He met Ellie’s eyes. ‘I’ve been worried about Belinda but she shuts everyone out. I thought maybe it was me, and even suggested she go to another doctor, but she didn’t turn up there at all. June’s been wonderful and rings and reminds her when she doesn’t turn up. I don’t even know if Belinda really wants this baby.’
Ellie remembered Belinda’s hand over her stomach. ‘She wants this baby all right. And we’ll have to watch her blood pressure.’ Luke nodded and Ellie turned away to reach for her handbag.
Luke followed her to the car park and she was more aware of his body next to hers than she should be. She needed to remind herself that Bell’s River was for her and Josh as a twosome. Josh deserved his mother’s full attention.
Then Luke smiled at her and any wall she’d erected between them melted like butter at his feet.
‘You did well for your first day. Goodnight, Ellie.’ Luckily he turned away before Ellie could do something dumb like smear herself all over his chest because of a little compliment.
She was a basket case if someone offered her kindness. Look where it had got her with Steve—widowed and terrified of another man dying on her and the grief that entailed.
And Luke was more conservative than poor Steve. He’d want marriage, social obligations and commitment to stay in one place, when all Steve had wanted had been a son to carry on his name before he died.
She jammed her car key into the door lock with unnecessary force and wrenched the key around to escape the memories. She heard Luke start his car and she twisted her key to unjam it, with disastrous results. The door didn’t open but the key broke off in the lock with a sickening snap.
Ellie closed her eyes and prayed for Luke to drive out so she could crawl away and call her road service club. No such luck. She heard his engine stop.
‘I’ve never actually seen anybody break the key off in the lock.’ Luke’s voice came from behind her and there was no use pretending otherwise.
The heat crawled up her neck and into her cheeks as she turned to face him. ‘Well, now you have. And before you ask, I don’t have another key, but I do have road service insurance.’
‘Handy,’ was all he said and then he smiled. Suddenly it didn’t seem too bad he’d caught her doing something dumb. ‘How about I drop you off at the preschool to save you being late. You could phone them from there?’
It would be churlish to refuse the lift but she hesitated. Ellie had an inexplicable fear of Josh becoming as smitten by Luke as everyone else seemed to be. For some reason she couldn’t quite explain, she’d hoped she could avoid them meeting. Maybe she still could if she got out of his car fast.
‘Thank you. If it’s not too far out of your way.’
‘Nowhere is too far in Bell’s River.’ He moved over to his black BMW and opened the passenger door for her. Ellie couldn’t remember the last time someone had opened any door for her—it had probably been Luke ten years ago. It was an old-fashioned gesture but made her feel special.
The smell of leather and polish settled over her and she sneaked a look at her shoes to see if they were clean enough to rest on the carpet.
The car rocked gently as Luke climbed in the other side and Ellie stared straight ahead. It was crowded in the front despite the space between the seats. Or it felt crowded anyway, with over six feet of man beside her. He pulled out of the car park smoothly and Ellie realised she hadn’t given directions to the school. He seemed to be going the right way.
‘So…’ Luke didn’t take his eyes from the road. ‘Today is your son’s first full day away from you at the preschool. He’ll be glad to see you.’
‘I saw him at lunch.’ She glanced across at his profile. ‘How did you know which preschool to go to?’
He shrugged without looking at her. ‘There’s only one you could walk to.’
Ellie realised he’d known where she’d gone for her meal break. It was no big deal. She’d just have to get used to living in a small town again.
Moments later he pulled in front of the gaily painted school building and Ellie snatched up her handbag. She quickly opened the door and climbed out. ‘We’ll be all right from here. Thanks for the lift.’
He turned the engine off. ‘I’d like to come in.’
Ellie froze. ‘Why?’
‘To meet your son.’ He tilted his head. ‘If that’s OK with you?’
So what was she supposed to say? No? She sighed and waited for him to get out of the car. Luke gave her a level look. A look that said, I know you want rid of me, but I’m not going. Ellie felt trapped. She forced herself to relax. It was no big deal. Luke came to stand beside her and Ellie lifted the latch on the childproof gate to find her son.
