At Peace

by Kristen Ashley

  * * * * *

  They’d called the morning after Joe had moved in, waking us both up.

  Joe, closer to the phone, rolled away from me and tagged it as I shook off sleep and rolled toward him.

  “’Lo?” his deep, rumbling, sleepy voice growled.

  I blinked sleep away.

  “Yeah, girl, she’s right here.”

  Girl.

  Shit! He’d answered the phone, sounding asleep and told one of my daughters I was right there.

  Joe calmly offered the phone to me and I got up on a hand and stared at it as if it had a mouth, that mouth was open, baring fangs and it was going to bite.

  “Baby, it’s Keira,” Joe murmured his prompt and I blinked again then got up to sitting and snatched the phone from his hand.

  “Hi honey,” I said into it, trying not to sound sleepy and worrying that I failed.

  “Hey Mom,” Keira answered, sounding awake and bouncy like always, not traumatized in a way that meant, sometime in the future she’d enter a mall and mow down innocent bystanders with a machine gun because her Mom’s new boyfriend answered the phone first thing in the morning, sounding sleepy and definitely being in bed with her mother. “We’re packed up and just about to leave.”

  “Okay, baby,” I said, curling my knees to my chest and wrapping an arm around them. “You want anything special when you get home?”

  “A hot fudge sundae, your hot fudge, Fulsham’s frozen custard,” she replied instantly and that was my Keira, always knowing exactly what she wanted, how she wanted it and not afraid to say it.

  “I can do that,” I told her. “What about Kate and… um… Dane?”

  “Hang on a minute,” she said into my ear then I heard her shouting to Dane and Kate as I looked at Joe who was lying on his back, watching me talk to my daughter.

  His face was still gentled by sleep, his jaw shadowed with stubble, his big, powerful body relaxed, one arm cocked, hand behind his head, the other hand resting on his abs. His scars were on display along with his muscles. His skin had a beautiful olive tint to it, likely given to him by his mother. It and his hair were dark against my light green sheets and this, for some reason, I found unbelievably appealing. His blue eyes were on me, so clear, so blue, so startling, I remembered the first time I saw them and how they affected me and that effect had not diminished in all these months.

  I’m yours.

  The words he’d said to me two days before came into my head and they hit me like a thunderbolt. So simple, so Joe, two words, two short words but put together and said by Joe their meaning packed a powerful punch.

  It socked me right in the gut, so strong, I was sitting in my bed but I was winded.

  Then I didn’t know why, I unfolded my legs, twisted to him and bent down. I touched my lips to his throat then rested my cheek against his chest, settling into his warm, hard body, the phone still at my ear, my other ear hearing his heartbeat.

  His hand behind his head came to me, sliding into my hair and staying there.

  Keira spoke to me. “Kate says she doesn’t want anything and Dane says he’d like some of your pork chops. Though, I’m thinkin’ he’s only sayin’ that because he knows Kate likes your pork chops. I told them about the hot fudge sundaes and they’re both in.”

  “All right, Keirry,” I said into the phone, “though, it being summer, I think we’ll barbeque some pork chops.”

  Keira was silent. I was not queen of the barbeque. Tim always grilled the food. Since he died I’d tried on countless occasions and hadn’t had much success.

  “It’ll be okay, I’ve got to get the hang of it eventually. Maybe tonight’s our lucky night,” I told her.

  “Maybe Joe could man the grill,” Keira suggested and I laughed at the thought of sinister, rugged Joe Callahan doing something as domestic as manning a grill.

  “I can do it,” I replied.

  “Great,” she muttered.

  I grinned. “Get home, be safe, see you in a couple hours.”

  “Yeah, Momalicious.”

  “Give Katy a cuddle for me.”

  “I will,” she said and I knew she’d do it, my girls were affectionate. They fought but the ill-will never lasted long.

  “Love you, baby,” I whispered into the phone and Joe’s fingers tensed at my scalp.

  “Love you too, Mom. Bye.”

  “Bye.”

  I pressed the off button and Joe’s hand at his abs came to the phone and slid it out of my fingers. I lifted up, he twisted and put it in its bed then twisted back to me, full-on, rolling me to my back.

