Breaking Free

by Ellie Rose

  The girl smiled. “My name is Elisabeth, but my friends call me Beth. What’s yours?”

  “Paige,” I told her.

  The crowd of students dragged Beth. “I’ll see you at lunch,” she yelled out before the crowd engulfed her.

  Suddenly, I felt lonely as I watched the students file by me and didn’t feel remotely connected to them.

  The rest of the morning passed slowly as I had to stop several people to ask for directions to my classes even after I had already asked somebody before them.

  When I finally arrived at each one of my classes, I was embarrassingly late. To make matters worse, all four of my teachers made me stand up in class to introduce myself.

  I’ve never been good at public speaking, so talking in front of the other students in the classroom did nothing to help my anxiety.

  By the time lunch rolled around, I was flustered, exhausted, and ready to go home.

  The lunchroom was packed to the brim with students eating lunch. Even though I was hungry, I skipped eating and walked outside to the courtyard.

  I was just taking out my phone to text my mom to see if she could come get me when I heard my name. I looked up from my phone to see Beth waving her arm at me. I smiled and stashed my phone back in my pocket and walked over to her.

  Beth was sitting with a group of people I didn’t recognize from any of my classes.

  “Hey! Did you find your classes all right?” Beth asked as she moved over to make room for me at the picnic table.

  I sat down next to her and put my backpack on the table in front of me. “Yeah. It took me a while, but I found my way. How did you know I was new this morning?”

  She took a sip of her canteen in front of her before she answered me, “The look on your face gave you away. You looked lost.”

  My face turned red as I flushed from embarrassment.

  “So, what brought you to the Sunshine State?” she asked me.

  “My dad retired from the Navy, and my parents moved to Florida.”

  “Ah, you’re a military brat,” she said, in a tone that sounded like she was confirming a suspicion she had. “What school did you go to before this one?”

  I shook my head at her. “This is the first school I've ever been to. Since my dad was in the Navy, we moved around a lot, so my mom homeschooled me.”

  “So, did you ever live in Hawaii?” Beth asked, taking a bite out of an apple.

  “For a short while. It was pretty, and I hated it when we had to leave.” I looked around the table. Everyone sitting at the table was either fiddling with their phones or reading a textbook.

  A boy with short brown hair looked up from a textbook with interest shadowing his face. “Hawaii? I’ve always wanted to go there. Did you go snorkeling in the ocean?”

  I smiled at him. “Yeah, while I was there I took snorkeling classes. The beauty on the surface of the water has nothing on what’s underneath it.”

  Beth turned around in her seat, searching the crowd of students with a deep frown on her face.

  “Interesting.” He said, “I’m George.” He introduced himself before moving back to his textbook. Our conversation obviously over.

  Suddenly, Beth’s face broke out into a big smile. “Hey, babe! Over here,” she called out to someone.

  “Hey! I didn’t see you in the cafeteria, so I came out here to look for…” The deep voice trailed off as he noticed me sitting next to Beth.

  Beth got up from her seat and went over to hug the newcomer.

  That’s when I turned in my seat, and my eyes connected with dark brown eyes that almost seemed black.

  Joshua Henley was six foot two with dirty blonde hair that he swept to the right side of his head.

  The shiver going up my spine had nothing to do with the soft breeze that picked up around us or the clear sky above us that abruptly turned dark like it was angry.

  “Who’s this?” he asked, sweeping his eyes over my face and body, making me shift on the bench uneasily.

  “This is the new girl I was telling you about this morning in biology.” Paige sat back down next to me.

  I slowly turned back around, still feeling his eyes on me.

  I felt, more than saw, him moving closer to where I sat next to Beth.

  “Babe, can you move over?” He put a hand on Beth’s shoulder, and she obliged him by moving over.

  He sat down unhurriedly and turned to face me with a smile on his face. “I’m Joshua. Most people call me Josh.”

  A smile played across his face, but his eyes read a different story. One that set warning bells off in my head, but I ignored them and gave him a small smile.

  “She’s in the A-wing,” Beth piped up beside him.

