* * *
It was a few minutes after eight when Troy walked her inside to her apartment after they’d come back from seeing a movie. “Do you want to stay for a little while?” she asked. “I really would like to talk to you about something.”
“Sure.” Troy looked concerned, but took off his coat and followed Natalie to the couch. “What’s up? I noticed you were sort of quiet tonight.”
“Yes. Can I get you something to drink?”
“No. I’m fine, thank you. What would you like to talk to me about?” he pressed.
“Remember last year when you read that poem I wrote—the one you found on my desk?”
“Uh-huh.”
“In it, I mentioned something about another baby. When I told you I had had a miscarriage, you asked me how long it had been since my previous one.”
“I remember.”
“Troy...I never had a miscarriage before the one I had last year.”
“Okay. Did you have an abortion?”
Natalie shook her head no.
“I don’t understand.”
“I...I had a baby,” she nervously admitted.
“A baby?” He was understandably shocked. “When?”
Natalie’s heart raced as she shared her troubling childhood experience.
Compassion consumed Troy’s expression. “You don’t have to talk about this if you don’t want to.”
“No. It’s okay. I don’t want any secrets between us,” she told him. Troy put his arm around her shoulders and Natalie leaned her head into his chest, hearing the rhythmic thump of his heart. “Last year when I went to Jackson, I found out that I’d had a daughter, and she’d been adopted by my aunt. Apparently, everyone knew this except for me—including my mom.”
“She never told you?”
“No, she didn’t, and that was really hard for me to come to grips with. I was mad at everyone, even my grandmother. It was crazy how I found out. My daughter knew she’d been adopted, but she didn’t know I was her birth mother. Needless to say, things got really tense between my aunt and me. We got into this big argument—it was a mess. I didn’t leave there on good terms with anyone.”
“Wow...I probably made matters worse by acting like a jerk when you came back, huh?”
“I was scared to tell you because you flipped when I told you I was pregnant. I didn’t know how you would respond if you knew I had a teenage daughter. At the time, she and I didn’t have any contact because my aunt didn’t want her to know who I was.”
“I take it that the two of you have some kind of relationship now?”
“Yes, we do.” Natalie answered proudly.
“What’s her name?”
“Corrine... She’s nineteen.”
“And she knows you’re her birth mother?”
“Uh-huh.”
“I really don’t know what to say.”
“Troy...Corrine is a part of my life now. Will you be able to accept that?”
He gently lifted Natalie’s chin up so that she was inches from his face, looking him directly in the eyes. “Of course. Why would you think otherwise?”
“I don’t know...it seems like I’m dropping some pretty big bombshells on you.”
“Don’t worry about it. I’m glad you felt comfortable enough to confide in me. I’m sorry that you’ve had to go through so much,” he began to whisper. “But I hope you’ll give me a chance to be a part of whatever you have to go through from now on. I know I hurt you before, Natalie. I don’t blame you for not wanting to trust me—so don’t. Trust God and know that I’m trusting Him, too. Even if something happens that may be a little difficult for either of us to deal with immediately, we have Him to depend on.”
Without saying anything else, Troy leaned down and, for the first time in months, Natalie felt the warm, soft pleasure of his mouth against hers. It was a long kiss, growing in intensity each second, igniting the passion that had been dormant in her for a while.
“I’d better go,” Troy whispered, his lips still dangerously close to hers.
“Why?” Natalie breathed.
“Because kissing you felt very good...too good, if I can be honest. Before we get ourselves caught up in something that’ll be hard to stop, it’ll be wiser if I leave now.”
As much as she wanted him to stay, Troy had a point. That kiss had awakened some desires in her that wouldn’t go back to sleep easily. “I think you’re right.” She smiled, giving him a quick peck before backing away from him and standing up. “I have to get up for work tomorrow anyhow.”
“Yeah. Me, too.” He and Natalie walked to the door hand-in-hand. “I’ll call you tomorrow.”
“I’ll be waiting.”
Troy grabbed her by the waist and leaned down to kiss her once again. Although shorter, the kiss was just as good—if not better—than the first one, and Natalie had to fight hard to keep thoughts from their previous sexual encounters from clouding her mind.
“I’d really better leave,” Troy stated, letting go. He must’ve been in the same dilemma.
“Okay.” Natalie took the initiative and opened the door.
“Happy New Year.”
“You, too.” Natalie shut the door, leaned back, and smiled. God, please don’t take my desire for him away...but Lord, I need You to help me get it under control!
Chapter 38
Proverbs 18:22
Troy nervously paced the floor of his living room as he waited for Natalie to show up. He couldn’t recall a time in his life when he’d been this anxious about anything. He’d spent the entire day planning and hoping this Valentine’s Day celebration would be one to remember.
