Every Time We Say Goodbye

by Colette Caddle

  ‘Mum, that’s disgusting,’ Kate protested, but she was laughing.

  ‘Well, you’re not going to tell me that between the sugar and colouring, this is the healthiest mixture?’

  ‘We went very easy on the sugar,’ Di promised with a grin.

  ‘She did,’ Colm added, ‘but I threw in some more when she wasn’t looking.’

  ‘You’re kidding,’ Marianne winced.

  ‘Yes, I am,’ Colm laughed. ‘Popcorn?’

  ‘I couldn’t eat another thing after that feast; I’m surprised you lot can.’

  ‘We’re growing,’ Kate reminded her.

  ‘Especially you,’ Andrew said to his sister. ‘Soon your arse will be as big as Granny’s!’

  ‘Andrew!’ Kate and Marianne said together while the other children laughed.

  ‘What? I’m just saying what Granny says.’

  ‘Well don’t,’ Marianne warned. ‘And leave your sister in peace. I was going to get some drinks, Kate, will you come and help me?’

  ‘Okay.’ Kate eyed her suspiciously but got to her feet and followed her towards the house. ‘I thought the caterers got all the drinks for people.’

  ‘They do,’ Marianne took her hand and instead of leading her into the kitchen, drew her round the side of the house where it was quiet. ‘I just wanted a word.’

  ‘Oh, Mum,’ Kate whined.

  ‘You don’t have to say anything; you just have to listen. Okay?’

  The child nodded but kept her head down.

  Marianne wasn’t sure this would work; perhaps she was opening a whole new can of worms but she felt she had to try something drastic to get through to her daughter.

  ‘I was a tiny baby when I arrived at St Anne’s. Someone, I presume my mum, left me in a holdall in the reception of a busy hospital.’

  ‘Really?’ Kate’s head flew up in horror.

  ‘It was the perfect place to leave me,’ Marianne reassured her. ‘As soon as I started bawling I was discovered and handed in to the nurses. Not only was I warmly dressed, but there was a bag of baby clothes tucked in beside me, and a full bottle of formula and a page with all the details about my birth, weight, blood-type and the shots I had. Don’t you see, Kate, my mum loved me.’

  ‘How can you say that? She gave you away.’

  ‘Yes, but we don’t know why. She may have been only a child herself; her parents may have made the decision for her. She may have been sick or dying; she may have been really poor.’ Marianne shrugged. ‘There are a thousand reasons why she might have done it but, Kate, the point is that she made sure to leave me somewhere that I would be safe; she looked after me. I’m not sure how old I was when I was told but I cried.’

  Kate’s hand found its way into hers and Marianne smiled, touched.

  ‘You know what though?’ she went on.

  ‘What?’

  ‘I stopped crying, Kate, because I realized that it didn’t change anything. For years I used to look at women in the street and wonder: is that her? You reminded me of that today, sending texts to your dad. I suppose what I’m trying to say is that though he died, you still have tons of wonderful memories and he will always be with you,’ she placed their joined hands over Kate’s heart, ‘in here.’

  ‘You don’t have any memories of your mum,’ Kate pointed out tearfully.

  ‘No, I don’t, but how can I miss what I never had? I was a happy child, I had some lovely people mind me so, in a way, I had lots of mums! And I had Aunty Helen who was like a big sister and still is.’ Marianne gently wiped Kate’s wet cheeks. ‘Now, shall we go home?’

  Chapter Seventeen

  Rob called Marianne the minute he got back to Dublin, but all he’d got was her answering service. He felt disappointed and frustrated and phoned Johnny in the hope of gleaning more information and getting things moving, but the man had been equally vague and obviously dying to get off the phone. On the plus side, the contract was signed and he would move in to Marianne’s house – Marianne’s bed – in five weeks.

  ‘Coffee’s made. I’ve got to run, darling.’

  He turned and smiled as Vanessa Montgomery walked into his arms and turned her mouth up for his kiss. She tasted of toothpaste and her body felt soft and pliant under his fingers, and yet all he could think of was a leaner, harder body that seemed to fit his perfectly.

  ‘Mind my hair,’ Vanessa warned, stepping back and smoothing her perfect blonde bob. ‘How do I look?’

