The Most Dangerous Mitch in the Multiverse

by Paul Ormond

  “Sage,” Candace shrieked from across the cave. “Get over here. I think we’re clear.”

  “Are you sure?” Sage said as he looked in every direction.

  “We’re clear for now. Hurry up before something comes along.”

  “Ok, but I still don’t know how I feel about this,” Sage said, slinking forward across the smooth stone of the cavern floor.

  “How much weight can you handle?” Candace asked as she flapped in place. “As small as it is, this thing weighs several stones. Even if I dropped everything, I couldn’t pick it up.”

  “I guess that’s what you get for joining the Beastling guild,” Sage said as he eyed the glowing jewel set into a thick stalagmite before scanning the item. “17 stone, that’s huge. I sold off most of my loot, so I can carry a lot, but I’d be almost overloaded if I took that thing on now.”

  “Just take it already. My spell won’t last much longer and I want to check the cave ahead.”

  “So this was your plan all along? Lure me in here and make me take it. If we get caught, it’s me going to jail.”

  “Do you really think I’m that devious?”

  “Maybe. Considering you figured all of this out, you’re clearly smarter than me. It must have crossed your mind.”

  “It may have, but it’s not why we’re doing this. The whole reason we came here was to figure out what was going on with these Mitch Mythic rumors we are hearing about. If you want answers, this is a huge step.”

  “Can’t disagree with you there. Like I said, you’re the brains in this outfit.”

  “And you’ve got that claymore, and the load capacity, so chop-chop before anybody else comes along and lays claim to our little find.”

  “Gotcha,” Sage said. “So I just pick it up? What happens next?”

  “No idea,” Candace said. “You’re just gonna have to pick it up and roll with it.”

  “I just get the feeling something bad is going to happen. In every single movie I’ve ever seen, when they take the treasure bad stuff happens.”

  “Of course something is going to happen. We’re in the middle of a video game. Everybody knows each quest is rigged to trigger events. What makes you think this is going to be any different? I highly doubt a bunch of confetti is going to come pouring out of the sky when you pick it up.”

  “You mean Robert Chapman isn’t going to come out and tell us what we won?”

  “Don’t mention his name.”

  “It’s arguably funny.”

  “Saying it is just asking for trouble. It’s like daring the universe or something.”

  “But this is a game.”

  “Well, don’t dare the game then. Just pick the damn thing up already. My spell is almost done.”

  “Fine, lady Macbeth.”

  “Shakespeare references?”

  “Yeah, we studied it in English class.”

  “And you paid attention?”

  “A little. I’m not a complete moron, I’ll have you now.”

  “You might be a dead moron if you don’t pick that thing up right now.”

  “I’ll probably be a dead moron if I do pick it up,” Sage said before he sheathed his sword and swung his pack off his back. “All right, here we go.”

  Edging forward, Sage extended his hand over the crystal and hesitated for a moment before he exhaled and plucked the stone off of the stalagmite. As he pulled the stone up a deathly silence befell the cavern, and both he and Candace looked around in anticipation.

  “That’s weird,” Sage said while he peered at the gem. “Maybe we were wrong. I guess it could be something else. My hud isn’t giving me any info though.”

  “Me neither,” Candace said after her form shifted back to human. “Damn, the spell wore off. It doesn’t matter. We got what we came for. Let’s split before anyone or anything figures it out.”

  “Lead the way, my Queen,” Sage said as he stuffed the egg into his pack and pulled out his claymore.

  “Back to that again?” Candace said before she pulled out a slender sword of her own. “It looks like there is a passage up ahead. We’re bound to run into something, but I think we can hack our way past them. We don’t need to kill them. Just keep moving until we find somewhere safe to get a better look at this thing.”

  “I’m right behind you,” Sage said.

  After a few paces, a low rumbling shook the floor, and Sage stumbled forward into Candace as they crashed to the ground.

  “Hey, watch where you’re going,” Candace said, helping herself up.

