Filthy Love

by V. Theia

  She saw already he was going to back away from her. It was almost as if she could see seven steps into the future. Only, Gia wasn’t going to allow that to happen.

  Hawk belonged to her. Every broken and cracked piece of him. If it took all the rest of her life she’d show her man what he meant to her. How fucking amazing he was. Every bad bone he had was hers.

  That was how she loved. With her eyes wide open as to the kind of man he was today. Carrying his burdens like anvils around his neck. Tortured by the colors he’d painted himself to be.

  She loved him. Worshipped him. And now he wasn’t alone. She’d never let him be alone for those memories to strangle him again.

  Gia also knew one day Lisette Hawk would be taught a lesson she’d never forget.

  ******

  With each minute that passed listening to Gia puke into the toilet, Hawk experienced his heart tightening with regret. Vomiting her guts up when she thought he was sleeping. Sickened because of his horror story no doubt. She’d given him bucket loads of her tears. His little bit hurt because of him.

  It didn’t matter if his chest felt lighter, his brain emptied of noise. He’d made his girl hurt and for that he fucking hated himself.

  The delusions of a man were lengthy when it came to loving something he shouldn’t.

  And hope was a conniving bitch.

  Braced on the side of her bed, his legs spread, elbows resting to his knees he watched that door open, light illuminating behind her when she stumbled out minutes later. She flipped off the switch and that was when she saw him, her pink lips rounded. “Oh. Did I wake you?”

  He watched her shiver and Hawk cursed, got to his feet and grabbed her thick oversized dressing gown from the end of the bed, holding it out for her to slip both arms into. “You’re always cold.” He growled too severely, his own body coiled ready to take care of his old lady.

  Shit.

  Yeah, he’d said it.

  She was his. Not that it was a surprise.

  “I’m fine,” she answered quietly allowing him to tie the belt around her waist.

  “You need to see a doctor. It’s not normal to be cold all the fucking time, Gia,” encouraging her to sit on the edge of the bed he wrenched open the top drawer of her dresser and fisted out the first balled up pair of socks he found. They were long, fluffy and pink.

  “I don’t need a doctor, baby.” Her reply came with a smile, her eyes on him when he went down on his haunches, began to pull on socks over her ice-cold feet, yanking them angrily to her knobbly knee caps. “Maybe I was just waiting for someone to warm me up, what do you think about that?” She questioned, laying her hand on his bare shoulder, heat and need and relief slid through Hawk like a narcotic, he allowed a second for his eyes to close to enjoy delicate fingertips roaming over his collarbone and down to his pec tattoo before he pinged them open. His voice, unsettled, rumbled. “Depends who’s doing the warming. I’m particular who gets to touch you.” He told her honestly, no point in pretending he wasn’t a deranged dog where she was concerned.

  He’d told her his darkest, most disgusting secret already.

  Him being possessive over her was nothing in comparison.

  After that Hawk was an open fucking book for Gia.

  Gia chuffed a laugh as he tucked her into bed, bringing the cover right to her chin.

  “You don’t want anyone touching me but you, tough man, you stabbed the last man who tried.”

  That’s damn right.

  His eyes glittered watching her looking so smug.

  He couldn’t get enough of just looking at her, mapping her face to memory and she didn’t ever seem to mind that he was a bit crazy obsessed over her.

  Sometime later when he thought she was asleep in his arms, his hand going from nape to the base of her spine, his mind empty of everything. Only when she sighed did he speak. “Gia. I’m dumb as shit with most things. I don’t read what’s on a person’s face too well. But what I know, without any fucking doubt. What I know is whatever fucking soul I might still have. What hums through the hole in my chest you own is; if I had to drag myself through every bad shit piece of my Hell again because it meant at the end of it I would have you. Then I’d do it without a second thought. I’d go through it all again to know I had you to look forward to.”

  “No more Hell, Colton. I love you so much.”

  That was good enough for him. Being Gia’s … more than enough.

