With Autumn's Return (Westward Winds Book #3): A Novel

by Amanda Cabot

  Elizabeth looked down at the tiny, dark-haired baby. “Babies come on their own schedule. Louella should be bigger, though. If I didn’t know better, I’d say Sheila kept wearing her corsets.”

  “She did.”

  The pain Elizabeth had felt at Sheila’s death deepened. “I warned her about the dangers.” She’d told both Sheila and Phoebe that tightly laced corsets gave the baby too little room to move and that they could endanger the mother as well. While Elizabeth couldn’t say that Sheila had died because she’d laced her corsets, she had no doubt that they had been a contributing factor.

  “Phoebe insisted. She wanted Sheila to sing for the men, even if she couldn’t entertain them any other way.”

  And the men who visited Phoebe’s bordello would not want to see a woman great with child. Elizabeth knew that. “She never told me.”

  Katie’s lips turned down. “Phoebe woulda thrown her out if she didn’t sing.”

  “I see.” Though it was too late to save Sheila, it was important that Phoebe understand the consequences of her demands. But that discussion could wait. Right now, Elizabeth’s most important responsibility was to ensure that Sheila’s daughter lived. Taking a sheet of paper from her bag, she wrote a brief note to Gwen, telling her she would not be home tonight and perhaps not for the next few days. Phoebe’s driver could deliver the note once he’d taken Elizabeth and Louella to her office.

  The ride took no more than five minutes, but throughout it, Elizabeth kept her eyes focused on the baby. Swaddled in the soft clothes that Sheila had sewn for her and wrapped in a warm blanket, little Louella should have no difficulty with the brief time outdoors, and yet Elizabeth could not help worrying. This mite of a child had already suffered more than an infant should.

  As soon as she entered her office, Elizabeth hurried to the small kitchen that adjoined her infirmary. Switching on the light, she found a box that would serve as Louella’s cradle. Lined with flannel, it would protect her and help keep her body warmth contained.

  After laying the baby inside her new bed and placing it on the table, Elizabeth turned to the stove. Though Louella had not complained, it was time for her to begin eating. Elizabeth warmed milk, testing the temperature by flicking a drop on her wrist. When she was convinced that it would not burn the baby’s delicate mouth, Elizabeth soaked a rag in the warm liquid. Though she’d considered using a dropper, she knew that babies had a strong need to suck.

  “Open up,” Elizabeth said as she softly tickled the skin under Louella’s chin. When the child complied, she placed the dripping rag into her mouth. At first, Louella did not react, other than to open her eyes and stare at Elizabeth, as if puzzled by the foreign object in her mouth. Then she began to suckle.

  “Good girl.” When Louella drifted back to sleep, obviously sated, Elizabeth smiled. The first hurdle had been crossed.

  What a fool he’d been! Only a fool would have agreed to the courtship pretense, and only a bigger fool would have not told Elizabeth the truth when he’d realized that he wanted it to be a genuine courtship.

  Jason stared at the plate of pork chops and mashed potatoes that he’d brought home when he realized he was such poor company that he shouldn’t spend time in a restaurant where people might expect him to be sociable. The food was delicious. It was only his thoughts that soured his stomach.

  When had it happened? Racking his brain, Jason tried to pinpoint the hour, even the day, when his feelings for Elizabeth had changed. It might have been the Sunday at the park when he’d watched her pleasure over nothing more special than a boat ride. Perhaps that had been the reason he’d kissed her. Jason wasn’t certain. It might have been the day Kevin Granger had described his life with Ruby. That had been the first time Jason had realized there might be a future for him and Elizabeth. It might have been even earlier than that.

  Jason cut another piece of meat, chewing slowly while he tried to marshal his memories. He was an attorney, a man accustomed to identifying facts and placing events in a logical sequence, but when it came to Elizabeth, logic went out the window. All he knew was that at some point, his feelings had changed. He still felt a desire to protect her, but it was no longer enough to defend her reputation as a physician. Now Jason wanted to protect Elizabeth the woman.

  He should have been honest with her, but he had not. He had remained silent and was reaping the consequences of his foolishness. Elizabeth was so angry that she wouldn’t listen to him. She had closed the door in his face when he had tried to apologize, and when he’d attempted to walk home with her, she’d crossed to the opposite side of the street. Even if she did let him speak, it was unlikely she’d believe him. Jason couldn’t blame her. No woman liked being duped. He shook his head, correcting himself. No one—man or woman—liked that. Elizabeth must feel the way he had when he’d discovered that Adam Bennett had lied to him.

