A Life Apart

by Harriet Knowles

  But it couldn’t be helped. Eventually, things would sort themselves out, at least she hoped so. She was determined to be a good wife and show him that she was not angry at him. Now that she had cut ties with her family, she did not need to bear a grudge, and it would not help her if she did.

  She began to doze, her head aching with sleeplessness and the tension of the previous day.

  She woke to the sound of the curtains being drawn back and the aroma of a fresh pastry.

  Stretching, she looked over at the small table in the window. A steaming teapot stood on the tray and she smiled. She didn’t mind this sort of luxury at all.

  Emilie held her robe for her and she sat down to drink her tea while the maid hurried to bring a jug of hot water. While Elizabeth washed, Emilie laid out her travelling gown for the day and soon she was descending the great staircase.

  Mrs. Porter curtsied as she reached the hall. “Good morning, Mrs. Darcy. Mr. Darcy is in the breakfast room.” She indicated the door and led the way.

  “Thank you, Mrs. Porter.” Elizabeth was grateful to the housekeeper, who was tactfully assisting her in such a strange place without making it too obvious. Elizabeth pursed her lips, she was a lot more helpful than her husband was, to be sure.

  He rose on seeing her, and bowed formally. “Good morning, madam. I hope you passed a comfortable night.”

  “Thank you. I had everything I needed.” Elizabeth returned his greeting and he waited until she had taken her seat before he sat again.

  She ate what she could, trying to hide how difficult it was to eat. She must keep up her strength and be a good wife to him. But she didn’t know what the best thing to do was.

  Should she be friendly, try and draw him out of his silent anger? Should she let him work his own way through it and be quiet and follow his lead?

  She didn’t know. So she stayed quiet and drank another cup of tea.

  Finally, he folded up his newspaper. “When you are ready, madam, we will take our leave. It is two long days of travel, but I would prefer that to taking three days upon the road.”

  “As you wish, Mr. Darcy,” Elizabeth murmured. “If you will permit, I will retire and be ready very shortly.” He nodded and rose, waiting gravely as she dipped a curtsy and left the room.

  In the coach, he sat beside her, but with the width of the seat between them. She stared out of the window. It was going to be a long journey if he remained silent.

  But perhaps it was better that he did not sit opposite her, or she would have to make more of an effort to avoid catching his eye.

  The streets of London vanished behind them and she settled back in her seat. She risked a glance at him. He was staring steadfastly out of the window.

  The movement of the coach was soothing and comfortable. Two days of this. She leaned her head back and closed her eyes. If he wasn’t going to talk to her, she might as well try and rest.

  She roused a little at each post to change the horses, but when the coach next pulled in again, Mr. Darcy sat forward.

  “We will stop here for lunch, madam.” He allowed the ghost of a smile. “Perhaps we might also take a short walk to ease the aches of the journey?”

  She smiled properly then. “I would be most grateful, Mr. Darcy.”

  She looked round as she climbed down the steps. “Where are we, sir?”

  “Broughton.” He turned to offer her his arm. “I often stop here, and my man will order lunch. We can stroll down to the stream and get some fresh air.”

  “Thank you, sir. I very much appreciate the opportunity.” Elizabeth was pleased at this apparent thaw in his manner. The silence between them felt more companionable now and she looked around her with interest.

  Too soon, it was over, and they turned to walk back to the inn for lunch.

  Elizabeth hesitated. “Mr. Darcy?”

  He looked down at her. “Yes?”

  She took a deep breath. “Might you be able to tell me a little of Pemberley, sir? I would like very much not to disappoint you in the execution of my duties.”

  She kept her gaze on the path ahead as she spoke, wondering if he would think her impertinent.

  She could hear the surprise in his voice. “From what your mother said, it appears your aunt knows about Pemberley. I would have thought she had told you about it.”

  She could feel herself stiffen and she knew he was aware of it. “No, sir. I would not talk of the situation with them. Mrs. Bennet may say what she wishes.” She shrugged a little. “My wish to serve properly as the mistress of Pemberley remains.”