  “That wasn’t me. Something shook the whole place,” Sage said before another rumble vibrated the cavern, causing stones to fall from the ceiling.

  “Uh, this is a little more like what I was expecting,” Sage said, dodging a stone.

  “You sound pleased,” Candace shouted while she rolled away to avoid another falling rock.

  “At least we know what to expect,” Sage shouted.

  As a low vibration passed underneath, Sage jumped to his left and pushed Candace toward what they thought was an exit. A violent quake trembled the ground before an explosion of stone blocked their passage. Jumping back to defend himself from the debris, Sage heard a sucking sound emanating through the dust.

  “What is that sound?”

  “Not sure, but I’m guessing it’s not good.”

  Before Sage had a chance to reply an enormous mound of purple flesh dropped down in front of them, and they were forced to flee as an open hole filled with gnashing teeth lunged in their direction.

  “Should’ve known,” Sage shouted as they charged toward the opposite side of the cavern. “Rock worms, and these ones are huge.”

  “You’ve seen these things before,” Candace shouted after she fired an orb from her fist.

  “I’ve heard of them,” Sage shouted, sheathing an arrow.

  “And what did you hear?” Candace shouted before the monstrous head surged forward driven by its mucus covered body writhing out of the hole.

  “I’ve heard they’re impossible to kill,” Sage shouted while another vibration shook the cavern.

  “Anything else?” Candace shouted as the head closed in on them.

  “They’re also never alone,” Sage shouted before the floor ahead of them exploded, scattering debris across the cavern.

  Recovering, Sage looked up to see a tower of purple flesh ascending toward the ceiling of the cavern.

  “I guess you didn’t hear wrong,” Candace shouted while the second worm flailed over head.

  “Let’s get moving,” Sage shouted before the monster’s thick body crashed to floor.

  “Uh, it looks like we might need to think of an alternative,” Candace shouted, watching the first worm close in.

  “I also heard they only way they can find you is if you move,” Sage said after the pathway through the cavern was cut off by the slithering torso of the massive creature.

  “Are you telling me not to run?” Candace whispered, standing in the middle of the cavern while the bodies of the worms writhed around them.

  “If we move, they’ll find us,” Sage said under his breath.

  “So we just wait to die?”

  “No, we wait for our moment.”

  “And when will that be? It looks like they are closing in on us.”

  “They haven’t found us yet. Don’t you have a spell we can use?”

  “Nothing that will get us past those things. The bat was my last flight spell. Everything else is for combat.”

  “Just sit tight and be cool. Something's got to present itself,” Sage said while he scanned the room. Another vibration shook the cavern, and he looked down to see a crack forming beneath his feet.

  “Was this the opportunity you were waiting for?” Candace asked as the gap widened.

  “I don’t know, but it looks like we’re going to find out quick,” Sage said, watching another crack appear a few feet away.

  “The weight of these things is bringing the cavern down,” Candac
e said, shifting her weight. “We’re going to have to make a run for it. Do you think we could fire some arrows into that thing and use them to climb over top?”

  “It’s worth the risk,” Sage said while jumping over a crack. The floor had grown less stable and more gaps appeared as the worms squeezed in. “Let’s fire together and charge when we’ve got enough.”

  “It’s now or never,” Candace said, pulling up her bow.

  “Here we go. Three, two, one fire,” Sage said while letting go an arrow in time with Candace.

  As the arrow penetrated the creature's skin, a terrible roar filled the cavern. Writhing in pain, the worm thrashed violently and caused more cracks to appear in the hard stone beneath their feet.

  “Fire again,” Sage said after grabbing another arrow.

  “I don’t know if it’s going to work,” Candace shouted as she raised her bow.

  “We don’t have a choice. The cavern’s coming down,” Sage shouted before he let an arrow fly. The worm shrieked again while Sage loaded his next shot. Before he had a chance to fire, a dark shadow passed overhead, and they looked up to see the second worm towering over them.

  Thick mucus rained down from above as the monster’s teeth writhed around the open hole of its mouth.

