Forged in Flames (Made of Steel Series Book 2)

by Ivy Smoak

  "What does that mean?"

  I laughed and pulled him across the street toward Central Park. God, I hadn't felt this alive in years. It was like we were running around in my grandmother's backyard playing tag. Tag! That would be perfect. I could always see him clearly because I knew all the things he liked. At least, I used to know. I let go of his hand and started walking backwards.

  "When I was little, I wasn't scared of anything. I loved the feeling of the wind in my hair. And the grass between my toes. God, do you ever miss it?"

  "Being a kid?"

  "Yeah."

  "Sometimes, I guess."

  "You guess? I know you miss it." Because you miss me. You miss the little girl who chased bunnies. The girl who stared at you like you were the brightest star in the sky. I leaned down and started unlacing my sneakers.

  "What are you doing?" he asked.

  I kicked off my shoes and socks and stepped into the grass. "Doing what I love." And I know you love it too.

  He just shook his head.

  "You're it," I said and lightly tapped his chest. I took a step back from him.

  "You're so drunk."

  "That doesn't mean you're not it." I turned away and started running through the grass. "Come and get me!"

  "You're going to get us arrested!" he called after me.

  But when I turned around, I saw him kicking off his shoes too.

  I knew Miles Young. And I knew he wouldn't let me get very far without him.

  Chapter 12

  Saturday

  My feet slid in the dew on the grass as I changed direction at the last moment. I landed with a thud on my butt. Ow. I quickly pushed myself up and ran behind the huge rock beside me. I stopped to catch my breath. Every time he was it, he tagged me almost immediately. Maybe hiding was a better tactic.

  I tiptoed around the edge of the rock. As I peered around the side, he suddenly appeared. I squealed as he grabbed me around the waist. He lifted me up over his shoulder and spun me around. Our laughter was all I could hear. The sound almost brought tears to my eyes.

  He slowly lowered me down, keeping my body pressed firmly against his. My buzz was wearing off, but when I was with him, it still felt like my head was spinning. When he set me down on my feet, he kept his arms wrapped around me. I hadn't even realized I was cold. But I knew if I stepped away from him I'd shiver.

  Suddenly I wanted to tell him everything. I wanted to tell him the truth about what happened to me. I wanted him to see my scars and love me in spite of them. I wanted him back. But I was scared. Unlike him, I wasn't ready to be seen. I wasn't sure I wanted anyone to see me ever again. Instead of saying anything, I started humming Dancing in the Moonlight. I grabbed his hand and lifted it up in the air, twirling beneath it.

  Miles laughed.

  "We get it almost every night," I sung. I shook my hips and winked at him.

  He grabbed my waist and pulled me against him again. His hands seemed to linger right above my ass. I could feel the heat. It wasn't like I didn't feel our chemistry. Ever since I was little I felt as though we were written in the stars. He swayed with me. We were dancing to a tune that neither of us were singing. It couldn't have been more perfect.

  I blinked up at him, staring at his brown eyes. This was now on the list of the best nights of my life. I didn't have many on my list after the deaths of my parents. Really there was just one, when he came to visit me at my grandmother's. Everything else was bathed in darkness.

  "I should probably get you back. It's getting late." But it didn't sound like he wanted to take me back to my room at all. It sounded like he wanted me to join him in his.

  "You know, you're actually a really good RA. Maybe I won't report you after all." I laughed awkwardly.

  "I don't want to be a good RA."

  I swallowed hard. "I don't want you to be either." And I meant it. I held my breath for one second.

  I don't want to live if I can't live with you. For two seconds.

  Maybe I could hide my true self. Maybe I could live my life as Sadie Davis, always hiding. For three seconds.

  But the facade wasn't real. Mr. Crawford wasn't real. None of this was real. My stomach seemed to churn. For four seconds.

  Miles tilted his head down toward mine.

  For five seconds. And I tilted mine down to his chest as all the alcohol I consumed seemed to come back up. I completely emptied the contents of my stomach all over his shirt. And his pants. And ruined my second chance with him in five freaking seconds.

