by Ali Parker
"Isn't it beautiful?" She held out her hand and wrapped her arm around my shoulders as I got close to study it. "I'm serious about you staying with my brother. You guys are practically family, right?"
"You're moving out of the Ice House?" I wrapped Aubrey in a side hug as Lucas walked into the kitchen beside us.
"Yeah." Jayce glanced over toward Lucas and nodded. "It's time. I'm juggling a little too much and my grades are suffering. I'm thinking about leaving hockey altogether."
"And you should." Jayce's father walked into the room. "You need to keep working toward getting the best grades you can. You'll never get a high paying job without them."
"And what if money doesn't matter?" Aubrey piped in.
"Which it doesn't," Jayce mumbled and turned back toward me, as if asking my thoughts on the matter. I ignored his request and focused on something much more interesting than the future - the present.
"Where are you moving to?" I released Aubrey and walked toward the counter to get a glass.
"The apartments where Lucas used to stay. On the south side of campus." He handed me a glass and subtly licked at the side of his perfect lips. "I'd be down with you taking the other room if you want to. It's just for the next five to six months. Might be fun."
My phone buzzed in my pocket and I pulled it out. "Shoot. My mom expected me over there about ten minutes ago. I lost track of time. Gotta have some of Christmas Eve with my own family, I guess."
"No. Don't go," Aubrey whined.
"I have to. I'll check in with you guys later." I hugged Aubrey and Lucas, her mom and dad and walked to the door with Jayce behind me. The scent of his cologne left my heart beating a little too fast and my mind spinning with possibilities.
"Call me later and let's chat more about you mooching off of me this next semester." He smiled as I turned to face him.
"Mooching off of you? Sounds almost hot." I reached out and brushed something from his t-shirt.
He gripped my hand tightly. "You sure you're okay going out there? I can go with you."
The bruises. I hadn't explained to anyone but Aubrey what was going on in my life, which had to keep all of the rest of my friends guessing. I hated that, but it wasn't anyone’s business but my own.
"I'm fine. Merry Christmas Eve, Jayce." I grabbed my jacket before moving forward to kiss his cheek slowly.
He reached up and touched the side of my face, brushing his nose by mine. "Be careful. I'm serious."
"I will." I pulled back and turned to jog across the snowy driveway toward my car. I'd have to be careful driving through the thick snow to my mother's place, but it was nothing new. I'd been tearing up the road between my house and the Moores’ house since I got my first set of keys. Even with Aubrey leaving us, something told me that routine wouldn't change much.
*
"Hi baby." My mom spoke with her back to me as I walked into our small kitchen. My parents made enough money to live in a middle class neighborhood. It wasn't anything too fancy, but it was home and I loved it. Or used to.
"Where's Dad?" I turned to look into the darkened living room, wishing like hell that my mother still put up a tree. It would illuminate the darkness of the living room and leave the place feeling more warm and welcoming of the holidays. It'd been years since she'd done anything to acknowledge Christmas. I was usually able to spend the whole week with Aubrey and her family since mine didn't do anything. Being an only child made it easier for that reason alone. I was the only one left to suffer when Mom stopped living life.
"He's in the city. He'll be back later, I'm sure." My mom's tone was neutral. Neither happy nor sad. It was like she lived in a plastic bubble. Maybe it was her way of coping with my dad's infidelities. Or his abuse.
I walked up behind her and wrapped my arms around her narrow shoulders. "Aubrey and Lucas are getting married. He proposed in front of us."
"That's great news." Her tone remained deadpan.
"Yeah. Jayce seemed a little upset about it, but you know how close he and Aubrey are." I squeezed her once more and walked toward the fridge. "Are we making dinner for Christmas Eve?"
"I wasn't planning on it, but if you're hungry-" She turned and I gasped loudly as terror ran down the center of my chest. Her eye was dark blue and swollen shut. The veins around it were puffy and raced from the epicenter of her pain outward.