  “So, you aren’t in any honor classes?” asked Joshua.

  I gave him a questioning look, “Honor classes?”

  That’s when the whole table burst out laughing.

  “What?” I smiled, even though I didn’t understand. “Why are you guys laughing?”

  “It’s classes for those who are fortunate enough to have good brain cells,” Joshua answered before the whole table erupted in laughter again.

  I laughed, but it was strained because I didn’t know what he meant at the time. I didn’t know that I was sitting at a table full of geniuses.

  It started to rain shortly after this, sending us racing for cover just as the bell rang to announce the end of lunch.

  I headed to the A-wing, but a prickling feeling on the back of my arms made me turn around to find Joshua watching me, a smirk on his face sending shivers down my spine. I felt like I was a prey being watched by its predator.

  Chapter 3: Present

  With Anna beside me most of the day, I rarely turned my head to check for him in the hallways. I still felt the stares. There were a few people who greeted me, but I ignored them without even a smile.

  After side-stepping and ignoring another classmate, Anna says, “I guess you aren’t new here, huh?”

  I shake my head. “I started last year.” That’s all I say to her before I continue down the hall.

  She catches up just as I’m entering our next class and wordlessly sits next to the seat I choose. With the frown on her face, I could see she might be upset over me failing to mention I’m not new, but I say nothing because I’m distracted.

  For what feels like the hundredth time that day, I watch the door from the corner of my eye. I tense up every time somebody enters the classroom and breathe a sigh of relief when it’s not him. I wonder why I haven’t seen him since homeroom. In a flash, I remember something he said to me right after it all happened as I lay on the bed, curled up in the fetal position, listening to him zipping up his jeans

  “Remember, I’m the smart one, the one everyone loves, the one everybody thinks can do no wrong. You are the stupid, pathetic new girl that no one will believe if you say anything. You are nothing. A nobody.”

  I clench the side of my desk with both hands, my knuckles turning white. He’s in all AP classes, so he wouldn’t be in this class. As the teacher calls the class to order, I push away the memory and try to focus on the class.

  The rest of the day passes quickly with Anna. She seems to have gotten over my little error.

  While leaving the building from our last class, Anna asks, “Do you have a ride home?”

  There is the bus but thinking about sitting alone gives me a queasy feeling in my stomach. “I usually ride the bus, but I can walk home. It’s only 15 minutes away.”

  She puts her hand on my arm to stop me and makes me turn to face her. “You’re walking? In this weather?” she declares, wiping the beads of sweat off her forehead that have already begun to show up, pointing out just how hot it is outside.

  Looking down at the jacket I haven’t taken off all day, I realize she has a point.

  When I don’t answer, she pulls my hand in the direction of the student parking lot. “Come on. You can catch a ride with Seth and me. He won’t mind taking you home.”
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br />   Seth? Who is Seth? I let her half-walk, half-drag me to the lot. I know he-who-shan’t-be-named drives to school. I’m not ready to face him twice in one day.

  I keep my head down as we walk by the other cars. We stop in front of a rustic, green Jeep that looks like it’s been through the wringer.

  Anna sees me eyeing the Cherokee Jeep and laughs. “My brother likes classics. He found the Jeep on the side of the road and rebuilt it. Sure, it looks like a piece of crap, but you should see the engine he’s got under the hood.”

  Anna sets her backpack on the pavement, leaning against the front bumper of the Jeep, pulls out her phone and starts texting. There’s a ping, and then she looks up.

  “Oh. There he is!” She waves at someone behind me. I turn around, and what I see makes me do a double take. It’s as if everything around us turns into slow motion, and I feel my heart go into overdrive, ready to burst out of my chest.

  He is wearing a white t-shirt under a blue plaid shirt, with black jeans that outline every hard inch of his legs. One light brown strap from his backpack is thrown over his shoulder. As he gets closer, I can see that the tips of his brown hair curl and his hazel eyes remind me of the clear, green water of Rock Springs that my parents and I camp at every summer. He comes over to stand in front of us. “Seth, this is Paige. Paige, my brother, Seth.”

