Life is Short But Wide

by J. California Cooper

  People had always held funerals at home in their parlors. Now funerals were a business. The funerals were held in funeral parlors, and you paid; sometimes dearly. But still, Tonya did not take him to a funeral parlor. The few words said over his cheap casket were said quickly. Tonya rushed the preacher, as she moaned, groaned and screamed out, “Take me wit ya! Leroy! Lord, I loves my husband. Don take im from me! Jesus!” She cried, but there were no tears.

  When the funeral business was all over, and the few visitors were through dropping by, and a few days had passed, Tonya went to bring Myine home.

  She just walked into the little dingy cafe, and said, “I come to get Myine.” She told Myine, “Get ya things, we goin.” Naturally the Whipets fussed, and tried to get her to change her mind.

  Pa Whipet spoke first. “It's been five years, Tonya! She like our own child now! Ya can't take her away!”

  “Yea, I can. Let's us go, girl.”

  Ma Whipet tried to make the best of the situation. “Well, ya should give us some of our money back! We done fed her, and raised her all these years.”

  “And I bet ya got ya money's worth, too.” Tonya waved their outraged spittle away. “No, I know ya did! Com'on child. Get!” And they were gone.

  Tonya held Myine's hand as they went into the house. She told her, “Ya mama been dead, and now ya daddy is dead. So it'sjes us now; we the family.” It was as though another stone wall had come crashing down on that child's head. She must'a been just, as they say, out of it. Lord, Lord!

  All that was happening to Myine was startling and amazing to her; unbelievable. She cast her eyes toward Bertha's and Juliet's house. Tonya pulled her, and directed her inside the main house, where Myine began to grieve deep in her tender soul. She felt it yet more deeply, because she was home, here where they had all lived. But they were not; they were gone … forever.

  Dolly fussed and fumed about Myine, this intruder to her room, but she had to give in, and share her room (Tante's old room) with Myine. The baby Lola was sitting on the floor crying.

  Myine looked around the room she knew so well, and was amazed still further. Dirty dishes and clothes were strewn over the bed. Soiled diapers were atop the dresser, bed and tables in the room. It smelled to high heaven with Lola's urine-soaked diapers cast everywhere. Even inside drawers, and on the closet floor.

  Myine didn't know where to sit, so didn't sit. She just stood looking in wonder. She had her wooden box with her; her five years' worth of possessions. Tonya said to Dolly, “Ya'll get this here mess cleaned up! All a'it! We got a washin machine, use it! Show Myine where it at! How c'n ya stan it in here?”

  Dolly moaned in disgust, “Ya messin up my day, Mama.”

  Myine moved some things aside with her foot, and sat her box down. She opened the window first, then turned to Dolly. “Let's get started so we can get through.” Dolly slowly began picking up things and throwing them in a corner. Myine thought, “At least they'll all be in the same corner.”

  Dolly said, “I'll pick up all Lola's things, diapers and stuff, and I'll go downstairs an wash em. Ya c'n take the rest a' this mess, an do whateva ya want to wit it.”

  When all the diapers and dirty dishes were removed from the room, it made the job look much clearer; you could see all the real dirt. Myine pulled the sheets off the bed she was supposed to sleep on, and rushed them to Dolly. “Here take these. They need washing for tonight.”

  “Ain nobody told me to do all that!”

  “It has to be done sometime, so let's do it, and get it out of the way.” Myine smiled at her.

  Dolly waited a moment, standing with her arms full of smelly diapers, staring at Myine. Finally, she huffed a big sigh and said, “Put em on top. I'll put em in, but ya gon have to take em out the washer, and put em in the dryer. Or hang em up if that ole dryer ain't workin. I got this here baby to look afta.”

  Myine agreed, because she was thinking of Mz. Bertha and Juliet. She was dying to run over the yard to their house. She wiped and washed the furniture, lingering lovingly on the bedroom set that had belonged to her Aunt Tante, probably made by her grandfather. By the time she was finished, Dolly was back.