"Mom. Holy shit." I reached for her as tears burned my eyes. "When did this happen?"
"Last night. I'm okay. It's all right." She pushed at my chest above my breasts. "Please don't make a big deal about it. He apologized a hundred times today. He just doesn't know what he's doing when he drinks, Layla. You understand."
"No, I don't." I shook my head and held on to her. "You have to get out of this relationship."
The door closed behind me, and I stiffened. My father had been my hero all of my life until recently. He'd never touched either of us when I was growing up, but alcohol did strange things to people.
"Is my princess here?" The sound of his voice made my stomach turn. Did he really think things were going to get better without help?
I walked toward the back door, circumventing him. The door creaked loudly as I pushed on it and jogged down the small cement stairs. By the sound of his voice, he wasn't drunk or stressed. It would be a safe night for all of us. I ran through the forest at the back of the house as tears stung my eyes.
We were a good family. One that deserved the best life we could make together, but in the middle of making that life, my father had made some bad choices. To make it up to all of us, he changed jobs at the high school to make more money, which he thought would help. Counseling kids paid a lot more than teaching them, but the stress of having to help those kids work through their messy lives was too much sometimes. The pressure caused him to start drinking, and his good intentions were gone once again.
I dropped down on a bench near a small community pool for the neighborhood. It was frozen solid this time of year, and I contemplated taking off my shoes and skating around it until I erased the image of my mother's face from my mind's eye.
"How could you?" I closed my eyes and pressed my hands to my face. He'd never been violent before, but he was a different man now. "Why? For what?"
Anger burned through me as I sat there, trying to decide if I was going to get back into my car and drive as fast as I could away from them. I knew I couldn't leave my mother alone in case he started drinking, but I couldn't stay and take his wrath again either. Last time, he'd thrown me down the stairs thinking I was her. I wasn't safe there. She wasn't either.
I waited a few more minutes until my heart stopped racing and got up. Maybe if I took all the liquor from the house, things would be better. There was no doubt that someone needed to go to the police; that I needed to. I just wasn't sure what that would do to my father's job, and he was the one paying for my mother's house, for her food. It was too much to think through with the torrent of emotions dancing in the center of my stomach.
I wanted so badly to be back at the Moores’ estate. To snuggle up on the couch by the fire and pretend for a night that everything was okay, but it wasn't.
"Mom?" I walked through the back door and moved through the small house, not hearing or seeing anyone. "Mom?"
"I'm in my room. You need to go, Layla. I'll be fine."
I pressed my hand to her bedroom door and jiggled the handle. "Where's Dad?"
"He went to the grocery store to get some stuff for dinner. Get outta here, okay? I'll be fine."
Stuff for dinner? Liquor.
"I'm not leaving you-"
"Get out. Now, okay?" My mom started to cry.
I pressed my forehead to the door and closed my eyes tightly. "Mom."
"Layla, please. He's not himself when he drinks. Please leave, okay? Merry Christmas and we'll talk soon. I shouldn't have called you over here. Go. Please."
"All right. I love you." I pinched the bridge of my nose and pursed my lips as I walked through the darkened house a
nd jogged down the stairs to my car. I waited until the car was started to let my heart break open.
Something had to give. I just wasn't sure what.
Chapter 3
Jayce
Lucas left the night before and my family sat around, telling old stories and laughing as we looked through the hordes of picture albums my mother had. Every other picture had Layla in it. She was a part of our lives as much as we were of each other’s.
"I love you." Aubrey reached out and tugged at the sleeve of my jacket as we walked around campus the next day. The morning had been about opening presents and acting like we were kids again. I needed the relief to just be me for a little while, and in the midst of my family, I found it.
"I love you too." I reached over and took her hand before pulling her against my side and wrapping my arm around her. I took a long breath. "I'm glad you and Lucas are moving forward, but if you ever need me to come out there and get you, or whoop Lucas's ass…"
She snorted and pressed her head to my shoulder as we stopped by the baseball field. The snow was thick across the once green grass, but something about it seemed right.
