Longing For Home

by Christine Lynxwiler

  “Hey! Who’s doing the asking here, mister?” Laughter bubbled up in her throat. “But, yes, now that you mention it, seven will be fine.” Gram was right. Life was too short to waste.

  Fourteen

  Jake relaxed in the easy laughter of the blond across the table. The barbed-wire fences and insurmountable walls Brandi had built between them for the last month were gone. As a matter of fact, the Brandi who wouldn’t even look him in the eye had vanished.

  In her place sat the warm, caring woman he’d seen glimpses of now and then—the woman he so desperately wanted to know better. And that woman, either by design or by accident, was rapidly entangling his heart with hers. He prayed it wasn’t an accident.

  “So what made you decide to—” He weighed his words, unwilling to say the wrong thing and risk reconstructing the wall.

  “Ask you out?” She grinned, mischief glinting in her eyes.

  “Yep.” He leaned forward and covered her hand with his. When she didn’t pull back, he gently caressed her skin with his thumb. Did she feel those sparks?

  She stared at their joined hands for a few seconds. When she looked up, he saw a hint of fear in her eyes. So she had felt it.

  ❧

  “I decided I haven’t been very fair to you. Or to me. We deserve a chance to see what happens without worrying about California or being on the road. Life’s too short to be so practical.” Her voice held a quaver that hadn’t been there a minute before. “Unless I’ve totally misread you and you don’t want a chance to see what happens?” She pulled her hand from under his and tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

  “No! I do.” He felt like a teenager, tripping over his feet to assure her he was interested.

  “It feels weird to be away from the B&B, doesn’t it?” She ran her finger along the edge of her plate.

  “You should get out more often.” He took a drink of tea.

  “So should you.”

  “The B&B feels like a little bit of heaven to me. I get my fill of ‘out’ when I’m on the road.” Jake cringed and tossed his napkin on the table. If they ever discovered a way to take words back, he hoped he was on the list of first to be notified.

  Her face clouded. “I don’t see how you live like that. Especially since you travel all winter, too, with your speaking schedule.” She took a sip of her tea and regarded him intently over the rim of the glass.

  He shrugged. “It’s not as bad as you think.” He felt his ears grow hot as he tried to put his thoughts into words without bragging. “Um. . .money makes travel a lot more palatable.” He lived modestly for his income, but the idea of her comparing the transient life of an itinerant worker to the comfortable traveling he did was ridiculous.

  “Physically I guess it might.” She offered a twisted smile. “But it would still be awful. No place to call home.”

  “Most all the guys have a permanent home. They’re not on the road during the winter.”

  “Do you have a house?” Brandi asked.

  “No, but I travel so much in the off-season for my work with teens, it’s been easier for me to find lodging on the road. I stay with my parents some or one of my brothers when I’m at loose ends.”

  “Don’t you want to have your own place?” Puzzlement creased her brow.

  “Sure. I’m getting ready to. I’ve looked at some places around here. But the B&B fits my needs for now.”

  “Would you care for dessert?” Their waitress motioned to the tray laden down with a variety of pastries and cakes. She balanced it in one hand.

  “Brandi?” Jake asked, and she shook her head.

  “No, thanks.”

  “Me either, but thanks.” Jake smiled at the tired woman.

  “Say, aren’t you—you’re Jake McFadden!”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  She plopped the tray down on the table and pulled out her order pad and pen. “May I please have your autograph for my son? He’s thirteen, and he talks about you all the time.” She stopped and eyeballed his arm. “How’s your shoulder?”

  When he saw Brandi cover a grin with her napkin, Jake ran his hand down over his eyes and rubbed his chin with his thumb, giving her a mock-threatening look. He smiled at the waitress. “It’s better. Thanks.” He held the pen over the paper and looked at the waitress’s name tag. “Louise, what’s your son’s name?”

  “Leroy.”

  He scrawled a quick note to Leroy then flipped the paper over and wrote one to Louise.

  After the waitress left, calling to her friends in the kitchen, he raised an eyebrow at Brandi. “You thought that was funny, did you?”