  He pushed the plate aside, his appetite destroyed by the thought of Elizabeth’s anger. There had to be a way to convince her of his sincerity, but, though he’d wrestled with the problem for days, he had yet to find an answer. Deep in thought, Jason walked slowly to the front window, his eyes widening in surprise when he saw Elizabeth alighting from an unfamiliar carriage. The presence of a horse and buggy was strange enough. What was even odder was the timing. Though Richard and Miriam occasionally lent her their carriage, at this time of the evening Elizabeth should be going home, not to her office. The few times she’d returned here after dark, she’d been alone, not carrying something in her arms.

  Though he was curious, Jason waited half an hour before he descended the steps, wanting Elizabeth to be settled before he intruded. Rather than enter her office by the front door, he walked to the rear of the building. There was no point in provoking more gossip by having someone observe him going into Elizabeth’s office at night. That was how he’d gotten into the mess of a make-believe courtship. Even though he desperately wanted it to become a real one, he wouldn’t repeat his mistake.

  Rapping on the door, Jason waited for what seemed like an eternity before Elizabeth cracked it open. The light from the hallway spilled out, revealing the surprise on her face. Though those blue eyes that figured in so many of his dreams were serious, he saw no anger. If he’d been asked, he would have said it was sorrow he saw reflected in them.

  “What are you doing here?” It wasn’t Jason’s imagination. Elizabeth’s voice held a hint of sadness.

  “I came to ask you the same question.” Now that he saw her, new questions filled his mind. Why was she sad? Did she regret the way they’d parted as much as he did? He wouldn’t ask those questions yet. Instead, he said, “It’s unusual for you to be in your office so late. I wanted to be certain you were all right.”

  Shivering slightly from the cold breeze that blew into the building, Elizabeth beckoned him inside. “I have a patient in the infirmary.” The unmistakable sound of a child crying punctuated her words.

  “A baby?”

  She nodded. “One of Phoebe’s girls gave birth this afternoon.” There was something about the way Elizabeth pronounced the words that told Jason there was more to this story than she was admitting. And that story, he surmised, was the reason for her sorrow.

  “Is the mother here too?” Though he believed he knew the answer, Jason did not want to make any assumptions.

  The spasm of pain that crossed Elizabeth’s face was all the answer he needed. As the baby wailed again, she hurried into the infirmary, lifting the infant into her arms.

  “Sheila died,” she said softly as she tried to comfort her patient. To Jason’s amazement, even wrapped in a blanket, the baby appeared almost impossibly tiny. “By the time I got there,” Elizabeth continued, “it was too late. All I can do now is hope Louella survives.” She walked back into the kitchen and reached for what appeared to be a piece of cloth. As the child began to suckle, Elizabeth placed her into a flannel-lined box.

  “How can I help you?” Jason didn’t know much about babies, but there had to
be something he could do.

  Elizabeth lit the stove and placed a saucepan over the flame before turning to look at Jason. “Why would you want to do anything?”

  It was a fair question. What he didn’t know was whether or not she would believe his answer. “Because I care about you.” There. The words he’d longed to say were out in the open.

  The blood drained from Elizabeth’s face, and she stared at him, her expression one of pure astonishment. “What did you say?”

  “I care about you.” Though he wanted nothing more than to take her into his arms, Jason remained standing where he was. “This is not the way I had planned to tell you, but I want our courtship to be a genuine one.” His smile was rueful as he looked at the small kitchen. Elizabeth stood there, her eyes moving from the temporarily contented baby to him, while behind her, a pan of milk was heating. If there was a less romantic spot, Jason would have been hard-pressed to find it.

  “I doubt any woman dreams of a setting like this, but it’s true. That’s what I tried to tell you the day you discovered Richard’s plan. The courtship may have started as nothing more than a way to preserve your reputation and keep your practice from dwindling, but I soon realized that what I feel is more than friendship. I hope you feel the same way, because I want us to have a real courtship so we can discover whether we have a future together.”

  Elizabeth was still staring at him, but her eyes had softened. As she started to say something, the baby’s arms flailed. Elizabeth lifted the infant into her arms and began to croon.

  The sight of Elizabeth cuddling the baby made Jason catch his breath. He swallowed deeply before he spoke. “I want to fill your life with happiness. What can I do?”

