Smells Like Finn Spirit

by Randy Henderson

“Uh,” I said, scrambling backward away from him. “I don’t think your bosses will be too happy if you kill me.” I tapped my head. “There’s lots of valuable stuff up here.”

  “te’Chauvelin was a fool to let you escape the Colloquy,” he replied. “I won’t risk such failure.” He raised the chainsaw, and revved it up, charging at me in earnest.

  I didn’t question why he hadn’t simply paralyzed me with the collar, I just thanked all the gods for the break and ran after Godfrey and Dawn, hoping there was more space in the room to dodge a chainsaw.

  As I stepped in the doorway, a wave of music washed over me. Literally. The strumming of Dawn’s guitar caused ripples in the air, the sound waves forming actual waves in the fabric of reality that rolled outwards as she sang, “Get back! Get back! Get back to where the Fey belong!” Godfrey was pushed back into me, and I was pushed back toward Bateman. Bateman staggered back a step, then grinned and pushed forward as if against a windstorm, both my body and Godfrey’s obstructing the flow of sound waves through the doorway, weakening the music’s effects on the chainsaw wielding maniac.

  “The weapons!” I shouted. “Will them away!”

  Dawn strummed a few more times, then sang, “Disarm you with freestyle, and cut you like you fucking deserve!”

  Godfrey’s sword shattered, the razor shards slicing through his armor and flesh. Nothing struck me thanks to either Dawn’s will or the shielding of Godfrey’s body, but my control collar disintegrated. Behind me the sound of the chainsaw stuttered and died, and Bateman cursed.

  Dawn stood smiling radiant and triumphant, looking a bit like Galadriel as played by Tina Turner unveiling her power. “Awesome,” she said. And then she sagged to the floor, her eyes rolling up into her head.

  “Dawn!” I called. “Shit.” Godfrey fell to his knees from the damage Dawn had done him, but Bateman staggered into the room after me, still wielding the dead chainsaw. Even without the blade spinning, it wouldn’t feel great to have that thing swung at my head.

  I looked around the room, but there was nothing in it except the pedestal and white stone over which the guitar had been suspended. I could go for the guitar, but Bateman would reach me before I managed to strum it.

  I tried to will a sword to appear in my hand. One flickered into being for a minute, and I felt a great drain on my energy, but then it disappeared.

  “Idiot,” Bateman said. “You have no power here.”

  *You’re not in a Fey body this time!* Alynon said. *You’re an arcana!*

  Holy batballs! He was right. All my years of experience in the Other Realm had been in a Fey body, and I was trying to control reality as if that were still true. But I was an arcana physically present in a Realm where raw magical energy floated through the air like pollen. And my memories were not blocked.

  I had my magic!

  The only problem was, I wasn’t a wizard. I was a necromancer, and necromancy didn’t work on Fey spirits—one of the many facts that people like my grandfather argued to support their belief that Fey weren’t true living beings. And there were no bodies laying around for me to raise as a zombie defender, even if such an act wasn’t considered dark necromancy.

  Bateman has his powers though, I thought at Alynon as I continued to back away from the crazed Fey. Why hasn’t he just caused an anvil to fall on my head yet?

  *He is too new to his form. He is angry, and acting like an angry human would.*

  Angry, huh?

  “Jesus, Bateman,” I said. “You’re a joke! I can see why you’re a low man on the totem pole.”

  “Fuck you!” Bateman shouted, and lunged at me, swinging the chainsaw blade like a sword for my head.

  I dove and rolled across the floor as I’d practiced a thousand times on the mats in class, and came up near the pedestal. I lifted the white stone off the pedestal and threw it at Bateman. He batted it out of the air with his chainsaw, but whatever floaty powers the stone held acted like a repulsion field against the saw, and the rebound caused Bateman to spin away from me.

  I knelt down beside Dawn, placed my hand on her chest, and sent a jolt of life energy into her.

  Dawn jerked up into a sitting position with a gasp, and looked around herself wide-eyed.

  “Hey, beautiful,” I said. “Can you sing a little something to make the angry psycho go away?”

