Finding Acceptance in His Arms

by Thomas Briar

  “You mentioned a small inheritance before.”

  “I couldn’t touch it until I turned twenty-one.”

  He chewed on that for a little while, then, “How long have you fantasized about getting into the porn industry?”

  “About three months, give or take a week or two. I only started giving it serious consideration after Jennifer first told me about you and what she did with you. The money sounds phenomenal, not to mention the orgasms you gave her.”

  Evan appeared unaffected by the underlying compliment. “And you want to make a career out of it?”

  “Why not? Porn stars make a lot of money. Ask me again after this coming Saturday’s performance.”

  “Ever have sex in public?”

  “Once. It gave me a thrill to think we might get caught, although I don’t think anyone actually saw us.”

  Evan kept asking questions, seemingly intrigued by her responses. “When did you first realize you wanted to have sex in front of an audience?”

  Kara took a sip of water while pondering this over. “I’m not really sure. I’ve always enjoyed wearing skimpy clothes to show off my body. I suppose this is because I like attention. When Jennifer told me about what you and she did, well, it made me kind of hot and I wanted to try it for myself.”

  “What’s the most exciting thing you’ve ever done sexually?”

  She smiled at the memory. “A five-woman orgy. I used to think I was a lesbian. Then one day I discovered I am actually bisexual.”

  “What about fucking two men at once?”

  “Not a fantasy of mine. A threesome would be all right though, so as long as it’s with a man and another woman. I really like the contrast between the hardness of men and the softness of women. They also smell totally different from each other.”

  “Jennifer is a friend with benefits, isn’t she?”

  “Yes,” Kara answered. “We experimented with each other and a few friends during college.”

  “You and Jennifer ever have a threesome with a man?”

  “Like I once did, Jennifer used to think she was a lesbian too. After finally trying a man when I went away, she decided she was bisexual also. So the answer is no.”

  “How long have you two been sexually involved?”

  “The better part of four years now. I don’t think we’ll ever stop having sex with each other.”

  “Today?”

  “Yes. We had sex earlier today.”

  “Did she tell you she performed in a threesome with me and a woman the first time we worked together?”

  “Of course. Why wouldn’t she?”

  “Was she your first lover?”

  “Yes.”

  “What do you really want out of this?”

  She didn’t even blink. “To see where it takes me.”

  “You’re very bold and determined.” Evan appeared to mull this over. “So what do you think about the script? Can you remember your lines? Answer me honestly.”

  “The script is hot. I ran lines with Jennifer while I soaked in my bath this afternoon. By tomorrow evening I should have them down perfectly.” And Kara believed she would.

  “The sex scene?”

  “Not a problem. Preparing for the anal scene really turned me on. I’m looking forward to doing it.” Definitely not a lie.

  “And the end?”

  “Not a problem. I love cum.” This didn’t count as a lie since Kara really believed she would love the debauchery of it splattering all over her face, if not the actual taste.

  “I don’t know that I’ve ever met anyone quite like you before.” Puzzlement settled onto his face. “You’re very sexually mature for your age. You might even be the most sexually mature young woman I’ve ever met in how you methodically pursue exactly what you want.”

  “Thank you for thinking so. Now I’m calling a time-out.” She gesticulated with her hands along with her words. “You’ve asked me about a hundred questions already so I think it’s time you answer some for me.”

  “Have I now?” He smirked.

  “Yes, you have, and it’s suddenly occurred to me that if I don’t ask you some intimate questions about yourself then the connection we’re supposed to be developing might end up being one-sided in your favor. And we can’t have that, can we?”

  He chuckled. “Be real careful now, because once you get a man talking about himself he’s rarely able to stop.”

  “I’ll consider myself forewarned,” Kara promised. “So at what age did you lose your virginity?”

  “Nineteen, her name was Debbie and she wasn’t a virgin. She taught me a thing or two during our brief, two-month relationship.”