  But he didn't curse. Or say I was disgusting. Or even back away from me. He gently helped me kneel to the ground. He held my hair. He rubbed my back. He told me everything was going to be okay.

  And I started crying. Because in that one moment, I realized exactly why I had to give him up. His soul was still intact. His future could still be bright. And the realization slowly began to dawn on me. My whole life, it felt like Don was this villain and I was trapped in a nightmare. But if I continued down this path, I'd be the villain. I'd fill Miles' life with darkness. And it killed me. How could something so right be so wrong?

  But I let him hold my hair.

  I let him whisper soothing words to me.

  And I let myself believe that this could be my life. For one night. What could one night hurt?

  ***

  I swallowed hard. It hurt so fucking much. More than I even thought possible. I was completely out of my mind. I couldn't explain it. But the longer he held me, the more it hurt. Because I wasn't falling in love with him again. I was falling more in love with him.

  He had walked me back to our dorm. It didn't take much persuading for me to follow him into his room. And snuggle up to him. Now I felt like I was going to be sick again. I couldn't do this to him. My life was a mess.

  "I love you, Miles Young," I whispered before slipping out from under his arm.

  He groaned as I climbed out of bed.

  I laced my shoes and quietly exited his room without looking back. Fortunately for me, my walk of shame was a short one down the hall. Besides, no college student in their right mind was up this early on a Sunday morning.

  My dorm room was unsurprisingly empty. I thought about how Patrick had told Kins that he loved her. She had been so happy. Their lives were so normal. The only time I seemed capable of professing my love was to someone sleeping. I collapsed on my bed.

  I thought about dancing with Miles in Central Park. I thought about him chasing me through the grass. And the feeling of his hands on my hips. It felt like a dream. A beautiful, impossible dream. The small amount of light filtering through the blinds already seemed too bright. I put my arm over my eyes.

  God, I shouldn't have pulled Miles into Central Park. I should have just let him walk me home like he had originally wanted to. Why did I insist on constantly putting myself through this pain? It was as if I loved torturing myself. Drunk me had no self control. I sighed and climbed off my bed. If I was ever going to be able to move forward, I needed to finish what I had started.

  I switched on my laptop and started pacing the small floor space. As soon as the browser loaded, I typed Sadie Davis into Google. There were millions of results. I clicked on the first few to no avail. I slammed the laptop shut. This wasn't going to work. I needed more answers. I needed to talk to Eli.

  I grabbed my phone off the nightstand by my bed. I had a few unread texts. The first one was from Eli, apologizing about having to run off last night. "Duty calls?" I mumbled under my breath. He said he was here for me, yet he never seemed to be able to put me first. He knew I was scared to leave the dorm. And he left me alone. Inebriated. I could have been killed.

  There was another message from last night, from about the same time I had probably stumbled out of the frat house. It was from V. I rolled my eyes. Eli could have just texted me as himself. Maybe he was having an identity crisis. Kind of like me. I shook away the thought. My eyes scanned the message. He wanted to know where I was. What the hell? He knew exactly wher
e I was, because he left me there. He should have just come back for me.

  The last unread message was from Liza. "Did you find anything out from Eli yet? I've got nothing."

  I tossed my phone onto my bed. Yesterday had been a complete disaster. Pretending my problems didn't exist wasn't going to fix anything. There was no point in acting like a normal college student. I wasn't normal. I grabbed my shower caddy and stormed out of my room. Everything would be better if I just pretended like last night had never happened. I needed to focus on what really mattered. Vengeance. I swallowed hard. I meant justice. I pulled back the shower curtain, ignoring the screech of the metal rungs. It didn't matter what I called it. Soon enough I'd be a murderer. I'd have blood on my hands. I'd be guilty. My life would be over.

