"Yes, ma'am, I was Team Leader then, as I am now," he said sternly, his eyes never meeting my face, his jaw set.
"I didn't mean to say anything wrong," I say, resting my hand lightly on his arm. He nodded his head, but I could feel all of the faces still on me. My skin flushed, my emotions running crazy bringing both angry and sad tears to my eyes. Standing up abruptly, I tossed the blanket from my legs, throwing my un-eaten food into the fire I wrapped my jacket around me, brushing Chad's hand off as he tried to grab at my arm, heading towards the lonely road, away from the cabin. "Let her go," I heard Kendall yell, but it was already off in the distance, the tree line and the looming darkness blocking my view of the bonfire.
I could barely see the road as I stumbled down it, branches and stones almost tripping me as tears streamed down my face. It was silly the rage I was feeling from all of their eyes on me, my hands clenching at my sides as I turned into the woods by a huge blue spruce tree trunk. The rage stemmed from my anger over Randy's death as well and not being able to see my brother, or share important things with him. I can't bring him back. I can't change the past, but I don't have to stop wishing every once in a while that I could.
The dead leaves and branches crunched under my boots as I trudged along, wiping the tears away with quick angry swipes, stopping my path and leaning against an old birch tree. Gripping onto two low lying branches, I shook myself, the anger rolling through me and a scream coming out, my breath steam in the air. I screamed till my throat gave out, strong arms encircling my waist and spinning me around, pulling me into him.
Chad's Old Spice scent washed over me, but I was too far into my rage, my balled up hands pounding furiously at his sweatshirt covered chest, my forehead resting against it feeling the vibration every time I struck him. "Stop now," he said, his arms trying to force mine down, "stop it now Ray, you're okay. They didn't mean to make you feel bad," his cheek was against the top of my head, his warm breath mingling with my hair.
"No," I cried, hitting his chest, "Randy left me, then my mother left me, now....now you'll leave me and I'll be all alone," I sobbed, the stream of tears picking up as I buried my face in his sweatshirt, giving up on my assault of fists. I gripped the cloth in my hands as if I could pull him any closer to me, his arms squeezing me tight, his hands rubbing up and down my back. "You can't leave me Chad, not after I've just found you. I love you too much for you to leave," I cried, my words hitching as my throat dealt with my tears. "I love you," I whispered into his chest.
"Ray," his voice loomed over me, his hands pulling my face from his sweatshirt to look up at his, the darkness seemingly disappearing between us. "Ray, I...I love you too, I always have." That little sentence broke my heart, my hands running up to meet his cheeks, pulling his lips to mine. "I'll leave, but I'll always come back," he breathed out between our joined lips, his hands running into my hair and one down to my waist. "I'm sorry I waited so long to really tell you," he whispered against my neck as his hand un-zipped my jacket, his fingers running over my chest and stomach.
"Chad," I breathed out, my fingers unbuttoning his jeans, unzipping them as he does the same to me. I stop his hands for a second, his eyes meeting mine, "When did you know you loved me," I ask, working my jeans down to my ankles, slipping my left leg free of them, the cold air biting at my skin.
"When I was fifteen," he whispered into my lips then kissed them softly, his thumb massaging into my neck causing my head to tilt to give him better access to my neck and that spot at the crook of my neck that he always brushed with his lips, sending me reeling. "It was the summer and you had on a little yellow sundress, sitting on the swing behind our trailer. When I pushed you lightly, your laugh pierced my heart and I was a goner. For the last fifteen years I've never loved another," he kissed my lips again and I could feel a smile breakout, "When did you know," he asked, his tongue darting out to trace my top lip.
"When I was five," I say, my hands running over his chest and shoulders, his hands lifting me up to wrap my legs around his waist. "You were climbing the maple at the park and I was following you, Randy was on the ground. I started to slip and you caught my wrist, saying 'I'll never let you go', and I was a goner, your blue eyes had me hooked." He pushed my back up against the tree, his lips finding mine, "I love you."
"I love you," he whispered on my lips, the echoes of it seemingly lasting forever as he made love to me right there, our breath turning to steam, our hearts melting into one. He knew. I knew. We held each other, perched up against the tree, just kissing one another, this time as happy tears trickled down my cheeks. I could have died in that very moment and left this life happy, with no regrets. After getting dressed, we walked slowly hand in hand back to the cabin, the bon fire still roaring as the others sat around it, watching us approach.