  She pulled the napkin down, a grin tugging at her lips. “I just keep forgetting you’re a celebrity.”

  “You’ve said that before.” He struck a Johnny Bravo pose. “Maybe this will help.”

  She collapsed into giggles. “That does NOT help.”

  “Oh. Well, then maybe it’s better you forget.”

  “I have to admit it’s easier when you’re just Jake who lives in Casablanca.” Her giggles faded to a bittersweet smile.

  “In that case, here’s lookin’ at you, kid.”

  She groaned but laughed again as he hoped she would. As long as he kept her mind off his career, maybe he had a chance with her. Unfortunately, come spring training that task might prove impossible.

  ❧

  “Do you want any more popcorn?” Jake held the almost empty container over the lobby trash can.

  She shook her head. “No, thanks. Now you know why I didn’t eat dessert. I was saving room for movie junk food.”

  He dropped it in the trash, and they headed for the doors, along with the departing crowd.

  “So what did you think about the movie?”

  “I loved it. Did you?” She glanced up at him as they were jostled along to the exit.

  He held the door open for her to step outside. “Yes. Action, adventure, romance, and a happy ending. What’s not to like?” As the crisp autumn breeze swept across the parking lot, he clasped her hand in his and guided her toward the truck.

  She shivered.

  “You cold?”

  “A little.” A very little, but what was she supposed to say? The electricity surging up my arm when you took my hand made me shiver?

  He shrugged out of his denim jacket and wrapped it around her shoulders. As soon as they started walking again, he reclaimed her hand.

  “Won’t you get cold?” She clutched the coat around her with her free hand and breathed in the smell of his aftershave.

  He lifted their connected hands. “Not as long as I’m holding on to you.”

  “Now there’s a macho line if I’ve ever heard one.”

  “Maybe so, but true.” He opened the truck door for her and waited until she was in.

  As he walked around to get in, she thought about how easy their camaraderie had been tonight. She’d been dragged kicking and screaming into this relationship. Not by Jake, but by her own fascination with this good-hearted, funny, compassionate man. And on the porch this afternoon, after she talked to Gram, she’d let go. She’d released her grip on common sense and caution and gone along for the ride, willingly and with her eyes wide open.

  She glanced at him as he started the motor. His shoulder seemed to gain strength every day. He’d soon be leaving. And in spite of Gram’s “life is too short” speech, Brandi knew his departure would hurt worse now than it would have before. But for tonight it was worth the future pain.

  “You okay?”

  She forced a smile. “Yes.” Suddenly she longed to have some questions answered about the past. So she wouldn’t spend another eight years wondering.

  “Remember that night you took me to Dana’s party?”

  Jake looked over at her. “Sure.”

  “Did you ask me out just to make Tammy jealous?”

  Jake jerked his gaze toward her. “No way. I asked you out because I’d wanted to all year. Once Tammy and I broke up, there was no reason not
to.”

  Relief flooded her at the lie exposed even after all these years. He had been a nice guy then, too.

  “Well, after Stephanie spilled soda on my blouse—”

  “Wait a minute. I thought you spilled it yourself.”

  Brandi turned to look at him. “Why would you think that?”

  “Because Tammy said you told her in the bathroom that you’d dumped soda on yourself to get out of the rest of our date.”

  “Oh, Jake.” Brandi chuckled sadly. “We fell for her line, didn’t we?”

  “Hook, line, and sinker.” Jake shook his head.

  They rode in silence until Jake pulled into the B&B and parked.

  She reached for the door handle, but his voice stopped her.

  “Brandi?”

  She looked back at him.

  “Would it be okay if we say good night here? I’d rather not take a chance someone might be waiting by the front door to yank it open.” His dimples flashed.

  She knew what he was asking. Someday when she was left with a heart full of regrets and “what ifs,” this one would have been much easier to handle if he’d just kissed her, instead of asking permission. Nevertheless she nodded.

