by Ali Parker
"That sucks." Will tapped the table between us. "You think Billows would talk to me if I went up there?"
"I don't see why not. You made a mistake, Will. You're making up for it and you've gotten help. That's a big deal." I wanted to encourage him further, but I knew how strict the school was on drugs in the athletic programs. His chances were slim as shit. "I'll talk to him for you when we get things rolling for the spring semester. That work?"
"Dude, that would be incredible." Will glanced over at Dillon. "I told you he's the real deal."
I snorted and shook my head. "I'm not even sure what that means, but I'll take it."
Real was a word that was missing in my world. I was going through the motions, trying like a mother fucker not to get hit with another panic attack because I was swimming in too many deep pools without a life raft. The worst part was that I was getting tired.
Bone tired.
Chapter 4
One Week Later
Layla
"I really don't want to go out tonight, Aubrey. You guys just go without me. Seriously." I stood in front of my bathroom mirror in the dorm and brushed foundation across my cheeks.
"Stop being a party pooper and get ready. We're going to be late meeting everyone for the drive up to Boston. It's going to be a great time, and you know we can't spend a New Year's Eve apart."
"What about next year when you're in Washington?" I was being a baby about it, but I couldn't help it. My situation with my folks wasn't getting any better, and it was on my shoulders to do something about it. I could wait until my father accidentally killed my mom in a drunken rage, or I could ruin his career by going to the police, thereby ruining her income source and sending her to the streets. It was more than I could bear to consider either of the possible options.
So... I would do what I'd been doing for the last year. I'd step in between the fight and let him smack me around. He had no clue he'd hit me before, and would have died if he realized it. I looked so much like my mother that it had to be hard to tell us apart in the middle of his drunken haze.
I turned my head and pulled my hair back. The dark bruises from his fingers squeezing my throat were faint enough that no one would notice.
"Can't say you fell down the stairs with that one," I whispered and brushed some of the foundation over the marks and jerked my hair back into place as Aubrey walked in.
"When I'm in Washington, I'll just have to come home. Duh. We're not spending Christmas or New Year’s away from each other, Lay. You know as well as I do that when we have kids, we're just going to have to take turns going to each other's houses, no matter where we live. That was the promise we've been making our whole lives." She wrapped her arms around my waist and pressed her cheek to my back. "Remember?"
"Yeah. I remember." I patted her clasped hands and leaned forward, breaking her hold so that I could finish working on my makeup. "Who all is coming with us tonight?"
"Jayce, Lucas, Emily and Jacob. It's my Uncle Vinny's hotel. He let us rent out the penthouse for the night." She wagged her eyebrows at me as I watched her in the mirror.
"Because of the engagement?"
"Yeah. He doesn't have kids, so he usually spoils the heck out of me and Jayce. He's my father's oldest brother."
"I like it." I finished putting on my lipstick and pursed my lips. "How do I look?"
"Like a heartbreaker. Stay away from my little brother." She popped my butt and walked out of the room.
"He's not very little, by the way."
"Too much information, thank you very much," she called from the main part of the dorm room.
I walked out of the bathroom and pulled at my sleeveless dress. "You sure this doesn't make me look to hookerish?"
"Not at all." Her eyebrow lifted. "My brother is going to have a heart attack though."
"Jayce doesn't even look my way, Aubrey. He thinks of me like a little sister. He always has." I smiled. "Remember when I used to wear those low-cut shirts all the time and lay on the floor in the living room where he was?"
"You did that on purpose?" She pressed her hand to her lips as she laughed. "Are you kidding me?"
"Um, no. I would have done just about anything, including prancing around naked, to get your brother to notice me." I reached up and fixed my long dangly earring. "He still hasn't noticed."
"I don't think that's true, but what do I know? I'm just the closest person in the world to either of you, to both of you." She grabbed her purse and turned to smile at me. "You're riding with me and Lucas up there. That okay?"