"I'm sorry for acting like a brat," I say, feeling a slight blush rush my face, being glad that it was dark out. Smiles meet me, Rosa and Kendall each giving me a slight wink as they both stand, the men issuing some 'sorrys' along with 'it's okays'.
"Come on girl," Kendall said, weaving her arm into mine as Rosa did the same on the other side, "let's go get you a drink."
Pulling me into the cabin, Kendall and Rosa shed their jackets, practically ripping mine off, dragging me into the kitchen and placing me on one of the stools at the island where the remnants of dinner sat. "Glasses," Rosa said to Kendall, disappearing into the living room. Kendall smiled at me, placing a rocks glass in my hand as I snagged a forkful of macaroni salad, throwing a few ice cubes in the glass as I held it up to her.
Rosa was humming when she returned, her arms hidden behind her back, "Now ladies I have two choices," bringing her left arm up she revealed a bottle of Jack Daniels, my favorite, and I raise my hand. In her right arm she holds up a bottle of Puerto Rican Rum and Kendall squeals with delight. Cracking open the bottles as I grab three cans of Pepsi from the fridge, both of them say at the same time, "So what happened in the woods?"
I couldn't help but blush and bite my lip, Kendall immediately knowing what that meant, her mouth going open as she pointed at me. "He told me he loved me," I said, taking a sip from the glass Rosa had poured me, the Jack burning all the way down, an 'ahhh' sound emanating from my throat. I don't think Kendall's eyes could've gotten any wider, her red lips latched onto the edge of her glass bracing for me to say something else. "He said he's been in love with me since he was fifteen," my eyes started to tear again, this time in happiness as Chad's words ran through my mind.
"Oh Ray," Kendall said and I could see the moisture lining her lashes, her hand placed on top of mine. I knew she was worried about me and how this would hurt me if it ended, but I hoped that in that single moment she was more happy for me than anything. I gave her a smile, Rosa raising her glass and cheering me and Chad, the taste of the liquor making us all wince and then laugh hysterically.
As dawn approached the three of us sat in the kitchen, drinking and talking, finally being flung over shoulders and carried to bed. Winking at Kendall as she waved from Timmons's shoulder, I said a slurred goodnight to Rosa as Reno shut the door behind her, her wiggling fingers being the last thing I saw. Chad threw me down on the bed, forcing a loud burp from my throat, a silly giggle following as he tugged at my boots. Managing to strip myself, I leaned up on one elbow to watch him in the weak light, his defined muscles coming out inch by inch as he shed his clothing. He smiled at me over his shoulder as he dropped his jeans and I rolled my eyes at him, throwing myself onto my pillow. His warmth washed over me as he slid into bed, wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me into him.
"I love you drunkie," he chuckled in my hair, the vibration rumbling through his chest. This man, he was perfect. This man, was finally mine.
"I love you Chadwick Payne."
CHAPTER FOUR:
Rosa, Kendall and I sat around the wood stove that morning, or well, it was more like afternoon, waiting for the men to come back from their venture into the woods. Kendall was gushing about her tryst with Timmo
ns last night; how she had to show him how to kiss and this and that, meanwhile Rosa and I just sit there, slowly drinking our tea, laughing at the absolutely ridiculous parts of her story. 'I swear you guys, the kid's thing was this big," she held out her hands making an outlandish size description, Rosa and I looking at each other and bursting with laughter.
It felt good to be around these two women and they got along great, our cheery laughter flowing through the lonely cabin. Leaving Kendall and Rosa downstairs as they straightened the living room and kitchen, I made the bed in the master bedroom, throwing Chad's dirty clothes in the wicker hamper. My phone starts vibrating on the night stand and picking it up I see it's a text message from Chad's mom, Dana. 'Hope you kids are being safe. Love u both' making me smile and I sent back a 'We are, we love u too. C u tomorrow.'
Straightening the comforter, I plopped down on the semi-squeaky bed, pulling on a pair of jeans and thick socks. It was colder than yesterday, being only thirty-two degrees, snow covering the ground when we got out of bed this morning. It was all melted now, but the chill hung in the air so I threw some more wood into the stove as I got off the stairs. Putting my arms through Chad's camo zip-up hoodie, I shuffled into the kitchen where Kendall and Rosa were busy making lunch. "Smells good ladies," I smile, both of them chattering away about how I can help them, pushing bowls, vegetables and knives my way.