  He smiled. ‘Gorgeous.’And she did. She was sexy, smart and she had been his girlfriend for almost a year. She spent three or four nights a week here now; he resisted going to her place, it was so feminine he felt an intruder there. Again, he found himself thinking of Marianne’s home and how much he preferred its relaxed and more family-friendly decor.

  ‘I have a meeting after work but I could meet you for dinner in Mel’s Bistro about eight.’

  ‘I’m not sure, Vanessa. I have a mad day. I’ll call you later, okay?’

  ‘Okay sweetheart.’ She kissed him again and yelped as she turned and collided with the corner of his desk. ‘I’m so glad you’re getting out of this dump; I can’t wait to see the new place. The kitchen sounds like heaven and that patio . . .’ She sighed. ‘We’ll be able to have barbecues!’

  Rob smiled in relief as the phone rang, well aware of where that conversation would lead. He gave her a playful pat on the bottom. ‘Go to work, you’ll be late.’

  ‘Oh, crikey, I will! Okay, later, darling.’ Vanessa blew him a kiss and left.

  He dealt with the call swiftly and watched as Vanessa got into her car and drove away. She was dropping very heavy hints about moving in with him lately and though he’d managed to deflect her so far, he knew it was only a matter of time before she confronted him. Vanessa was sweet and funny but she was not the sort of woman to be trifled with. He wasn’t sure why he was holding back. Their relationship was easy. He enjoyed her company but moving in together, going to bed with her every night and waking up beside her every morning? That was another story. And then Marianne had walked back into his life, and the thought of moving into her house with Vanessa, of making love in Marianne’s bed; he just couldn’t get his head around it. Ridiculous as it seemed, he felt it would be almost adulterous.

  After mulling things over for a few days, Marianne finally drove out to see Helen straight after she’d dropped the kids at school. She was delighted to see Johnny’s car there too. He was on the phone when he opened the door and he pointed her towards the kitchen.

  ‘That was Rob,’ he said when he joined the two women. ‘He’s been trying to get hold of you, anxious to measure up the office. Are you avoiding him, Marianne? You’re not having second thoughts?’

  ‘No, not at all, I’m a bit distracted, that’s all. There has been a development.’

  Helen looked at her over the rim of her coffee cup. ‘We only saw you on Saturday.’

  ‘It was a great party.’

  ‘Glad you enjoyed it,’ Johnny said. ‘Now, out with it. What’s happened?’

  Marianne took a deep breath. ‘I got a text just after your speech. It was from Dominic’s phone.’

  ‘No!’ Helen lowered her mug and stared. ‘What did it say?’

  ‘First let me explain.’ And she told them of the texts that Kate had been sending.

  ‘The poor kid,’ Johnny rested his chin in his hand. ‘When she actually got a reply she must have got the fright of her life.’

  ‘Yes, I think she did.’

  ‘Can I see the message?’ he asked.

  Marianne fished the phone out of her bag, found the text message and then slid the mobile across to him.

  Putting on his glasses, Johnny picked it up and read it. ‘She sounds spooked.’

  ‘We don’t know it’s a woman.’

  ‘It’s a woman.’ He handed the phone to his wife.

  ‘I think he’s right,’ Helen said. ‘Have you replied?’

  ‘No, I wasn’t sure what to say.’
>
  ‘I’m amazed that not only has she kept the phone, but that it’s switched on,’ Johnny remarked.

  ‘Perhaps she’s using it.’

  ‘No, remember the phone bill; there have been no calls or texts made from it since Dominic died.’ Helen shot her a worried look. ‘Which could mean that she’s keeping it for sentimental reasons.’

  ‘You think this woman was his lover?’ Marianne looked at her.

  ‘I’m sorry.’

  ‘Nothing to be sorry about, Helen.’

  ‘I think you should call her,’ Johnny said.

  Marianne sighed. ‘I’m not sure I want to. What if she wants to meet?’

  ‘I hope she does,’ Johnny retorted. ‘And if she doesn’t suggest it, you should.’

  ‘But why?’

  ‘She may be our only real lead to what Dominic did with the money. She could have it, for all we know,’ Johnny pointed out.

  ‘My God, I hadn’t thought of that.’

  ‘I’ll come with you if it makes you feel better.’

  ‘Yes please, Johnny; that would be great. I suppose I should tell Matthews and Baldwin.’

