Succubus Lord 8

by Eric Vall

  Todd Masterson to the fucking rescue.

  As Sora blindly tried to swipe at the imp on his head, the tornado he rode on was struck by a blast of black Hellfire. The funnel disappeared underneath the assassin’s body, and he careened toward the ground and crashed into it violently.

  Todd’s invisible form was illuminated by his own black Hellfire as he spun Sora’s eyeballs over his head like a helicopter blade and floated down to the ground. All the while, he made chopper noises with his mouth, of course.

  The assassin started to pull himself back into the air, but we weren’t going to let that happen.

  “Hold him!” I commanded my friends, and they each sprung into action.

  The enchanted whip of Ira’s sub flew around Sora’s right arm and pulled it backward. At the same time, the Dom and Gula grabbed ahold of the fucker’s legs with the hilt of their weapons and held on for dear life. Finally, Cupi leapt up onto the assassin’s furry back and put him in a choke hold with her polearm.

  I walked up to the captured, blind assassin and held the blade of the Unhallowed Sword to his throat.

  “Start talking,” I demanded. “Who sent you?”

  “Don’t fool yourself, mortal,” Sora hissed. “You know we assassins don’t reveal our employers.”

  I pressed the tip of the blade lightly into his flesh. Even though he was blind, and couldn’t see the rage that filled my face, I wanted to make sure he knew I was serious.

  “I’m not going to ask again,” I growled.

  Sora began to laugh, and then his laugher turned into a series of bloody coughs.

  “I’m already dead, anyways,” he sighed. “And you want me to betray my honor? Forget it. At least I will go to my grave knowing the Fourth Circle will soon be up for the taking.”

  “You know,” I retorted, “I’m starting to get a change of heart. Maybe I should let you live. We can lock you away in the enchanted cage that held Invidia, and you can live out the rest of your days as a blind, pathetic husk of yourself.”

  “You wouldn’t dare,” Sora shot back. “I know you’re just a mortal, but you wouldn’t do such unspeakable things.”

  “Why not?” I hissed. “I’m King of the Fourth Circle now. Shouldn’t I show everybody what happens when they cross me?”

  “It was another Demon King,” the Kamaitachi cried out. “One who rules over one of the Circles of Hell. That’s all I’m going to tell you. Now please … I wish to commit seppuku and regain at least some of my dignity.”

  “How’s that gonna work?” Todd asked curiously. “We don’t got anything that can cut through your bones. It’s your own damn fault for drinking so much milk, ya know.”

  “Then stab me through the eye socket,” Sora pleaded. “There is no bone between where my eyes used to be and my brain. Please. It’s the only way I can die with honor at this point.”

  “Fine.” I nodded, even though I knew he couldn’t see me.

  I removed the Unhallowed Sword from his throat and pulled it back over my shoulder. Then I gave the succubi a nod, and they released their hold on the assassin.

  Instantly, Sora lifted up his right arm, slid it over his lower stomach, and sliced himself open. Steam escaped the cut as his belly opened up, and his guts spilled out onto the ground with a sick plop.

  Without another moment’s hesitation, I stabbed the point of my sword directly through Sora’s empty eye socket. My blade clunked against the inside of his impenetrable skull, but the assassin’s body went limp as his brain was skewered. I pulled the weapon from his head, and his corpse hit the ground unceremoniously.

  “Cupi, could you call some of the Shades to clean this mess up?” I sighed as I wiped the blood from my sword. “I really don’t want my courtyard to be decorated with blood and guts.”

  “Oh, come on,” the blonde succubus chuckled. “I think it really ties the place together.”

  “Har har,” I shot back playfully. “Sia, could you go around and make sure everyone’s healed up and ready to go?”

  “Of course, Jacob,” the petite redhead said with a nod. “I’ll have us back to full strength in no time.”

  I let out a deep sigh as I sat down on a nearby boulder. My leg was now throbbing as my adrenaline wore off, and I looked down to see the gash across my calf was deeper than I had originally thought. As the dull pain returned to my leg, Todd waddled over and hopped up on the rock beside me.

  “Congratulations, Jakey,” the imp giggled. “You survived your first assassination attempt. Now you really are a king!”

