Keep Me Still

by Caisey Quinn

  His presence next to me in the booth keeps me from fidgeting, and I can’t help but lean into his warmth. Glancing up, I watch as he takes a drink of his shake. The way his throat muscles work to pull it down makes my stomach tighten. I look away for fear I might not be able to keep my hands to myself if I don’t.

  When I drop a fry on my shirt and reach down to get it, I feel his eyes on me. Slowly, I lift it to my mouth. “Corin, did you take notes in Intro this morning? I need to get them from you.”

  “Yeah,” she tells me, still smiling from whatever Skylar just grumbled about her getting the waitress’s number for him. “It was all about how to study for comprehensive exams. Probably nothing you don’t already know.”

  I nod and take a drink of my shake. Corin’s eyes flicker to my right, and I know she’s noticing Landen watching me. Honestly, I’m a little bit scared to look. Without turning, I slide my hand in between his thighs and give the denim a little squeeze. Muscles tense beneath my hand, and I carry on with Corin as if I don’t notice.

  “Was it that same lady lecturing again today?”

  Corin shakes her head. “Some dude with a comb-over. I think they get guest speakers or something.”

  Skylar smirks at what I can only imagine is a pained expression on Landen’s face as I rub my thumb in slow circles on his inner thigh. Just being able to touch him has me drunk with power. “I mean, what professor wants to show up ass early and tell all of us how not to screw up and fail out? They probably draw straws every night to see which loser has to come show us how to sharpen our pencils.”

  I laugh at his comment and so does Corin, but Landen is silent beside me.

  That is until Skylar and Corin start arguing over the necessity of bacon on a cheeseburger and whether the correct term is syllabi or syllabuses, and whatever the heck else they’re going on about, and I feel his breath on my neck. I lift a cherry to my mouth and clean the whipped cream off with my tongue before eating it.

  “I know what you’re doing,” he says, his voice soft and deep, laced with the hint of a threat. “Just be ready to get what you give, sweet girl.”

  My hand freezes on his leg, and now I’m the one tensing up. I turn my head and smile into his eyes. “That a promise?”

  “It is,” he tells me, taking a drink of his shake without breaking eye contact. “You about done?” His head tilts towards my half-empty glass.

  I glance at my unfinished drink. “I am now.”

  Skylar clears his throat and I jump, causing Corin to giggle out loud.

  “Can she get a to-go cup?” Landen asks the passing waitress without acknowledging our company. There’s a man slumped over in the booth across from us, and I try not to stare as the waitress refills his coffee.

  “Sure thing, handsome,” the waitress replies with a wink. I look to see if Landen notices but he doesn’t. Skylar looks a little miffed though.

  Corin smiles at me while I try to figure out a way to be alone with Landen without ditching her. “Skylar’s got study hall for athletes at the library, so I think I’m going to join him. My Calc class is a bitch, and the professor speaks zero English, so I’m going to see if there’s a tutor available to meet with me.”

  I’m just about to ask if she’s sure it’s okay, but Skylar gets out of the booth and drops a twenty on the table. Their bill couldn’t have been more than ten or twelve bucks, but he doesn’t seem to care. He’s too busy watching Corin slide out after him. His hungry gaze says the double bacon cheeseburger he just inhaled didn’t help his craving for Corin. She stands up and takes his hand willingly.

  Celibate or not, something is going on with those two.

  “Kind of late for a study session, isn’t it?” Landen asks, arching a brow at his roommate.

  Skylar glares but doesn’t respond.

  “Corin, you can stay out as late as you need to. I’ll go to Intro tomorrow and get the notes.” I’m only hit with a tiny twinge of guilt since I know she’s smart enough to realize this is a mutually beneficial arrangement.

  “Fuck Intro,” Skylar declares, nearly scaring the waitress to death as she hands us our checks and me my to go cup. She makes a point to smile at Landen, and I notice extra numbers scrawled onto the ticket she hands him. “Dean and Mike can go the rest of this week. We’ll take next week. This every other day shit is for the birds.”