  Then his hands and mouth started moving on me, his hands on my ribs, his mouth at my neck.

  “They’re leaving,” I told him.

  “How much time we got?” he asked and my stomach dipped.

  “A couple of hours,” I answered and his hand came up and curled around my breast.

  “Plenty of time,” he muttered against the underside of my jaw.

  “Joe, we need to let Mooch out.”

  “After.”

  “Joe –”

  “After.”

  “Joe –” he pinched my nipple and that scored straight through me so I whispered, “okay, after.”

  His head came up and he was smiling then it came down and he was kissing me.

  Mooch, lucky for us, was patient.

  * * * * *

  We were in the kitchen when the kids arrived. Joe was standing by the sink drinking coffee, his hair wet from his shower. I was standing in the open fridge, a pad of paper in my hand, making a grocery list. My hair was dry and styled. I’d taken a shower first while Joe dealt with a phone call and I’d gotten ready while Joe showered and dressed.

  I’d never seen Joe shower. I’d never seen his hair wet and it had been a long freaking time since I shared space with a man while getting ready.

  I liked it, all of it.

  But when the kids got home, his eyes went to the window then to me and he said, “They’re home, buddy,” I forgot how much I liked his wet hair, standing in the steaming bathroom while he showered and I wiped at the mirror and I panicked.

  Joe saw it immediately and demanded, “Relax.”

  “Right,” I whispered.

  He shook his head and grinned.

  I closed the fridge, put down the pad of paper and pen and we walked to the door.

  Joe opened it and we walked out, Joe sliding an arm around my shoulders and tucking me into his side as we did.

  Kate was out and standing in the door but Keira burst from Dane’s truck and ran, arms windmilling, hair flying behind her, direct to Joe.

  “Joe!” she cried then skidded to a halt in front of him and kept shouting, “I got up on water skis!”

  Then I watched my body locked tight, as Joe’s hand came up and out. He hooked it around Keira’s head, pulled her to him as he bent low and he touched his mouth to her gleaming hair.

  “Way to go,” he muttered against her hair then finished, “proud of you, honey.”

  He let her go and I saw her body was locked as tight as mine, her face frozen in wonder and she stayed that way as Joe moved around her, going toward Kate.

  I forced my eyes from a still motionless Keira to Kate who was standing by the truck staring at Keira. Joe walked right up to her, her body jolted when he arrived and she tipped her head back, peering up at him, giving him the perfect target when his head dipped down and he touched his lips to her forehead.

  “Glad you’re home safe, Katy,” I heard him say, Kate’s head turned, her eyes cutting to me, her face filled with the same wonder as Keira’s had been.

  Honey.

  Katy.

  Holy crap but I didn’t know anything more beautiful than Joe Callahan using those words with my daughters. The only thing more beautiful was their father doing it but they’d never have that, not ever again. This wasn’t the same, would never be, but it wasn’t sloppy seconds either.

  Joe took the bag Kate was holding from her hand.


  “Where’s Keira’s bag?” Joe asked.

  “Back,” Kate said, her voice scratchy, “truck,” she finished, clearly unable to form sentences.

  Joe moved to the truck.

  It took some effort but I pulled myself together and said, “What? My girls are gone two days, they didn’t let me say good-bye, they come home and no hugs?”

  Keira came unstuck and jumped at me. I folded her in my arms as Kate ran to us and joined our huddle. I gave them squeezes, smelling their hair, feeling their bodies against mine and letting that settle in my soul. Then I kissed each of their temples in turn, Kate first, Keira last and let them go.

  “Right, let’s get you unpacked,” I looked to see Dane carrying a bag and hanging back and I smiled at him. “Hey Dane, thanks for cutting your family time short and bringing them home safe.”

  “No probs, Miz Winters,” Dane replied, grinning at me and coming forward.

  Joe carried the girls’ bags in, Dane carried his bag in, I held both my girls by the waist as we walked in.

  An hour later, after the kids had unpacked, played with Mooch in the yard and we ate a lunch of sandwiches and chips, Joe took Dane to Fulsham’s Custard stand to buy a tub of custard.