  Dolly closed the window, saying, “It too cold in here for the baby.” Myine said nothing, but reached out to smooth Lola's hair. Right away, Dolly jumped up saying, “Watch the baby for me, sister, I be right back!” In a second, she was gone. (She didn't return for three days.)

  Myine stood amazed, it had all happened so fast. She went downstairs to give Lola to Tonya. Tonya told her, “Ya let 'er go, so ya got to watch that baby til she come back!”

  “Well, I'm going outside, Mz. Tonya.”

  “Take the baby wit ya.”

  Myine lifted the child, and went out the door, running to Juliet's house.

  There were such screams and cries of joy when Bertha opened her front door and saw Myine. “Oh, Lawd, oh, Lawd. Look here, Juliet! Jes look here! Here is my little Myine. Oh, child, where did you come from? Where you been?”

  Juliet was just as happy to see Myine. “What has been happening to you? You have grown, girl! We have sure missed you.” Neither Bertha nor Juliet could control their tears. “I think of your mother all the time, and I think of you all the time. I wondered where you were. What had happened to you? I was so scared of what that woman had done to you!” Bertha signaled to Juliet; Juliet lowered her voice.

  “Are you staying here? Are you going to leave again?”

  “No, I'm home now. My mama and daddy gone … she told me.”

  Juliet replied, “Well, I'm sorry to say that ain't the worst of it.” Bertha gave little Lola some cookies, sitting her in a wooden chair. “I'll give ya a glass of milk when ya finish eating that cookie.”

  So they talked, and talked; and they hugged, and hugged. When they had brought Myine up to date on all they knew, they made plans.

  Bertha sighed. “We been tryin to find Tante's address, but nobody who we know knows it, and Tonya ain't never gonna let us in that house to look for it.”

  Juliet took Myine's hand, saying, “But you live in there now. You can look for your aunt's address.”

  “I was looking for my mama's things, but they are not upstairs in Tante's old room. I went into Daddy's and Mama's old room for a quick minute, chasing the baby. But Tonya is always up there laying on the bed, eating or drinking something, so I couldn't look for anything in there. I didn't know what to look for anyway.”

  She hugged Bertha, and squeezed Juliet's arm. “But now, I know. I want to find my aunt. Suppose she's dead, you all?”

  Juliet placed her hand over Myine's. “Tonya goes out, plenty. Nights. Then you can look in that room. But I don't blive anything important to Rose is still in that room. Girl, they are too lazy to put things anywhere neatly; if Rose's papers and letters are anywhere, they are stuck away down in that basement. Cast off in some corner.”

  Myine asked, “Is that where the clothes dryer is?”

  “Yes! When you go down there to wash clothes, that's your chance to look around, dig around. I remember those letters. Some were yours, Myine, from your aunty!”

  Tears filled Myine's eyes. “I remember them; I remember so many things when I was growing up.”

  “You still growing up. You ain't but round fifteen … or so. And you look beautiful! Beautiful! I'm so glad to see you, Myine.” Tears filled Juliet's and Bertha's eyes again. “Did you suffer, Myine? I just hate that woman! Hate her!” Juliet wiped her face with the back of her hand. “She just ruined everybody's life! And I still blive she killed your mother! Poisoned her!”

  Myine reached for her friend. “I remember believing that, but I had no way to prove it; I was so young, so small. And she was so grown, so big.” Myine broke down crying then. “It was horrible, just horrible. I worked so hard, all the time. Work, work, work. Glean, wash, polish, cook, oh, everything you can think of.

  “I have not been in school one day since I was taken away. Yes! Yes! I want to find my aunt. She neve
r seemed to care about us, but I'm gonna make her care when I find her. If I find her.”

  Juliet tried to console her friend, but it was awkward from a wheelchair. “We'll find her. We'll pray and look. We have to make arrangements to talk, every day. Tonya gonna try to keep us from doing that. But she can't stop you if you don't want her to. Just find some way to say ‘police.’”

  Bertha gasped, “Juliet! You tryin to get this girl killed?”