  “Thank you,” he said quietly. “I am sorry that my words were thoughtless enough to upset you.”

  She looked up at him. “I think what my family has done is enough to deserve some pointed comments, sir.” They walked on in silence for a few moments.

  Elizabeth thought over what had happened. Perhaps she ought not to say much more. The injury to his pride and his freedom would take a long time to heal and she must not presume upon his forgiveness too soon.

  She smiled to herself. But it had been a good start.

  Chapter 15

  It was beginning to get dark when they stopped again. She looked interestedly out of the window.

  “Leicester.” Mr. Darcy appeared to anticipate her question, and she could feel the muscles of her face ache with her almost forgotten smile.

  He almost smiled back before he seemed to catch himself and returned to his impassive expression.

  “The Swan is a comfortable inn and the landlord knows me and my requirements.”

  Elizabeth followed him inside, her heart in her mouth. She knew in the confines of small inns, married couples would share a bedchamber. This might be closeness too far, at this early stage of their tacit truce.

  They dined in the private parlour, and Elizabeth listened raptly as Mr. Darcy described a little of Pemberley and the way he managed the estate.

  Finally, he pushed his chair back. “I would like to make another early start in the morning, madam. Perhaps you would like to retire?”

  Elizabeth drew a deep breath. “Thank you, sir.” She rose. “Goodnight.” She wondered if he would tell her that he would join her shortly, or if he felt she would be expecting him.

  “Goodnight, Mrs. Darcy.” His expression was unreadable. He had retreated into himself again and she climbed the stairs feeling downhearted.

  Her maid followed her, and as she sat in front of the glass, Elizabeth pondered on the fact that it was not one coach travelling to Pemberley, but two. Her maid and the extra servants were travelling in the second coach, along with their trunks. She thought of such an expression of careless wealth, and sighed. Her mother would never have pushed so hard that she marry him if he hadn’t been rich.

  But she knew, with a sick certainty, that her mother would not have been able to prevent herself being the centre of attention and drama during her compromise. She would have had to marry, wealth or not.

  She looked round the room. “Thank you, Emilie. You may go now.”

  Her maid glanced at the wall to the left. “Mr. Darcy has taken the next room, Mrs. Darcy.” She bobbed a curtsey and left the room quietly.

  Elizabeth climbed into bed, wondering at his actions. Was he showing respect for her, or was he disdaining her company?

  She blushed, even though she was alone. What did the staff think of her? What of the people from the inn? Were they wondering what was wrong with her?

  She’d puzzled over the curious glances she’d seen earlier and her husband’s apparent indifference to them. Now she knew why it had been and she was annoyed that he hadn’t cared and that she hadn’t known.

  She burrowed under the covers. She would be very glad to get to Pemberley.

  Pemberley was beautiful. She stared in awe as the coach approached the house in the misty evening light. How could she be mistress here?

  “You have the most beautiful home, Mr. Darcy.” Elizabeth turned to him, and caught a look on his face, an unex
pected expression of loss and she looked away quickly. What had she said?

  They dined quietly together in the peace of the great dining room. He was taciturn again and she respected his mood.

  As they ate, he turned to her. “I am going back to London in the morning, madam. I want you to settle in here and learn how Pemberley operates without having me around to mar the atmosphere.” He dabbed at his mouth with the napkin. “I also have much business to complete in London.”

  Her heart sank. Not that his company was easy, but she could never hope to make anything of her marriage unless they could work together. She wanted to show him that her family had destroyed her hopes for the future as well as his.

  Neither could ever be reconciled to their fate unless they accepted each other.

  And she would be very lonely.

  The butler came quietly into the room, a small sheaf of letters in his hand. He bowed. “An express has arrived with post from Darcy House, sir.”

  Mr. Darcy nodded and took the letters. He leafed through them quickly, and glanced at her. He put one letter to the side and handed the rest to her.