  “Hawk? You said she drugged you. Is that why you don’t take food or drink from anyone?”

  He stilled. She’d noticed that?

  “It’s not something I’m comfortable with. It’s better now than it was.”

  “You’ve let me cook for me.” Not much. But that was because he found he got a kick out of taking care of her needs. He liked providing for Gia. Being her man. “You eat at the diner.”

  “You or the diner wouldn’t drug me, little bit.” He frowned against her hair.

  It was just one more thing to make him abnormal.

  Gia sighed and burrowed into him. “I’ll cook anytime you want me to, baby.”

  “Sleep, little bit.”

  “You’ve got me wrapped up like a burrito, I’m never going to be able to sleep like this.”

  She did, minutes after he slid back into her bed and fixed himself to her spine. Gia slept soundly clasping his hand under her breast, short, even breaths that he counted to help him relax.

  Hope began in the dark holding his tiny woman close to his beating heart. Hope that his darkness didn’t extinguish her beautiful light. Because as Hawk understood now, he was as intricately fucking attached to Gia Marinos as he’d ever been, and he’d rip out his guts before he let her go free.

  His past would knock again. That much he knew.

  CHAPTER FORTY-THREE

  “A brand-new page has to start somewhere.” - Gia

  Gia wasn’t surprised to see Hawk in the kitchen making breakfast. Tall and attractive in a black pair of adidas track pants and white sabbath T-shirt with the sleeves ripped off to showcase the epic muscled guns, he swerved his blond head when she stumbled in, rubbing her eyes sleepily. Monday had been his confession and today was Saturday and though he was standing in that same spot every morning making her coffee and food she’d felt the distance waging between them.

  His voice continued to drip with potent hunger but the reserve he’d put between them this week was unmistakable and deliberate because according to her brother it was his VP who had volunteered to ride through to Denver on an overnight trip several days ago. Why would he do that if not to avoid her?

  “Morning, little bit. Coffee’s on the way.”

  He didn’t come to kiss her. Gia scowled, shuffled her sock feet to the table, scooping up Khaleesi, letting the pup snuggle into her chest.

  He looked good enough to eat, her mouth watered watching his back tighten under the shirt as he reached up to grab her favorite mug.

  “I took Killer out for her run. She’s almost as bad at exercising as you are. She cried to be carried after she’d taken a piss.” Despite her sour mood Gia smiled and gave her fur-baby an extra ear scratch which Khaleesi Stormborn loved.

  Hawk cooking food. Again. Taking care of the dog. Again. Her heart pinged for the domesticity of their scene.

  “How is it you know how to cook?” She asked as she made a plate of bacon fried potatoes and sage sausage with peppers disappear in big bites.

  “I worked in a couple of diners growing up.”

  She hmmed but otherwise stayed quiet.

  She’d given him space. Plenty of it. But too much was going to drive him away. Which was stupid since he was right there in her kitchen. Emotional distance seemed worse.

  When they parted for the day it was without a kiss.

  “Hey, dad. How are—”

  “You’re dating the VP?” Ajax’s tone didn’t hide how irritated her father was as she connected his call even before she’d walked into her office building.

>   “I’m good, thanks for asking. How’s mom?”

  “Gia!”

  She sighed and tossed her bag on to the passenger seat. She could be a while. “Yeah, I’m dating Hawk. And if you’d waited until you visited with mom I would have told you myself instead of you listening to biker gossip.”

  She heard him make a disgruntled noise. “After everything I said!”

  “What? You mean you warned me to stay away from him? I can date who I want to, dad, please respect that. Hawk is a great man. One I’m lucky to have in my life.”

  “You got no idea what he is, Gia. How the fuck is your brother allowing this?”

  Okay. So, that pissed her off.

  “Ehhh… maybe because as I told Ambrosio I can make my own decisions. And what do you mean I have no idea what Hawk is?”

