by Eric Vall
“Ah, where’s the fun in that?” Todd scoffed. “What happened to the Jakey I used to know? The one who would fly by the seat of his pants and put off buying groceries so he could score tickets to Coachella?”
“That was before I became a demon slayer and the king of one of Hell’s Circles,” I reminded the imp. “There’s definitely a lot more at stake right now than a grumbling belly.”
“It will be alright, Jacob,” Sia promised. “We’ll most likely be back in our castle by nightfall tomorrow.”
Angelo Martatelli sat in the last seat of our boat, and his eyes zoned out as he stared in horror at the murky depths he’d been rescued from. The Shade had only been free of his watery grave for about a day, and I couldn’t blame the guy for being skittish as he passed through his old resting place.
“I wonder how the sub is doing?” Liby asked. “We should probably check on her.”
The dark-haired succubus carefully walked to the back of the boat, bent over, and grabbed a thick piece of rope attached to its stern. She started to pull it toward her body, end-over-end, until Ira’s sub popped up from beneath the surface.
The sub shook the water out of her hair and shot Liby a dirty look.
“Why the fuck did you pull me out?” she demanded as she pulled herself into the dinghy. “I was almost there! My lungs were all full of water, the rope was tightening around my neck, and we were just getting into the part where all the swords and spikes and pointy things were … ”
“I just wanted to make sure you were still breathing,” Liby explained. “I was never crazy about this traveling arrangement, you know.”
“Well there,” the sub sighed, “I’m breathing. Now, can I get back down there before we come across the people who died by the electric chair? There’s nothing that tells me I’ve been a naughty kitty more than ten thousand volts straight through my body.”
Libidine rolled her eyes and nodded.
Without another moment’s hesitation, the sub wrapped the end of the rope around her ankle, turned around, and leapt back into the water.
Angelo muttered something in Italian, and Superbia giggled.
“He says the kinky one is strange,” she explained.
“Hey, there wasn’t any more room in the boat,” I explained. “It was her idea, and I wasn’t going to say ‘no’ to having an extra teammate for this mission.”
Of course, the sub’s “mission” had ulterior motives. Once we were back on Earth, Ira instructed her submissive half to go on with her political career, while the dominant half stayed in Hell. If we ever needed the Sister of Wrath to be her full self, she would just call her other half back to her, wherever she may be.
“Baphomet must really have his hands tied,” I observed as I scanned the sky. “There hasn’t been a single sign of the furry bastard.”
“If you haven’t noticed,” Eligor spoke up, “none of the areas we’ve been through so far have had their Shades returned. Corralling hundreds of thousands of undead spirits must be harder than it sounds.”
“Which reminds me,” I pondered aloud, “exactly how invincible is my ‘undead’ Shade army? Do we even need to worry about getting my cultists or forming any more alliances?”
“Of course we do!” Eligor shot back. “They may be immortal, Jacob, but the forces of our enemies outnumber them at least ten to one, and they could continue to grow if Beelzebub keeps forming alliances.”
“Zerg rush, bro,” Todd elaborated. “Invincibility does you no good if you’ve got twenty guys piled on top of you. No homo.”
It wasn’t long before we approached the massive waterfall of fire that acted as the entrance to the Sixth Circle. This time, we made quick work of it with a cast of my purple Hellfire and Eligor’s elemental magic. As soon as there was a gap wide enough to fit our boat, I commanded it forward. Within seconds we went under the waterfall, passed through the glowing green portal, and then came out on the other side unscathed.
The Sixth Circle was just as desolate and depressing as the first time we’d been here. The sky was still a bloody orange hue, and everything on the ground was either dead or dying.
Suddenly, Martatelli leaned over the side of the boat and vomited violently. He wiped his lips with the sleeve of his shirt, turned to Sia, and grumbled something in his native tongue.
Superbia responded in the same foreign language as she put her arm on the Shade’s shoulder reassuringly.
“He apologizes,” she explained to us. “He’s not used to the whole ‘interdimensional travel’ business quite yet.”