  I sat the girls down at the stools by the bar telling them we had to talk. They didn’t say anything, just gave each other looks and went to their stools. They were on the dining area side. I stood in the kitchen at the counter opposite them trying not to hyperventilate.

  For the last hour my head had gone over a million ways to open this conversation and then decided all of them were lame.

  Therefore I stood there looking between them not having that first clue what to say and, unfortunately, trying to think of what to say I stayed silent a long time.

  Kate spoke first. “We get it, Mawdy, you’re with Joe.”

  I stared at her.

  “Yeah, no duh,” Keira put in.

  “So,” I forced out, “you… this doesn’t come as a surprise?”

  Kate grinned and informed me, “Dane said a man doesn’t fix a garage door opener unless he’s fixin’ to use that garage.”

  I felt my lips part. Even Dane had cottoned onto the situation way before me.

  “And he came to the mall with us. Guys like Joe don’t go to malls,” Keira added, sounding wise beyond her years.

  “You’re not upset?” I asked and Kate shook her head, still grinning so my eyes went to Keira and she was watching me.

  “Who was the chick?” she asked.

  “The chick?” I asked back.

  “Yeah, that lady he was with before you went all…” she trailed off and then finished, “you know.”

  I knew. She was talking about Nadia.

  Shit.

  “She was… a friend of Joe’s,” I answered.

  “She his friend now?” Keira asked.

  “No,” I replied instantly.

  Keira kept watching me then went on. “So, we’re his only friends now?”

  I stared at my daughter and realized she thought we were a unit which we were. Joe took us all or Joe didn’t get us.

  “Yeah, honey, we’re Joe’s only friends now,” I said quietly.

  “What about Mike?” Keira asked.

  I drew in a breath and paused before letting it out and saying, “Mike and I –”

  “You’re better with Joe,” Keira cut in before I could finish.

  “What?” I asked.

  “Mike’s awesome, and he’s hot, but I like the way you are around Joe,” Keira told me.

  “Me too,” Kate put in.

  “And I like the way Joe is around you,” Keira went on.

  “Me too,” Kate repeated and my eyes were going back and forth between my girls as they spoke.

  “Mike was way cool and we liked him with you too, but he wasn’t the same,” Keira noted.

  “He’s a wonderful man,” I said to her.

  “Yeah, but he didn’t fix our garage door opener,” Kate remarked.

  “And you don’t look at him like you look at Joe,” Keira stated.

  “How do I…” I paused to swallow, not sure I wanted to know not only how I looked at Joe but the way my girls noticed I’d looked at Joe then asked, “look at Joe?”

  Keira shrugged.

  Kate answered, her eyes on me were intense, “Like you looked at Dad.”

  I closed my eyes. Joe was right, the girls knew. They so knew. They knew even more than I knew or at least had admitted to myself.

  With my eyes still closed, Kate went on. “And he looks at you like Dad used to.”

  Sock in the gut. Winded.

  I got my breath back, opened my eyes and told them, “Joe’s stayin’ a couple of months while his house is getting renovated.”

  “We know,” Kate replied.

  “No, baby, I mean… he’s staying,” I repeated, not sure how to explain it to my teenage girls, worried I shouldn’t, worried, again, if I was doing the right thing and hoping like hell it worked out with Joe because firstly, I wanted it to work out with Joe so badly I tasted it in my mouth and secondly, because I never wanted to have this conversation with my daughters again.

  “Yeah, Mawdy, we know. Yeesh, it’s the twenty-first century,” Kate said to me.

  “And it’s been, like, months,” Keira added, like I was slow off the mark and it was about time I speeded things up.

  “Jenelle’s Mom moved her new boyfriend in in like, I don’t know, a week,” Kate went on and I knew this was true but Jenelle’s Mom was definitely a slut. She made me look like a choirgirl. We’d lived there not a year and Kate’s friend Jennelle’s Mom had moved two boyfriends in with her and her kids and moved both of them out and was working on the third.

  But I didn’t want them to think that this was like Jenelle’s Mom or I was like Jenelle’s Mom so I tried to explain.

