If You Leave

by Courtney Cole

  “What?” I demand. “I’m not in the mood for you, Jared.”

  “I said, tell your slut of a friend to stop lying about me.” Jared enunciates every word slowly and loudly, as if I’m dumb. I glare at him as I start walking again.

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about and I don’t care.”

  Jared’s hiss halts my steps. “Jacey was right about you, you know. You’re a spoiled bitch. You have no idea what the real world is like. You’ve had everything handed to you your whole life.”

  I freeze, anger flooding through me until my vision almost blurs at the corners of my eyes.

  “Jacey would never say that,” I snap. “Because she knows better.”

  Jared skirts around me and gets in my face, invading my personal space like an annoying ankle-biting dog. “But she did. And she was right.”

  “You know better than that,” I tell him icily, knowing full well that he’s lying just to get under my skin. “Do you consider having my parents killed in a head-on crash with an eighteen-wheeler ‘having everything handed to me’? Or did I have something handed to me when I had to come home from New York and live my life next to worthless fucks like you?”

  “No one is making you stay here,” Jared snarls. “And in fact, I’d like it better if you left. But before you go, tell your slut friend to lay off the bullshit. If I wanted to fuck with her, I would. Until then, I would appreciate it if she didn’t lie.”

  “I’m not your messenger,” I snap. “And neither of us are interested in anything you have to say.”

  He grabs my arm and I whirl around.

  “Get your fucking hand off of me.”

  Out of the corner of my eye, I see Ethan take one step and then stop. He’s not on his phone anymore, but he still doesn’t come to help. Jared grins at me, close enough that I can smell his rancid morning breath.

  “Are you going to make me, princess?”

  I open my mouth to answer, but someone else answers first, a husky and familiar voice.

  “No, but I’d be happy to.”

  Without even turning around, I recognize that deep voice, the rich timbre, the steady tone.

  Gabriel.

  Unconsciously my body relaxes ever so slightly in relief, as though I’ve been waiting for him to arrive and didn’t even know it.

  I exhale slowly, turning to find Gabriel standing on the pavement with two breakfast burritos in his hand. His other hand is flexing as it dangles by his thigh. He’s staring at Jared with unflinching precision.

  His gaze is undeniably lethal.

  It’s frightening in its intensity.

  “For fuck’s sake,” Jared mutters under his breath. Looking up at Gabriel, he says, “There’s no problem here, man. I was just explaining that to Madison.”

  “No, you weren’t,” I answer firmly, stepping out of his grasp. “You wanted me to take Jacey a message.”

  “And that is?” Gabriel raises an eyebrow.

  Jared doesn’t answer, so I do.

  “He wanted me to tell her to stop lying. And he called her a slut.”

  I couldn’t help but add that last part on. Jared so deserves it and he’s so obviously scared of Gabriel.

  Gabriel calmly sets his breakfast down on the roof of his car and approaches us. His gaze hasn’t moved from Jared. It’s like watching a lion and its prey. It’s fascinating to witness.

  I step back.

  Gabriel steps forward.

  Jared turns around.

  “Fuck this,” he mutters. “That bitch isn’t worth it.”

  He bolts for his truck and peels out from the parking lot.

  Gabriel stands still, watching him go. Then he turns to me.

  “Are you all right?” he asks quietly, his dark eyes flitting over me, checking for damage. I nod, noticing the way Gabriel is dressed in workout clothes, the way his T-shirt clings to his broad chest, the fabric skimming over his chiseled abs. I swallow.

  Suddenly this doesn’t seem like a game anymore. Gabriel is serious and concerned, strong and lethal.

  And I want him.

  I want him.

  I want him.

  I swallow, dropping my gaze before he can see the truth.

  “I’m fine. Jared is just an ass. He’s always had a temper problem.”

  “Maddy!” Ethan calls, coming forward now that it’s safe. “Are you all right?”

  No thanks to you, I think, utterly disappointed in everything about him. His candy-ass clothes, his bland personality, his ability to stand aside and watch Jared harass me.

  I hate violence and I hate bullies, but standing up for someone smaller or weaker is something different entirely.

  And Ethan didn’t do it.

  Resentment wells up in me. Seriously. He was ten yards away. He could’ve stepped up to help, but he didn’t. What kind of man does that?

  “I’m fine,” I sigh, fighting the urge to be a bitch, fighting the urge to tell him what a pussy he is. “Gabriel stepped in.”

  I turn abruptly, blocking Ethan from my sight. It might be rude, but I’m pissed.