  “Why so late in life?” Kara maintained nonchalance, even though she was reeling inside. What kind of man waited until nineteen years of age to lose his virginity?

  Evan appeared a picture of serenity when he cleared his throat and straightened his tie. “I used to be a very religious young man. At age nineteen I finally got tired of having wet dreams and decided to do something productive to stop them.”

  Kara gaped at him. She’d never readily admit to anyone about her having wet dreams, although truthfully, she’d had them regularly since her sexual awakening. And this was normal, she believed. But admitting it to a stranger wasn’t normal at all. She couldn’t shake the feeling that there had to be something wrong with him. Either that or he’d gotten really comfortable around her.

  “So where did you grow up?”

  Evan smiled his charm onto her and opened his arms to indicate the surrounding city. “Right here in Atlanta. I’ve found it has everything a man wants.”

  “I’ve always liked Atlanta,” Kara agreed. She thought of a more personal question she wanted an answer to next, although she didn’t really know why. “What are your parents like?”

  He looked down into his lap and took his time smoothing his tie against his flat stomach. “They were devout Christians. They loved us very much.”

  “Past tense and plural?” She hadn’t expected this.

  Sadness flickered across his face and he clenched his jaws before admitting, “I have a sister named Bethany, two years older than I am. She’s a veterinarian here in Atlanta. We talk once a week. She’s the only family I have left now. Our parents’ deaths were especially hard on her being we were so young and she had to take on the responsibility of looking out for me.”

  “What happened to your parents?”

  “Same as yours. Stupid car accident.”

  “I’m sorry.” She knew there was nothing else to say.

  “Don’t be,” he voiced lowly and took another sip of his water. “It was a very long time ago.”

  “How long ago?” She wasn’t about to let this rest.

  “I was nine, Bethany eleven.”

  “Where did you go live after their deaths?” An appropriate question, she thought, considering he’d asked the same of her.

  “An uncle took us in to keep us out of foster care. He was a very kind man. He died last year.”

  “Same as my aunt who passed away last year,” she whispered underneath her breath in semi-shock. This paralleling of their lives seemed uncanny to the point of being almost disturbing. She swallowed down the lump in her throat while thinking this had gotten way too personal way too fast for a first date, and especially so for a pretend one. She picked a normal question next to dial things back down. “Is your sister married?”

  “To a lawyer here in Atlanta. They seem very happy together. I really like him.”

  “Do you visit them often?”

  Evan lost the visible clench in his jaws and gave up a smile. “I eat Sunday lunch with them once a month, and believe it or not, I even attend morning church services with them on those days. Surprisingly, I never feel any guilt while crossing the threshold into the church and the roof doesn’t ever collapse on my head during the service. So apparently I’m doing what I’m supposed to be doing with my life.”

  “Does your sister know what you
do for a living?” Kara didn’t know where this question came from.

  “Yes. She doesn’t particularly like it since I have a degree in mechanical engineering, but she understands my reasons for doing the sex stuff instead.”

  “Do you ever wish you lived a regular life?” This was something she really wanted to know.

  Evan snorted. “Why should I strive to fit into society by working a regular job and getting married so I can then fall prey to a mortgage I can’t afford and children I don’t want? Despite the hype, it’s not for everyone. So no, I don’t want to ever go back to engineering and leading a supposedly normal life. I wouldn’t know what is normal now anyway. Besides, I love my life the way it is. I wouldn’t change a thing about it.”

  “But you can’t have sex for money forever. You’re going to eventually get old.” This conclusion only made sense to her.

  “You’d be surprised at how long a man can do this if he’s smart, keeps up his appearance, and can get a hard-on.”

  This answer made Kara wonder if Evan, like a lot of men, was delusional about his natural human limitations. It sounded like he might be. The next question coming to her seemed fitting, so she asked it. “How did you get into the business?”

  “An acquaintance introduced me to some people.”