When Josh saw his mother he clambered to his feet and ran towards her, although he slowed when he noticed Luke standing beside her. Josh was a thin, pale child with Ellie’s eyes and her glorious red hair. The boy hesitated for a moment before coming right up to them. Luke could see his determination not to be shy.
Ellie knelt down and cuddled him. ‘Hello, darling. This is Dr Farrell, the man I work for.’
‘How do you do, Dr Farrell?’ Josh held out his hand to shake and Luke took the tiny hand between his fingers.
‘Hello, Josh. How was your day?’ What else could he say?
‘It took a long time.’ The little boy shrugged. ‘My friends went home at three o’clock and it’s mostly just babies here now.’
Ellie hugged him again and then stood up. ‘Well, it’s time to go home now. I need to use the phone first and then we’ll get your bag and say goodbye to the teacher.’
Luke watched her arrange Josh’s departure and for the road service to meet her at the preschool. Josh stayed glued to her side the whole time. She probably wasn’t aware of Luke’s existence and he wasn’t even sure why he was there. Except he’d needed to see her son. The reasoning behind that escaped him, too.
Mother and son came back and he could see that Ellie was distracted as they left the preschool grounds.
Luke stopped beside his car. ‘If I can’t be of any help, I’ll go now.’ He reached out and shook Josh’s hand again. ‘Nice to meet you, Josh.’
The little boy was very solemn. ‘Bye, Dr Farrell.’
‘I’ll see you tomorrow, Luke,’ Ellie said, and for a moment he thought she was going to ask him to stay. But she didn’t. Luke waved and turned away. The boy was like his mother. He shouldn’t have gone in.
Ellie watched him climb into his car. The dumb thing was that she was disappointed he’d left. Thirty seconds later, for some strange reason, the white line down the middle of the road looked wavy.
With a start, she realised she’d been holding her breath until his car had turned the corner. She shook her head. This was ridiculous.
* * *
Tuesday morning flew past in a blur of clients, and apart from an enquiry about the lock on her car door, Ellie didn’t see much of Luke. He had a visit from one of the pharmaceutical company representatives during his lunch-break and Ellie went off to Josh’s preschool. Her son had been a little clingy that morning and Ellie was glad she was only working three days a week.
Back at the surgery, Luke waited for her to put her bag away and then gestured her into his room before the afternoon appointments started.
Ellie sat down in the client’s chair and Luke prowled around the room. Now what had she done? Ellie chewed her lip and watched him uneasily.
He stopped in front of her and laced his hands. ‘I need to clarify a couple of areas in which we may conflict with our suggestions for labour.’
Mavis Donahue, Ellie thought, and sat forward in her chair, prepared to fight.
‘Mrs Donahue…’ He paused and nodded when Ellie nodded. ‘She came in this morning and she’s booked for her second Caesarean birth under general anaesthetic next week. She tells me that she’s changed her mind and now she’d like the opportunity for a trial of normal labour or an epidural Caesarean if necessary.’
He paced
the room. ‘While I have no problem with such a birth plan in this sort of scenario, you weren’t here for her last birth. The poor woman went through the mill before we performed a Caesarean delivery on her. I assumed she was horrified at the thought of going through that experience again and was very happy that her labour would be more civilised this time.’ He sent her a hard stare but Ellie refused to drop her eyes. She waited to see whether he was going to say more and when he didn’t she stopped swinging her leg.
‘Well, she’s not,’ Ellie said flatly. ‘While Mavis hopes the labour and the delivery will end in a natural birth, we have discussed an epidural Caesarean scenario so that she can be awake in Theatre when the baby is born. And have her husband by her side if it happens.’
‘She didn’t tell me that.’ Luke shot a look at her. ‘I’m sorry, Ellie, but I am a little concerned that this is all your idea and not hers. When I asked her last week if she had any questions, she said no.’