  It was a gorgeous April day, a little hot, just enough breeze, and in the space of an hour two of the most important men in her life had pissed her off. “He’s my boyfriend, dad, if you have something to say then say it.”

  “You got no idea of his past, mikrí kóri.”

  “I know exactly who he is. What I want to know is why you have such animosity against him? I saw it the night you were at my house. He wouldn’t say what you said to each other, but I know it wasn’t anything good.”

  Ajax snorted, and that noise told her he was about to be the tough-ass he was known for. With her and her mom he was the best guy in the world, always had been. She had no complaints about her childhood other than he’d been a typical Greek father with the overprotection and wanting her to succeed.

  “I bet he didn’t. He’s no good for you, Gia. You need to end it.”

  “Not happening.” Hawk wholly consumed her. She was keeping him.

  Then her dad burst with a fit of spiked anger. “He’s disgustin! He had a sexual relationship with his own goddamn mother, Gia! Is that the kind of man you want?”

  The shock poured into her sternum like a physical pain. She caught an angry sob by pressing her fist to her mouth.

  “Oh, my god.”

  “Exactly. So, give the bastard his marching orders, right?”

  “I mean oh, my god you actually believe something like that. Tell me everything you know.”

  “Some woman … came to the club when I was still the VP, looking for him. Said she was his mama. What she told me then still turns my stomach, Gia. He’s filth. Using his mother that way. Then I saw the way he was looking at you. You were fucking young. Did he think I’d let him near you?”

  A tickle of dread pooled into her belly.

  “Dad? What did you do?”

  Ajax growled. “I told that asshole to keep his dirty eyes off you and to never go near you or I’d tell everyone his filthy fuckin’ secret.”

  “And then you moved us to Texas … right?”

  Oh, god. The missing piece of their puzzled slotted into place and Gia felt sick. Everything and everyone had worked against them. And now she found out her dad was a major player in that too.

  “Dad. Tell me you didn’t...”

  “We were leavin’ anyway. But knowing I was getting you away from him before he could do any damage made the decision easier. You didn’t see how he looked at you, Gia. He had no right lookin’ at a kid that way.”

  “I wasn’t a kid. I was looking at him in the same way, dad! Oh, my god, I can’t believe you.” She yelled. Actually, yelled at her dad. Something she’d never done before.

  “For goodness sake, Ajax, leave her alone, Gia isn’t stupid.” She heard her mom in the background. “If she likes this boy then he’s obviously not all bad. I fell for a bad boy, remember?”

  Like a switch, her dad’s tone changed to the one she recognized. Patient and loving towards his wife. She would have laughed listening to them bickering sweetly if she wasn’t so mad.

  “Shall I tell you how wrong you have it? You listened to the wrong person, dad. That woman … she’s disgusting. She abused her own son. Abuse. Do you need me to paint a graphic picture, so you can throw up about it? For his whole life.”

  She was so livid; her body shaking. “I don’t care what you think about Hawk. He’s my boyfriend. I love him. And what you’ve held against him all these years was utter bullshit.”

  “This what he told you?”

  “For Christ sake, Dad! Abuse against a child, he was a damn kid and she did things no parent should even be thinking about. Then she extorted money out of him. She came to you because she’s an animal and she wanted money and you being you fell for it. Ask Ambrosio. He knows.”

  Her dad sucked on his teeth. He wouldn’t believe her. Ajax Marinos was a stubborn man. “If you can’t accept who I’m with, that’s fine. Maybe you stay home when mom comes to visit me. Bye.”

  “Gia!”

  She hung up. And then cried for ten minutes ignoring her dad trying to call back.

  ******

  That same night Hawk eliminated another of the bratva in his city. This time it was personal. He'd bided his time and waited for the Russian who'd touched Gia. No one saw the death. It was Hawk's best work. No one saw how he grinned sinisterly and hissed “Do svidaniya, asshole,” to the dying man.

  Revenge was a bitch.

  At least for the one burning.

  ******

  Gia was at the club when he arrived back, shocking the hell out of him.