The three of us had tackled a five quart crock pot of beef stew, still simmering when the guys all piled into the house around three. Kendall and I had our legs thrown over Rosa's lap, each doing the other's toe nails while Rosa switched between painting our finger nails. Reno kissed her on the cheek, shaking his head at the three of us as he followed the others into the kitchen, their groans of delight filling the once silent cabin. "What smells so good," Timmons said and I could hear the lid of the crock pot being set on the counter, the glass dinging on the tiled top.
"Get outta there," I yell, the muffled 'oh shits' and 'put it downs' making Kendall laugh. Coming back into the living room, I notice that Timmons has my brother's shotgun in his hands, "Where'd you get that," I ask, pointing at it with my still wet fingernails. I sounded sharp and that was for a reason. That gun was my brother's and no one should be touching it.
Timmons held it up as if to say 'What? This?', a dumb founded look on his face. "Um, Chief let me use it," he pointed to Chad.
"That's Randy's gun," I say to Chad, a heat boiling under my skin. Rosa's hand on my shoulder makes me feel a little better, but still, it bothers me that someone who isn't me or Chad had his hands on my brother's gun. "Please put it back, after cleaning it," I snap my eyes back to Timmons and he sharply nods his head, retreating into the den with Black and French in tow. I spare Kendall a look and I can tell she knows how I'm feeling, she can tell how much Randy's death still bothers me. He had been my guardian angel and she knows how he got that gun that one spring morning when I was five.
Before I had witnessed my father having sex in our living room with a hooker, I had come face-to-barrel with that shotgun. It was an early April morning, I was still in my nightgown with my little rain boots on, stomping through the house, Randy playing video games splayed out on the living room floor. I trudged through the hallway, coming to a loud halt at my parents’ door, smiling at my father who was cleaning the shotgun on their bed. I remember running up to him, jumping on the bed and wanting him to play, his large hands pushing me away and off the bed, my butt bouncing off of the carpet making a loud thud. My mother had come out of the bathroom, yelling at my father for pushing me and going to sweep me up when the sound of a racking shell rang out. The barrel of the shotgun met my eyes, only inches from my skin as my mother screamed, Randy's running form appearing in the doorway.
"You know I could kill you," my dad had said, his grey eyes blood-shot and locked on me as I cried, going to get to my feet when he screamed at me, "I'll kill you ya little bitch, like I should've killed your mama a long time ago." I fell back to my butt, screaming for my mother, her cries mingling with Randy's yells.
Randy was only ten at the time, but he was a big kid, running into my dad and surprising him, yanking the shotgun from his hands and swinging back to face my dad. My mom screamed at Randy as tears streaked his cheeks, my father's laughter mocking him as his hands trembled. "Do it," my father yelled, pressing the barrel to his forehead, "you don't got the guts you lil' maggot. Go on, do it!"
In that moment, my brother had turned from a boy to a hero in my mind, as he pulled the trigger, the click ruminating throughout the room, making my dad's mocking laughter rumble even louder. Back handing Randy, my father yanked the gun free throwing it to the bedroom floor, slapping my mother on the way out of the room, leaving the three of us to cry with each other as I presume he went to get high. My father was a worthless piece of crap and I could care less if he died today, it would only do the entire world a favor.
Snapping back to reality I notice that Rosa is talking to me, her face displaying annoyance, "I'm sorry, I wasn't paying attention, what did you say?"
She rolled her eyes, smiling as she repeated her question, "I said, do you wanna come to the condo sometime, we could do a girls night or you can stay the weekend?" She looked hopeful as she painted Kendall's nails. Kendall even nodded and I knew that she liked this new friend of ours.
"Well, yeah, I'd love that," I say, putting my arm around her shoulder. We sat in silence, the only sounds being hushed conversation from the den, the men's voices barely audible over the crackling of the wood in the stove. It worried me that they were being so silent all of a sudden and I turned my creased brow to Rosa, seeing that her eyes were looking down the hallway as well. Her hands stopped painting Kendall's nails, her eyebrows knitting together, her lips pursed and I knew that it wasn't good. She took my hand in hers, interlacing our fingers, her eyes never leaving their spot on the den door.