He and Natalie had been dating each other since the first of the year. Troy couldn’t get over how much their relationship had grown. The first time they were together, neither of them had been saved. Natalie was emotionally unstable and Troy had not yet come to terms with the problems of his upbringing. This time around they had a spiritual connection which brought peace and bonded them in a way they never had been before. Natalie had an inner beauty that greatly superseded her outer appearance—though Troy still found her attractive physically. What man wouldn’t? She had all the right curves in all the right places. Both he and Natalie had agreed that sexual intimacy was not an option for them, but that area was still a personal struggle for Troy. He’d explored her curvaceousness in their previous relationship so he knew that everything not only looked good, but felt good as well, thus, he often found himself fleeing whenever the atmosphere between them got heated.
Troy looked at his watch. It was six-fifteen. Natalie should be arriving any minute now. Walking back and forth was driving him crazy. Troy took several deep breaths, sat down on the couch and waited.
* * *
Natalie parked her car outside Troy’s apartment building, got out and shook out any wrinkles that might have formed on her chocolate-colored pant suit on the way over. She hoped Troy would like the outfit. She’d bought it recently and it was sexy but elegant, complementing her figure nicely without provoking temptation by overexposing any of her physical attributes. Grabbing Troy’s present from the backseat, Natalie walked up to the building and rang the intercom to Troy’s apartment.
“Natalie, is that you?” he called out.
“Naw...who else did you invite over for a candlelight dinner?”
Troy was standing at the door waiting. “Hey there.” She stopped to give him a gentle peck on the lips then walked past him into the apartment. “This is for you.” She handed him his present.
“Thanks,” he said, laying it on the counter. “Here, let me help you with your coat.... You look very nice.”
“Thank you. So do you,” she replied, “but you never answered my question.”
“What was that?
”
“I asked who else you had invited over for a candlelight dinner.”
“Oh, nobody.” He seemed not to notice that she was teasing. “Why don’t you have a seat? I’ll go ahead and get the food out of the oven and put it on the table.”
From where Natalie sat, she was able to observe Troy’s actions. He seemed to be preoccupied with something, nervously arranging and rearranging things on the table. He was really acting weird and Natalie wondered if something was wrong. However, she was impressed that Troy had ordered a catered meal for them. Originally, he’d mentioned taking her to Skyler’s, but Natalie had admitted to him why she was no longer welcome there, telling him the whole ugly truth about what she had done to Wendy. Troy laughed and asked if there were any other restaurants in Columbus she was barred from attending. She’d thought he was making reservations at another restaurant until yesterday, when he’d asked if she would meet him here.
“I’m almost ready,” he announced, inserting a jazz CD into the stereo and dimming the lights. “Okay, everything’s all set,” he said, coming over to Natalie and escorting her to the table.
“Are you all right?”
“Yeah, why? Are you?”
“Yes, Troy, but you are acting really strange.”
“I am?”
“Yes, you are.”
“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to.”
Natalie knew something was going on with him, but apparently he wasn’t going to tell her what. She looked down at her plate of broiled lobster tails, rice and mixed vegetables. “This looks really nice.”
“Before we say grace and eat, I want to give you something.” Troy pulled a card from under his plate and held it out to her.
“Wait, let me get your present also.” She started to get up.
“No, open this first, please,” he insisted.
Natalie took the card and did as he wished. The words I Love You were printed inside a heart on the front. There were no preprinted messages on the inside, but a handwritten scripture from Proverbs 18:22 about a man finding a wife. At the end were the words “Happy Valentine’s Day, Love, Troy.”
“I don’t understand...”
Troy got up from his side of the table and walked around to Natalie, bending on one knee. He reached inside his pocket, pulling out and opening a small box, which contained a large platinum solitaire.
“Oh my goodness!” She looked into Troy’s teary eyes with her own.
“Natalie...” he began to speak with a shaky voice. “I love you. Will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?”
Chapter 39
Metamorphosis
Natalie and Troy were married that summer in a small ceremony at Greater Grace—the church they now both belonged to. Their families came from out of state to witness their nuptials. Natalie’s grandmother represented the mother of the bride and her uncle Earl walked her down the aisle while her uncle Tommy was one of Troy’s groomsmen. With Corrine as her maid of honor joined by bridesmaids Tawanna, Aneetra, Toni and Troy’s sister, Natalie vowed to spend the rest of her life being Mrs. Troy Jermaine Evans.
A few months shy of their second wedding anniversary, Natalie and Troy were in Mississippi at Corrine’s graduation ceremony. “And next we have Corrine Shepherd. Corrine is graduating summa cum laude with a degree in Marketing,” the presenter announced as Corrine walked across the stage to receive her degree. Her entire family exploded in an uproar, standing to applaud and cheer her on. Both Natalie and Toni smiled adoringly as they watched Corrine pose so that Kenny and Troy could each take pictures.
