by Ivy Smoak
Or what? My tears seemed to freeze on my cheeks. I'm going to fucking kill you. I'm going to take everything from you, just like you did to me. And then I'm going to end your life.
I watched the snow fall until my bloody handprint was no longer visible. I thought I'd feel cold in the snow. But all I could feel were the flames swallowing me whole before everything turned black.
Chapter 3
18 Years Old
Present Day - Friday
I took a huge gulp of air as I sat up. Blood. I touched my stomach and felt the jagged scar. It was just a dream. I tried to catch my breath as the tears welled in my eyes. It felt like I couldn't breathe. Because it wasn't just a dream. I remembered it happening like it was yesterday.
I felt dizzy, as though I was still losing blood. Everything was blurry. I squeezed my eyes shut. I'm okay. I tried to steady my breathing as relief washed over me. The memory was painful, but it couldn't hurt me now. Not physically, at least. But God it hurt to remember. I put my hand back on my stomach. Just a scar. No blood. I was safe. Just me. Alone. Always alone.
Fire. It still felt like there were flames inside of me. I wanted to scream. I wanted everything back that was taken from me. I tried to tell myself again that I was okay. But the truth was, I wasn't. I wasn't sure I'd ever be again. He stole my life.
I opened my eyes, but everything was still blurry. My head seared with pain. I touched the back of my head where the pain was emanating. There was a huge welt at the base of my skull. My dorm room slowly came into focus.
How did I get here? It felt like I had been sleeping for a long time. All the details seemed to come back in a rush. Don. The twisted game. Joan. I looked down at the inside of my forearm to stare at the bloody message, but it was gone. My arm was wiped clean.
I was disoriented. I put my fingers on my temples. Had I dreamt all of that too? What was happening? I shoved the blankets off of me and climbed out of my bed. I didn't come back here. How the hell did I get back into my room? I spun around.
I couldn't have dreamt all of it. I touched the back of my head again. There was definitely a bruise there from being hit in the back of the head with a gun. It felt like my heart was beating out of my chest. But I had also fallen. I had been in the hospital. Could the bump be from that? Had that even happened? I felt like I was hyperventilating.
"Hey, Sadie. Are you feeling better? I brought you some lunch." Kins walked into the room and set down a dining hall takeout bag on my desk.
It was her. She had to be involved in this. She was the only one with a key to our dorm. I backed away from her until my butt hit my mattress.
"Are you okay?" She frowned.
"I have to go."
"But you just got back."
"How?"
"What do you mean how?" She took a step toward me.
"I didn't fall asleep here." I looked around the room. "I don't know how I got here. How did I get here?" My voice seemed to screech.
"Sadie. I know you're hurting. But screw Eli. Everything is going to be okay." She wrapped her arms around me.
I winced at her touch. I wanted to shove her off of me. I wanted to scream. But instead, I let her hug me. What if I had imagined everything? What if I really was losing my mind?
"I'm really glad you decided not to leave," she said as she released me from her hug. "We're going to get through this together, I promise."
Her words meant nothing to me. No one I had ever met was capable of keeping a promise. "I never left?"
Kins frowned again. "No. You came back a few hours after you stormed out of here. Don't you remember?"
I put my hand on my forehead again. I didn't remember anything after talking to Joan. It all seemed foggy. I had this sinking feeling that I had imagined all of it. There was no box with slippers. There was no message on my arm. Nothing pointed to the fact that it had actually happened. I had been kidnapped and there was no evidence. And it didn't even make any sense. Why would Don kidnap me and not kill me?
"Really, you should eat something. You don't look so good."
Of course I don't look good! I'm losing my mind! I had to find someone from the witness protection program to help me. Anyone. "I'll be back later." I pulled the vigilante's hoodie on and put my cell phone in my pocket.
"Where are you going? I skipped my last class because you said you wanted to hang out. I thought we could talk about what happened with Miles a little more."