  “Forget about the vibrations,” Sage shouted while he reached for his sword. “Time to run.”

  As they dashed away, the worm dove toward them, its massive jaws crashing into the already unstable cavern floor. Shrieking in horror, both Candace and Sage felt the sucking mouth of the worm fall upon them and they were consumed in darkness. As the teeth clawed at them, the stones beneath their feet gave way, and they fell through an opening and descended into a pit of darkness.

  Screaming in terror, Sage reached for Candace while they fell. He found her hand and pulled her to him as they expected impact, but it never came.

  Sage opened his eyes and discovered they were standing in a wide metallic room illuminated by a console resembling a vintage arcade game. Still holding Candace’s hand, they peered at the Machine in the dark. Jumping back as a face appeared on the screen, Candace wrapped her arms around Sage in fear.

  “Welcome brave adventurer,” a familiar voice said, and Sage blinked in wonder at what he saw.

  “Congratulations on your discovery. My name is Mitch Mythic and I am here to tell you that your adventure is only just beginning,” the pixilated head of Mitch Mythic said before he winked in their direction.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

  “YOU’RE DOING FINE,” Ramon said into XiaoFan’s ear over the headset as they rose into the night sky. “Don’t panic and don’t be afraid to ask for help.”

  “That’s easy for you to say,” XiaoFan half-shouted. “This isn’t your first time.”

  “It’s my first time in China.”

  “And it’s my first heist.”

  “It’s not a heist,” Ramon said, changing his trajectory before he shot over the corrugated rooftops of the shantytown. “Think of it as a recycling project.”

  “I think I’m going to throw up,” XiaoFan said while she tried to keep pace.

  “Don’t look at the ground. Keep your eyes on the horizon,” Christine said over the radio.

  “I’m trying, but it’s a little overwhelming,” XiaoFan said as she attempted to keep herself upright.

  “Are you sure it was wise to bring her along?” Christine said.

  “Stop overthinking it,” Ramon said before he banked to his right. “It’s a walk in the park. All she has to do is come along for the ride and stay in position long enough for us to get it done. Which, by your calculations, should only take a couple of minutes. Let’s stick to the plan and get it done.”

  “You know what they say about plans,” Christine said.

  “What do they say, Christine?” Ramon snapped.

  “That they never go as planned.”

  “I don’t see how any of this is helpful,” Ramon said after he spotted several large bodies of water beyond a chain-link fence glimmering in the moonlight. “We’re here. Game faces, everybody. XiaoFan, when we get to the debris pile, follow Sanchez to the far side and he will show you where to position yourself. All you have to do is stay put. We’ve set up your device to connect with our network. Before we begin the process, we’re going to cloak the area in much the same way we’ve cloaked ourselves. That’s all we’re asking you to do. No harm will come to you. We just need you to stay in position while we extract the material.”

  “If you say so, but I’m still terrified, and I feel a little woozy,” Xiao Fen said while they passed over the fence.

  “Eyes straight ahead,” Ramon said, scanning the grounds. “We scouted the area before we visited you. The security at this time is pretty light. They’ve only got four patrol teams of two guards apiece walking the site. They’ve got dogs, but from what I can tell these guys don’t take their jobs that seriously.”

  “Everybody knows that night watchmen are usually drinking,” XiaoFan added. “But the cameras are always watching.”

  “The cloak will take care of the cameras,” Ramon said as they passed over the tailing ponds. “We know what we need to do. We’re in and out, and nobody will even know that we were even here. There’s the mound. Get to your positions.”

  “On it, Boss,” Sanchez said before passing over the snaking pipes of the plant. Rising out of the darkness, the black mass of phopsogypsum waste loomed before them, mountainous and hulking.

  “Follow me, XiaoFan,” Sanchez said, angling to the left. “You’re not going to be sick, are you?”

  “I’m feeling better,” XiaoFan said. “But stop bringing it up. Reminding me makes me feel woozy all over again.”