Ellie met his eyes sympathetically and sat back. He genuinely hadn’t known his client had felt that way. It was Ellie’s job to educate him. ‘You should know that when a woman says no—or yes for that matter—she doesn’t always mean it.’
His lips thinned and suddenly the room filled with undercurrents neither of them wanted to explore. The hairs stood up on her arms at the brief flare of emotion in his eyes, and she wished she could have told him it hadn’t been her fault she hadn’t come back, but that would be too personal. She rubbed her arms and ignored the temptation.
Ellie hurried on, ‘Anyway, I gave Mavis the information and asked her about her last labour, and she said it had been pretty bad. She also said she’d been very down after that experience.’ Luke nodded so Ellie continued.
‘Mavis says she had difficulty feeling close to her daughter. She believes that it is because with a general anaesthetic she didn’t really wake up until baby was several hours old. It had been more like a surgical procedure than having a baby, and she didn’t feel like her child’s mother for months after.’
Ellie’s voice dropped. ‘That frightened her…’ she met Luke’s eyes ‘…and she doesn’t want that to happen again, so we talked about her being conscious. Then she said she actually felt like a failure because she hadn’t been able to deliver her baby vaginally.’
Luke snorted and sat down behind his desk to glare at Ellie. ‘Of course she’s not a failure. That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard.’
Ellie narrowed her own eyes and then shook her head decisively. ‘It’s a very common perception held by women who have unexpected Caesareans. Unfortunately, only a very few of these women discuss with their doctor the options for subsequent births. And even fewer obstetricians give them encouragement to do so.’ She looked at him. ‘The majority of women will do whatever their obstetrician recommends without discussion. Surely you know that?’
He shrugged uncomfortably. ‘In Mavis’s case I saw how distressed she became in labour and I didn’t think she would want to go through that again. Her husband certainly asked me not to let it happen again.’
‘It’s Mavis’s choice—no one else should make that for her—and every baby and every labour is different.’ Ellie’s eyes shone. ‘The whole concept of birth is mystical. When a baby decides the time is right, and when the mother’s body agrees and the first signs of labour appear, these are special moments. The lead-up to established labour and the mechanisms of spontaneous delivery should be given as much leeway as possible. Intervention is still available if needed but give nature a go first if the mother wants it.’
‘But does she?’ He was unconvinced and the hardness in his voice told Ellie he believed Mavis’s change of birth plan was Ellie’s fault.
‘Yes.’ Ellie was adamant. ‘Mavis just didn’t know she had a choice and I think that’s unenlightened in this day and age.’
Luke poked a finger in Ellie’s direction. ‘And what if she works herself up to a natural birth and it doesn’t happen? Don’t you think you’ve set her up to feel a failure one more time?’
Ellie shook her head vehemently. ‘No. Because we’ve made a birth plan that includes that contingency, and Mavis now has control over that part of her labour, too.’
He ran his hand through his hair in exasperation. ‘Like what?’
Ellie shrugged. ‘It’s only the little things but they are very important for the birthing woman.’ Ellie ticked them off on her fingers. ‘Epidural, not general anaesthetic. Background music, even to the precise song at birth to always be associated with that special moment. A camera or maybe even video as baby is held by his or her parents for the first time and a blanket on information until Mum knows the baby’s weight, which won’t happen until Mum is back on the ward.’
Luke drummed his fingers on the desk. ‘So she believes she’ll cope with a Caesarean if the natural labour doesn’t work out?’
Ellie nodded. ‘Better than she would if she had another Caesarean under general anaesthetic and not even try for a natural birth.’ Ellie grinned. ‘But I reckon she’ll have the baby vaginally. The last one was much bigger by all accounts and she spent most of her labour on the bed. This time she’s going for an active labour.’
Luke closed his eyes for a second before he stood up to walk towards the door. He held it open for her. ‘Spare me the eternal optimism of a midwife.’