  “Joe and I… I don’t want you to think…” Damn, this was hard, then my voice got soft, I looked between them and I said, “He isn’t just a guy. It isn’t just because I’m lonely after losin’ your Dad. It’s because he’s… Joe and he… means a lot to me and you girls mean…” I paused then told them the truth as it hit me right then, settled in and made me smile a small smile. “You mean the world to him.”

  “He’s lost everything so I figure he appreciates what he’s found,” Kate noted sagely and I stared at her again.

  “You know about… everything with Joe?” I asked.

  “Oh yeah, kids at school talk about it all the time. About his wife and Dad and son and how he’s the lone wolf after all that, the hot lone wolf, the hot, super cool lone wolf. You nab him you’ll be like… a legend,” Keira informed me then grinned and finished. “And we’ll be legends too.”

  “Yeah, ‘cause we get to live with Joe too,” Kate added.

  “And we call him Joe and no one calls him Joe,” Keira put in.

  “Yeah, we’re already kinda legends on that. Dane tells everyone we call him Joe. They think it’s way cool,” Kate said.

  I didn’t like everyone at their school talking about Joe, even though they obviously thought he was cool. There was something about it that rattled me.

  But I let that go, took in a breath through my nose then I said, “You know, Joe’s moving in, our Joe, not hot, super cool, lone wolf Joe that everyone talks about and him moving in makes you a legend. He’s just a man, he might be a big and strong man but he’s got feelings.”

  “Yeah, feelings for us,” Keira replied.

  “And feelings for you,” Kate told me.

  “And we have feelings for him,” Keira went on.

  “And you do too,” Kate finished.

  Yeah, I did, but it was good to know they did too.

  “You like him?” I asked quietly.

  “He’s Joe,” Kate answered simply.

  That kind of said it all. He definitely was Joe.

  I looked at Keira. “Before he came back, you seemed mad –”

  “Mom, it’s cool,” she int
errupted me, “I was mad but now we have him back and he came back when we needed him.”

  “When you needed him,” Kate stuck with her theme.

  “I –” I started but Kate kept talking.

  “When Uncle Sam…” She stopped speaking abruptly, looked away then swallowed and looked back at me. “When we came home, you were in Joe’s lap then he carried you across the room and he…” She hesitated and her voice dropped to a whisper. “When we lost Dad, you didn’t have that, someone to be there, someone to lean on, someone to hold you up because that was Dad’s job and he was gone and that was why you…” She shrugged and finished. “I’m just glad that Joe’s gonna be around.”

  I felt tears stinging the backs of my eyes and I pulled in another breath through my nose before I asked, “You’re sure?” They both nodded so I continued. “It’s only a couple of months then we’ll talk again. This is your home. I want you to feel good in it and comfortable. If you ever feel funny, you need to talk to me.”

  “Mawdy, it’s no big deal. Really. Yeesh. This is Joe,” Kate sighed.

  “Yeah,” Keira agreed, “yeesh.”

  God, they acted like this was no big deal and I should just…

  Relax.

  Thinking that, I smiled to myself and also defended myself. “I’m tryin’ to be a good Mom.”

  “You don’t have to try,” Kate told me.

  Another sock to the gut. Winded.

  I’d never had a more beautiful compliment.

  I took in my wonderful, gorgeous girls, leaned forward, my forearms on the counter and said, “I just want you girls to be happy.”

  And to that, Kate asked, “Yeah, you ever think that we want the same for you?”

  That’s when the tears hit my eyes.

  “God, I love you guys,” I whispered.

  “Love you too, Mawdy,” Kate whispered back, also leaning in, also with tears in her eyes.

  “Yeah, me too,” Keira whispered, leaning in as well with tears in her eyes.

  I got off my forearms but reached out and grabbed both their hands, giving them a squeeze.

  Then Keira asked, “Where are they with the frozen custard?”

  Kate and I laughed and finally I relaxed. They were good. They were even happy for me, for themselves and even for Joe and Keira was right. Enough of the heavy stuff, we’d had more than our fair share of that. It was time to move onto hot fudge frozen custard sundaes.