff so expensive, we only need to sell a couple times and we’ll have it made. Help me see this through and I’ll buy you that Hive 6 you wanted.”

  “I don’t want a Hive 6 anymore. They blocked all the good apps after the new firewall went up.”

  “When we get this done, I’ll get you whatever you want. If we do this right, we’ll have enough to get an apartment in Kunming and I can go to University.”

  “Can we get a car? I really want a car. The bus is absolutely killing me. I had to sit next to guy covered in his own vomit yesterday.”

  “Why did you sit down next to him?”

  “I didn’t sit next to him. He sat next to me. I was on the inside and the lady next to me got up and he just dropped into the seat before I had a chance to get out. The bus filled up, and there was no escape. I sat there for almost an hour trying not to puke all over myself.”

  “Ok, lets get you a car then”

  “Deal. So what exactly do you want me to do?”

  “You’re doing it. I’ll crack them open. You keep peeling off the screens. That’s where the good stuff is. Carefully toss them in the vat and repeat.”

  “I’ll be careful. So who are these contacts of yours, anyway? And what is the dark web? It sounds terrifying.”

  “The deep web isn’t scary. It’s just a place where people go when they don’t want to be found.”

  “That is the definition of scary.”

  “Perhaps, but a lot of the things people do there have more to do with people fighting for their freedom than nefarious operatives.”

  “I heard it’s a good place to get child porn or buy a wife.”

  “Yes, you can do that, but that’s not all and the dark web isn’t so much of a place, it’s more like the opposite. Not a place, if that’s even possible.”

  “So you met some guys from the dark web and made a deal with them? I think there is a very good possibility that this could all go very wrong very fast.”

 
; “Stop getting carried away by your imagination. I vetted these guys through a few sources, and everything checked out. They pay in boins and don’t ask any questions.”

  “And when are these guys going to show up?”

  “Unless anything unforeseen comes up, they should be here tonight.”

  “Tonight? Like now. Are you insane?”

  “Hardly. I’m trying to do some business to get us ahead. It took me months to put all of this together. And if everything goes as planned, we will be very rich in a few moment's time.”

  “A few moment's time? They are coming here now?”

  “That’s right and I’ve got their package ready. You are owed some credit as well. You did half of the work.”

  “You mean all of this stuff I’ve been doing. The screens and all that is a part of this deal?”

  “That’s correct. You’ve done well, little sister. And now you are going to get paid. Just play it cool and everything will be all right.”

  “So this whole time I’ve been committing a crime, and you didn’t even tell me?”

  “It wasn’t any different from the work you normally do around here. I didn’t see any reason to alarm you.”

  “Well, I’m certainly alarmed now.”

  “Relax. Once you’re paid up, you’ll be singing a different tune.”

  “I sure hope so. I watched a documentary about women’s prison recently and it was terrifying.”

  “You’re not going to prison. We’re just doing a deal. They happen all the time.”

  “I’m not sure if that is reassuring.”

  An abrupt knock at the door hushed the two young women, and they froze in place. After glancing at her older sister, Yuan looked back at the corrugated steel plate that served as the door to their ramshackle hut. Another knock made her jump, and she watched XiaoFan rise from her stool and approach the door.

  “Be careful,” Yuan whispered while her sister took a few cautious steps toward the door.

  “Who is it?” XiaoFan said in English.

  “I’m here about the room. Fully furnished suite,” a man’s voice said on the other side of the door.