  “Thanks, Todd,” I chuckled as I leaned back and tried to take in the setting sun of the Fourth Circle.

  Despite his jokes, Todd was right. No matter how good of a ruler you were, there was always somebody who wanted to depose you. I guess I was mostly surprised that it happened so early in my reign, before I’d really done anything to piss people off. I fully expected to get some pushback from the other Demon Kings, but not a mere five months after Azazel’s death.

  From now on, I needed to watch my step. More importantly, I needed to figure out who wanted me dead, and how the fuck I was going to stop them.

  Chapter 4

  I took a sip of Gula’s vargrat stew as I sat alone in the grand dining hall and contemplated everything that had happened in the last few months. I always knew killing Azazel was my end goal. If I hadn’t, he would have just kept coming after us until one of us was dead or he got his succubi back, and I sure as fuck wasn’t about to let the latter happen.

  What I didn’t know was just how much my life was going to change once that demon fuck was out of the picture. Daniel and my other loyal Shades quickly spread the word about my victory, and the rest of the citizens of the Fourth Circle fell in line without hesitation.

  After they mutilated Azazel’s body, of course.

  I had no idea what exactly they did to the former King, but his corpse was nonexistent once the Shades were done with it. All that remained was his severed head, which was skewered and hung on a chain from the window of the castle’s south tower.

  It served as two gruesome reminders. The first was a warning that any demon who tried to cross me would end up next to Azazel on the wall. The second warning, however, was for myself.

  It was a reminder the Shades of the Fourth Circle had no loyalty to their king, and that they would turn on him the second they felt they had the means to. If I wasn’t careful, it would be my head that ended up right next to the Father of Warfare.

  I had to play the political game, and I had to play it right.

  I took another spoonful of the soup in front of me and savored it.

  Gula made this concoction from a mixture of vargrat meat, carrots, onions, and a variety of “secret spices” all mixed into a tomato base. Somehow, even though it was made of rodent meat, it tasted like Heaven on Earth. Or, rather, Heaven on Hell.

  Without warning, Todd’s figure became visible on the other side of the table, and I nearly spit out a mouthful of stew.

  “Easy there, Jakey,” Todd said as he put up his hands in surrender. “It’s just me, your left hand man.”

  “It’s ‘right hand man,’ Todd,” I sighed and gulped down another bite of the savory stew.

  “Noooo,” the imp argued as he wagged his finger. “I can’t be your right hand man. That’s the hand I beat off with, and I’m sure you don’t want any part of that, bro. Unless you want to be saying ‘no homo’ every time we see each other. I’ll stick to being the third in command, thank you.”

  “Who’s second, then?” I chuckled and finished off my bowl.

  “I dunno,” Todd shrugged, “who around here is expendable? Not any of the girls or me … say, where did Eligor go off to?”

  “I’m assuming she’s with Lilith right now, but I don’t know for sure,” I admitted. “As you probably figured out, she kinda just does her own thing.”

  Todd laid down on top of the long wooden table and crossed his legs like a pinup model.

  “It�
��s a damn shame we couldn’t convince her to stay here, bro,” he sighed. “There was plenty of room in this heap of rocks for another teammate. Even though she’d probably just end up in the master bedroom with you and the girls, anyway.”

  “I don’t think Eligor sees me like that, Todd,” I explained. “She’s a knight in service to the great Demon Queen, Lilith. And if you haven’t noticed, she’s a little dry.”

  “Can’t you just use lube?” Todd asked curiously, and I felt a brief blush creep up my face.

  “N-no, that’s not what I mean,” I stammered. “Like, her personality is dry. Not very humorous, kinda stern, ya know?”

  “And?” Todd shot back. “Strawberry Shortcake was the same way, remember? She eventually succumbed to the power of your python, just like all the others.”

  “So, that’s the key,” I guffawed. “I just need to show her my dick?”

  “When in doubt, whip it out,” Todd giggled with a devilish smile.

  I raised an eyebrow at the imp and frowned.

  “You’re serious?” I asked, unconvinced. “That’s … wrong on so many levels. So, sooooo many levels. And it also explains why there were so many bars back in New Mexico you were banned from.”