  Not because she was there, his heart did a flop inside his chest. He’d been giving her quiet time to absorb his shit for days, but all he wanted to do was grab her up and shove her in his pocket, maybe fuck her for a full two days straight.

  His cock hurt from under use.

  His beating heart went nuts seeing her.

  What had his back teeth clenching was the hug he saw her sharing with Capone. Both laughing as he threw his leg over his bike.

  He knew they were friends. That didn’t mean he liked it when another fucking man had his hands on his little bit.

  He was still trying to change, he never claimed he was fucking perfect.

  His eyes narrowed approaching. Appeased when Gia turned her killer watt smile on him and grabbing her by the neck he pulled her in for a deep, claiming kiss, swallowing her startled gasp he kept the kiss going until he heard Capone clearing his throat.

  “Hey, hi, baby. I missed you.” She beamed. Hawk kept his hands on her, soothing his demons with her scent. He was a territorial animal, that wasn’t gonna change and from the smirk on Capone’s face, he got it. “Capone did me a favor. My car battery died suddenly on the way here, he came and towed me in and it’s all fixed now.”

  Christ. She was tormenting his animal and his little bit didn’t even know it.

  “Later, Capone.”

  Taking her hand, he led them inside, ignored the stares and yelled greetings He would have normally gone to report in with Rider, but this was more important.

  “Where are we going? Can we slow down? What’s so important I have to trot like a show-pony, Hawk?”

  Her sweet tongue kept right on asking her questions and Hawk didn’t stop until he had them behind the door of his room.

  Gia pinned between him and the wood.

  ******

  “Well, that was dramatic.” She giggled, taking the opportunity to slide her hands under his shirt to hold his waist.

  The eyes looking down at her were completely mesmerizing focused on her. His carefully layered personality hidden under light lashes. For as long as she lived Gia would never get used to seeing the vivid clearness of those blue eyes.

  Hawk was a beautiful man in a hard-worn package. From every bunched muscle, to his lean frame and callused hands told the story of how hard he worked in everything he did.

  Right now, he was keeping her pinned to the door quite vigorously with just his hips.

  Not that Gia minded.

  Encouraging him for a little kiss her chin lifted and then she pouted when he didn’t follow with her silent instructions.

  “You’re in every thought I have, G
ia. All day long.” He told her.

  She grinned. “Thank you, baby, I think of you too—”

  “I want every one of yours, too. So, if you have a problem, don’t care how big or small, you come to me first before anyone else.”

  “Okay—”

  “Your car broke down. Why didn’t I hear about it?”

  “You were busy. I didn’t even know what you were doing.”

  “No matter how big or small, you call me. I would have come.”

  “But—”

  “No, you’re in the wrong, sweetheart. I’m your man. You got something wrong, you come to me to fix it for you. You got no argument here. You don’t go to Capone or one of my brothers before I even know something is up. Something this important when it concerns you, you put me first, Gia. That’s how it goes.”

  There wasn’t a hint of hardness in his tone, just concern and little bit of sexy chastising. He rested their foreheads together and Gia inhaled his fragrance. He smelled of fire and all man.

  God. He was so right. And this from the man who insisted he didn’t know how to be the kind of man she needed.

  He was exactly that man. The man who took care of her, provided and protected her at all costs, against even danger to himself. Even as he’d kept himself aloof this week, he was still taking care of her.

  Hawk was that man and she’d screwed up. She hadn’t wanted to bother him by asking him to come for her.

  Frustration boiled out of her with every breath. Her chin trembled.

  He made her feel like a princess; his every action was all about her and she’d taken that task of providing away from him.

  His love turned her indestructible, and in turn she’d taken it for granted that he didn’t need to know everything all the time.

  Even when he’d asked for it.

  I’ve been out in the cold for ten years, Gia. You can’t shut me out.

  Crap. She’d messed up.

  “I’m sorry, Hawk. I didn’t think it through.”