  “What?” Dawn asked, but I stood and moved away from her as Bateman advanced toward us again, drawing his attention to me.

  “Gramaraye,” he said, “I’m going to make this slow.”

  “Funny,” I replied. “That’s what I said to your mom last night.”

  Dawn reached her feet, and raised her guitar. Bateman’s eyes shot to her, and I saw the realization and alarm in them just before Dawn struck her first chord.

  “And you’re Fey,” she sang. “Fey falling.”

  A hole opened in the floor beneath Bateman, and he plummeted into it, his fading cry filled with anger and fear.

  “Come on,” I said. “Before he figures out how to fly back to us.”

  Dawn grabbed my outstretched hand, and we ran from the room.

  “What now?” Dawn asked.

  “We find Odysseus,” I said, turning in the direction the Fey had been leading. “You make him take us to Fatima, and then send us all home.”

  “And how do I do that?” she asked as we began springing down the hall.

  “I don’t know. Sing him a love song?”

  “After what you told me about that alchemist and the love potion?”

  The memory of a stubbly cigar-flavored kiss rose sharply.

  “Uh, okay, good point. Love magic is bad. Maybe … threaten to turn him into a woman. His personality is traditional enough that he’d probably rather face glorious death than be emasculated.”

  “Wait, do you think I could actually do that? Turn him into a woman?”

  “From what I’ve seen of your strength of will and the power of your music, yeah, I think it’s possible.”

  “Hmmm …” We sprinted in silence for a few seconds, then she said, “A shame we can’t stay here a while. It might be interesting to play around a bit.”

  “With what?” I asked.

  “With us,” she said.

  “What, you mean …? Oh. Uh …”

  Dawn laughed. “You can’t tell me you’ve never fantasized about doing it as a woman. Or at least wondered.”

  I blushed, and said, “I don’t know, maybe wondered once. That’s natural.”

  She laughed again. “I love that I can still make you blush. And if we ever find a chance to visit here without being in danger, I’ll make you do a lot more than blush.”

  “I believe that,” I replied. “But what I can’t believe is that you could think about … that, when we’re running for our lives.”

  “Oh baby, that’s so cute. Don’t you know me by now?” Dawn asked.

  *I would be happy to know her,* Alynon offered, generous as always.

  I ignored him.

  We spotted an opened door ahead on the left. We slowed, and approached it cautiously. I edged up to it, and gave a quick peek inside.

  “Frak!” I stepped fully in front of the room.

  “What is it?” Dawn asked, joining me. “Oh. Frak.”

  It was the pedestal room where we’d battled Godfrey and Bateman. We’d pulled a Labyrinth.

  “I hate the Other Realm,” I muttered.

  “Maybe we just need to start looking for the hidden side passage?” Dawn suggested. “Or a Hoggle?”

  “No,” I replied. “I think it’s because we don’t know where we’re going. The hall was being formed by the expectations of our Fey guides. Or something like that. So unless we know where we are going, we can’t get there.”

  “Then let’s head back to that first room, where we arrived in this place,” Dawn said. “If there was a way in—”

  “There might be a way out. Okay. Just believe that that room will be at the end of this hall, and let’s give it a
try.”

  We sprinted again, the doors passing quickly on either side. Until we came back to the same open door that had held Dawn’s guitar.

  “Oh for dog’s sake!” I said, panting.

  “Start opening doors?” Dawn asked.

  “I guess—”

  In the room, a figure reverse-melted up out of the floor. Bateman.

  “Damn it.” I jerked the two membranous sides of the door together, where they sealed with a wet suction sound.

  “Maybe we can use him to take us where we need to go,” Dawn said.

  “I’m not sure he can be reasoned with,” I said, my back against the door.

  An axe blade punched through the door beside my head.

  The door across the hall opened. Odysseus stood framed in the doorway, and waved us inside. “Come! There is little time.”

  “Why would—” I began.

  “Velorain secured my aid,” Odysseus said.

  *Velorain?!* Alynon said.

  I blinked, then said, “Dawn, come on!” I ran across the hall, making sure that Dawn was with me.