  All I want to look at now is Gabriel. I want to revel in the fact that he stood up for me. He stepped in when he didn’t have to.

  No one’s ever done that for me before.

  “Thank you,” I tell Gabe simply. “You didn’t have to do that.”

  “I didn’t?” he asks doubtfully. “I’m not going to watch something like that without stepping in. You were holding your own like a champ, but once he put his hands on you, it was game over.”

  I nod, suddenly feeling a little choked up.

  Gabriel is night and Ethan is day. And all of a sudden I see the beauty in that.

  Yeah, Ethan is a doctor who is trained to save lives. But he doesn’t have it in him to stand up to someone if he needs to. And even though I should probably respect that about him since I hate violence, I just can’t. I need someone who can walk a thin line—someone who isn’t a bully, someone who isn’t violent, but someone who has the ability to summon up all the fury of hell if he needs to protect someone.

  Someone like Gabriel.

  Gabriel has been trained to protect people at all costs, even if the cost is his own life. He’s not a violent bully. He’s a protector.

  For some reason, even though I should’ve seen it before, this knowledge slams into my chest and leaves me dumbfounded. The idea that I need a protector makes me feel weak. But the idea that I just had a protector makes me feel strong.

  Invincible.

  I only savor the feeling for a minute before I shake it away. Needing someone like that makes you weak. You can’t count on other people to be there. You can only count on yourself.

  Myself.

  Ethan walks into my periphery again and I shove my annoyance with him away. Now isn’t the time. I don’t know why I ever thought, even for a minute, that he and I could work.

  “Maddy, I’m sorry,” he says hesitantly, staring from Gabriel to me. I can see that he’s very uncomfortable standing next to Gabriel, but he doesn’t address it. “I’ve got to go. A patient is fully dilated and ready to deliver. Can we get a rain check on breakfast?”

  I nod quickly, almost relieved. I almost feel guilty for being pissed that he didn’t step up, but I don’t. He stood over there looking on even after he hung up his phone. He could definitely have done something then.

  But he didn’t.

  Because he’s a candy-ass.

  “Of course,” I tell him. “Not a problem.”

  I stand still, waiting for him to leave, and he looks at me uncertainly again.

  “Maddy, I’m your ride.”

  Oh.

  In the heat of the moment I’d forgotten. And Gabe’s intoxicating nearness isn’t helping either. I inhale his power and his strength with every breath I take. It’s distracting.

  I flush and take a step away from him. My foot doesn’t seem to want to comply, but I force it.

  “Right,” I say sheepishly. “I came
with you.”

  Gabe smiles, like he knows exactly why I’m distracted. Like he can see the comparison I’ve been drawing between him and Ethan. Like he can see how much he wins that comparison.

  “I can take you,” he offers. “I mean, if the doctor has an emergency.”

  Ethan looks uncertain for a split second, then nods. “That would be great. I really should go. Maddy?”

  Ethan looks at me, expecting me to agree. And there’s really nothing else I can do, not without seeming like an utter bitch.

  But the idea of Gabe and me… sitting within the small confines of a car again. The mere thought almost makes me twitch, because all I can do is think of the last time.

  When Gabe licked his fingers clean.

  Warmth spreads into my panties.

  I can’t help it.

  Gabriel’s dark gaze is on me, potent and powerful, and I swear to God he’s remembering too. His lip actually twitches, trying to fight off a smile.

  The man can affect me without saying a word, especially now that I’ve decided I was wrong about him. I was so, so wrong.

  He’s a protector.

  That makes it even harder to fight off this attraction.

  You don’t need protecting anymore, I remind myself. You’re all grown up—strong and independent. No one can hurt you now. But that doesn’t matter. None of that matters. All that matters is how Gabriel is making me feel right now.

  Safe.

  My fingers tremble so I clench them into fists. He makes me self-conscious, like he can see right into my thoughts.

  I swallow hard and try to act nonchalant, as though he doesn’t affect me at all.

  “That would be fine,” I finally manage to say. “Thank you, Gabriel.”

  “I’d give you a ride anytime,” he answers and I look at him sharply. His double entendre hasn’t been missed. At least not by me. Ethan is oblivious.

  “Thank you,” Ethan tells Gabriel grudgingly. He starts to walk away, then calls over his shoulder, “I’ll call you soon, Maddy.”

  I don’t even answer.

  Gabe looks at me, amusement in his dark eyes. “What the hell do you see in that guy?”