  “Hey, Paige, nice to meet you.” He smiles, and just like his sister did earlier, stretches out his hand to me. I don’t take it. I stand still, eyes wide, with arms pinned tightly to my side.

  His eyes connect with my fear-filled ones, and I can see the confusion in them. His smile fades slightly, and he drops his hand.

  Anna doesn’t noticing the exchange because her attention is back on her phone, says, “Paige needs a ride home, and I figured you wouldn’t mind.”

  Seth pulls keys out of his jeans pocket, and with a last look at me, seems to brush off what just happened between us.

  “Fine. Get in dork, I don’t have all day.”

  He turns his head and winks at me, which surprisingly makes my heart lurch in my chest. Anna grumbles something about being called a dork, but I don’t hear her because when I open the door to get in the back, it makes a loud, creaking noise like its rusted.

  Seth smiles sheepishly. “Sorry, Paige. Stella here is pretty old, but I promise she works like an angel.” He pats the roof like he’s patting a dog’s head.

  “Actually, I love it,” is all I say before climbing in the back seat. And I do love it. The Jeep looks like it’s been to hell and back. Yet, sitting on the seat with more holes in it than a net, I never felt more comfortable.

  Seth puts the Jeep in reverse and backs out of the parking spot. I’m telling him how to get to my house when I notice a familiar black truck sitting in the parking lot. My mouth goes dry. As we pass, I see him inside, arguing with someone in the passenger seat.

  I recognize his passenger by her hair. Beth. The Jeep pulls out of the parking lot, tearing my eyes away from the bickering couple.

  The whole trip to my house from school is filled with Anna talking about herself and Seth. Anna is a year younger than Seth, who is a senior. They moved from Washington, D.C., because their mom had a better job offer, and she didn’t want to pass it up.

  The way Seth grunted when Anna shared that information tells me he didn’t want to move.

  Anna turns around in her seat. “Seth, here, is going off to college in the fall, and I can’t wait,” she says with a laugh.

  Seth snorts at her. “You don’t know that. I haven’t been accepted anywhere yet.”

  Anna rolls her eyes and turns back around. “Oh, please. We all know you’ll be accepted.”

  I watch their playful batter from the back seat and can’t help but feel like a third wheel.

  Seth pulls into my driveway, and I quickly scramble out of the Jeep.

  I want to be back in my room, where I feel comfortable and not so exposed. I lean toward the driver’s side window to say goodbye to Anna, but she beats me to it.

  “So, I’ll see you tomorrow then?” she asks in a cheerful voice, leaning over Seth to talk to me.

  Just as I start to answer, Seth interrupts, eyeing me closely. “Do you have a ride to school?”

  Anna answers for me. “She rides the bus.”

  Seth lifts an eyebrow at his sister, then turns his eyes back on me, and smiles. “Why don’t we pick you up, so you don’t have to ride the bus anymore?” he suggests.

  Anna squeals, making us both cringe and throws herself at her brother, slinging one arm around his neck in an awkward hug.

  I smile, despite myself, and nod. “Sure, sounds good. Thank you.”

  I watch as Anna takes out her phone. “What’s your number? I’ll text when we’re here in the morning.”

  She plugs my number into her phone, quickly sending me a message to my phone, making it ping. I take out my phone and save her number. We exchange goodbyes, and I head for the front door of my house.

  Once inside and the door is closed behind me, I lean against the back of it, and let out a big breath of air.

  “Paige? Is that you, honey?” I hear my mom call from somewhere in the house.

  I unzip my jacket and head toward her voice, finding her in the kitchen, cutting up carrots and broccoli for dinner. I walk up behind her and kiss her cheek before heading for the refrigerator to get a can of Dr Pepper.

  “Hi, Mom.”

  “How was the first day of eleventh grade? Only one year left! I can’t believe my baby will be going to college soon!” she rambles off, then pouts.

  I roll my eyes and shrug, closing the refrigerator door, then lean against the counter.

  “Did Beth like what you did to your hair?” she asks, not turning away from the broccoli she’s cutting up.