  “That’s really vague. I’ve not been vague in answering all that you’ve asked.” Kara found she really enjoyed Evan being in the hot seat. She wondered if he’d derived the same pleasure from her answering his questions.

  He stared at her now, obviously debating how much he wanted to divulge. He finally shrugged, giving up a wan smile. “A guy at my work moonlighted as a performer on the weekends for the people that I perform for now. I helped him out by providing an alibi to satisfy his wife’s nosiness one night. When I needed some quick cash a few months later, he introduced me to some people who requested for me to masturbate into a champagne glass in front of them, which I promptly did to get the callback. The very next weekend I fucked blonde twins in a garbage-littered alleyway for what I thought was an obscene amount of money. After I started earning a steady income from performing I quit my day job and I’ve never looked back.”

  “You needed quick cash?” Kara mused. “Have a gambling problem, do you?”

  Evan’s expression turned extremely unforgiving, his eyes becoming two penetrating pinpoints of blue fury. “No, I do not have a gambling problem or a drug problem or an overspending problem. A year before my sister met her husband she was diagnosed with leukemia and the hospital wanted the money up front for her treatments since she didn’t have any insurance. I did what I had to do to get it for her. She’s the only person in this world I love more deeply than my own self.”

  “Obviously,” Kara mumbled, embarrassed by how wrongly she’d misjudged him. She also couldn’t help thinking of how humiliating it must have been for him to have to subject himself to that kind of degradation to save his sister’s life. There was certainly more depth to Evan Lars’s character than she’d previously believed.

  “So what’s the most humiliating thing you’ve ever done for another person?” he asked, as if tapping into her thoughts.

  Kara certainly knew the answer to this question. She just didn’t want to say what it was since it would reveal something repugnant residing deep within her sexual makeup. She shrugged noncommittally while casting her eyes down at the tabletop.

  “Come on,” he pried. “If it’s sexual, then I guarantee there is absolutely nothing you can say to surprise me. Furthermore, I won’t ever repeat it.”

  She swallowed hard, her pulse rising along with a blush. She looked at Evan. “Please bear in mind that I don’t really know why I do it, only that I feel compelled to because she sometimes needs me to let her do it to me.”

  “Go on,” he mumbled, leaning his elbows back on the table, head craning forward, curiosity written all over his face.

  Closing her eyes to not witness his forthcoming disgusted expression, she voiced lowly, “I let Jennifer pee on me sometimes. I let her dominate me also.”

  Stark silence greeted the confession. She kept her eyes closed while waiting for the expected negative verbal reaction.

  “And you like it.” Awe encompassed his voice.

  “Yes, I do.” She nodded within her self-imposed blindness.

  “Open your eyes, Kara, and look at me.” These words were spoken softly, intimately.

  She did, and was rewarded by an expression of compassion etching his handsome face and eyes.

  “I promised you I would never judge you for enjoying yourself. And I always keep my promises. You’ve nothing to be ashamed of in admitting to me that you like it. So you have a slant toward degradation and humiliation. What of it? It’s no one’s business but your own. And in our business, it will give you a real advantage over your competition if you are successful in transitioning into porn and eventually choose to pursue high-end fetish porn instead of mainstream glamor porn.”

  “How does it give me an advantage?” she asked, almost not believing how his easy acceptance of her sexual anomaly took away all the bad embarrassment she harbored inside about it.

  “Do you know how many girls are in porn just for the money? The average porn watcher might not see through all of their fake oohs and ahs, but the connoisseur instinctively knows when a woman is enjoying herself. He or she always recognizes the telltale signs of a woman experiencing real orgasm instead of having to fake it. The people I’m referring to are the directors and producers of features. If you put away your inhibitions and truly enjoy yourself in your regular performances then it will only elevate you further up the mainstream hierarchy. Most men go ape shit crazy over stuff like that, no matter what they tell their naïve wives and girlfriends to the contrary.”

  “Really?”