  “Agreed,” Landen says, adding a few bills to Skylar’s twenty and leaving the slip of paper with the waitress’s number on the table.

  Maybe the big tip will ease the sting of rejection.

  “Hey, can I get a ride to the body shop this weekend? My truck should be fixed, and I need to run downtown to pick it up or the bastards are going to start charging me for leaving it parked there.”

  While the boys work out the logistics of retrieving Landen’s truck, I turn to Corin. “Hey, run to the ladies room with me?” I ask, hoping she’ll agree without a big fuss. She nods and we tell the guys we’ll meet them outside.

  Once I’ve used my herculean strength to open the fifty-pound bathroom door and we’re safely inside, I whirl on my roommate. “Please be honest with me. I’m not an idiot, and I highly doubt the boys have mandatory study block right after a scrimmage. Where are y’all really going?”

  “I love when you say y’all, Georgia.”

  I glare at her until she answers my question.

  “Geez, Lay, relax. It’s not mandatory. It’s just a blocked off time where the athletes get to use the Arts and Humanities library and it’s closed to everyone else. Tutors are available and they give free help. I mentioned I was going to get a job to pay for a tutor since I’m probably going to bomb Calc, and Skylar invited me along—says I can say I’m on the girls’ soccer team and the tutors don’t really check to verify.”

  Corin holds her hands out as if to prove she’s telling the truth. As if clenching your hands closed means you’re lying or something. I chew my lip and study her face, looking for any traces of bullcrap. “There’s an assignment due tomorrow that might as well be in Japanese. Actually, that’s the only language my professor speaks and unfortunately I don’t.” She shrugs and I ease up on the inquisition.

  “Sorry to get all in your face, but I don’t want to be that roommate.”

  “Um, okay. What roommate? Far as I know, you’re the only one I got.” Corin turns to the mirrors beside us and does a quick check of her makeup.

  “The one always running you off so I can be alone with my boyfriend.” Wow. Saying it out loud makes me feel really stupid. Boyfriend actually seems kind of minimal a term compared to what Landen really is to me, but I don’t have the mental energy to figure all that out right this second.

  “You’re not, trust me,” Corin assures me with a shake of her head. “If you were, I’d totally tell you to get a room. I really do need help with my homework, and if I can scam a free tutor…then hell yeah. Who knows? Maybe hanging with Skylar will be beneficial after all.”

  “Yeah, looked like y’all were negotiating some benefits earlier.”

  Again, Corin blushes and it throws me off.

  I’m not sure what to think. “Seriously, you can tell me to mind my own business, but what’s the deal with you two?”

  She grins at her reflection before turning to me. “If I knew, I would tell you. But honestly, I have no idea. He knows he’s not going to get a hook up from me, so I don’t really know what his deal is. I’ve told him I’m not playing, that I’m serious about not sleeping together. No matter how much I like him, that I’m not going to change my mind.” Corin pauses to fish a dark tube of shimmery lip gloss from her purse, and I wait while she puts some on. “If he’s pursuing me because I’m a challenge, then he’s an idiot who’s wasting his time. But if I can get help with Calc and a place to hang occasionally so you and Landen can have some privacy, then I don’t
see the harm.” She shrugs. “His friend’s studio apartment was pretty bad-ass, by the way, so everybody wins.”

  “Well, everybody except Skylar.” I snort and shake my head. “I mean, all you can do is be up front with him I guess. But Corin, be careful. He doesn’t strike me as the type of guy who gets turned down a lot.” Or probably ever.

  She gives me an impish grin, and I have a feeling she knows this. “Deal. And hey, if you ever don’t want to be alone with Landen, you can, like, signal me or something, and I’ll just refuse to leave the room.”

  Now it’s my turn to grin, earning me an eye roll from my roommate. “Um, actually—”

  “Yeah, that’s what I figured.”