When did I tell you all of this? Everything in my gut was screaming that she couldn't be trusted. If I came home last night, I would have remembered talking to her, right? She was making this up. She had to be.
"I'm sorry," I said as I laced my Converses. "I forgot that I had plans."
"Sadie..."
Her words died away as the door closed behind me. I ran down the hall and the stairs until I burst through the front doors of the dorm building. The fresh air helped clear my head. I wasn't crazy. I had been kidnapped. My new identity was compromised. I'd been made. I pulled out my phone and tried Mr. Crawford again. The mocking tone of the woman saying, "this number is no longer in service," echoed in my ears. Shit. I typed in "witness protection program New York City" into Google on my phone.
There were a bunch of articles about what it was like to live in the witness protection program from The New Yorker and The New York Times. I didn't need to know what it was like. I was fucking living it. I clicked on a link to the U.S. Marshals Service and scrolled through the contact names. How was the equal employment opportunity contact going to help me? Finally I found a link for local contacts and found the section for New York City. I shouldn't have been surprised that Mr. Crawford's name wasn't on the list. But I was surprised. Was he involved in this too? I didn't think so. He had always tried to help me. What the hell was happening?
I wanted to throw my phone. Instead, I went back to my contacts list, clicked on Mr. Crawford's name, and put my phone to my ear. Please pickup. Please let him be okay. Please.
The screeching noise blasted into my ear again. "This number is no longer in service. This number is no longer in service."
Damn it! I turned around in a circle. What was I supposed to do? God. I put my hand on the side of my neck. It felt like someone was strangling me again. It felt like I was suffocating. All I wanted to do was find the vigilante's number in my phone. I wanted him to take away my worries and fears. I wanted him to protect me. I wanted him to fix everything I had broken.
But I didn't know him. I looked back at my dorm. I didn't know anyone here. I was in a strange city with a bunch of strangers who I couldn't trust. I didn't have a choice. I had to go to the police. They were the only ones that could help me. They had to.
I started running as fast as I could. I knew where one of their departments was. I had passed it the first day I had met Liza. Maybe I should have looked one up in a less sketchy part of town, but I didn't have time to analyze my decision. I needed answers. I needed help.
By the time I reached the precinct, I was completely out of breath. I pushed through the doors. Part of me expected it be like a TV show with someone rushing toward me to help. But I knew better than that. I stared at the most likely bullet proof glass separating me from the officers on the other side. No one even looked up at me. I was done being invisible. I was done not being heard. It was their job to serve and protect. I needed protection.
With a deep breath, I stormed up to the glass divider and slammed my fist against it.
An officer on the other side looked up from his computer. "I'll be right with you, ma'am." He looked back down at his screen.
I pounded on the glass again. "It's an emergency!"
He sighed and slowly got up from his desk. And he walked away from me. He fucking walked away from me.
I slammed my fist against the glass again. "Someone is after me. I need help!"
A door opened to the left of the glass. The officer that had walked away was standing there with his arms folded. "This way, then."
> I most likely had approached this all wrong. Being demanding and angry wasn't how to get results. They were just going to hate me. I tried to calm down as I followed the officer through the door.
"Wait here." He gestured to a row of chairs. There was a guy with his hands handcuffed to the chair at the end of the row. I wasn't a criminal. I sat down in a chair as far away from the criminal as possible.
Cops bustled around with files, no one glancing at me. A police officer slamming down his desk phone made me turn my head. He looked pissed. Hopefully I wouldn't get him. I needed someone calm and understanding. My stomach dropped when he stood up and approached me.
"I'm Detective Lewis." He put his hand out to me.
I didn't want to touch him. I knew I'd feel flames. Instead of being normal, I tucked my hands under my thighs on the chair. "I'm Sadie Davis."
He lowered his eyebrows slightly as he shoved his hands into his pockets. "What's your emergency?"