  “I once masturbated into a champagne glass in front of an audience and I kind of got off on the exhibition aspect of doing it. Directly afterward, my life was changed for the better. So I think I am an authority on the subject if anyone is.”

  “That makes sense.” And it did. Yet, even if she really possessed the ambition to pursue pornography, she didn’t think she would ever want to exploit her urination fetish for money. It was kind of only her and Jennifer’s thing. She’d never done it with anyone else.

  “Now that we’ve shared a few things and gotten to know a little about each other, I need you to do something for me.”

  “What is it?” Kara asked, unable to discern what his serious expression portended.

  Evan pulled out his wallet and withdrew a ten dollar bill from inside. “Behind you, there’s a corner grocery store at the end of the block. I’d like for you to go pick me up some breath mints. You choose whatever kind you like best. After you pay for them, ask the clerk if you can use the restroom. While in the restroom, take a few pictures of your body with my phone. Please make them explicit and to the point while keeping in mind that if I wanted to be teased I would have requested for you to buy me a bikini catalog. I’d like to see what I’m going to be working with this coming Saturday if you and I continue to get along.”

  Kara rose to her feet, extending her hand for his phone and the money. She could do this, most certainly. Besides, she wouldn’t mind getting a man’s opinion concerning the aesthetics of her genitalia.

  Evan placed the ten-dollar bill and his phone into her hand. “Do you understand how the camera works?”

  “Yes, I have the same type of phone in my purse.” Kara turned and walked gracefully down the sidewalk to the corner market.

  Upon making her entrance, an older man sporting a balding head and kind eyes welcomed her from behind the counter. She engaged him into frivolous conversation about the weather while buying peppermint Altoids. A minute later, she stood hidden away from the world in a small restroom located within the store’s storage room.

  She nibbled on her bottom lip in the mirror above the sink. Although this proposed exhibition on her part excited her, she couldn’t help
being a little concerned about where exactly these pictures might end up after she gave the phone back to Evan. Especially since he believed she honestly wanted to get into porn.

  A terrible flaw in her plan now glared at her. She simply could not allow her associates in New York to ever learn of this sexual indiscretion on her part. She would have to move back to Atlanta and resume her old job in advertising if that happened.

  Thinking logically, she fought back the trembles in her hands by reminding herself that Evan had said “explicit and to the point,” which could only be interpreted as meaning no facial shots requested or required. As long as she never allowed her face to be seen in conjunction with her genitalia she should be fine.

  With confidence surging up, she tugged the top half of the dress down to her waist and snapped several photographs of her bare breasts from different angles. Next, she bunched her dress up around her waist to take a few photos of her pussy, even doing a pink split with her clitoris fully exposed in one because she thought Evan would appreciate it. She then bent over to hold the phone behind her. She snapped two from either side, one at an angle with the phone pointed up between her spread legs, and one with her cheeks spread open to fully expose the pink rosebud buttplug buried within her wrinkled anus.

  Afterward, she scrolled back through the pictures to make sure none of the photos showed her face. Of course, as she did this she compared her pussy to the many other pussy pics she’d seen before and thought hers looked at least as attractive as theirs.

  Although she kept it a secret even from Jennifer, she’d become dependent on porn for masturbation purposes since moving to New York. She even subscribed to a certain amateur site hosting explicit pictures sent in by the amateurs themselves. The site appealed to her because of its element of realism. The models often sent storylines along with their pictures and she liked those the best because it gave her the privilege of taking a peek into their sex lives. Yes, in this new age of unbridled sexuality, she most definitely wanted to witness, as well as experience, as much sexual diversity as she could before she ran out of time.

  Thinking of which, Evan was probably wondering what was taking her so long. She quickly slipped her dress top back up over her shoulders and fluffed the flowing hem around her thighs. She checked her appearance, turning this way and that in the mirror, liking the way the dress gave the impression of her being prim and proper. She went back through the store, thanking the clerk on her way out.