"Bad news," she whispers, footsteps causing her eyes to snap back down to doing Kendall's nails, a look passing between the two of us as we looked over her dark ponytail.
Chad was scratching his beard as he came out from the den, his hand moving to rub the back of his neck. His eyes looked tired as he gazed at me, pulling the rubber band from his hair, he scratched his skull, nodding for me to meet him upstairs. His long legs propelled him up the wooden steps, Reno coming to the back of the couch, whispering in Rosa's ear that he needed to talk to her. My legs felt like lead as I lowered them to the floor, my knees feeling like they were rusty as I stood. I followed Reno and Rosa up the stairs, turning to my room as Rosa sent me a sad look. Chad was sitting on the bed, his face in his hands with his elbows propped on his knees as I entered the room, my heart falling through the floor and into the wood stove below, going up in flames. "What is it," I ask, afraid to move.
He motioned me over to sit by him and when I couldn't move he stood, pulling my arms till I was down on the bed, snuggled up to his side. "We ship out on next Tuesday," he said, his lips on my forehead and I wrapped my arms around him tighter, my eyes closed tight to ward off the tears. "I have to be back on base a week from Monday night." His fingers traced my jaw lightly, tilting it up so that he could see my face, his lips meeting my eye lids. "Look at me," he whispers, my eyes opening to find raw emotion in his, a light red edging in them as moisture gathered on his lashes. My thumb runs over the stubble on his cheek, my index finger lightly tracing the skin under his ear and Chad's eyes close for a second, letting me know he's enjoying it. "You can come with me, they'll let loved ones on the tarmac the day of departure." That last word, it breaks the thin wall I was trying to keep up, my tears falling like a river as I imagine all the bad things that could happen to this man that I love.
I crawl over top of him, our faces nose to nose, locking my eyes on his as my tears drip down on his beard. "I love you," I choke out, "I ...I don't want to be without you." His arms wrap around me, his fingers spread wide across my back as if he's trying to feel every inch of me, memorizing it. "I don't know how I'll do
it," I whisper against his lips, my hands on his cheeks pulling his face to mine. I kissed him frantically, his hands squeezing me into him, pulling at my clothing. "I know this is what you do," I say, my breathing erratic as he kissed my neck, "I just want you to come home when you're done."
Taking my face in his hands, Chad looked into my eyes, his thumbs brushing the loose tears away. "I'll come back," his lips trace mine, the sensation sending chills down my spine. "How could I not come home to this," he smiled, running his hands down my back, butt and thighs. "Besides, I just got you. You're all I've ever wanted and I can't give it up that easily. Sarge says the mission might last six months, maybe less, you can never know for sure" he kissed my lips. His eyes told me that he'd stay safe, that he'd do his best to protect his 'brothers'. I laced my fingers into his hair as he sat up, his lips burning a path from my lips to my shoulder.
Getting up, he quietly shut the door, his eyes never leaving mine as he came back. I knew this news was inevitable, it was his job. It was a part of him but I didn't think it would be so soon. "Sit," I say, getting to my feet and pushing him to the bed. I was going to show him everything I had ever wanted to do to him over the years. All the fantasies I had pinned up in my mind, the reasons why I had so much lingerie in my possession.
My little show ended when Chad said he couldn't take it any longer, pulling me down onto the bed and making love to me, both of us shedding a tearful 'I love you' with every kiss. Our peaceful holds on each other were interrupted when Timmons knocked on the door, asking if we were going to come down and eat.
"Yeah, give us a minute," Chad replied, his arm under my head as I snuggled into his side. He squeezed me tight, his lips kissing my forehead, his hand running down the side of my body. I was overly happy in this moment, if only it could last forever. "Baby," he whispered, moving to lie on his side facing me, his blue eyes roaming my body, his fingers trailing along my waist. "Baby, I love you with all my heart," he leaned in, brushing his lips on mine lightly, lingering there as his beard tickles my nose. I couldn't help but smile, it triggering a chuckle in Chad, his fingers quickly going on the attack and tickling me relentlessly, my screams and giggles ringing out.
Two Weeks With a SEAL (The Wakefield Romance Series) Page 6
