I’m back in the computer lab, Britt’s a no-show, and Nancy won’t stop glaring at me. All-in-all, it’s a typical Monday. I type in my password and frown when the computer beeps at me. I know I have it right. I try again, only for the computer to come up with an error message that my account has been locked and to see the front desk.
Ryan.
Ready for the next round, I jump out of my chair and storm to the front desk. As soon as the green vests see me coming, they all scatter. Ryan must have warned them what happens when someone pisses off a redhead. Well, fine. I’ll just wait for him. He’s who I want to unleash on anyway.
Who the hell does he think he is, playing me like that? After everything I’ve done for him, this is how he repays me? As I wait, my anger mounts. A pissed off ginger is bad enough. Making her wait is worse.
Lucky for him I don’t have to wait long. He walks out from their little green vest breeding room, spots me, and doesn’t look away. Holy shit. What happened to his face? He’s got faded bruises and the hint of a fat lip. “I tried calling.”
It took all my willpower to not answer them. His texts, too. I’m still mad and not ready to forgive him for what he did. I love him, but I hate him. “I didn’t answer.”
“I know.” He moves around the counter and sits on the edge of the desk as he crosses his arms. I try not to notice how the gesture causes his muscles to bulge. “So, now what?”
“You reset my password and leave me alone.”
“I don’t see why you’re mad at me.”
My mouth falls open. I’m leaning more toward hate than love. “You don’t see that? Really? Maybe you should switch back to your glasses.”
He jumps to his feet and glares at me as he growls, “I only did what you taught me to do. Jesus Christ. Everything I did was for you. Everything I’m doing now is for you. When is it going to be enough?”
I cross my arms and refuse to meet his eyes. If I so much as look at him, I’ll break down. I’ve already cried enough over him. “When you leave me alone.”
“That’s not going to happen.”
“Don’t you get it?” My vicious tongue is in full swing and I can’t stop the words. I know even before I say them I’m going to regret them, but that doesn’t so much as slow me down as I spit words at him for no other reason than to inflict pain. I can’t let him know how much he hurt me. “I don’t want to be with you. I only did what I did with you as part of our deal. You broke that deal. Now that the DASH is over, so are we.”
“Is that what you really want?”
I shrug and feign disinterest even though memories of our first time together tugs at my heart. He looked so scared, worried he’d do everything wrong. Oh, but he did everything so very right. And then our last night together. I’ve never felt that close to anyone. Ever.
Which only proves my point how it’s better to keep people at a distance. At least then I’d never end up where I am now ever again. I can’t think about anything else but pushing him away, like my mom did my dad. Seeing Ryan hurts too much. “Like I said.”
He pauses for too long and works his jaw. After a while, he asks in a voice barely above a whisper, “Are we still friends?”
“We never were.” I know my words are crushing him and I feel like a piece of shit. I’ll never let another guy in again. It’s just too painful. I can’t stop myself from delivering the final blow, making sure he’s hurting as much as I am. “Anything else you need clarified before you stop holding my password hostage, HP?”
He sinks into the chair at the desk and stares at the computer. “No. Thanks for clearing things up. Your account has been unlocked. I won’t bother you again.”
I finally meet his eyes. They’re pleading with me. God, I want to give into that look. Desperately. I miss his touch, his smile. I miss his laughter and the way he makes me laugh in return. I miss him. We could still fix this. I know we can.
Instead, I let my pride take over. “Thank you.” I spin to disappear back into the rows of computers and spot Britt, and hurry over to our corner. She glances at me as I sit. She doesn’t say anything, just stares at me. I hate it when she does this, so I turn to her. “What?”
“We need a girls’ night out.”
Now I feel bad and pull in some of my anger. “I don’t feel like going out.”
“All the more reason we need one. Tonight.”
“It’s Monday.”
“I don’t care. I’ll call and cancel my plans with Joe.”
“Who’s Joe?”