  “Corin’s celibate. You know that right?” I ask Skylar as the girls head to the restroom. I know I’m an ass for repeating something Layla told me in confidence, but if I can help Skylar avoid a painfully awkward situation, then I probably should. He definitely had my back when I needed to skip curfew last night. On top of that, he figured out a way to give Layla and me some privacy, so I kind of owe him.

  Though I haven’t forgotten the jab to the ribs before the game.

  “Yeah, man. I know she’s trying to be at least,” he says, glancing at the check he took off the table with the waitress’s number on it.

  “Layla says she is, like actually is. As in, not trying shit.”

  “I realize this,” he tells me, folding the check and pocketing the ticket.

  “So what the hell are you doing?”

  “Chill, O’Brien. Look, if you want to give me advice about defending the goal, knock yourself out man. For real—you’re a striker and a pretty decent one, so I’m all ears. But as far as girls are concerned? You were here five minutes, hooked up with your high school sweetheart, and now you might as well be handcuffed to her ass. So you can keep all that lovey advice and shit to yourself. Let me worry about my off-field game.”

  “Please tell me you at least see the irony of the situation?” Grinning, I watch as Layla and Corin come out of the bathroom, both smiling. Layla’s smile, the one she’s been using since last night, is kryptonite to my knees.

  “No, but I’m sure you’ll tell me, you pussy-whipped bast—”

  I cut him off before the girls reach us. “You’re the goalie, dude, and yet the first girl you try to score with is totally blocking you .”

  “You’re a dick.”

  “So I’ve been told.”

  “You guys ready?” Layla asks as she comes closer.

  Her eyes widen, and I know she senses the tension between Skylar and me. I smile and wink, letting her know everything’s fine. Just dumb guy bullshit. Nothing to see here.

  “You guys go ahead. I’ll be out in a sec,” I tell them.

  Layla tilts her head, but I just nod for her to go on out with the other two. She shoots me a questioning look as she follows them out.

  Layla’s quiet after Skylar and Corin leave us alone, heading toward the library. The campus is peaceful as we walk to her dorm and it’s kind of nice, so I don’t make pointless small talk. I’m too in my head to really form any coherent sentences anyhow. Part of me wants to be a gentleman, kiss her goodnight at her door, and go on back to my own room.

  My dick is not a fan of that particular part of me.

  As her building comes into view, I decide I’ll leave it up to her. I’ll kiss her goodnight, and if she invites me in, I’ll go—obviously. But I won’t keep forcing my way into her life. One day, I will have to tell her about the situation with her Aunt Kate and what she did to get me here.

  But today is not that day. New plan is to get her to the point where she knows one hundred percent that she wants me in her life before I drop that nuclear missile on our relationship. Then if she pushes me away, at least I know I gave it my best shot.

  Layla turns to face me, and I’m such a goner. Who the fuck am I kidding? If she pushes me away, I will come back. As many times as it takes. Because there’s no way in hell I’m letting this girl slip through my fingers—again. Ever.

  “You paid that man’s bill, didn’t you?” she asks, turning abruptly on me.

  “Huh?” I’m playing dumb because I don’t want her to think I’m putting on a Good Samaritan act to get into her pants…though I would probably be willing to try that if I got desperate.

  She pins me down with her stare. “The homeless man across from us at the diner. I know you noticed him. You stayed behind to pay for his meal, didn’t you?”

  I clear my throat, deciding I might as well be honest about everything I can. “I might have.” And I might’ve given him an extra twenty as well. “Or maybe I stayed behind to save the waitress’s number in my phone. She wrote it on the check, you know.”

  For a split second, the wounded look that crosses Layla’s face has me hating myself. But then her lips curve up just a little and her eyes go soft. “Like on our first date, when you paid for Ol’ Clyde’s pie, and he told you that you’d have to do a lot better than that to impress me.”

  God, I’d nearly forgotten that part of our date.

  Ol’ Clyde was Hope Springs’ resident homeless guy. A Vietnam vet with a hell of a temper who frequented Our Place, Layla’s favorite diner. My dad was a son of a bitch and all, but he made it clear that anyone who’d served his country deserved respect, no matter how he’d ended up. It had scored me some major points with my date, though I hadn’t even realized she was paying attention.