"I...I was kidnapped." I knew it sounded crazy. If I was truly kidnapped, I wouldn't be sitting here. He wasn't going to believe me.
He lowered both his eyebrows. "Were you assaulted?"
"Yes. I was hit in the back of the head with a gun. And then I woke up in my dorm room."
He shook his head like my story was unbelievable. "Follow me."
I got up from the chair and followed him to his desk. He gestured to the chair on the other side of the desk from him. I sat down.
"Sadie Davis," he said as he touched the mouse for his computer. "Do you have some ID?"
"Yes, but actually, that's part of the reason that I'm here. My real name is Summer Brooks. I'm in the witness protection program. But my cover's been compromised. And my contact isn't answering his phone. It's been disconnected."
Detective Lewis just stared at me.
"I'm in the program because of my foster father. There's a no contact order between me and him. But he left Colorado and he's in New York. He followed me here even though he wasn't supposed to leave the state. He's awaiting trial."
"Okay, Summer Brooks." He typed something into his computer. "What's your date of birth?"
"I was born on August 15th, 2000."
He typed it into his computer and then leaned back in his chair, like he was waiting for the results to appear. He crossed his arms in front of his chest and just stared at me.
I felt like I needed to fill in some of the blanks. "My foster father kidnapped me last night, with the help of the owner of the Corner Diner, Joan...I don't even know her last name. But she said she had my friends."
He cleared his throat and looked back at the computer screen.
"Alight, Summer Brooks. Born August 15th, 2000 in Sheridan, Wyoming to David and Jennifer Brooks. Is that you?"
"Yes."
He clicked on his mouse and lowered his eyebrows slightly. "She died on October 12th, 2009."
"What?"
"Summer Brooks died of carbon monoxide poisoning the night of October 12th along with her grandmother, Bethany Wagner. Both were dead upon arrival of paramedics."
"My grandmother died of a heart attack on October 12th, 2009. Not carbon monoxide poisoning."
He turned his computer screen to me. "There were blood tests. Both tests detected the poison."
"That's not possible. I'm still alive. I'm sitting right here."
"Look, I get it, okay? Thirsty Thursday? I was in college once. You got drunk, maybe you woke up a little disoriented this morning. You should get back home and get some rest."
I put my hand on my forehead. I couldn't explain what was happening. How could I make him believe me? "I was most recently enrolled in Hanover High School in Telluride, Colorado. Under the name Summer Brooks. You can look it up."
He sighed and typed something else into his computer. "There was no student by that name in the last four years."
"That's not possible."
"Sadie Davis. That's what you said your real name was right?"
"No, that's not..."
"Sadie, I have a caseload full of real problems in this city that actually need my attention. I don't have time to look into whatever bullshit you've been dared to come in here and spill. I need to get back to work."
"But I was kidnapped."
"And did they steal anything from you? Did they threaten you? Did they ask for ransom?"
"I...I don't remember. I can't remember."
"Well, come back if you do. In the meantime..." he gestured to his computer, "I'm busy."
My legs seemed to shake as I stood up. He thought I was making it up. No one was going to believe me. "Don Roberts," I quickly said.
Detective Lewis looked up at me.
"He's the leader or whatever you call it of the mafia." Shit, what had Liza called it? Hell something? It didn't matter. That wasn't the point. "He was my foster father. And he was the one that kidnapped me. He's being prosecuted for violating the foster care system and for attempted murder. Against me. Look up the case."
He sighed again as he typed something into his computer. "Don Roberts." His eyes scanned the screen. "He is not enrolled in the foster program of Colorado or any other state. He doesn't even have a rap sheet."
"That's not possible."
"And there is no open case against him. Especially for attempted murder. We'd be aware of such allegations. He's clean."
I couldn't breathe. I took a step back from the desk and hit the chair that I had been sitting in. It squeaked against the linoleum floor.