“The guy I met at the DASH. I swear, Em. You never listen to me.”
That does it. Something snaps inside me and I jump to my feet. I’m devastated. I’ve been betrayed by a guy I thought was my friend. Possibly my best friend. I don’t need this from Britt, too.
“I’m so sick and tired of everyone blaming me for everything. I can’t keep up with all your boyfriends because you change them more than you change your underwear—at least when you aren’t leaving them at some random guy’s place so he’ll have a reason to call you.”
Britt gasps as she drops her jaw. I’m panting as I stand there, stunned into silence, shocked I completely went off in front of everyone, and to my best friend of all people. Her eyes fill with tears and my stomach twists that I’m the cause of them.
She stands and grabs her book bag. “That’s it. You win. You’re going to end up alone, Emma Rae, if you don’t stop pushing everyone away. The instant a person gets close, you do something or say something to get them to hate you so you can blame them for your misery. I’m done. I refuse to stick around and watch you self-destruct.” She storms off.
I glance around at all the people staring at me. Nancy blinks at me. Shaking my head, I grab my things and leave the lab. I’m never going to pass the class anyway, not without Ryan’s help, which I’m definitely not going to get now that I’ve alienated him along with everyone else.
“Emma, wait.” Nancy hurries after me. I walk faster, but her legs are longer than mine and she catches up. “Emma, I need to tell you something. Please, stop.”
I do and face her. “What?”
“It’s about the DASH.”
Rolling my eyes, I kick out my hip and glare at her. “That’s why you stopped me? You want to rub it in?” I spin around and storm off. “I hope you two have a great life together.”
“He only did what he did because of me.”
“Not helping,” I yell back.
She runs after me again. Luckily, with running every morning, I’m not even winded. When she jumps in front of me to block my path, I stop. “Please, Emma. Let me explain. I told Ryan he had to take me to the DASH or I was going to turn you in to the dean for cheating.”
That bomb stops me in my tracks. My midterm. The bitch figured it out. Panic has me breathing in shallow gasps. If I’m caught cheating, I’ll lose my scholarship. “Why would you do that?”
“I was jealous,” she blurts out her admission. “Everything comes so easy to you. You get this amazing scholarship to pay for school and what do you do with it? You go for a general studies degree and cheat on your midterm.”
“Why do you hate me so much?”
“It’s not fair! I’m already tens of thousands of dollars in debt with student loans. It’s going to take me years to pay them off on a teacher’s salary. If I had a free-ride to college, I’d sure as hell be doing a lot more with it than you are.” She shakes her head. “None of that matters. What I did was petty. Spiteful. I turned into someone I hate. I was wrong to force Ryan to humiliate you like that. He did it to protect you. He loves you, Emma.”
“He has a funny way of showing it.” Damn that guy and his blind need to protect me. I always knew it’d get him into trouble.
“He got his ass handed to him at the DASH standing up for you. Brad really did a number on him.”
Goddamn Ryan going up against the president of his frat. Protecting me could have gotten him killed.
“I really am sorry for what I
did. I should have come to you instead of threatening Ryan like that. I just wanted to get into the DASH so bad.”
“Yeah,” I laugh bitterly. Although this won’t fix the damage she’s done by torturing me this entire term, it helps. “That party makes us all do stupid things to get in.”
“I’ll forget about the midterm switch between you and Ryan on two conditions.”
I already hate them and don’t even know them. “What?”
“You redo the midterm, and I mean you do the work this time.”
I can live with that, anything to stop her from going to the dean. “And the other condition?”
“Don’t hate Ryan for what I made him do. He’s a good guy.”
He’s a great guy. I stand there as Nancy walks back into the computer center. As I turn, I hesitate. I can’t go to the dorm, knowing Britt is probably there, crying her eyes out over what a shitty best friend I am. I can’t go to the mod. The Deltas have banned me from stepping foot anywhere near their house.