  He took her hand and drew her close. She stared up at him in the moonlight. His eyes, alight with wonder, caressed her face. He outlined her jawline with his thumb. This time when she shivered, he wrapped his arms around her and touched his lips to hers. All the worries of the future fled like leaves in the autumn wind.

  He pulled back and looked at her again, a million questions in his eyes. Whatever he saw in her answering gaze seemed to freeze the words on his lips. “We’d better go in,” he said hoarsely.

  She blew out a soft sigh of relief and regret then nodded. “I think you’re right.”

  Fifteen

  “What do you want, Brandi? Do you want the moon?” Jake’s whisper echoed George Bailey’s words next to her ear. Brandi nudged him, but she couldn’t stifle a grin. She’d been thrilled when he’d decided to join them for a family movie on one of their rare scheduled “empty nest” nights, as Valerie called them. Gram was out with Ben, and Jake’s presence graced the atmosphere with a homier feel. Of course there was also the fact that she loved being around him.

  “Shh. . .” Melissa twisted around to glare at the couple on the couch then turned her attention back to the screen. “This is a great part.”

  Valerie reached out with her toe toward her sister. “You ‘Shh,’ squirt. You’re being louder than they are.” She was curled up in the chair closest to the TV.

  “And you’re being louder than she was,” Michael complained from where he was stretched next to Melissa on the floor.

  “Look what I started,” Jake said quietly.

  Brandi shook her head with a mock frown. “You’d better be quiet, or you’ll get in trouble. It’s a Wonderful Life is pretty important around here. I cheated by getting it out before Thanksgiving.”

  He took her hand, and she shivered.

  “Are you going to do that every time I touch your hand for the rest of our lives?” he whispered very softly.

  She didn’t answer, but her cheeks burned. The rest of our lives? A tiny shard of pain sliced through her happiness. Could she throw away her long-sought security for this man?

  They watched the movie in silence. When the credits rolled, Brandi slipped her hand away. She didn’t want to explain about Jake to the kids. Mostly because she didn’t have a clue what to say.

  Melissa pushed the power button on the remote and stopped the tape. “I know it’s sappy, but I love that movie. I’m glad you didn’t make us wait until Thanksgiving.”

  Brandi grinned at her sister. She’d noticed Melissa moping around lately. Even though the kids spoke to their parents on the phone twice a week, with the holidays approaching, their absence was wearing on the ten-year-old.

  “Speaking of Thanksgiving,” Jake said. “I have an invitation for y’all to come to my brother’s house and have dinner with my family.”

  “Will any kids be there?” Melissa asked, scrambling to her feet.

  “Almost more than I can count.”

  “Can we?”

  Brandi looked at Melissa’s pleading face then at Michael, who nodded.

  “Didn’t you say you had a nephew who’s eighteen?” Valerie asked.

  “Yep.”

  She looked at Brandi. “Sounds cool.”

  Brandi didn’t think meeting Jake’s family was the best idea with so much undecided between them. But how could she say no to three kids who were going to spend Thanksgiving an ocean away from their parents?

  “Is it at Senator McFadden’s house?” Brandi knew from Gram that the state senator and his wife lived about fifteen minutes away. Close enough to jump in her car and come back to the B&B if she was uncomfortable.

  “Yes, but you can call him Holt and his wife Megan. They would love to have you all.”

  Brandi nodded. “Okay. Thanks. If you’ll give me her phone number, I’ll call her to see what I should bring.”

  Jake beamed. “Great!”

  “We’re going!” Melissa skipped around the room.

  “Right now the only place you’re going is to bed,” Brandi said.

  The two preteens chased each other through the foyer.

  Valerie rolled her eyes. “They’ve got empty-nest syndrome,” she explained to Jake. “When we don’t have overnight guests, they go wild.”

  Jake chuckled.

  Valerie stood up. “I guess I’m going to turn in. Unless you two need a chaperone.”

  Brandi raised her eyebrow. “I think we’re fine.” She got up and hugged Valerie. “Nice one, Val,” she whispered in her ear. “I’ll get you back someday.”