  Chapter 13

  Sunday

  The terrible headache from my hangover was making me act insane. I knew it, but I couldn't seem to stop it from happening. It was like I had a taste for blood in my mouth. But now I wasn't sure if it was Don's or my own that I was about to see. I peered around the lamppost at the Corner Diner.

  I knew perfectly well that the lamppost wasn't hiding me. But for some reason it made me feel safer. My eyes were glued on the window. The diner was as busy as any regular Sunday. The only difference was that Joan wasn't posted at the hostess stand. Or talking to customers. Or anywhere in sight. Where was she?

  I wanted a fight. I wanted to scream and punch and throw things. There was an electricity coursing through me and I needed to unleash it. I bounced on the balls of my feet and clenched my hands into fists. I could take Joan. She was an old lady. I could get her to tell me what Don was planning.

  My phone buzzed in the pocket of my jean shorts. I pulled it out and opened up a text from V.

  "Roof. Now."

  Fuck you. I wasn't even sure why I was so angry at Eli. I stuffed the phone back in my pocket. But why did he have to be so vague? It was like the mask messed with the circulation to his brain. Couldn't he see that I was busy doing surveillance?

  I continued to stare inside the Corner Diner. Seriously, where was she?

  My phone buzzed again. I yanked it back out and looked at the new text. "She's gone too. Roof. Now." I looked up at the top of the buildings. He was standing on the ledge of one nearby the diner. Why couldn't he just take off his mask and come talk to me like a normal person? I walked down the street until I came to a rickety emergency escape ladder. The bottom of it was already pulled down, like he had been expecting me to show up here. As if he could read my thoughts. For some reason that just made me even madder, because I couldn't read his thoughts at all.

  I climbed up the steps, being careful not to look down. All I could seem to focus on was the pounding in my head anyway. I stepped up onto the roof and stared at him.

  "Do you have a death sentence?" His voice rumbled.

  "What does it matter if I do?" Tears bit at the inside corners of my eyes. "No one would miss me. I'm already dead."

  "Sadie..."

  That's not my name! He knew that. Why was he still calling me Sadie? I put my hands over my ears. It was like my name was echoing around me, teasing me. Stop.

  He took a step toward me and grabbed my wrists, removing my hands from my ears. "I'd miss you."

  "Well, you're the only one."

  "You said you were ready to train. You don't seem ready."

  Was he seriously insulting me for being hung-over? My current state of mind was his fault. "It's your fault that I'm not ready." I put my hand on my forehead. It felt like I was freefalling off the building. My emotions were all over the place. God, I didn't want to burst into tears in front of him.

  He put his arms around me, silencing me, and I melted into him. How could he so easily absorb my pain? "All I want to do is turn back time," I mumbled into his chest. "But I can't undo what's already been done. And I can't keep going like this. It hurts too much. Everything hurts. I can't do this. I thought that falling for you would make everything easier, but I can't move on. I can't just keep living like my past means nothing."

  His hands tensed on my back. "You're falling for me?"

  I wasn't going to repeat myself. We had already talked about this. Besides, the truth was that I was mad at him. Furious, really. "And you know what? You can't just show up whenever it's opportune for you. How do you think that makes me feel?" I unwound his arms from me and took a step back. "And I'm...I'm really mad at you. You completely ditched me last night."

  "What? Where were you yesterday?"

  He wasn't allowed to be upset about what I did after the party. I would have been perfectly happy spending the night with him but he didn't exactly leave that as an option. My head was pounding. "I'm not even sure you really care."

  "Of course I care. I told you to stay with Liza or to go home." He sounded pissed.

  "I was with Liza. Until she kicked me out. You didn't exactly ask her if it was okay if I stayed with her. So I went back to my dorm and you were there. Sitting on my bed. With all your apologies and then you just ditched me again."

  "What are you talking about?"

  "You left me at the party without even saying goodbye."

  "What party?"

  "The party last night!" God, was he seriously playing innocent? "The one you dragged me to even though I was terrified to leave my room."

  His hands clenched into fists. "Who do you think I am?"

  I was about to punch him in the face. "Eli, stop messing around."