"Yeah. Just promise you won't let me make a fool of myself in front of Jayce tonight."
"I promise. Sort of." She snorted and walked toward the door.
"Great... take pictures so I know what I did."
"Pictures are evidence."
"On the other hand... don't take pictures."
We grabbed our coats and laughed as we walked down the hall toward Lucas's car. It would be a fun night, and though I didn't want my hopes to be up that something might happen with Jayce, they were. They always were.
*
"Wow. This is amazing." I walked around the penthouse suite as Aubrey and Lucas carried various bags of groceries into the kitchen. The far wall of the living room was completely glass, leaving the city on full display. Little fireworks popped in the distance, coloring the sky in a myriad of colors.
"I'm glad you like it." Jayce's voice surprised me.
"Must be nice to have a rich uncle." I smiled at him over my shoulder and waved to Jacob and Emily who walked toward the kitchen. "Where's Micah and Tasha? They're not coming tonight?"
"No. Tasha wanted to spend the evening with her mom and dad, so Micah's with them. Quite the turnaround from what Jacob was telling me on the way up here."
"I can't imagine having my mom get cancer." I let out a shaky breath and moved toward the patio, tugging at the door.
"Let me help." He unlocked it and chuckled as I popped him in the stomach and moved out onto the balcony. "You look incredible, by the way."
"Yeah? You like?" I smiled over at him, teasing him.
"You could say that." He pressed his forearms against the railing and leaned forward a little. His dark jeans and blue polo were a great combination to have him look relaxed and yet dressed up for the occasion.
"Have you started to pack up your stuff yet? When are you moving out of the Ice House?"
"I already moved. I did it right after Christmas. Lucas and Aubrey helped out a lot. You know my sister, bossy as hell. We got it all done in an afternoon, or at least Lucas and I did." His smile warmed me, but then again, it always had.
"Awesome." For the first time in a long time, I didn't know what to say to him. Where he was always one to bring comfort and a sense of belonging in my life, I felt a little disconnected now. Was it because I hadn't been open about the situation with my dad? Maybe.
"What do you think about taking up the other room? I know we talked a little bit about it at Christmas, and it might be a little bit weird at first, but I think it could work. I hear you're kick ass at Chemistry, and I clean and cook, so..."
I chuckled and turned my face toward him. "Did you fail Chemistry again?"
"Death, taxes and me dicking up Chemistry. These are all constants in the universe."
"You're smart, Jayce. You're failing because you hate science and have way too much on your plate. I'm juggling one sport and struggling. You have two and help out with a few charities around town. I have no clue how you're doing it."
"Right, because I'm not doing it." He shrugged and stood up. "I'm gonna grab a beer. You want something?"
You. Naked and hovering above me?
"Yeah. I'll come in and see everyone though." I followed him in and made a beeline for Jacob Wright. The playboy turned devoted boyfriend was one of my closest friends on campus. We'd hit it off in our early years at Providence and been close ever since. Without having siblings, I often let my friends take those special places in my heart instead.
"Hey pretty girl." He wrapped me in a tight hug. "How are you? You doing better about watching where you're going?"
The bruises.
"Yep. I actually went to the optometrist and they told me I was near-sighted. I can't see things far away." I shrugged and hugged him before moving out of his grasp and giving his girlfriend Emily a quick squeeze. She was one of Aubrey's friends more than mine, but I liked her all right. She was a tad too perky for my liking, but then again, she had to be, she was head cheerleader for Providence.
"We're about fifteen minutes until midnight. Get your drink and someone keep up with the time." Lucas turned from the fridge and winked at me. "I like that dress. It's pretty."
"This old thing?" I glanced down.
"Is hot." Jacob wagged his eyebrows as Emily popped him in the chest.
I didn't care what anyone thought about my outfit but Jayce, and he'd already thrown out the only compliment I was likely to get that evening. He was a man of few words, but I was used to it.