  The door opened not into another room, but another hallway. Odysseus closed the door behind us, and placed his hands on it for a second, eyes closed as we all stood in the new hallway.

  “Velorain?” Dawn asked. “As in Aly’s lost love?”

  I nodded, and said to Odysseus, “Why did Velorain not help us herself? And why would you help us for her?”

  Odysseus reopened the door, and said, “She is far from here. And I owe her a favor.”

  *She is not here?* Alynon asked. *Where is she?*

  “Where is Velorain?” I asked.

  “She is lost to you, Alynon Infedriel,” Odysseus said. “More I cannot say.”

  Alynon did not respond, but I thought I could sense his pain, like a low moaning hum.

  Yet another new hallway ran from the door rather than across it now.

  “It’s like the Keymaker,” Dawn said.

  “Ghostbusters?” I asked.

  “No, Matrix,” Dawn said. “Ghostbusters was the Keymaster.”

  “Oh, right,” I said. “I really need to watch this Matrix movie. This is like the hundredth time someone’s mentioned it.”

  “Well, it’s a few months early, but I suppose if you get us out of this—”

  “Come,” Odysseus said. “Make your plans on the move.”

  He strode out into the hallway, and after a quick exchange of looks, Dawn and I followed.

  “So,” I said, “if Velorain wanted us free, why did you bring us here in the first place?”

  “She did not request the favor until after your arrival here was known. And even had she asked such a boon earlier, I am not certain I would have granted it.”

  “What changed your mind?” I asked.

  He glanced back at Dawn. “The lady. Or more truly, her power, and yours as well.”

  “Is that why you had those two steroid cases attack us?” I asked. “To eliminate us as a threat?”

  “No. I merely provided you a means of escape that would reflect poorly on two whom I hold in little regard.”

  Dawn scowled. “You used us to fight your enemies.”

  “I opened an opportunity, and returned to you your weapon. How you used both was up to you.”

  Dawn hugged her guitar to herself. “Well, I am grateful to have Cotten back. Thank you.”

  Odysseus gave a nod to Dawn, and led us around a turn into another hall.

  “I don’t understand,” I said. “Aren’t you afraid we’ll turn our power against this place now that we’re free?”

  “You misunderstand me,” Odysseus said. “I do not fear what you may do with such power, but what those with too great ambition and too little wisdom might do with it. Understand, I serve the Greatwood above all else. Often that means I must find clever ways to achieve the Senate’s goals without sacrificing our Aalbrights or too great a number of vassals. And sometimes it means steering them away from wars that would hold too dear a cost to our Demesne.”

  “So you’re a Sean Bean kind of Odysseus,” Dawn said.

  “I am unfamiliar with this kind of bean you speak of,” Odysseus said. “In what way do I resemble such a plant?”

  “Uh, never mind,” Dawn said. “So you’re sending us home?”

  “No. I am sending you to the Silver Court.”

  *Oh Bright,* Alynon groaned.

  “You’re what?” I said. “Wait, we need to go wherever you sent the spirits that were transferred into exile at the same time we crossed over.”

  “La, and that is the Silver Court. Following the revelation in your last visit that the Greatwood’s vassals had been manipulated into killing or defaming the Silver Court’s vassals, we offered to tithe our share of exiled spirits for one full cycle of the wheel as a gesture of goodwill.”

  My eyes narrowed. “That does not sound like the Forest of Shadows, or Moriarty, to offer such a thing freely.”

  Odysseus grunted. “I too found it suspicious. The news that some outside force has been manipulating the Greatwood and the Silver Court toward war was disturbing enough, but I fear that even with eyes opened the Senate freely marches in step with those plans still, as they have ever sought a path to victory over the Silver. Hold. We have arrived.”

  Odysseus stopped beside a door of brushed black steel bound in twisted black iron, with three large silver bars across it.

  “I shall open the door, and you will step through. Do ought else, and I shall strike you down.”

  I raised my hands. “No complaints here.”

  “No offense,” Dawn said, “but how do we know you aren’t just tossing us into a meat grinder?”