  Elizabeth’s heart jumped into her throat. “Thank you,” she said quietly. She glanced at the handwriting of the directions. Her mother, her father, Aunt Gardiner. And Jane.

  She rose to her feet and went to the fire. She threw the unopened letters onto the flames and returned quietly to her seat.

  As she replaced the napkin on her lap and picked up her knife and fork, she could feel the heat of his gaze on her.

  It was too soon. Her family were dead to her, she could not yet think of reading their letters. And it would, perhaps, make Mr. Darcy understand that her loyalty did not remain with her family.

  But she could eat nothing else and merely toyed with her food.

  Finally, she could bear it no longer. “Might I be permitted to retire for the night, sir? It has been a fatiguing day.”

  He rose at once. “Of course, madam. I hope your find your chambers to your liking. You may, of course, change anything you wish to.”

  “Thank you.” She curtsied and turned away.

  “Goodnight, Mrs. Darcy.” His voice sounded very slightly warmer than it had before and she had to swallow against the tightness in her throat.

  “Goodnight, sir.”

  In the hall, she found the housekeeper. “Mrs. Reynolds, please show me to my chambers and have tea sent up.”

  “Of course, Mrs. Darcy. This way, if you please.” As she climbed the great, shadowed staircase behind the housekeeper, she looked up at the huge portraits lining the walls. They seemed to be looking down on her with all the hauteur and arrogance of centuries of breeding and wealth.

  Perhaps she should not be surprised at Mr. Darcy’s manner to her.

  At the door of her chamber, she took a deep breath and turned to Mrs. Reynolds. “Has Mr. Darcy informed you yet what time he is leaving tomorrow?”

  The woman curtsied. “Yes, Mrs. Darcy. He is leaving soon after dawn. He has instructed that you need not be disturbed for it.”

  Elizabeth compressed her lips. Of course he would have said that.

  “Nevertheless, I wish to be woken when he is. I will rise and dress and be ready to bid him farewell. Please see that I am woken in time.”

  There was a grudging respect in the old servant’s manner as she curtsied. “Of course, Mrs. Darcy. I will ensure your maid calls upon you.”

  Elizabeth looked around her chambers. The whole apartment was large, she could almost live up here. A private sitting room had three large windows looking out over the drive and the bedchamber itself had a view down to the lake. She could not see the far side of the lake in the darkness, and she stared out wistfully. At least her ankle was nearly better. She should be able to walk out there tomorrow and begin to learn the extent of the park.

  She also had a private dressing room and a small room leading from that contained a large copper bath and a rather more mundane washstand.

  Her eyebrows raised, she surveyed the dressing room. She doubted all her possessions would fill even one of the many closets. Perhaps she would be able to visit a seamstress in the neighbourhood and have a few more gowns made up. As it was, the servants seemed to be better attired than she was.

  She sighed and returned to the sitting area where Mrs. Reynolds was supervising one of the downstairs maids who was carefully placing the tea tray down and a chambermaid who was carrying a steaming water jug through to the dressing room.

  “Thank you, Mrs. Reynolds.”

  The woman curtsied. “I have taken the liberty of placing a few volumes in the bookcase here, madam. Mr. Darcy has instructed that when he is away from home, you may enter the library to take any books you wish.”

  “Thank you.” Elizabeth was rather touched at his thoughtfulness, but as she sipped at her tea, she wondered if it meant that she would be here alone for longer than she had thought.

  Tomorrow, she thought. Tomorrow she would explore, meet with Mrs. Reynolds, and begin to fashion a new life for herself.

  Chapter 16

  Darcy sat back in the coach as it rolled towards London. He’d been surprised when she had come downstairs to bid him farewell on his journey, but he’d been rather more surprised at his own pleasure, too. Although he hadn’t shown it, of course.