  “Brooooo,” Todd explained. “It’s not like you’re gonna come up to her in a big trench coat and flash her. That would be fucking harassment. The Toddster’s a love machine, not a pervert. Seduction is a subtle art form, Jakey.”

  “I’ve got seven beautiful women who are literally willing to fight and die for me,” I retorted. “I’d say I’ve done pretty damn well so far without learning the ‘art of seduction.’”

  “Oh, come on, bro,” Todd implored. “I’ve got so many ideas on how to make you irresistible to all the ladies of the Fourth Circle.”

  “I’m good, Todd,” I promised. “I appreciate you always being my wingman, but if Eligor wants to join our group, that’s totally up to her.”

  “Fine,” the imp finally conceded, “but just know Papa Toddster is always here if you wanna learn.”

  “I’ll keep that in mind,” I said with a smile as I dabbed at my face with a napkin.

  There was a long, awkward silence, and then Todd flipped over onto his belly. He folded his hands together underneath his chin, raised his legs into the air behind his body, and slowly kicked them back and forth as he stared me down.

  “Soooooo, whatcha doing?” he asked in his best “Cali-girl” voice.

  “You’re bored, aren’t you?” I asked with a sly grin.

  Todd’s mouth fell agape, and he let out a haughty gasp.

  “Bored?” he protested. “Me? Never.”

  “You’re down here with me, in an empty dining hall, at ten in the morning, while the rest of the succubi are out doing their own thing,” I observed. “You’re totally bored.”

  Todd released his facade and laid himself face-down on the table.

  “I’m sorry, bro,” he said through a muffled sigh. “It’s just that there’s no internet down here in Hell. Like, I can only whack off to crusty old Playboys for so long before it gets tedious.”

  “Is that all?” I gagged as the visual ran through my brain. “I can get you new magazines, Todd.”

  “No, no,” he continued. “If you haven’t noticed, Tuesdays with the Toddster has taken a nosedive, too. The inhabitants of Hell aren’t exactly interested in the paranormal and the occult, bro. It’d be like if I went back up to Earth Realm and made a podcast about washing dishes. Been there, done that.”

  I placed my hand on the imp’s shoulder. “It’s alright, Todd,” I promised. “We’ll find our way back to Earth Realm eventually. But for now, I need my wingman to stay the course. Who knows? We’ve already turned the Fourth Circle from a medieval Hellscape into a modern metropolis. Maybe somewhere down the line, we can make it a perfect replica of our lives back home.”

  “Only better?” he asked as he perked up a bit.

  “Only better,” I confirmed with a nod. “Maybe we can figure out a way to get humans down here without dying or breaking interdimensional laws? Then we can bring the entire Cult and all of our family down here, and we’ll be living the high life as if nothing has changed at all! Other than the badass demonic powers, of course.”

  “Even the redhead from Kansas?” Todd continued hopefully. “My heart starts singing Everybody Hurts every time I think of that scarlet-haired bombshell.”

  “Even her,” I promised. “I know things look kinda rough now, especially with the assassin and all. But down here, the possibilities are endless.”

  “He’s right, Todd,” Sia’s voice spoke up from the entrance of the dining room.

  The succubus strutted into the dining room, and I couldn’t help but bask in her beauty. Superbia wore a deep crimson shirt that was little more than a bikini with a few frilly pieces of fabric over her breasts, and on her bottom she wore a pair of shorts that didn’t even cover her ass fully.

  Superbia had always hated the fact that she was forced to wear clothes on Earth Realm, so now that she was back home in her element, she was practically naked. The succubus had begged me to let her go completely nude, and I probably would have if not for the fact that no work would get done while she was in her state of undress.

  I wouldn’t be able to keep my hands off the beautiful redhead. Fuck, even seeing her now made me want to take her back upstairs and make love to her.

  Superbia wasn’t alone, either.

  Behind her was Invidia, who was decked out in an oversized Fall Out Boy shirt that came all the way down to her knees. The Sister of Envy also had on a large, black, circular hat and a pair of leather boots.