Natalie’s tall, round frame wobbled its way back into the seat as the expectant mother continued clapping. At eight months pregnant, she definitely wasn’t displaying the hourglass figure she’d been used to. She was going to have to work hard to get back in shape after the baby was born. Even if she never fully recovered her figure, she was just glad that God had given her another chance to bring life into the world.
Natalie and Corrine had become as close as any birth mother and daughter could be. They talked every day. Soon they’d have a chance to spend time together on a daily basis over the summer because Corrine was planning to fly back with her and Troy. It was a visit that Troy, Natalie and Corrine were all looking forward to.
Feeling a jolt inside her, Natalie rubbed her belly. Troy must’ve witnessed this because he leaned over and asked, “Are you okay?”
Natalie smiled, flattered by his concern, and said, “I’m fine.”
Troy reached into her lap and gently squeezed her hand. “I love you,” he mouthed.
“I love you, too,” she mimicked to him.
Sometimes she pinched herself to make sure she wasn’t dreaming. God had certainly been good to her and she knew she’d done nothing to deserve His love or favor. God had turned her whole life around and she was so grateful, gladly sharing her faith with others. Having continued with her poetry writing, she revised the poem that Troy had found on her desk the night he’d received her goodbye letter. At the time it had been called “My Secrets,” but she’d renamed it “Metamorphosis” because she wanted it to reflect what had taken place in her life after she’d turned it over to Jesus. If it had not been for the Lord by her side, she wasn’t sure where she’d be, but she was sure that she’d be in a mess.
When I looked in the mirror, what did I see? Someone who didn’t like to look back at me.
I closed my eyes so very fast; I opened them back up and saw my past.
If only I could’ve turned back the hands of time, I would’ve fixed those things that weighed on my mind.
Taking a trip down memory lane, I saw things I did that I now think are insane.
There was a man who had been my first. That experience was by far my worst.
I was so young and very naïve, he planted the seed and I conceived.
What age you ask? I may never reveal; It’s between God and me, my lips are sealed.
After the other was gone, I didn’t know what to do. A little voice suggested popping a pill or two.
I must admit that I was very close to riding on the freeway of overdose,
But I got scared and began to cry, I didn’t know if I was really ready to die.
But wait...since then I have changed. No longer the same person, I just carry the same name.
The outside is similar but the inside is not; God came in and erased every spot.
Now when I look through God’s eyes, what do I see? Someone who truly loves the God in me.
Despite what I’ve done in the past, I’ve found peace that is sure to last.
His grace and love have made me brand-new. What He’s done for me, He can do for you.
Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new. (2 Corinthians 5:17)
Book Discussion Questions
Though Natalie had deceived Kevin for months, do you think he responded properly at the restaurant? Why or why not?
What’s your relationship with your earthly father? What’s your relationship with your Heavenly Father? Do you think a person’s relationship with his/her earthly father sometimes has a bearing on how he/she might relate to his/her Heavenly Father?
Is there at least one person in your life you can turn to for spiritual support? What are some benefits of having godly influences?
Ida Mae warns Natalie about the dangers of having a negative attitude. Proverbs 18:21 states that the power of life and death are in our tongue. Think of a time in your life where your words affected the outcome of a situation—either for good or for bad.
Do you think it’s pride or low self-esteem that prompts a woman to use her body to get ahead in life? Could it
be a combination of both? If neither, what would you say it is?
Does Natalie have a right to be upset with Sylvia and/or Richard? Why or why not? Ephesians 4:26 says to “Be angry and sin not....” In what ways did Natalie violate this biblical instruction? In what ways have you violated it?
Ida Mae states that Psalm is one of her favorite books in the Bible. Do you have a favorite? What is it and why is it your favorite?
Immediately Natalie is physically attracted to Troy. What initially attracted you to your spouse or significant other? Was it his/her looks or another attribute?
Because of meeting Troy, Natalie has changed her initial plan of moving back to New York. Do you think this was a wise decision? What are some dangers of basing life decisions on a relationship—especially one that is fairly new?
How would you have handled Natalie if you were in Wendy’s place? Do you think Wendy’s response was Christ-like? Why or why not?
Troy uses his job as an excuse for not wanting to start a family. To what degree does your work interfere with your family life?
Natalie thinks she can change Troy’s mind about their situation by seducing him. Why do you think she feels so desperate to keep Troy in her life?
Troy thinks Natalie is just playing a game with him. What games do women and men play in relationships as a way to exert control?
Have you ever lost touch with a loved one? What actions did you take to find him/her?
Natalie is still haunted by unfortunate events from her childhood. What negative experiences from your childhood still bother you today? Are you taking steps to resolve these unsettled issues? What are they?
Natalie doesn’t think she needs God for her problems. Why do you think many people acknowledge God exists, but refuse to acknowledge the need for Him in their own lives?
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