I couldn't help but turn my attention toward him. He pressed his beer to his lips and lifted his head a little, but kept his eyes on me. I tried hard not to blush, but warmth crept up my chest and covered my neck anyway.
"All right. Everyone in the living room." Aubrey walked past me and slipped her hand into mine, half-pulling me with her. "Let's all take turns saying one thing we want this next year, and you have to be honest. It has to be something that if you got it, it would complete you. Something really big."
I groaned, as did everyone else.
"Really?" She put her hand on her hip and glared at us playfully.
"Come on guys. Play along. You never know. The gods of giving might hear you and reach down to deliver this thing you want." Lucas moved up beside her and slipped his arm over her shoulders, pulling her toward him and kissing at the side of her face a few times.
Jayce moved up beside me and wrapped his arm around my shoulder, surprising me a little. He was always so perceptive. Everyone was there with someone but us. Aubrey had teased me about Jayce having a crush on me over the years, but my feelings for him weren't a crush anymore. They were deep and strong, painful and exhilarating when I let them be. It wasn't at all an obsession, but a yearning that ran through the very core of who I was.
There was no way in hell I was telling everyone that in a wish-circle on New Year's Eve though. Not even if I thought it might come true by speaking it out loud.
Not happening.
"All right, me first." Aubrey smiled as everyone mumbled playfully what a surprise that was. "I want to be with Lucas this year. Right beside him. Wherever that is and whatever that means."
He smiled. "I want the exact same thing. I want us to be together, side by side, living life like we should be."
"I think I just threw up a little." Jacob snorted and got a look from Emily and Aubrey. I couldn’t help but laugh a little.
"All right, butthole. Your turn." Aubrey cocked her eyebrow at him.
"I want my father's restaurant to grow in a way that takes care of him, and if I can be so bold as to have two wishes... I want him to find love like I have."
Emily's eyes filled with tears, as did mine.
"Em?" Aubrey reached up to wipe at her eyes. "Your turn."
"I want to graduate in May and be proud of where I've come from and what I've done. I don't want anything to overshadow that moment where I walk across the stage. I just need it, you know?" Her voice cracked, leaving more tears to blur my vision.
"Why the fuck did I even wear makeup?" I laughed and took the cocktail napkin Jayce had wrapped around his beer.
"Jayce? You're up, brother." Lucas directed things for us seeing that Aubrey was trying to gain her composure.
"I want love. I see what you guys have, and honestly... I'm lonely as fuck. I want what you have, and I want it this year." He nodded and pressed his beer to his lips.
His words shocked me. Never had I imagined Jayce Moore lonely or wanting something he didn't already have. He was one of the best looking guys on campus and was well-respected everywhere. Why didn't he have a woman beside him already? It made no sense to me.
"Layla. Your turn." Aubrey tilted her head to the side as a smile played on her lips. She expected me to say love too, but I couldn't.
"Right." I glanced down at my shoes and took a shaky breath before glancing up into the faces of my friends, my make-shift family. "I want peace. There're a lot of things going on in my family right now, and I'm tired. I want peace for all of us involved."
"It's almost midnight!" Emily yelled as everyone ran around the room trying to gather beers and get our party hats.
Jayce turned toward me and reached out, touching my shoulder softly. "You know I'm here for you. If you need me while you're going through this shit. You can talk to me about it."
"Good luck, buddy." Jacob popped him on the back and handed us a hat. "I already told her that. Get your own best friend."
I smiled and shook my head. "I'm good, but thanks."
"It's almost midnight. Countdown!" Aubrey bounced beside me, but I couldn't take my eyes off of Jayce. His brown eyes were filled with worry, his beautiful lips turned down into a frown.
"Six! Five! Four!"
"Move in with me? It'll be good for both of us." He reached out and touched the side of my face, drawing me in far more than he could have possibly been aware of.
"Three! Two! One!"
"Okay." I lifted to my toes and pressed my lips to his tightly as I gripped the front of his shirt.