  Juliet narrowed her eyes. “Don't eat nothing over there unless you see everybody eatin from the same plate you are. Better, come eat over here.”

  “Alright,” agreed Myine. “Then we can talk.”

  Bertha, excited, said, “Herman been coming by. He worried bout you, too. He ride around lookin for ya sometime, but he got so many troubles with his family, he can't hardly do nothing. He ain't been by lately, the last day or two, but I know he still lookin!”

  Myine sighed. “It's good to know somebody was looking for me. I still don't know exactly where I was, but it was a long way from here.”

  She awakened the baby, Lola, who had slumped over in the chair, her stomach full of cookies and milk. Myine took her home to work on the wash … in the basement where the papers with Tante's address might be.

  So the search began at every possible moment when she could search without waking Tonya's anger. She knew Tonya would be even more severe and mean if she knew.

  Herman came by to check on her often as he could; he seemed especially glad to see Myine back at her home. He helped her with money.

  Myine volunteered for all the basement washing work. That was hard enough, but now Tee and Dolly left the children with her all the time. They could be gone an hour or even a month.

  She cooked, cleaned, and washed dishes, and clothes. She refused to wash Tee and Dolly's clothing. Most of the time the dryer did not work, so she had to hang all the clothes outside. They asked, or would try to sneak their clothes in with the children's clothes. But Tonya backed Myine up, saying, “Ya'll betta get yo'r own clothes washed.”

  Dolly was twenty-one years old, and Tee was nineteen; combined they had three children, and several illegal abortions. Drugs and liquor were what they had built their life on.

  Dolly fussed and made so much noise, coming in so late when she finally came home, Myine asked to sleep in the basement. Tonya thought she understood, and was just happy to have the girl there to do all that work; she agreed. Myine furnished a neat little corner with things no one else wanted. She kept her things there. That way she could also search through the boxes without interruption.

  Myine had thought she was tired before; now she was exhausted every day. She almost wished she was back at the cafe; but no, she did not want that. “Here, I have a future.” Bertha, Juliet, and she had agreed this was her home. “I'm going to get my house my mama wanted me to have.” She continued her search among the boxes of “trash.”

  Then the unexpected happened. A letter came … from Aunt Tante. Everyone in the house was sleeping when the mail came. Myine was up fixing the children's breakfast; she heard the mailman, whom she was always friendly with. She took the letters, knowing there was none for her. She was about to set them down on the table when she noticed a foreign stamp. She looked closer, and it had her mother's name on it.

  She kept herself from sobbing … in gratitude. When the children were settled at the table, she told them, “I have to run over to Mz. Bertha's right quick. Eat, I'll be right back.” The children knew they could believe Myine so they stayed in their chairs and ate.

  She ran to Bertha's, keeping her small screams low. They watched her read the letter, happily.

  Dear Rose,

  Why haven't you answered my letters? I know you blame me for not coming home, and not writing for a long time, but I was married, as I have explained to you. My husband has been sick for a long, long time. I am the only one he trusts. Finally I found someone I can trust, a round-the-clock nurse.

  I want to know what is happening to you there—How is the baby, Myine? Of course she is no baby now. My own daughter, Monee, is about her age, perhaps a little older. I don't let her tell her age.

  Lord, Sister, we are getting to be old women now. But I have had a very good life. My husband has prepared all our property so I will not have to worry about small things. His Will is intact. But I worry about you! We are almost old now, Rose!

  Answer me, or I am coming there, and you know I have always hated Wideland. I love living in France. It is my home. I have already told you everything. Write me. I don't know why, but, lately, I need to hear from you! Please, sister, PLEASE!

  They read the letter over again, and again. Myine's heart leaped with joy. Bertha tried to jump, but her old body, tired and weary, wouldn't let her. She wept a whole lot, though. Juliet laughed and cried all at the same time. They were happy; at last the light was shining at the end of the road. Not only for Myine, but for all of them, because they loved her.