  It seemed she would be able to preserve the formality and etiquette of her station. He was certain that Mrs. Reynolds would be able to show her how the estate was managed. His steward here was also an excellent man. Darcy had no worries on account of the estate.

  He turned his mind towards London and his life at Darcy House. He’d sent an express to Richard from the inn at Leicester and looked forward to seeing him and Georgiana when he arrived.

  He leaned back against the padded seats. He was sick of riding in coaches. But now he could make a life for himself without all the travelling. He scowled. He would miss Pemberley.

  He began to think of the things he had to do in the next few weeks. He must put the announcement in the Gazette. He must inform his uncle. He grimaced, it would not be a pleasant meeting.

  He smiled mirthlessly. He must also inform his aunt. He definitely did not wish to face her. He would write, but he was certain that she would call on him forthwith, poor Anne in tow.

  But it was too late. He was married now. He rubbed his face tiredly. The news in the Gazette would bring everyone to Darcy House.

  Bingley would appear. He did not mind that so much, but his sisters would arrive, too. Miss Bingley would be loud and disparaging of the Bennet family — he did not mind that, but he found himself curiously unwilling to listen to what he knew she would say about Elizabeth.

  He was almost inclined to turn back to Pemberley. But he must see Georgiana and he wanted to talk to Richard.

  The following evening, thankfully, he was home. He’d taken a horse and ridden on ahead of the coach and was pleasantly fatigued as he handed the animal over to his groom and hurried up the steps to join his sister and cousin.

  He bowed over her hand. “Georgiana. I am very happy to be home.”

  She curtsied. “I’m sorry you have had all this trouble, William. Come, join us for tea.”

  “Trouble? What do you know of my trouble, Georgiana?” If Bennet had called here — but that was why he had sent them away. Surely she had been safe at Matlock House?

  She looked startled. “Nothing at all.” She smiled sadly. “I only know that you have had some deep trouble and you have had to bear it alone.”

  His cousin nodded seriously. “I am sorry, too, Darcy. I hope you feel that you can share it with us. I think you might find some comfort in doing so.”

  They all turned and went into the house. Darcy sighed. “Yes, I will tell you now.” He turned to Georgiana. “The drawing room seems very large, perhaps we could go into your day room, it is smaller and more private.”

  She looked surprised. “Of course, if you wish it so.” She nodded at the footman who departed to have the
tea taken up there, to the small room off the gallery.

  Darcy would have preferred his library, of course, and later he would talk to Richard there. But the room was too masculine for Georgiana to be comfortable, and he wanted her to be relaxed as she heard his news. It would be a shattering blow to her.

  He waited until the servants had all left the room and the doors were closed. It was a pleasant little room, and he knew Georgiana spent quite a lot of time up here, practising or painting, her companion quietly reading if she wasn’t needed.

  Georgiana leaned forward, holding his tea towards him. “Have some tea, William, and take your time. All I pray for is that you are not unwell and that you will not have to leave us.”

  He took the cup and saucer from her. “Let me reassure you, Georgiana. I am well, and I will not have to leave you.” He was sorry if she had been worried about that.

  “Then nothing can possibly be as bad as my imagination has wrought.” She smiled tremulously and sat back to wait with as much patience as he needed.

  He smiled affectionately at her. “I am sorry to have to give you this news, but I had better be about it.” He wondered for a moment whether to tell the story from the beginning or whether to blurt it out. Perhaps the latter would get it all over with quickly.

  He reached out and took her hand. “None of this will affect you and I, as brother and sister, Georgiana.” He must reassure her on that fact.

  “But the truth of the matter is — I have been forced to marry.” Her gasp told her that no intimation of the news had reached her.

  “Yes,” he continued heavily. “I was riding through woodland in Hertfordshire just after I had arrived to stay with Bingley. I came upon a seriously injured young lady and despite her objections, I could not see my way to leave her with no means of reaching assistance.”

  Richard scowled. “Did she force your obligation?”

  Darcy shook his head. It was somehow important that they did not blame her.