His fingers sunk into my hair, and he held me there, brushing his lips by mine, but never deepening the kiss. Where I would have normally been upset or would have questioned why he didn't want more from me... I was good. His tenderness and care was all I needed to make the decision to pack up and move in with him.
He was right. It would be good for both of us. Maybe I would find peace and he would find love.
Maybe we could find it in each other.
Chapter 5
Jayce
I couldn't shake how good it felt to give in to my desires the night before. It was nothing more than a few kisses, but it felt good, right. I wanted to deepen it and press my tongue into Layla's sweet mouth, to penetrate her in some manner, but I forced myself to behave. Her words during our wishing circle-thing kept racing through my mind.
Peace. She wanted peace.
It was going to drive me bat-shit crazy not knowing what was up with her, but I had to go on the hope that she would open up to me soon. She was moving in, which was a huge step in the right direction.
I pulled my mask down on my face and smacked my stick against the ice. "Let's go. Run drill one again until you pussies get it right."
The rest of the hockey team was suffering like crazy. It would seem that I was the only one that didn't drink my weight in hard liquor the night before. They were all pretty pissy about me having a practice on New Year's Day, but we were weak in areas where we should have been strong. Without Lucas to lead us, I was forced to play a part I didn't want to play. Seemed to be a constant everywhere in my life.
"Come on, man. Shit. You didn't go out last night, J?" Caleb moved past me and pulled off his mask.
"Fuck you. Let's run it four more times seeing that no one cares about what we have coming up. Get to it and if you guys bitch any more about running drills, we'll just lock the doors and stay here all night," I barked at them and positioned myself. "Let's go. Drop the biscuit."
Parks dropped it and we all took off, racing around the ice like half of us were still drunk. I swallowed my frustration. Me tearing everyone down wasn't going to get us anywhere, but forcing everyone to run drills until their legs fell off would work wonders.
I had to be at the batting cages in two hours for my next practice, and was quite grateful that I hadn't drunk myself into a stupor the night before. Coach stepped out from the side of the ice and started to call out various players, mentally kicking them in the balls as we continued to r
eplay drills over and over and over again.
"Good job," I called out as everyone moved toward the locker room an hour later. I didn't have time for a shower, but I sure as hell could have used one. Every muscle in my back was on fire from pushing harder than I had in months. I needed to commit, to figure out which sport I was going to give my all to and then give it.
"Moore. Can I have a word with you, son?" Coach Billows poked his head into the locker room and I stripped out of my hockey gear.
"Yeah. Let me change and I'll be right there."
He nodded and left.
"You go out last night?" One of the younger guys moved up to my right.
"Yeah, but I tried not to drink too much. I have baseball practice in about forty-five minutes. I knew I couldn't have too much fun." I shrugged.
"You trying to go to the pros with hockey or baseball?" he asked before pulling his sweat-soaked t-shirt off.
"Neither?" I pulled on a clean t-shirt and buttoned my pants before dropping down to put my tennis shoes on.
"Then why the fuck are you working so hard, Moore?" Parks gave me a silly look. "Just go to the fucking gym and stop killing yourself slowly."
"I love playing both sports." I finished tying up my shoes and stood. "Catch you pansies later. Behave and be ready to work hard this week. It's almost go time again."
A smile touched my lips as I walked toward coach's office with my bag on my back. The guys were slinging curses at me as I left, which was humorous. I'd been the one slinging curses at Lucas the year before, now it was my turn.
"What's up, coach?" I stuck my head in the office and nodded. I didn't really have time for a sit down pow-wow. I needed to get over to the batting cages and get everything plugged in and turned on for practice. Yet another responsibility of team captain.
"Just wanted to make sure you're hanging in there. I know you have a lot on your shoulders, but we wanted you to know that we think you're doing an outstanding job." The older man stood up from his desk and pressed his fists against the worn-down wood.