  ‘Let’s talk to her first,’ Johnny stood up and started to pace. ‘Remember the firm has its own interests at heart, not yours. If we let them deal with her then we only have their account of what she says.’

  ‘You’re right,’ Marianne said, realizing what a vulnerable position she was in. ‘I don’t understand why she replied to Kate’s text,’ she added as Helen handed back her phone.

  ‘The texts spooked her,’ Helen said. ‘That’s obvious. Perhaps she just reacted without thinking or perhaps she has nothing to hide. She may be as ignorant of Dominic’s behaviour as you were; I’d be amazed if she has access to his money. He was a clever man.’

  ‘Then what use is she to us? What’s the point in meeting her?’

  ‘Because we’ve got feck all else to go on,’ Johnny said unhappily. ‘Think of this as a jigsaw puzzle. You have some of the pieces, Matthews and Baldwin have some of the pieces, and this woman will probably have a lot more. Let’s hope that when we put them all together, we can come up with some answers.’

  ‘Johnny’s right. She may be the difference between you having an easy future or a hard one. Perhaps if you were able to help the company recover at least some of the money they would pay you a pension.’

  Marianne bit her lip. They were right, of course. She wasn’t upset at the thought that Dominic might have been having an affair, but she was furious if he’d squandered his money on this woman and as a result his children were suffering. She had no wish to meet her but she needed answers and Dominic’s girlfriend was the most likely one to provide them. It hadn’t occurred to her that there might still be a possibility of receiving a pension; that would make a huge difference to their lives.

  ‘I know you said that you and Dominic weren’t close but aren’t you even a little bit curious as to what she looks like?’ Helen asked.

  ‘And wouldn’t you like to punch her?’ Johnny grinned.

  Marianne laughed. ‘I’m a little curious but I’m more angry with Dominic than with her.’

  ‘So . . .’ Johnny nodded towards the phone. ‘Call her.’

  ‘No!’ Marianne was horrified at the thought. ‘I’ll send a text.’ She looked from Helen to Johnny. ‘What will I say?’

  ‘Keep it simple,’ advised Johnny. ‘Tell her you want to meet.’

  Marianne paused. ‘Where?’

  ‘The middle of the Ha’penny Bridge at midnight?’ he grinned.

  ‘Ha, ha, you’re hilarious. Seriously, where do you think?’

  His brow wrinkled as he considered the options. ‘Not your place. Here if you like.’

  ‘No,’ Helen shook her head, ‘that would scare her off. You need to meet on neutral territory – a hotel or pub.’

  ‘Somewhere quiet enough that we can talk in private,’ Marianne agreed.

  ‘I’ve got it. The Herbert Park in Ballsbridge,’ Johnny said. ‘That way you have parking but it’s away from the shopping area so no gaggles of gossiping women.’

  Helen raised her eyebrows ‘Gaggles of gossiping women – charming!’

  He laughed. ‘Ah, you know what I mean.’

  ‘Okay then.’ Marianne picked up the phone, her hand shaking slightly. ‘When?’

  ‘Friday at eleven?’

  ‘So soon? She stared at him; that was the day after tomorrow.

  ‘Why wait?’

  With a sigh of resignation, Marianne typed in the message, hesitated and then with a wince pressed ‘send’. She watched the display for a few seconds until a delivery notice appeared. ‘She’s got it.’

  Johnny laughed. ‘Stop staring at it, she could be in another bloody room or at a meeting or out for the day for all we know. Relax.’

  Marianne sat back in the chair with a sigh. ‘You’re right.’

  ‘Did you tell Dot about this?’ Helen asked.

  ‘She knows about the text but nothing else. I told her that perhaps the person who’d stolen Dominic’s phone was feeling guilty.’

  ‘Why are you protecting her like this?’ Johnny said irritably.

  ‘You think I should tell a woman who’s just lost her only son that not only was he a drug addict, but a criminal and a womanizer too?’

  ‘You can’t protect everyone, sweetheart.’

  ‘Johnny’s right.’ Helen shot her a worried look. ‘You’ll make yourself ill if you keep taking so much on yourself.’

  ‘Are you sure you’re not having second thoughts about this move, or is it Rob you have a problem with?’