"Lucas is a good man, Jayce. He'd never hurt me."
"Good men change, sis. Life changes people. I just want you to know that even though you're moving across the world from me and leaving me here all alone-"
She snorted and glanced up at me. "You're salty over me leaving, aren't you? I knew it!"
I released her and bent down to pick up a handful of snow. "Heck no. You're my bratty older sister who always bosses me around and cock blocks me."
"Cock blocks you!" Her voice rose as her cheeks turned pick. "If you throw that at me... it's so on, mister."
Her dark hair blew in the wind, and whether she liked it or not, she looked like our mother. Beautiful, regal, strong.
"This snow?" I packed it tight and chucked it at her as she turned and squealed when it hit the back of her shoulder.
"No you didn't." She bent down and I grabbed another handful of snow, packing it tightly to get her again before she got me the first time. She jerked around and tossed her snowball my way, missing me entirely as I hit her in the chest, just below her chin.
She screamed.
"This is why you're a dancer and not a ball player." I turned and jogged behind a tree nearby. "Your aim sucks dick."
"I like sucking-"
"Hey! All right. Fuck. You win." I walked out with my hands up. She tossed several more snowballs my way as I walked toward her. The first one didn't even make it to me, the second landed behind me and the third I caught and pretended to eat.
"I hate you." She smiled and flicked her fingers, spraying me in the face with ice.
"No you don't." I crossed my arms over my chest and glanced around. "This place isn't going to be the same without you, Aubrey."
"Come with me. Come with us." She reached out and pulled at the zipper on my jacket, forcing it up higher.
"I can't. My life is here. I have to wrap up my business degree and lead my teams. Both of them." I gave her an exasperated look.
"You need to choose, Jayce. Which do you love more?"
I turned and nodded for her to join me as I started to walk again. "I don't love either of them. I've played both hockey and baseball all of my life, but I'm not really excited about either anymore. With Lucas gone, hockey is just a game."
"And baseball?"
"I don't know." I glanced back over toward the field. "I really want to just graduate, get my job, find my wife and start a family. I'm a little jealous that you're doing that before me. I'm pretty sure you're living my dream and I'm living yours."
"I hate to break your heart, but you're not living anyone’s dream. I know you gotta be stressed with all you have going on." She pushed her shoulder against mine. "Maybe it's time to cut back and start focusing on what really matters to you. You know, what drives you."
"And that is?" I highly doubted that she knew what really drove me. I'd kept that part of myself tucked away from everyone, including my beloved twin.
"Family." She walked toward Mersky's and glanced over her shoulder. "Tell me I'm wrong."
I jogged to catch up with her, a little surprised that she'd pegged me so perfectly. Shit, maybe I hadn't been subtle about it at all.
"How did you know that?" I caught up with her and reached for the door as we moved up to the front of Mersky's.
"How could I not? You love me, Mom and Dad like crazy. You take care of all of us, and have this really cool individual relationship with each one of us. Where I can't stand Mom, you and her are tight. That's because of you, Jayce. Family is what drives you."
"It's true." I walked behind her to our booth as a few guys waved at us. I returned the gesture and got in the booth, eyeballing my sister as she gave me a cocky smirk. "What?"
"Why don't you spend the next six months figuring out what you want your life to look like? I mean, really look like. What job do you want when you're done? What sport turns you on? What type of woman leaves you restless and aching to see her again?"
"Layla." I hadn't meant to blurt it out, but there it was.
"So then tell her. She's had a crush on you since we were in diapers. I'm pretty sure not much has changed."
"I'm not wearing a diaper anymore." I glanced down at my crotch. "I don't think I am."
"Oh Lord." She rolled her eyes as I glanced up. "I'm serious."
"Right." I ran my fingers through my hair and took two menus from the side of the table, giving her one. "It's not that easy, sis. Layla is driven in a lot of ways I'm not. I'm honestly not even sure she likes me like that anymore."