Detective Lewis looked a little more sympathetic. "Call me if you can remember anything, alright?" He handed me his card. "And get some sleep. I'm sure you'll feel better by tomorrow."
I had lost my mind. It felt like I was dreaming as I turned away from the detective. Summer Brooks was dead. In my heart, I already knew that. A part of me died when my parents' car crashed. Another piece of me died when my grandmother had a heart attack. But I took my last breath the first time Don had touched me.
But that wasn't in 2009. And it wasn't because of carbon monoxide poisoning. I stepped out onto the busy city streets. There were people everywhere. I felt claustrophobic. I needed to be alone. I needed to figure out what was real.
Again, I found myself wanting to call the vigilante. I shook my head. Don was trying to kill him. I couldn't risk leading Don right to him. Besides, I didn't know if I could trust him. How could I trust a man who was hiding behind a mask? He couldn't give me any answers.
I glanced behind me as I walked down the sidewalk. I could feel someone watching me. I could feel my sanity slipping away.
Chapter 4
Friday
I clenched my hand in a fist as I stared at the door. I didn't know what else to do. It really felt like I was losing my mind. He was the only one who could tell me what was real. I looked over my shoulder once more. Would being here really make things any worse? Joan already knew he was my friend. I had already put him in harm's way.
Before I could talk myself out of it, I knocked on the door.
Miles opened the door at the same time he was pulling his shirt on. I saw a quick glimpse of his abs. He was just wearing boxers and a t-shirt. No, he definitely wasn't the same boy I used to know. There was nothing at all boyish about him now.
"Hey, Sadie." He looked surprised to see me. "I was looking for you today..."
"Can I come in?" I walked past him before he had a chance to answer. His sheets and comforter were pushed back. I had clearly just disrupted his sleep. I knew I was fidgeting. I knew how crazy I looked. How could I explain why I was here without him thinking I was presumptuous? God. I turned back around to face him. He looked truly exhausted. What was I doing here? I couldn't keep harassing him like this. "I'm sorry, I woke you. I should just come back in the morning." I tried to step back around him, but he put his hand on my arm.
"It's okay. You can stay."
I swallowed hard. He had invited me in the other night. If I had taken him up on that offer, nothing bad would have happened. I would
have been safely in his arms all night. My memory would be intact. And I was scared to go back to my room. I didn't trust Kins. This was the only place I truly felt safe.
"I want you to stay," he added, when I didn't respond to him.
I quickly turned back to him. He wants me to stay? I didn't want to overthink everything. I didn't want to make this something it wasn't. I was here to get answers, not to drag him into a past that no longer made sense. But I needed him to hold me too. For years I had needed him and he was nowhere to be found. Just this one night, I wanted his arms around me. I wanted him to tell me it was going to be okay. I kicked off my shoes and pulled off my hoodie. So much for not being presumptuous.
He pushed his hair off his forehead as he watched me.
What was he thinking? I really never had been good at reading him. "Last night when I asked you to hold me, you invited me in. I thought maybe...that we could do that tonight."
A smile was toying at the edge of his lips. "If that's what you want to do."
I nodded my head. My heart stammered as he turned around and locked the door. And it nearly beat out of my chest as he walked toward the bed.
I could have easily gotten lost in this moment. But I came here for answers. I still needed to know the truth. I tried to control my breathing as he climbed back into bed. And I tried not to read into my racing heart as I lay down beside him. Or when he shifted closer and wrapped his arms around me.
He smelled like home. Tears welled in my eyes. I fit perfectly in his arms. And once, that was where I belonged. When I was still whole. Before my life was taken away from me. I closed my eyes tight, trying to prevent the tears from falling.
His thumb was making a small circle under my shoulder blade, somehow reminding me of my injured shoulder and at the same time numbing the pain. He calmed me. He grounded me. And he abandoned me.
Stop. I didn't know his side of the story. That's why I was here. I needed to know why he really stopped writing. "Can you tell me about Summer?"