  “Are you coming up?” she asks so low I barely hear her. She pulls her ID card from her purse as I come back from the memory. The questions in her eyes are a lot more complex than the one on her lips. Her mouth says, Come upstairs and be with me if you want. Her eyes are asking questions I’m a little nervous about answering out loud. Do you want me? Do you love me? Is this going to be a regular thing?

  Yes, hell yes, and dear God I hope so.

  “If you want me to, then I am.”

  “I want you to,” she says easily, sending my heart hammering into my throat.

  My mind travels back over the past few hours. Layla coming down the bleachers, cheering my name for everyone to hear, yelling at me about giving up my chance to play pro, drinking that damn milkshake slow enough to kill me.

  I follow her up the stairs and my knees bitch at me about not icing them after the game. But the rest of me is practically sprinting past Layla in anticipation of spreading her naked body out on the bed and burying myself so deep inside of her I can’t fucking see straight.

  I’ve barely closed the door behind me when she reaches for me. My heart rate ramps up several notches as I inhale her sweet peach and now sweet whipped cream scent. It’s a dangerous combo, and over her blond head I’m eyeing that futon to determine if it’s big enough for me to make love to her on it how I want to.

  “I love watching you play, Landen,” she breathes against my lips.

  Grinning like a maniac, I lower my head so she can get some leverage on my mouth without standing on her tiptoes. “I love you watching me play, Layla. Though I bet Taite wishes you wouldn’t come since I just nearly outscored his ass.”

  “Do you wish I wouldn’t come?” she pouts at me. My head swims at how fast she can turn me on.

  “If it’s up to me, you’ll always come. Come to every game. Then I promise to make you come after every game.” I should be exhausted, but adrenaline is flooding through me, and my dick stands at attention. I lean down and kiss her softly. Something about brushing my lips against hers, that sweet promise of something much more intense to come, it just…does it for me.

  Layla’s small hands reach up and grasp my neck. I pull her to me, allowing her to back me up against the door. Her lips are wet and soft and taste like her milkshake. Fuck yeah, there’s a to-go cup around here somewhere.

  “Babe?” I murmur into
her mouth.

  Her shoulders tense and she pulls back. “Yeah?” Her eyes are wide and still burning from our kiss.

  “Can I have a drink of your shake?”

  Her forehead creases, and I barely manage to keep the smirk off my face. As she leans over to grab the Styrofoam cup from the edge of the desk, her shirt rides up and my mouth goes dry at the sight of her bare waist. I’ve got big plans for the rest of that milkshake.

  When she hands me the cup, I lift the plastic lid from the edge and peer down at the three cherries resting in the dissolving cream. Thank the good Lord for extra cherries. Though thanking God for them considering how I’m about to use them, is probably sacrilegious.

  Without a word, I take Layla’s hand and pull her into the bedroom. She giggles at my urgency, but when we get to the bed and she looks up at my face, she falls silent. “Landen,” she whispers.

  And I know she’s nervous even though we’ve been here before. She’s still afraid, afraid I’ll bail out again, or worse, just stop wanting her. I can see the uncertainty on her face, and it’s ridiculous. I’ve never wanted anything more than this, more than her. Not even the Colonel’s goddamn approval. Smoothing a hand down her cheek, I sink my gaze into hers.

  “I love you, Layla Flaherty,” I tell her because I can feel how badly she needs to hear it. “But you already know that, don’t you?”

  I watch as her pupils dilate and she licks her lips. “I do.”

  “So what are you going to do about it?” I lean back, despite my body’s protest to throw her down and tear her clothes to shreds.

  “I’m going to love you right back.” And before I have time to respond, she thrusts her body into my arms, crushing her sweet mouth to mine. Firmly enough to let her know what I want, but gently enough to keep from hurting her feelings, I pull back, step closer to Corin’s bed, and shake my head.