“It’s fine,” I chuckled. “Now, can you ask him how far we need to go to find this portal?”
Sia turned to the dark-haired man and reiterated my question in Italian. The scientist responded with a very long rant, but Superbia listened patiently and nodded occasionally as he spoke. Every now and again, the redhead would say something back to Martatelli. Finally, she looked over at me and sighed.
“What was that all about?” I asked as I felt my heart slide down my throat.
I had no idea what the fuck the scientist just told Sia, but from my point of view it didn’t look like it was anything good.
“He says the location is based on a ton of variables,” the redhead clarified. “He knows the general location of the portal, but his calculations couldn’t pin down the exact tomb it is in. If it’s even in a tomb.”
“Then we’ll tear apart every tomb in the Sixth Circle until we find it,” I retorted. “But we need a direction first.”
“He also told me we must proceed with caution,” she warned. “These tombs were reserved for the greatest heretics in human history as well as any deities that were worshiped as false gods. Needless to say, many of these beings are powerful sorcerers. If we go around haphazardly cracking tombs open, we may end up with more than we can handle.”
“Is there any way to tell the difference between the tombs of the heretics and the Porta ad Terram?” I asked and rubbed my temple frustratedly.
Sia asked the Shade, and he responded with a shake of his head. He muttered a few words in Italian, and then the succubus translated.
“The Porta ad Terram is illegal based on the Heaven-Hell Accords of 468 B.C.” she explained. “So wherever it is, it’ll be hidden in plain sight. Martatelli says it wouldn’t be a good secret portal if it didn’t blend in with the rest of the landscape.”
“Then it sounds like we’ve got our work cut out for us,” I said with a frown. “Martatelli, point us in the right direction.”
Even though we spoke two different languages, Martatelli must have understood what I was saying. He gave me a solemn nod, stood up in the boat, and then motioned for me to continue down the River of Souls.
We floated down the winding body of water for another twenty minutes, and then the scientist held up his hand and made a “stop” motion.
I decast my purple Hellfire, and Charon’s old boat floated to a halt. We docked it up on the sandy bank of the river, and then exited the boat in a hurry.
Ira’s sub washed up onto the shore behind us with the rope still wrapped around her ankle. The dark-haired woman’s chest was heaving violently as she sprawled onto the sand in a spread-eagle position and began to pant heavily.
“Best. Trip. Ever.” she sighed longingly as she covered herself with gold Hellfire and healed all of the bruises and scrapes on her body.
The sub rolled over onto her hands and knees, and I couldn’t help but stare at the massive cleavage her leather top created. Then Ira’s submissive half jumped up with a single bound and ran over to our position.
Martatelli led the way, and the six of us followed the Renaissance scientist toward the location of the Porta ad Terram. We journeyed on foot for another hour or so, and the sounds of our feet were only accompanied by the occasional scream of pain from a nearby tomb or Todd’s not-so-quiet humming.
In the amount of time it took us to get to our final destination, I swear the imp had rattled off Nirvana’s entir
e discography.
Martatelli halted his gait in between two rows of tombs and gestured down the line.
All around us stood tombs of all shapes and sizes. Though many of them appeared to be human-sized, there were several that looked like they’d been made to hold the souls of much larger beasts. Each one was made of brimstone, but they offered different designs. Some of the tombs bore statues, while others had carvings on their lids, and others were little more than black boxes sticking out of the ground.
The rows seemed to stretch on for miles, and I realized this was going to be much tougher than I had originally thought.
Worst of all, however, was the constant drone of sorrowful wails that filled the air. They mixed together into one long, continuous tone that pounded in my head and made it hard to think.
“So, this is the place?” I asked as I raised my voice over the sounds of torment.
Martatelli nodded.
“Alright then, let’s get a-cracking!” Todd exclaimed and then cracked his knuckles.
The imp ran over to the nearest tomb, hoisted himself up into the air on his black flames, and then unleashed a miniature hailstorm of fireballs down onto the sarcophagus.
The dozens of mini projectiles struck the tomb and left singe marks on its dark gray exterior, but nothing happened.
