Hard Roads

by Lily White

  “I’ve told you this before, but I’m not sure you remember. I’m JD.” Breathing out heavily, I didn’t know if my name was a good thing or bad thing. I’m sure she hated me, but I hoped she would remember that I hadn’t tried to hurt her. I needed to establish something familiar, something that wasn’t scary or wrong, but something that might remind her that I wasn’t a bad guy. And then it hit me.

  “Listen, Munch…”

  The name I’d given her. She’d hated it, but it was the only familiar thing I could think of between us.

  “…I’m not going to force you to get up or do anything. I just wanted to let you know that if you need me, I’m out here. Ask for anything, Munch. Anything at all. I’ll make sure to do whatever it is you need. I’m yours, woman. So if you need anything…” My words failed me at that moment and I stopped talking except to say, “I just wanted to let you know that.”

  Standing by the door, I gave her time to respond. When she didn’t speak, my head fell forward, guilt once again weighing heavily on my frame.

  Breathing out heavily again, I moved to step away.

  “JD?”

  My heart jumped into my throat at the sound of her voice. It was quiet, almost a whisper, but I responded to it like she’d screamed.

  “Yeah?” Back at the door, I still refused to open it fully because I couldn’t invade whatever privacy she felt like she had. I didn’t want to push her, so afraid that she’d ball up again and disappear back into the nightmare that ravished her mind.

  Her silence felt like forever and my heart pounded so hard it felt like it would rip straight through my chest.

  She was talking. Not rocking or crying or sleeping or screaming. She was talking.

  The tension in my body ratcheted while I waited for her to say what she’d wanted to say. No words came. After minutes of nothing coming through that door, my heart fell into my stomach and the hope I had that she’d returned, drained out of my body through my feet.

  My head dropped again and I turned to walk back to the couch.

  “Were you singing to me?”

  I heard it, the faint whisper once again filtering out from behind the door.

  “Yeah, Munch, I was.”

  More time passed, but she didn’t say anything else.

  Walking back to the couch, my bare feet padded against the wood, the house shaking with each step. I lay down, allowing my head to fall back against the pillow. My eyes closed, but I never really fell asleep.

  I was waiting for her to call for me again.

  I was protecting her from whatever demon hurt her, even if it meant I would never sleep again.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Holly

  Night and day blended together. I’m not exactly sure how much time passed because it felt like I was constantly sleeping, so it could have been a few days or it could have been a week.

  In that time, I’d developed my own pathetic routine. Sleep, wake up to use the bathroom, drink water from the faucet and go back to sleep. It wasn’t until I’d run through this routine several times that JD finally came into my room. Prior to that, he’d been knocking and he’d been talking to me through the door, but this was the first time he’d actually come in.

  “I know…” He grimaced and wiped his hand across his worry-lined face. “I know you probably don’t want me in here, but you need to eat something. It’s been days, Munch.”

  My eyes shot to his when he called me by that name and I was ripped back through time by the sound of it. It was only a pet name, a silly little endearment that he’d used for the short amount of time that he knew me, but it was powerful enough to drag me back through everything I didn’t want to remember: Diablo, the rape, the violence and death … that awful white room where I’d been witness to the most horrifying crime that men could commit against women.

  So, because the name was only a reminder, I hated the name. I hated JD for using the name and I was so fucking angry with him that just the sight of him made my jaw clench together tight and pain to shoot through my teeth.

  “Please, Munch, will you eat?”

  My body flinched each time he said it, so I hid my eyes, unable to look at him without being crushed by the weight and pain of everything that had happened.

  He didn’t move for a while and I felt uncomfortable knowing that he was staring at me, waiting for a response that I couldn’t give him. I wasn’t scared anymore, I knew he wouldn’t hurt me the same way that the other men had, but I couldn’t trust him either. He’d left me, simply dumped me off at a psychopath’s door after promising me that it wouldn’t happen.

  He was a liar, a thief and a biker that was only looking out for himself and his MC.

  There were a million questions that I wanted to ask him: Why did he take me from those men after practically handing me to them? Why was he now showing me kindness after showing me before that my life held no meaning? Was he going to do it all over again?

  Even though those questions were begging to be asked, I didn’t open my mouth to talk to him. I wasn’t ready, and in truth, I was terrified to know the answers.

  Frustration was evident in his tone when he spoke again. It sounded like he was holding back the heavy emotion inside him. “Listen. You need to eat. Like I said, it’s been days. I’ll let you take whatever time you need in here by yourself, but I won’t let you starve to death in the process.” He paused, once again trying to reign in whatever it was that was burning inside him. Barely a whisper, he spoke slowly. “If I have to force you to eat, I’ll do it. I don’t want to, but I will.”

  His boots hit heavily against the floor when he turned to leave. Moments later, he returned with a tray. A plate of chicken and rice sat in the middle with a glass of water and a fork by its side. After placing it on a table at the foot of the bed, he looked at me with a stern expression.

  “Eat. Food.” Pointing down at the plate, he spoke just two words before turning again and leaving.