"So find out." She shrugged as if I were a dumbass for missing the point on how this was all so incredibly easy to do.
"And how would you suggest I do that without having to come right out and ask her?" I glanced back as the wind blew hard and the door slammed open. Not thinking about it, I jumped up and muscled it shut.
"Thanks man." One of the bartenders at Mersky's patted me on the back as I moved toward my sister.
"Move in with her." Aubrey glanced behind me and rolled her eyes. "Oh Lord. William Tanner just walked in."
I glanced over my shoulder and waved at Will. "Hey buddy. How are you?"
Will had started out with the Hockey team the year before when he was a freshman, but thanks to his addiction to various drugs, he was kicked off before his college career really started. He was a cocky little bastard, but most guys who made it to the top were.
"Hey guys." He walked over and shook my hand and nodded at Aubrey. He showed none of the cockiness I'd witnessed time and time again the year before. It would seem that his brush with death changed him. "Ya'll know Dillon Cole?"
"I've seen you at some of the Omega parties." I stuck my hand out. "Jayce Moore. This is my sister, Aubrey."
"You're with Lucas White, right?" Dillon asked as he shook my sister's hand.
"Yeah." She gave him a tight smile and glanced back across the table at me. "I gotta run, but call me later."
"What? We drove here together. Where are you going?" I ignored the fact that the two knuckleheads that had come up were still standing there watching us like their favorite Wednesday night sitcom.
"Lucas is picking me up. Think about what I said." She grabbed her purse and moved out of the booth as the guys moved back.
"Which part?" I turned to watch her go, wishing she wouldn't. I didn't have much time before Lucas stole her away from us for good.
"Your roommate, Jayce. Think about it." She winked and walked to the door.
"You moving out of the Ice House?" Will turned back from watching my sister walk to the door, and I almost gave him a tongue lashing over looking at her, but decided against it.
"Yeah. Have a seat, guys." I motioned for them to take the seat across from me.
"You sure? We didn't mean to run your sister off." Dillon paused at the opening to the booth.
"It's all good. She was probably looking
for a reason to get back to Lucas anyway." I snorted and picked up the menu. "I'm starving."
"So, I started boxing." Will slid into the seat across from me. "It's been... cathartic."
"Really?" I perked up a little. I'd always wanted to take boxing lessons, but couldn't seem to squeeze anything into my already packed schedule.
"Yeah." He shrugged and glanced down toward the table as if ashamed about something. "I mean, don't get me wrong. I'd much rather be playing hockey with you guys, but at least it's something I can do to let off a little bit of steam."
"How's your health?" He knew what I was asking. There was no way I was bringing up his drug problem in front of Dillon. I didn't know the guy from Adam.
"It's much better. I've been clean since that night at the Ice House." He picked up his menu and glanced down at it. "I've thought about going to talk with Coach Billows a million times to see if there is anything I can do to get back on the team, but I'm not sure it's worth the humiliation of being laughed out of his office."
A different guy sat in front of me than the one I'd met a year and a half ago.
"I told him if it's something he really wants, then he's gotta face his demons, no matter how scary those bastards look." Dillon leaned back in his seat. "My little sister was scared as hell to play softball when she was little, but we worked on conquering her fear of getting hit by the ball, and she started as a freshman this past fall for Boston. She made it... and if she fucked it up, she'd fix it and work harder to get back to it."
"Your sister plays ball?" I turned as the waitress walked up and ordered a beer and burger. The other guys ordered before Dillon turned his attention back toward me.
"Yeah. Will told me that you're playing hockey and baseball this year. I'm honestly surprised that the college is letting you." He tilted his head to the side, studying me.
"My father has some good friends up here. He's a professor on campus. It has its perks, though I'm starting to struggle with keeping my head above water. It's about time to figure out which sport is the one for me. I need to do it before I flunk out of college."