  “I swear by the Aal that this door shall lead you to the edge of the Silver Demesne.”

  Dawn looked at me, and I nodded. Odysseus waved his hand, and the three bars lifted one at a time from the door, and stacked along the wall. With another wave, the door itself opened, revealing a swirling blue-gray portal.

  “Thank you,” I said to Odysseus. “You are a man of great honor.”

  “I am an Aalbright of great duty,” he replied. “But I pray you are a man of great honor, Gramaraye, and hope that you discover the truth of the conspiracy and end it before ruin finds us all.”

  “Uh … I’ll do my best,” I said. No pressure.

  “Go,” Odysseus said.

  I took Dawn’s hand, and we met each other’s eyes as we took a deep breath. Then together we stepped into the portal.

  22

  TWO PRINCES

  We stepped out of a gray stone trilithon onto a grassy hill at the edge of an emerald lake. From the center of the lake rose shining white cliffs, and atop those cliffs stood the gleaming castle of the Silver Court.

  Dawn and I looked at each other for a minute, then grabbed each other in a hug, holding each other as close as we could.

  Now that we were free, or at least free of the Shadows Demesne, I could admit the fear of losing Dawn forever that had been looming over me since our arrival in the Other Realm. We were not yet free, but for the first time I had real hope we might both get out of this alive, hope that wasn’t one-half self-deception, one-quarter false bravado, and one-quarter gut-wrenching guilt.

  We finally stepped apart. Dawn looked behind us at the trilithon, the portal now gone.

  “That was surprising,” she said.

  “What? That we survived?” I asked.

  “That Odysseus helped us like that for Aly’s girlfriend.”

  “I don’t know,” I replied as I examined the trilithon for convenient written instructions or a big shiny Portal button. “Maybe the Odysseus part of him remembers what it was like to be parted from his love for decades, and sympathized with Alynon.”

  The trilithon held no clues as to how to reopen a portal within it, let alone open a portal back to Earth. Damn.

  “Maybe,” Dawn said, looking up at the castle on the cliffs. “I assume that’s not just a model. So how do we ge
t up there? Or do we even want to?”

  “I think we do,” I said. “We still need to find Fatima, and figure out what is being done with the exiles, why the Shadows are sending them to the Silver Court, and how to stop them from becoming weapons.”

  “Do we?” Dawn asked. “Not to be selfish, but now that we know Fatima’s with the good guys, can’t we just go back home and send them a warning? Won’t they send her back once they know?”

  “That’s not selfish,” I said. “If I could send you home, I would. But I don’t know how to open a portal from this side.”

  “Send me home?”

  I sighed. “I need to find Fatima, to free her. It’s my fault as much as anyone’s that she’s here. And I just can’t face Sammy again unless I have Fatima with me. That is selfish, I know, but—”

  “Well then,” Dawn said. “On to Camelot then.” She began marching, and sang, “Weeee’re … knights of the round table!”

  I watched her a second, taking the moment to appreciate how lucky I truly was. Then I sprinted to catch up with her, singing, “Let’s hope this isn’t fatal.” And with that, we began our hike down toward the lake, singing increasingly ridiculous lines as we went, our voices sending ripples out through the ether of the Other Realm. Which, I thought, would also serve as a warning of our approach to any Fey we encountered.

  Yet nobody appeared as we crossed the shining white bridge that led to the island at the lake’s center, or hiked up the winding trail past glimmering groves of exotic silver willows, past structures of gleaming standing stones, past arches behind which rolling green hills and stone cliffs rose to meet the sky. It reminded me of Ireland, or at least the pictures I’d seen, with touches of Rivendell and entire stands of Ellcrys trees.

  We crested a hill, and the Silver Court castle stood ahead of us. We fell into silent awe.

  In a flash of light, four knights in shining silver armor appeared around us, causing me to startle. The knights were nearly blinding in their mirror-bright armor, casting glimmers like lens flare with every move.

  “Halt!” the knight in front of us shouted and flicked his hand.

  I felt the cold metal of a collar form around my neck, and looked over to confirm that a silver collar had appeared around Dawn’s neck as well. Great.