I head to one of the plethora of coffee shops in the CUB, find a table in the back, and set all my stuff on a chair. Once I have my headphones in and my laptop fired up, I stare at the screen, my hands on the keys. I draw a blank about what I should be working on. I get like this whenever I’m pissed. My mind completely shuts down and I run on pure instinct. Well, in today’s case, pure insanity.
As I sit doing absolutely nothing but watch my laptop do absolutely nothing, I decide I need caffeine. That should help. I jump up and use my last spare change to get a coffee, dump the gazillion sugars and creamers into it that makes it palatable, and then rejoin my laptop.
The screensaver kicks on and as I stir the contents of my cup, I watch it. My breath hitches as chills wash across my skin. My eyes swell with burning emotion, and my heart squeezes to the point I suck in a breath as I watch slide after slide appear.
When did he do this?
It starts with me on his couch, watching Easy A, a warm smile dancing in my eyes. He has a caption on it: Why my life is better than a John Hughes film.
I laugh through my tears, unsure when I started to cry. The next slide is me the first day of my life at BU. I was scared to death and it definitely showed in my wide eyes. How the hell did he get his hands on this? I read the caption: I’m never afraid to try new things and refuse to accept things the way they are.
I recognize the next one. It’s me on the quad, sitting against a tree, lost in thought. BU used this pic in one of the banners on their website. The caption read: I challenge myself to be more than who I am today. There’s something bigger out there and I’m going to find it.
I’m openingly crying at this point and don’t care. My heart is so full it’s going to burst. I still can’t believe he did all this.
Oh, my God. Where’d he find this one? It’s night and I’m staring up at the sky, as are several hundred other BU students, as we watch the August meteor showers. Britt is right there next to me, texting instead of watching the show. I half laugh, half sob and cover my mouth with my hand when I read the caption. I know the universe doesn’t revolve around me, but that’s not going to stop me from being the center of someone’s universe.
The next one is me back at the mod, the remnants of the hoagies and wrappers on the coffee table, my martini in hand. I laugh and cry at the same time as I remember where that night led: I’m perfectly happy staying in, watching my favorite show, and sipping on a maraschino martini. I’m living the dream.
I’m crying—like ugly crying—now. I can’t even read the screen. My shoulders shake as sob after sob breaks me. The son of a bitch is so dead. When I find him, I’m going to kill him for making me blubber like this in public.
The next one has shock plunging through me. How’d he get this one? It’s him and me on the Vespa on the way back from the mall, me holding the bags full of our purchases. I’m grinning ear-to-ear and so is Ryan: My noble steed is a powder blue Vespa.
The next one seals the deal. I’m speechless as I stare at it. It’s Ryan and me when we sat in that stupid photo booth at the mall, a series of pictures as a result rest on the screen. We weren’t ready for the first one. The second one we’re both laughing. The third, he’s kissing me on the cheek and my mouth is open in mock shock.
But the last one has me. Our cheeks together, we’re grinning wide, so ridiculously happy it hurts to look at it. Tears stream down my cheeks. I can’t even breathe at this point as my sobs come harder, faster. When I read the caption, it destroys me: I am the center of someone’s universe.
“You are.”
I jerk my attention up and the weight on my chest forces me to suck in a sudden intake of breath. Ryan is standing there, his hands in his pockets, his head down, though he’s watching me through his lashes. He shrugs and drops his gaze to his shoes.
Should I say something? Let him speak again? I’ve never been good at this sort of stuff. I wipe at my eyes and thrust out my chin as if it’s not obvious what a mess I am. “What are you doing here?”
He pulls his attention to me and another sharp intake of breath surprises me. I blink and wipe at the tears. “Did you like the slideshow?”
“No,” I lie. My chin quivers when he tips the corners of his lips into the hint of a grin. “How’d you do all this?”
“There’s nothing a nerd can’t do if he puts his mind to it. BU has all their photos digitally archived and indexed. It was a matter of knowing what to look for.”