  He shook his head. "I'm not Eli."

  "But you're...Eli said..."

  "I told you to trust no one."

  It felt like my heart stopped beating. "You're not..."

  "Your abusive boyfriend?"

  "He's not abusive. And he's not technically my boyfriend." God, what the hell have I done? I told Eli I was falling for him. I fucking slept with him. And he lied about everything. He let me believe he was the vigilante. I felt like I was going to be sick. My stomach churned.

  "You could have fooled me," said the vigilante.

  I took a step away from him. "Who are you?"

  He just stared back at me.

  "Tell me who you are. Or I'm leaving." There was nothing keeping me in New York now. I hadn't gotten on that bus because I wanted to find my pendant, but it was long gone. I had stayed because I at least thought I could trust the vigilante. I shook my head. There was no way I could trust someone who wouldn't even give me a real first name.

  His silence was unnerving.

  "How do you know about my relationship with Eli? How do you know so much?"

  "Because I've been watching you."

  Goosebumps rose on my skin. It was the same thing Eli had said to me. Right after he told me he knew my real name. And lied about being the vigilante. "Why are you doing all this? Just tell me who you are."

  "I need a little more time." He reached out and gently ran his fingers down my forearm.

  "Don't touch me." I took a step back from him. "I don't know what I was thinking staying here. This is insane." I'm insane. "I don't know how to fight. I don't know what any of this is about. I'm getting the hell out of this city." I turned around and walked toward the stairs.

  "You're not going anywhere," he called after me.

  Fuck you.

  "I have something that you're looking for. And I know you won't leave without it."

  My pendant. I turned around, but he was gone. "V!" I ran to the opposite end of the building. He was nowhere in sight. "Damn it!" Tears started streaming down my cheeks. I was exhausted. And hung-over. But that wasn't why I was crying. I was crying because I was furious. V was blackmailing me into staying. Why would he do that when he kept telling me to go home? What was I missing? What didn't I understand?

  I put my hands on the ledge and stared out at the busy city street. A city that I loathed. A city that was making my sanity slip away. And this small part of me wanted the pain to go away. I wanted the memories to stop replaying in my mind. I wanted to see my mom a
nd dad.

  I could do it. I could end it all right now. I wiped my tears away with my fingertips. How satisfying would that be for Don? That he was capable of killing me from another state? I wasn't going to give him that.

  So instead, I screamed at the top of my lungs. I tried to scream away the pain of losing my parents. The pain that Don put me through. The pain of all the lies I'd been fed. And the pain of having to let Miles go.

  Not a single person looked up from the street below. Not a single person heard me. Not a single person cared. I let my knees collapse, put my face in my hands, and cried uncontrollable, ugly tears. It could have been for hours for all I knew. I couldn't seem to stop.

  A whooshing noise made my eyelids fly open.

  An arrow was sticking out of the concrete in front of me, pierced directly in the middle of a handwritten note.

  Have Eli meet you in front of the diner at 8. I'll take care of him. And then I'll give you what you want.

  -V

  I glanced over my shoulder. There was no one there. And I had this overwhelming feeling that the vigilante didn't exist. That I had made the whole thing up in my head.

  It didn't matter either way. I was done playing other people's games. I grabbed the arrow and tried to pull it out of the concrete, but it wouldn't budge. Instead, I gripped the edge of the note, tore it from the arrow, and crumpled it up in my fist. It was about time I was the one calling the shots.

  Chapter 14

  Sunday

  It wasn't 8 o'clock, it was only 7. And I wasn't standing outside the Corner Diner, I was standing on the steps of one of the entrances to Central Park. Eli was supposed to be meeting me any minute. The electricity I felt earlier was back, running through my body in strides. I wanted to jump up and down. Maybe I should have used some of my pent up energy to go for a run. But it almost seemed like that's what the vigilante wanted. He liked pushing my buttons. He liked making me feel on edge. It was as if anger was the main fuel for being a superhero. I didn't buy it.