  Mom doesn’t know that Beth and I haven’t been friends in a while. When Beth stopped coming over, I just told her that Beth’s mom was sick, and she needed to be home more to take care of her twin brothers. My mom didn’t bat an eye at the information because she knows Beth’s mom is going through chemo for breast cancer.

  “She didn’t really say anything about it.” It was somewhat true; she didn’t say anything about it. I only glimpsed her leaving the lunchroom earlier today.

  Like Joshua, Beth is in all AP classes located in only one school building, so we don’t have any classes together. She started going off campus for lunch with Joshua after we stopped talking. I suddenly realize something.

  Joshua is in my homeroom.

  Why is Joshua in my homeroom when he is supposed to be in all AP classes?

  I shake my head, pushing the question out of my head to think about later and watch my mom as she pulls a big pot from the bottom cabinet and sets it on the stove.

  “Well, she probably has a lot on her mind right now, poor kid. I hope you are hungry. I’m making vegetable stew.” As she walks toward the refrigerator to get more veggies to cut up, I don’t say anything else as I walk out of the kitchen to my room.

  Closing the door, I sit on my bed to kick off my shoes, throwing them to the side and crawl under the covers.

  I’m not hungry, and I definitely do not want to sit at the dining room table with my family while they all chat about their day. I haven’t told anyone what happened. Them knowing makes me nauseous, making me curl into a ball under my covers.

  The night it happened, my parents thought I was in my bed sleeping. What they didn’t know was I snuck out of my room, hoping to talk to Beth.

  I reach over to grab my phone from my bedside table and go to the text message that has been haunting me.

  Paige: Beth. We need to talk. Meet me at Joshua’s house so we can work everything out.

  I read and reread the message several times over the past few weeks. When I first read it, I had hope, and now I read it with regret coursing through my veins.

  I hit the off button and let my phone slip from my hand to the floor. Turning to my left side, away from my phone, I c
lose my eyes to sleep.

  I faintly hear a knock at my door, and my mom telling me dinner was ready, but I ignore her.

  She opens the door and walks in.

  “Honey… Oh…”

  I sense her walking up to my bed. She pulls the covers up to my chin and pushes away the lock of hair lying across my cheek.

  I lie completely still as she kisses me on the side of my forehead. “I love you, sweetheart.”

  I feel her back away and hear my door slowly shut.

  My eyes pop open, and I bury myself further into my bed.

  I watch the minutes tick by on my digital clock. 7:00… 7:01… 7:02…

  Joshua is pressing me into the mattress. The weight of his body crushing mine, stopping me from struggling under him. His disgusting hot breath and rough kisses on the side of my throat, as his fist grips my hair so tight I’m afraid he’ll pull it out.

  I bolt up in bed, gasping for air, wide awake with beads of sweat running down my face mixed with tears. I don’t remember falling asleep.

  I look over at the clock on the night table, and a red 4:00 stares back at me. I slowly lie back down and try to push the familiar nightmare from my thoughts. I stare at the ceiling for a while, afraid to fall back to sleep. Afraid to slip right back into my nightmare.

  Sleeping has been rough lately.

  My alarm goes off at six-thirty in the morning. I slowly drag my exhausted body out of bed to the shower. Once again, I stand under the hot water, scrubbing my skin harder and harder until the water turns cold.

  No matter what I do, the memories keep coming back. The feeling of his weight and hands continue to crush me just like it did that night.

  Chapter 4: Past

  From the first day of school, Beth and I became fast friends. I would go as far as to say we were best friends. Even though we didn’t see much of each other at school, except for lunch, we found ways to hang out outside of school. We would go over to each other’s house and occasionally have sleepovers.

  During one sleepover, Beth confided in me about her mother’s illness.

  When I first met Beth’s mom, I knew something wasn’t right. She was pale with dark circles under her eyes, and she was so skinny the bones of her face were sticking out. I didn’t want to ask and intrude on Beth’s personal business, so I didn’t, and I waited for her to tell me on her own time.