“What about that one with us on the scooter?”
“Traffic feeds are kid’s play when you have the right friends. So is stealing shots while pretending to check my phone.”
“I don’t know whether to kiss you or kick your ass.” I wipe my cheeks.
“I’m hoping for the first one, but I’ll understand if it’s the second one.”
I laugh through my sobs. “Players are not allowed to do romantic shit like this.”
He tosses a full-on, lopsided grin my way and I melt. “I guess I’m just not cut out to be a player.”
“The Deltas won’t let you in if you’re not.”
“It’s already done,” he blurts out. “I got in a fight with Brad after you left the party.”
That would explain the bruises and backs up Nancy’s story. I hate that he got beat up over me. “Did you win?”
“No.” He shakes his head and points at the remnants of his wounds on his face. “Not even close. He kicked my ass and then kicked me out of the house. Britt got in a good knee to the balls since I was too busy bleeding all over the floor.”
I love my best friend—both my best friends. They’re idiots, protecting me by going up against Brad, and I love them for it. “Nancy told me what really happened, what she forced you to do.”
His shoulders fall. “Yeah. At least it’s over.” He slams me with a wide-eyed look that has my defenses crumbling. It’s the same terrified look he had that first night at the mod. “Isn’t it?”
“Is it?”
“I don’t want it to be. I want to be with you. I even passed the Britt test.”
I stiffen. Shit. Shit! Britt got to him. “You did?”
“Nothing happened.”
“Really?” I want so desperately to believe him. But this is reality and she’s, well, Britt. “Why not?”
“She’s not you.”
I suck in a breath at his compliment. He actually chose me over Britt?
He chuckles and God what the sound does to me. “She threatened to slather Brad with peanut butter and leave him for the rats.”
I laugh as my tears start to dry. “She saw that in a movie once. It scared the shit out of her.”
“It scared the shit out of everyone at the party when she said that.” He sighs and runs his hand through his hair. “Listen, Derek and I moved me out of my mod and into an apartment off-campus. I’m never going to be a Delta now that Brad kicked me out. You know what? I’m okay with that.”
I drop my jaw and gravitate toward him. “Why would you
do that? You knew better than to antagonize Brad. He’s been looking for a reason to kick you out. You gave it to him and after everything we worked for.”
“He touched my girl.”
I love the sound of him calling me his girl. “You knew you’d be kicked out of the house if you went after him.”
When he chuckles, I both love and hate how the sound lands in my ears, warming me. “There are some things more important than being a Delta.”
“Such as?” I hold my breath.
He inches toward me. “You.”
“Me?” My voice comes out an octave higher. This makes no sense. Why would he think I’m more important? I’ve done nothing but treat him like shit. I’ve done everything to push him away. He should hate me. “I don’t understand.”
He takes my hand in his and lifts his other to cover my cheek. I want to lean into the warmth of his touch, but I’m still too stunned to move. “You’re the most important thing to me, Emma. It’s you. It’s always been you. Not being a player. Not being a Delta. Being with you is exponentially better than any of that. You’re the center of my universe. I think I’m in love with you.”
Sweet Jesus on a pogo stick. My heart is bouncing around like water on a hot griddle. He dropped the L-bomb. I don’t know what to say, so I just go with it. “What does exponentially mean?”
He pulls me to him and blows my mind with his kiss. He nips at my bottom lip and I return the favor. I only break our contact when I can’t breathe.
“Exponential growth is when something expands at a constant rate equal to the factors feeding it.” He rocks his hips and I know exactly what he means.
“I love it when you geek out on me.” I squeeze his hand. His grin has me ready to take him back to my dorm.
Dorm!
Britt!
I drop his hand and slam my laptop closed before shoving it in my bag. “I have to go.”
“Right now? But we just made up. Isn’t it customary to ride off on a lawnmower or something?”
Reluctant Hero (TREX Rookies Book 1) Page 34