  Todd perked up when he saw the gothic succubus, and I knew he had a joke brewing in his little mind. He hopped up on the table as the two women approached and began to dance awkwardly while singing Jump in the Line.

  “Why are you singing such an old-man song?” the Sister of Envy looked disgusted as she approached. “There’s nothing heavy or deep about that music.”

  Todd halted in place and extended a small, clawed finger toward the succubus angrily.

  “Don’t you dare speak ill of Beetlejuice, Wynonna,” he warned. “It’s the greatest movie ever made.”

  “I thought that was Last Action Hero?” I pondered aloud.

  “He told me it was Waterworld,” Sia added with a shrug.

  “They’re all classics!” Todd scoffed jokingly as he stood up and stormed out of the room. “Y’all are a bunch of uncultured swine! Now, if you’ll excuse me, I think it’s my turn on the broadcaster thingy.”

  The imp dashed out of the room, muttering along the way about how he wanted to install a theater in the castle so we could ‘get some culture in our lives.’

  As soon as he was gone, Sia looked at me with concern on her face.

  “Is he alright?” she asked with a worried tone. “Todd seems a bit stressed.”

  “He’s just a little on edge,” I explained. “Who wouldn’t be? We just got attacked by an interdimensional assassin in our own home. That, plus he’s bored.”

  “Oh no,” Sia gasped. “Bored Todd is by far the most mischievous Todd. Do you remember what he did the last time he had a fit of boredom?”

  “Please tell me, Sister,” Invidia said through a rare smile. “Does it involve death? Destruction? Soul-crushing agony? You know how much I love stories like that.”

  “Not quite, Invidia,” Sia said with a chuckle. “No, he came into the Velvet Lips--”

  “Velvet lips?” Vidia scoffed and crossed her arms. “That sounds way too happy.”

  “It’s the gentlemen’s club Jacob owns back on Earth Realm,” Sia scolded her Sister. “Now, if you’ll let me continue … one of those days when Todd was going through a spell of ‘boredom,’ he snuck into the Velvet Lips while it was closed and greased up all the poles. The next day, all of the performers kept slipping off like they were made of ice.”

  “I remember,” I said with a laugh. “Meghan was pi
iissssed her little tumble ended up on Youtube.”

  “Then there was that other time he kept morphing into a human and showing up to Ira’s campaign events as a protester,” she sighed. “What was his slogan again? It was quite peculiar … ”

  “Free the weed,” I chuckled. “He swore he was going to single-handedly get Arizona to legalize the stuff.”

  “Exactly.” The redhead nodded. “I would suggest we find something for Todd to do, and ASAP.”

  “He’s supposed to be doing the lawyer stuff down at the grand courthouse,” I sighed, “but today I decided to be nice and give him a day off.”

  “Do you ever miss it?” Vidia interjected. “Earth, that is.”

  “Why would anyone miss Earth?” Superbia chuckled. “Sure, there’s a lot more leeway in climbing the corporate ladder, but that’s about it. Now that Jacob has his own kingdom, I don’t see why we would ever want to go back.”

  “Because that’s where my life was,” I answered. “Hell is nice and all, but all of my family members are up there still, as are Oliver and Jane and all of my loyal cultists.”

  “Ah yes,” Sia said with a sly grin. “How could I forget the brunette? She was quite lovely. In oh so many ways.”

  “Jacob has another lover back on Earth?” Invidia asked curiously. “What does that make, seven?”

  “Eight,” Sia corrected. “There are seven of us, and then the woman back on Earth Realm. Unless you do not consider yourself as one of his lovers … ”

  Invidia went silent as her pale face flushed, and she stared down at the ground. The large brim of her hat covered her face completely, but I could see the embarrassment in her body language.

  “We haven’t made the connection yet,” I finally spoke up.

  “You what?” Sia gasped. “Is this true, Invidia?”

  The gothic succubus looked up at her madame with her dark lips in a sultry pout. She nodded solemnly and looked like she was on the verge of tears. Or committing a murder.

  It was hard to tell with goth girls sometimes.

  “I wanted to take things slowly,” I interjected. “There’s no point in rushing things. She might be a member of the Circle of Sin, but I don’t want to make the connection until she’s ready.”