“Ughhhh,” Todd groaned. “Please don’t tell me every single one of these things is a puzzle like the last one.”
“They’re not,” Eligor explained. “You’re just not hitting them hard enough. Let me try.”
The blonde knight unsheathed the dual swords that hung on her sliver of a belt, held them into the air, and enchanted them with her lime-green Hellfire. Then she pulled her arms back and heaved her weapons forward with a loud grunt.
The blades of the sword stabbed into the crevice between the tomb and its lid, and then the entire brimstone structure was encased with Green Hellfire.
Eligor let out another growl of determination as she pushed her blades downward and tried to force the lid of the tomb open. Finally, there was a loud grating sound as rock rubbed on rock, and the lid broke free. The knight pushed the top off with all of her strength and then watched as it clanged to the ground.
Instantly, a Shade popped out of the tomb, looked around in a panic, and then leapt over the side. He yelled something in German and ran off before any of us could stop him.
“Welp, I’m guessing that wasn’t the right one,” Todd mused. “Unless the Porta ad Terram comes out in Krautland.”
“Let’s try this one,” I ordered as I made my way toward a tomb a few feet away. “This one looks more demon-sized.”
I unsheathed the Unhallowed Sword from my belt, enchanted it with my Hellfire, and then raised it above my head. I brought the weapon down onto the brimstone as hard as I could, and the impact from the blow cracked the lid open like an egg. I started to reach for the fracture, but then something from the other side of the sarcophagus lid unleashed an inhuman shriek.
The lid began to quiver from the blows of whatever was inside this massive grave as the seam in the brimstone started to grow longer.
“Fuck!” I growled. “We need to close this now!”
I jumped up onto the tomb and threw my entire bulk down onto the cover. The metal of my armor rattled with each of the creature’s blows, and I knew instantly this wasn’t going to be enough to keep him from breaking out. I held on for dear life as the blows became more and more violent.
“Hold on, Jacob!” Sia cried as she ran over to the sarcophagus.
The succubus madame summoned golden Hellfire into her hand, slapped it against the side of the tomb, and forced her spell to spread. Within seconds, the entire structure was aglow with her healing spell, and then the crack beneath me began to pull itself together and seal shut.
The blows of the creature continued, but now that the tomb was sealed again it could do little more than make noise.
I slid off the rocky grave, placed my hands on my knees, and let out a deep sigh.
“That wasn’t it, either,” I groaned.
We moved on to the next few tombs, but they were also filled with nothing but regular Shades.
“Damn it!” Eligor growled. “These rows stretch on for miles. How are we ever going to find this thing?”
Martatelli began to ramble on in Italian as Superbia listened with bated breath.
“He says he is certain the portal is within a mile of this exact location,” Sia translated. “His research hasn’t failed him yet.”
“That’s still, like, two-hundred tombs,” Todd groaned. “We shoulda brought an enchanted jackhammer along or something.”
“He keeps talking about his ‘research,’” Libidine asked. “But what exactly is it? How on Earth does he know the Porta ad Terram is in this area?”
Superbia turned and asked the scientist something in Italian.
Meanwhile, Ira’ sub was gleefully rubbing her half-naked body against the side of one of the tombs.
“Oh yeah, that’s the stuff,” she moaned as her eyes rolled back in her head. “Just like coarse sandpaper.”
“Angelo has been studying the occult his entire life,” Superbia explained. “He says nobody ever believed him when he talked about demons and interdimensional portals and the like, but he encountered too many anomalies in his life to completely disregard them as coincidences. For example, he claims to have seen the demon Moloch walking through the streets of Rome. He also believes there was a secret ‘anti-vatican’ city that was a safe haven for demons on Earth, not far from the actual Vatican in Italy.”
“Okay … ” I said, somewhat unconvinced. “What does that have to do with the Porta ad Terram?”
“Everything,” the redhead retorted. “In Martatelli’s research, where do you think this portal led to?”