  I didn’t want to touch it, but as soon as the smell hit my nose, my stomach growled so hard it made me feel nauseous. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d had food and my body was on autopilot, crawling towards it regardless of my desire to refuse anything he gave me. I didn’t even bother using a fork, just scooped it up with my fingers, shoving a small amount into my mouth.

  Holy. Fuck. It was good.

  I don’t know why I was acting like a damn Neanderthal when I ate it. Maybe it was simply that I’d been reduced to nothing by the past few days or maybe it was simply that I was too tired to worry about manners or the behaviors of polite society. I just wanted the food in my mouth and I didn’t have time to concern myself with silverware. It was gone quickly. I grabbed the glass of ice-cold water, chugging it down so fast that brain freeze gripped my head.

  Crawling back to my pillows, I laid my head down on the cool cotton, my body relaxing into the mattress and allowing my body to digest the first bit of food it’d been given in a long time. I didn’t fall asleep immediately so I heard when JD came walking back in. He was attempting to be quiet, but every step he took rattled the floor and vibrated up through the bed.

  I felt him when he stood above me, but I kept my eyes closed pretending that I didn’t realize he was there. Softly, his lips touched my forehead as his hand smoothed over my hair.

  Spoken quietly because he didn’t intend for me to truly hear it, he said, “Thank you.”

  And then he was gone and I drifted away to a place where I never wanted to be again.

  …

  They’d stripped him naked, laughing at his expression while he stared at his brother’s body. The body had no face where it hung from that tree. The tire had burned it off. Just to add insult to the injury, they’d sheared off the man’s fingers with the spinning chain on the bike as he’d died.

  They couldn’t even let him die in peace and it was now his brother’s turn.

  I’d thrown up twice by that time, my stomach still gagging on dry heaves. With Diablo’s
knife still pricking my throat, I’d kept my eyes open as they stripped him before beating him down to the ground.

  One of the guards looked over at Diablo, a thick grin pulling at his lips. “Face up or face down?”

  Diablo laughed behind me as he raised his hand in the air, at first giving a thumbs up, but then dropping it slowly to point down. The guard nodded his head, reaching down to turn the biker onto his stomach before binding his wrists with chains.

  “Keep your eyes on this, Holly, I’m sure you’re going to love it.” Diablo whispered in my ear, flicking his tongue out to lick along the sensitive edge. I jerked away, not wanting him to touch me, but the knife pricked in harder and I cried out.

  He laughed. “Looks like you’re going to want to remain very still.”

  With my breath rattling in my chest, I watched as they attached the man to a truck with the chains they’d tied to his wrists. Driving the bike up behind them, they killed the engine, kicking at the heavy machine until it fell on its side. After attaching a second set of chains to the bike, they wrapped the other end around the hips of the man several times, locking it in place so the chains wouldn’t slip free.

  Once again, I couldn’t understand what they were doing until another guard jumped in the truck and started the engine.

  “Oh fuck.” My stomach heaved again as Diablo continued to laugh behind me.

  The engine gunned and pulled away slowly, the biker screaming as they picked up speed, dragging him and the bike in the truck’s wake. It drove out into the open desert that spread in all directions away from the borders of the backyard gardens. Moving in circles, the truck dragged that poor man over the low lying plants and rocks, his body stretching from the force of being between the truck and the bike that was being dragged as well. His screams grew louder as his body contorted and his skin was shredded, his arms finally popping at of the sockets before the skin started to tear through.

  When I saw it … when I saw the amount of blood that came rushing out of where his arms had once been, my screams rang out louder than the man who was being torn in two.

  “MUNCH! Baby, wake the fuck up!”

  Screams tore from my throat and my eyes flew open. I noticed instantly that I was held in JD’s arms and I panicked, throwing my arms out in desperate need to get away. I continued screaming while I fought to break free and JD finally released me. The sudden ability to move had come too quick and I backed away faster than I should. Falling off the bed, my elbow and head hit against the floor, pain shooting through my already battered body.

  “Shit. Holly, you okay?” His face peeked over the side of the bed and he reached down for me.

  Immediately turning over, I scooted on my butt until my back hit the wall. Bending my legs, I hugged them to my chest, staring out at a man who was now crouched on the floor at the side of the bed.

  “Holly…no, don’t go back there.”

  “Keep away from me.” My voice shook with each word, but I said it clearly enough that he froze in place. If I didn’t hate him so much, I would have laughed at the position he was in. I could tell his leg was cramping from the odd way he’d knelt down. I would have felt sorry for him too if he wasn’t such an asshole.

  “You were screaming and I came in to help you. That’s all that was.”

  Anger flooded me, memories of being tied to beds and whiskey being poured on my skin suddenly flashing in my mind. “You sure?” I asked it on a humorless laugh. “Because not too long ago, you had no problem tying me down and fucking me.”

  His eyes widened, but then narrowed as guilt flooded in around the beautiful amber color.

  I didn’t know where the sudden strength had come from, but my entire body started to shake with rage rather than the constant fear I’d felt for the past few days.

  “I … I’m … fuck …” His head dropped and he gripped it in his hands. Without looking up, he said, “I didn’t mean to hurt you, Holly. I’m a fucking asshole and I know that. I had no right to fucking touch you or grab you or any of the other shit I did and I deserve a fucking beat down as a result of it.”