  “I… er…” and then I can’t help but dissolve into a giggle.

  The memory of Ethan standing helplessly to the side, watching while Jared puffed out his chest like a rooster, suddenly makes me laugh. I’m no longer even mad about it. It’s just so ridiculous.

  “I don’t know,” I finally manage. “He’s been a friend for a long time. He was probably just afraid. Fighting isn’t really his thing.”

  “He’s a candy-ass,” Gabriel answers simply. “Fear is a choice.”

  What an interesting thing to say. I’m sure that, for him, fear is a choice. It’s how he’s been trained. He’s hard and strong and he’s not afraid of anything.

  Except for one thing. The thing that brought him to his knees that night in Chicago.

  His secret.

  We walk to his car and I slide into the passenger seat, clicking my seat belt. I don’t know what it is about guys and hot rods, and I’ll probably never understand it.

  As Gabe pulls out of the parking lot, he glances at me.

  “I’m sorry about your parents.”

  Crap.

  “You overheard that?” I ask, not looking him in the eye. I hate talking about this with people. I hate the sympathy in their eyes and trying to figure out what to do with it.

  He nods.

  “Yeah. I was standing right behind you.” But then he drops it.

  I don’t know whether he’s just not interested enough to ask questions or whether he’s uncomfortable talking about stuff like that, but either way I’m grateful. If I never talk about my parents dying again, that would be just fine with me.

  “What was Jared saying about my sister?” Gabe asks as he turns onto the main road. I shake my head.

  “He said she was lying about him and wanted me to tell her to stop. I have no clue what he was talking about.”

  Gabriel looks thoughtful. “I don’t know either. But he ran like the pussy he is. You know, he grabbed you. I’m sure the gas station probably has a surveillance camera. You could press charges if you want to. Teach the little shit a lesson.”

  “I might,” I answer. “I keep thinking that he’ll get tired of messing with Jacey, that he’ll just go away, but he hasn’t so far. Maybe we really should call the police. On the other hand, if I do, that might really piss him off and he’ll never stop. I grew up with him. He’s always gonna be an asshole.”

  “You don’t need to be intimidated by him,” Gabriel says firmly. “That’s why I’m here, so that he can’t shove you guys around. He’s a schoolyard bully that needs to grow up. But don’t underestimate him.”

  I nod slowly. “Let’s change the subject. I’ve had enough of Jared for the day.”

  Gabe finally smiles, a slow smile that spreads along his lips.

  “OK. First you can tell me which way to turn, then you can tell me the real reason you’re fucking around with doctor boy.”

  I roll my eyes. “Left. And I told you the real reason. He’s been a friend for a long time.”

  Gabriel’s the one rolling his eyes now.

  “He doesn’t think he’s just your friend,” Gabe points out as he turns down my road. “You should put him out of his misery.”

  “And why would I do that?” I demand. “You don’t know what I’m going to do.”

  “No,” Gabriel concedes. “But I know what you want. You want me.”

  “Oh, geez. Are we back to that?” I shake my head, but his words cause a rush of warmth to spread through me. I do want him, asshole cockiness and all.

  “Jacey thinks you should date me,” Gabriel announces as he turns into my drive.

  I put my hand on the car handle. “You don’t want to date me,” I tell him. “You want to fuck me. There’s a big difference.”

  He shrugs. “Tomato, tomahto.”

  A thrill shoots through me and I can’t help but smile as I open the door.

  “To be honest, I rarely do what your sister suggests. She’s insane.”

  “Yes, she is,” Gabriel agrees. “About most things. The verdict is still out on this particular thing, though.”

  “Oh, really?” I ask, my eyebrow cocked.

  “Yup. Maybe we should do a little research. You know, just to see. Let’s have dinner on Saturday night.”

  And with that, just like that, the game is back on.

  He stares at me, waiting for me to accept.

  Do you want to play? Yes or no?

  He apparently thinks there’s no way I would decline. I have to avoid looking at his totally cut body so that I can. I have to put the image of him standing up for me out of my mind.

  Because there’s something about him that I don’t know.

  Something secret.

  Something that made him freak the fuck out, turning this strong protector into a violent incoherent guy who has panic attacks and punches walls. And I have no idea what that something is.

  I shake my head.

  “You’re so cocky,” I tell him. “So fricking cocky. I would’ve thought that you would be too busy with your other dates. But it doesn’t matter. I can’t on Saturday. Sorry.”

  I have no plans whatsoever, but he doesn’t need to know that. If he