  ‘No, honestly, I’m fine with the move and with Rob.’ Marianne wondered when she’d stop feeling weird saying his name aloud.

  ‘He’s a good guy; I wouldn’t have recommended him as a tenant if I didn’t completely trust him.’

  ‘I know that, Johnny,’ she hurried to assure him.

  ‘So what are you worrying about?’ Helen asked. ‘There’s definitely something.’

  ‘It’s Kate.’

  ‘Would you consider sending her for counselling?’ Helen asked.

  ‘I’ve talked to her school principal – a lovely woman, I’m going to miss her – and Mandy James, my GP, and neither of them think that it’s necessary. They say she’s just displaying the usual signs of a child dealing with grief.’

  ‘But you’re not convinced, are you?’ Helen said.

  Marianne sighed. ‘I was until I heard about this bullying business and that she was sending text messages to her dead father.’

  ‘The bullying you do need to check out,’ Johnny agreed. ‘But I wouldn’t worry about the texts.’

  ‘Really? Or are you saying that just to make me feel better?’

  ‘No, I mean it. When my mother first passed away I often used to go to her grave and talk to her about my problems; isn’t this just the modern version of the same thing?’

  ‘I suppose it is,’ Marianne agreed with a grudging smile. Johnny always had a reasonable explanation for everything.

  ‘Kate will be just fine. I’m not so sure about you, Marianne; perhaps you’re the one who needs help.’

  Helen groaned. ‘Johnny! Sorry, darling, he means well, but subtle he isn’t.’

  ‘I’m just saying she’s carrying a weight on her shoulders and it can’t be healthy trying to keep all of this from Dot.’

  Marianne thought of Rob; she was an expert at keeping secrets. ‘I’m fine but I will be a lot happier once I’ve got on top of our finances. And, you know, there are other silly things that I’d like to learn; how to change a tyre or check the oil in my car. How to change a fuse—’

  ‘Ah, for God’s sake, woman,’ Johnny laughed.

  ‘It may seem silly to you, but I can’t believe I don’t know these things.’

  ‘I understand,’ Helen said. ‘With knowledge comes confidence; you will feel more in control if you don’t need to ask for help or advice over every little thing.’

&nb
sp; Marianne nodded. ‘Exactly! I can’t help feeling that if I had been more proactive in the past, perhaps I wouldn’t be in this mess.’

  ‘Now that’s just rubbish,’ Johnny said, looking at her in disbelief. ‘Nothing you did could have stopped Dominic taking drugs or stealing.’

  ‘No, but I would have noticed money going missing from our bank accounts. I can’t believe that I knew he was taking drugs and that I never considered how much he was spending on them. How stupid was I not to keep an eye on things and siphon some money away?’

  ‘Hindsight is a wonderful thing,’ Helen said, her eyes full of sympathy.

  ‘I know and I am not going to dwell on it. Instead I am going to make sure that no one ever hoodwinks me again and—’ Marianne stopped as her phone chirruped.

  ‘Another text?’ Helen asked, sitting forward in her chair.

  Marianne nodded.

  ‘Well, go on then, take a look; she can’t bite you,’ Johnny laughed.

  Marianne read out the message. ‘“Fine. See you there.”’

  ‘Great!’

  ‘Great,’ she echoed, feeling sick.

  Chapter Eighteen

  The kids had finished dinner and were now playing in the garden. Aware that Marianne seemed preoccupied, Dot announced that she was going to do some weeding and then planned to take the children down to the pier to buy fish.

  ‘So if there’s anything you need to do or anywhere you need to go,’ she told her daughter-in-law, ‘go ahead, we’ll be grand.’

  ‘Has Johnny Sheridan been talking to you?’ Marianne asked suspiciously.

  ‘No, love, why?’

  ‘Ah, he’s nagging me to call Rob Lee, our tenant; he wants to come and check out the office.’

  ‘Oh, well do it, love; we can’t afford to lose him.’

  ‘No.’

  ‘Did you tell Johnny about the text?’

  ‘Yes, and Helen. They got a kick out of the fact that Kate spooked the thief.’

  Dot looked at Marianne’s pallor and the dark shadows under her eyes.

  ‘Why don’t you have a lie down, love? You look worn out.’

  ‘No, I’m fine. I have some emails to check and I’ll make that call.’