  Bertha hated to say sad things amidst such joy, but she had heard something she thought Myine should know. “I have friends at my church with grown children, and they have told me Dolly is using drugs. Heavy drugs, they say. And she is whoring on them dan'geous streets near the clubs. And they say she a heavy drinker too! There's many a liquor store in that neighborhood now. The police's don't even come in there, less'n they jes have to!”

  Myine looked at Bertha, thinking about all the times Dolly and Tee had acted so strangely. What were they thinking about? What were they going to do about their children? Aloud, she asked, “Tee is not doing those things, is she, Bertha?”

  “Not like her sister is, but she do it sometimes too.”

  Juliet said, “Listen, life is life. They are making their own choices. And I don't think Tonya is going to be able to do anything about them.”

  They all sighed, then Juliet spoke again. “You got that letter, Myine. You are going to have to make some choices yourself. Let's write that letter to Aunt Tante! I see what they mean when they say people make their own beds!”

  Myine, upset, spoke. “But I … love Lola, and I like all the children. I hate to see their life destroyed.”

  Juliet, always the realist, said, “You don't have anything they can steal right now, but you better plan on sleeping over here pretty soon.”

  Bertha agreed. “They have wrecked that house, an Tonya tryin to get a loan on it. But she don't have no marriage papers. She jes got his death papers. The bank say that don't mean the house is hers!”

  “She needs a marriage certificate,” said Juliet. “But it wasn't his house anyway.”

  Myine finally spoke up; she hadn't been hiding it, just never thought it was important. “She tried to get me to fill out some papers, applications, I think. But I wouldn't. What would I be applying for? She screamed at me, threatened me, and stuff. But, I just didn't see what I had to do with any part of their business.”

  She sat down, with her hand over her heart. “Now. The letter from Aunt Tante! Oh! Thank You, God!”

  Myine answered the letter at Bertha's house. She went to the post office the next morning, while everyone slept. She mailed that letter filled with gratitude, love, and dreams. Even though she had Bertha and Juliet, she was love starved. Family starved. The next few weeks crept by. All three women, Myine, Bertha, and Juliet, watched for the mailman every day. They did not tell him what they were so eager for. He was a white man, and some white people still did not like Black people. They didn't know what he would do with a letter from France. So they just watched for him … and waited.

  MEANWHILE

  HERMAN TENDERMAN

  Time was going by swiftly. The world was moving so fast millions of people did not know from day to day what would happen to them the next day. You might even say the world was raging as it spun around. So many people were angry, and they didn't always know why. Society was slowly sliding back to the old dream of the rich; the poor would work for almost anything, and the rich were getting richer.


  Of course, the middle class were struggling to maintain the new system that gave them a chance at the trough; they hadn't had that chance often, some never. And there were the poor, the very poor, who were exploited by almost everyone, even each other.

  Many races, all over the world, were righting for their rights. In the United States of America, African Americans stepped up their fighting in the fifties.

  Herman had traveled extensively in the navy, and he read voraciously, so he knew what was happening on the earth most of the time. It was why he had tried to make his children and stepchildren study, and become aware of the choices they MUST make. It was also when he came to realize there really was a God. “If there is no God, we are all doomed. This is not just a nation of liars, this is a world of liars. God must have some plan for mankind, or else why did He create us?

  “Wars are always going on … somewhere. Why does mankind like killing? World War II is just recently over. I saw the cruelty of that one. Then there was Korea.

  “Well, the world is in turmoil. And my life is in turmoil.”

  He didn't have to go to war anymore. He had a family, such as it was. In his own mind, he didn't have a family because his mother was gone. He smiled to himself when he thought of Jerome and Rose Bertha. He prayed that they would turn out better than it seemed they would.

  Herman had finally gotten his stepson, James, to go to school enough, to learn enough, to get into the navy, as he had. He also worked on his son, Jerome, to study when Jerome really wanted to go play basketball, or baseball, or anything but school. He had even paid him, sometimes, to go to school.

  College was out of the question, but, finally, Jerome went into the navy also. It had been a long, hard, seemingly never ending battle, done with a smile sometimes, and sometimes with a threat. But, Herman thought, Jerome was gone from the influence Gary had been, and Wanda was.