  Valerie winked at her and headed for the stairs. “Don’t stay up too late,” she called over her shoulder.

  They heard her shoes slapping every step.

  “I don’t think Michael and Melissa are the only ones with empty-nest syndrome,” Brandi said, grinning. “She’s a mess.”

  Jake nodded. “But a nice mess. And she seems to be doing a lot better.”

  “Yep. I thank God for that every day.”

  “Guess what I thank God for every day?” Jake asked and pulled her back down beside him on the couch.

  Brandi gulped. He was thanking God for her? “Jake, maybe we should talk.”

  He put his finger to her lips. “Shh. If it’s the moon you want, I’ll lasso it for you, you know.”

  She grimaced. “Something far more complicated than that, I’m afraid.” She ran her fingers through her hair.

  “Brandi, we could buy a house anywhere you want to live. California or New York. Both. I don’t care. And you could go on the road with me as much or as little as you wanted. Then when I could get away—”

  Tears filled her eyes. He was unwittingly spelling out her worst nightmare. “Jake, can we put this conversation on hold? I know that’s asking a lot, but with Thanksgiving coming up, I’m just not up to talking about this.”

  “Sure.” He dropped a kiss on her forehead and stood. “Cookies and milk?”

  “Now that’s an offer I can’t refuse.” She smiled, but she followed him to the kitchen with a heavy heart.

  ❧

  A tap on the door pulled Brandi’s attention from her Bible reading. “Come in.”

  Gram walked in with a cup of coffee in her hand.

  “Gram! You’re upstairs again.” She took the coffee and kissed her grandmother’s cheek. “Thanks.”

  “I was hoping we could talk for a minute.”

  “Sure. Sit down.” Brandi indicated the two chairs in the corner. When Gram chose one, Brandi sank into the other. “What’s on your mind?”

  “I’m not going back to California.”

  Brandi tried to draw a deep breath, but she felt like a vise had squeezed her chest. “You’re not?”

  “I’m sorry, baby.” Gram’s voice trembled. “I knew this would be hard for you to und
erstand. But I’ve been with you all these years, and now it’s time for me to be close to the other grandkids for a while.”

  “And Ben?” Brandi hated the flatness in her voice. She tried out a smile, but she was sure it probably looked as painful as it felt.

  Gram nodded. “Yes, and Ben. Who knows where this will go? I sure don’t, but as we talked about before, life is too short not to take chances.”

  “I understand.”

  “I’m going to go ahead and give you my house.”

  Tears filled Brandi’s eyes. She’d always known Gram planned to leave her the house, but that was supposed to be years down the road—when the unthinkable happened.

  “It’s the only real home you’ve ever known, and I realize how much it means to you.”

  Brandi nodded and swiped at her tears with her hand.

  “Unless you don’t want it?” Gram raised her eyebrow, and Brandi knew she was thinking of Jake.

  “No, I do. Thank you so much, Gram. It’s my home, and I love it.” Brandi couldn’t believe it. Her house was actually her house now.

  The older woman patted Brandi’s knee. “Honey, I hope you’ll remember that a house is just mortar and bricks. It takes more than living somewhere a long time to make a home.”

  Brandi sniffled. Tell that to the perpetual new kid in school.

  “And if you ever decide you don’t want it, I don’t have any qualms about your selling it. My memories aren’t in those walls. They’re in here.” She tapped her chest.

  Brandi hugged her grandmother close. “I love you, Gram.”

  “I love you, too, honey. And I’m praying for you every day.”

  Jake’s words about thanking God for her every day flashed through her mind. “Thanks. Are you able to take over the B&B again if I need a substitute?”

  “Definitely, but I’m sure hoping you’ll stay through Christmas. Why?” Concern knitted the older woman’s brow. “Is it your job? Have they called you back early?”

  Brandi shook her head. “No, nothing like that. But I wanted to know what my options were.”

  “It’s always nice to have options, isn’t it?” Gram asked, smiling gently.

  Brandi snatched a tissue and stood. “I can’t believe you’re staying here.”