“So you’re saying that, if we find this thing and go through it, we’re gonna end up in some demon sanctuary?” Todd gasped. “That sounds muy no bueno.”
“Angelo here though spent most of his life trying to discover this portal and to convince the Church we had demons living among us,” Sia continued.
“But they obviously didn’t believe him,” Todd interrupted. “If they had, he wouldn’t have been all ragdolled on the wheel of torture.”
“That’s where you’re wrong, Todd,” the redhead said grimly. “They killed Martatelli because he knew too much, not because they thought he was crazy. Why wouldn’t they see him as a threat? If he could prove his information, could you imagine the chaos it would have caused? Demon-worshiping cults would have increased tenfold, entire non-judeochristian civilizations would have crumbled, mortals would have tried to interfere with the Great War … it would have changed the course of human history, and they couldn’t have that.”
“Typical,” I spat.
“Anyway,” Sia tried to get back on track, “Martatelli thought he discovered the location of this interdimensional portal on Earth. He had the coordinates mapped out and everything. Then he noticed something peculiar when he was looking at the maps in our castle’s library. The map of the Sixth Circle lined up perfectly with the map of the ‘Anti-Vatican’ he had discovered.”
“So wait,” I pondered aloud. “The Circles of Hell are just what, mirror images of Earth?”
Sia and Martatelli engaged in conversation once more, until the madame got the answers she was looking for.
“Not exactly,” Sia explained. “Angelo believes each Circle of Hell has an Earthly counterpart, each with their own portal that allows demons to travel between Earth and Hell.”
“Then why did we have to come all the way out here?” I asked with a tinge of annoyance in my voice. “Why couldn’t we have looked for these things in the First or the Fourth Circle, where it was a little less hostile?”
“Because,” Sia argued, “this is the one Martatelli could pinpoint. We could be searching for years if we tried to find the ones in the other Circles, and that is time we cannot afford to waste.”
“Alright, gang,” I sighed and turned around to address my friends. “It looks like we’re gonna need to split up and--”
Suddenly, a massive wave of fire erupted from a nearby tomb. The red-hot flames struck Martatelli at point-black range, and the scientist let out a scream as he began to run around with his body completely aflame.
“Cavalo!” he yelled as he began to stop, drop, and roll. “Cazzo! Cazzo!”
I turned around to see one of the nearby tombs, the one that had shot the flames, had been blown open.
Out of its depths rose a large figure who was completely engulfed in red Hellfire. His body took on the shape of a wide, bulky human, but the only thing that could be seen through the flames were his two black eyes. The creature pulled itself out of the tomb, landed on the ground, and scorched all of the dead plants around him.
“You seek the portal,” the monster’s distorted voice mused. “My master knew you were up to no good.”
“And just who the fuck are you?” I growled and took a fighting stance.
“How rude of me,” the demonic figure mocked. “My name is Temeluchas, and I’ve been tasked by Gressil to find out just what the new King of the Fourth Circle was doing snooping around in his territory.”
“If the King of the Sixth Circle has a quarrel with me, he needs to be a man and take it up with me personally,” I shot back. “I mean him no harm.”
“No harm?” the Hellfire spirit hissed. “You enter his domain not once, but twice, unannounced. You free several of his subjects, including the traitorous demon Mephisto, and now you wish to use his portal for your own selfish needs?”
“Let me handle this, bro,” Todd said as he cleared his throat and stepped forward. “This guy’s got no legal footing to stand on.”
“Todd, I don’t think--” I started, but the imp cut me off with a wave of his hand.
“Trust me, Jakey,” he promised. “You didn’t make me the main judge of the Fourth Circle for nothing. Now, Mr. Temelicious … what my King here is doing is perfectly within his legal rights. It says right there in the Charter of Year Zero that any of the Demon Kings can cross over into their peers’ kingdoms as so long as they don’t declare it as an act of war. Sure, Jakey here released one of your prisoners, but I would argue that’s a misdemeanor, not ‘an act of war.’ And the shit with the portal? Those things are highly illegal in and of themselves, bro. If anyone found out you had one of those things, they’d--”