  “Sorry, I won’t bring it up. Can’t have you blowing chunks and ruining our cover,” Sanchez said, pushing ahead.

  “That’s not helping.”

  “Sorry, no puke references anymore.”

  “Cut the radio chatter,” Ramon said, watching them go. “Let me know when you are in position.”

  “You’re the boss,” Sanchez said after he and XiaoFan disappeared from sight.

  “You know what you’ve got to do,” Ramon said, looking at Christine.

  “I got it,” Christine said while she positioned herself above a road snaking up the mountain of waste. “Are you sure you know how to handle that thing?”

  “I’ll be fine,” Ramon said as he pushed to the opposite corner of the massive pile. “Get ready to activate the cloak once pukey-pants and numb-nuts are in position.”

  “I’m ready to go. Just waiting to hear the word,” Christine said, hovering in place, a tiny silhouette backdropped by the orange glow of the plant’s industrial lighting.

  “We’re in position, and XiaoFan says she’s probably not going to puke,” Sanchez said over the radio.

  “You said you weren’t going to bring it up,” XiaoFan said.

  “Nobody wants to hear about puke right now,” Ramon said. “All this chatter is driving me crazy. Only essential communication from now on. Christine, activate the cloak before this whole thing goes off the rails.”

  “Activating it now,” Christine said, pressing a button on her panel. As she spoke, a narrow beam burst out of a panel on her chest and connected with Ramon before being redirected into the darkness.

  “Beam received,” Sanchez said. “We’re both hooked up. Should be going back to you now.”

  “Got it,” Christine said after the beam reconnected with her suit. “Initiating the cloaking phase.”

  “Everybody stay in position no matter what,” Ramon said before a pixilated wave of darkness pushed forward from Christine’s position expanding over the mound of waste. “If this cloak comes down, the operation is terminated.”

  “It’s making contact on our end,” Sanchez said. “How are you holding up, XiaoFan?”

  “I’ll be fine. I just want this to be over with,” XiaoFan said.

  “It’ll be over before you know it, and we’ll be sipp
ing some Tsingtaos and laughing about how scared you were,” Ramon said, bringing up his panel. “I’m about to activate this lovely mechanism XiaoFan helped us build. If everything was done right, this should be a relatively painless experience.”

  “Get going,” Christine said. “The clocks ticking. We’ve got roughly 30 minutes before we run out of energy for the cloak.”

  “That’s plenty of time,” Ramon said before he pressed a button on his panel powering up the device attached to his arm. “Here we go. It’s alive. It’s alive.”

  “Don’t be a dork,” Christine said, cutting him off. “Focus on what you’re doing.”

  “Sorry, I just couldn’t resist,” Ramon said while a series of tubes running the length of the mechanism filled with light. “All systems are online. I’m going to activate the first phase.”

  “Take your time and keep your eye out for any power fluctuations. A surge could cause the system to crash,” Christine said before a glow came over Ramon on the opposite side of the mound.

  “I got it,” Ramon said as a ball of crackling energy formed within the circular hub housed above the protective case enclosing his hand. “Just be ready with the receptacle.”

  “I’m activating it now,” Christine said before she typed a command into her panel, and a small sphere of blue light appeared in her palm. Pushing her hand forward, the sphere floated over the mound and came to a full stop halfway between herself and Ramon. Pulses of light emanated out of the sphere causing it to expand at a rapid rate. “The receptacle is ready. You may begin phase two.”

  “Gotcha,” Ramon said, extending his arm out in front of himself. He pulled up the control panel again and clicked a button. Upon receiving the command, a beam of blue light burst out of the sphere of energy pulsing in the hub. Jolted by the release, Ramon was shoved back several feet, but he managed to keep control of the beam.

  “Got it under control,” he said as he steadied his hand. “I’m going to bring up the voltage. Let’s light this thing up. How are we looking on the far end, you two?”

  “Nothing to report down here,” Sanchez said. “I can’t see any activity, and XiaoFan hasn’t lost her lunch yet either.”