  “I. Fucking. Hate. You.” Spoken on a growl, I said the words slowly, noticing the expression on his face when he looked up. It was pain, clear as a summer’s day. It was like I could see the knife twisting in his chest. “You took me. You hurt me. You then left me to other men to hurt me and now you’re holding me so that your FUCKING CLUB can use me against my own FATHER!”

  “What? Wait, no…” He finally moved, sitting on the floor and holding his arm out as if to stop me. “No, Holly, I’m not doing anything for the club, this isn’t about your father.”

  More lies. After everything he’d already put me through, after all the times he’d lied to me before, he kept going.

  And I fucking snapped.

  “I DON’T BELIEVE YOU!”

  Barely understandable, my words bellowed through the small room. He winced to hear them, but then his face turned down into an angry scowl. I could see his jaw clench as he ground his teeth. He stared at me, long and hard, the rage in his system causing him to shake where he sat. The air between us felt volatile, like a bomb that would explode as soon as one of us made the first move.

  “Munch…”

  “Don’t call me that.” I was sick of the fucking name, sick of the one word that reminded me of all of this.

  “Holly…” He paused, most likely waiting to see if I would snap at him for calling me by my actual name. I should have, just to keep him from having any way to address me. I wanted him out of the room. I wanted to escape from this house.

  There was nothing he could say or do to make any of this better.

  “Don’t ‘Holly’ me. Just tell me how I can get out of this place and go home. I won’t be you or anybody else’s victim again, JD. I’ll kill the next person that tries it. YOU told me not to fight. YOU told me to trust you and go with whatever fucking plan you had. You PROMISED that I would be fine. I’m not fucking fine, am I? I’ll never be fine again because of what you’ve done. So just tell me where the FUCK we are, so I can go home!”

  Once again, the seething rage slithered out with my words. I couldn’t contain it. It boiled inside me with a lethal vengeance. If I didn’t let it out to destroy those around me, it would ultimately destroy me.

  My strength had found me again just like I knew it would and this time, I was going to ride my wave of anger regardless of whether it got me killed.

  I wouldn’t be a victim again.

  I would rather die before letting that happen.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  JD

  She was angry. That much was apparent. I was just as angry, but not at her. I was angry with myself.

  I was angry that I’d hurt her, that I’d been responsible for every bad thing that had happened to her. Sure, her father was the original bastard to blame, but he wasn’t the one who grabbed her and had thrown her straight into the arms of Diablo and Hector. He’d only provided the reason, but I’d been the one to commit the greatest offense.

  Every single word she said was true and I deserved to hear them. I’d lied, I’d used her, I’d been guilty of each intolerable act she accused me of having done. It was my fault.

  Mine and no one else’s.

  Other men in my position would argue that it was Diablo’s fault she’d been raped. It was Hector’s fault she’d been drugged. It was Big John’s fault for having ordered her capture. However, I couldn’t make that argument because it had been my actions that had allowed all of that to occur.

  And I’d done it to gain something for myself.

  My body tensed up with the absolute rage that I felt towards myself for what I’d done. My jaw clenched, my teeth scraped together and it took everything I had inside me to sit in front of her and not break down and lose it when I realized how far things had gone.

  No matter what I did to fix her, I could never erase what had happened. The memories would always chase her. They would weigh on her for t
he rest of her life, never really letting go. Years could pass and the memories could fade, but all it would take was one night of fitful sleep for them to come slamming back into her, just like they had tonight.

  And that was my fault.

  She wanted to leave, she was screaming at me over and over again to let her leave, but I couldn’t. Not in her condition and not in a place where I barely understood where we were. I had to wait for Henry. I had to make her wait for Henry. And I would take her prisoner again, but this time to protect her from not only herself, but from the people who would hurt her.

  There was no doubt in my mind that word had gotten out about the gunfight. I’m sure every dealer and MC in the area was now looking for the girl they believed was the key to getting even with her father.

  So, while those forces chased her, Henry chased her father and I prayed to God and the universe that Henry could find him.

  “Holly…fuck, I have to use a name for you, beautiful.”

  She sneered, backing farther against the wall, absolute disgust flooding her colorless eyes as she looked at me. I worked hard not to smile to see it, though. It was better than the rocking, it was better than the terror that had been there only a few nights before. It was a rebirth of the fighter I’d met on the side of the road on that bright, sunlit day and it was a breathtaking relief inside me to see that she hadn’t been destroyed.

  So strong, this little woman. She was stronger than most men I’d known, not in physical form, but in spirit. She’d endured and even though she was pushed to a point of no return, she came back.

  “Listen, I’m not holding you for any other reason but to protect you. People are looking for you and they won’t stop until they find you. Nobody knows where this place is or what this place is and that includes me. I won’t hurt you, but if you try to leave, I will stop you if for no other reason but to keep you alive.”

  “You call this ALIVE?” Her words were broken up from how loud she yelled. I could hear the anger and pain in her voice, the way the tissue in her throat must have been burning and torn from the strain.