Ellie walked past and grinned, and Luke restrained the urge to pull her back into the room. Not to discuss Mavis Donahue but to find out all the things he wanted to know about the last ten years. But he wouldn’t do that. It wasn’t his style. Maybe it should have been.
CHAPTER THREE
LUKE went back into his room without calling the next patient through. Then he opened and closed his fingers to relax the tension in them—and to stop himself from hitting something. Two days with Ellie and he was going mad.
What the hell had happened to the life he’d envisioned when he’d been twenty-two?
Sure, he’d studied hard in med school, instead of following Ellie around, because he’d always planned to take over his father’s practice. That five-year pact to meet Ellie again should have tied everything together neatly when they’d both done what they’d needed to do.
Then that horrific night his mother had told him that Ellie wasn’t coming back to him he’d realised he should have searched her out earlier. That she was the other half of his dreams—but it had been too late.
Much to his mother’s dismay, Luke had chosen England to study obstetrics because Australia was too full of memories of Ellie, and he needed to make a life without her. He’d returned only twelve months ago, just before his father had died. Luke had come back to take over the family practice and had been determined to find a real partner—not a dream—to share his life with. But even that had been a disaster.
With his father and Travis both dying so closely together in time, he’d barely had a moment to think of himself, let alone marriage.
Finally, he’d decided he’d waited long enough to restart his life and Anthea had seemed the perfect answer. She would be a good wife. She was calm, and always perfectly groomed. She understood his profession as a midwife herself and his mother adored her.
So last week he had asked Anthea to marry him and she’d said yes.
Luke massaged his temples. He had no plans to throw away a strong and stable relationship because he lusted after a woman who had already proved unreliable once. But Ellie’s return was lousy timing. Maybe she’d would only stay for a few months—just enough to complicate his life again if he let her—and move on.
He should do the sensible thing—stay clear of Ellie and her son, and marry Anthea as he’d planned. Either way, he needed to talk to Anthea because she didn’t deserve even internal disloyalty.
He squared his shoulders and walked towards the door and his next patient. He’d ring Anthea and invite himself to tea tonight. He’d try to explain, but he wasn’t looking forward to it. He should never have hired Ellie.
*
* *
Luke knocked on Anthea’s door at exactly seven p.m. When she answered the door she looked immaculate, as she always did. In fact, he couldn’t remember seeing her anything but. Which meant they’d both done very little together that required strenuous activity. He shook his head. This was his future wife!
‘Hello, Luke. Come in.’ She stood back to allow him to enter and kiss her cheek as he went past. Then he stopped. She looked up, surprised, as Luke captured her hand and raised it to his lips.
‘Come here, Anthea.’ He pulled her closer to him and her eyes widened as drew her into his arms. When he kissed her she stiffened, although he could tell she was trying to relax. He lingered for a moment and then let her go.
‘I’m sorry, Anthea. That wasn’t fair.’ He gestured for her to precede him into the dining room and then followed her through. They sat at their usual places and he poured the light beer she’d put out for him and a juice for her.
He went on as if compelled to. ‘I just realised we’d never seen each other anything but in control.’
The glass of juice froze on the way to her lips. ‘You’re acting very strangely, Luke. Is anything the matter?’
‘No. Not precisely.’ He smiled wryly at her startled expression. ‘Do you remember when I asked you if you’d ever been in love and you said we didn’t need to discuss that?’
She frowned and then nodded. ‘So?’
‘And I told you I was once in love when I was very young, but things didn’t work out between us?’
She nodded again but this time her face was without expression.
‘That woman was Ellie, my new practice nurse.’ He met her eyes. ‘I won’t lie to you. I’m finding it difficult to ignore her even though I realise that my future lies with you.’
She looked down into her glass for a moment and then lifted her eyes again to his. ‘Thank you for telling me.’ Her lips twisted wryly. ‘I think.’ She paused. ‘So the kiss tonight was what?’
He shrugged. ‘Me telling myself that you are the woman that I’m going to marry.’
Delivering Secrets Page 3