  A soft gurgle followed by the sound of liquid hitting the floor was his answer. “Would you hand me the towel?” Elizabeth asked. Her patient had spit up.

  Elizabeth laughed, a shaky laugh that sounded closer to a cry than an expression of mirth. “I’m not laughing at you, Jason,” she assured him. “I’d never do that. I’m laughing at Louella. Babies have terrible timing, don’t they?”

  That was one way of describing it. If he were a superstitious man, which he was not, he might have thought it was an unfavorable omen. But Jason knew better. “I meant what I said. I want to help you, so tell me what I can do.”

  Elizabeth dipped her fingertip into the milk that was warming, the slight shake of her head announcing that it wasn’t yet the correct temperature for the baby. “I want to believe you,” she said softly, her blue eyes shining with something that he desperately wanted to believe was love. “I want to be courted by you, but look around.” She inclined her chin in the direction of the stove. “This is my life. I have a newborn baby who has no one but me to keep her alive.” Leaning forward, she pressed a kiss on the infant’s forehead, then looked up, her eyes meeting his. “I’m scared, Jason. I don’t know whether I can be both a doctor and a good wife and mother. What if I fail?”

  That was the real issue: Elizabeth blamed herself for the death of the baby’s mother, and that made her fear that she would fail at everything. Jason had experienced those same fears when he’d learned the truth about Adam Bennett. Gradually, though, the pain had faded, and as it did, his confidence had returned. Perhaps he could hasten the healing process for Elizabeth.

  “You did the best you could for Sheila, just as you will for her baby, but ultimately life and death are in God’s hands.”

  “I know,” she said, her voice cracking with emotion, “but it hurts so much to lose a patient. Sheila was the first.” Still clutching the baby to her chest, Elizabeth began to sob.

  Gently, Jason pried the infant from her arms and laid her in the makeshift cradle. The little girl remained silent as Jason wrapped his arms around Elizabeth and drew her head to his chest.

  “I wish I could have spared you the pain of losing a patient, but I can’t. All I can do is be here now. No matter what happens, I want you to know one thing: you’re not alone.”

  Jason’s words echoed through Elizabeth’s brain for the next four days as she kept her vigil over Sheila’s daughter. She wasn’t alone, and that made what could have been an ordeal much easier. As Elizabeth had feared, Louella showed signs of suffering from her premature birth. There had been several times when she’d stopped breathing the first day, her fingers and toes turning blue, her face contorting in what appeared to be pain. Each time, Elizabeth had revived her with cold water. The first time, the application of a cloth to her face had not been sufficient, and she’d had to immerse little Louella in a bucket of cold water, but by the third occurrence, simply placing the cold compress on her forehead had been enough to shock her back to breathing. That had been the final episode. Now, although she seemed to be hungry again almost as soon as she’d finished feeding, Louella’s color was good. Sheila’s daughter was a small but otherwise perfect baby girl.

  “What are you going to do with her?” True to his word, Jason had spent most of his time with Elizabeth, providing whatever assistance he could. The first day, he’d found a bottle that Elizabeth could use to feed the baby, and to her surprise, he’d proven adept at convincing the little girl to drink. Other times, he watched over the baby while Elizabeth stole a few hours of sleep. Throughout it all, Jason was unfailingly cheerful, assuring her that no one could provide better care for Louella than Elizabeth. If this was courtship, it was a decidedly unconventional one, and yet it brought smiles of pleasure to Elizabeth’s face.

  “I don’t know what to do with Louella,” she told Jason. “I thought about adopting her myself, but the answer to that was very clear. I’m not the mother God intended for Louella, nor are my sisters.” That had been a disappointment, for, though she knew she shouldn’t, Elizabeth had become attached to the tiny infant. There were times when she held Louella in her arms and imagined this was her daughter and that she and Jason were raising her. At those times, she tried to picture what Louella would look like as she grew. It would be a joy, having a child like this. But God had other ideas. The disquiet that Elizabeth felt each time she considered making Louella hers told her that.

  “There must be someone who’ll care for her,” Jason said.

  He’d no sooner spoken than the doorbell tinkled, announcing someone’s arrival. “I’ll watch Louella while you see your patient,” he told Elizabeth.

  Carefully closing the infirmary door behind her, Elizabeth walked into the waiting room, smiling when she recognized Laura Seaman. For the first time, she did not have Louis with her. Though she returned Elizabeth’s smile, Laura twisted the strings of her reticule, as if she were nervous, and her face was paler than usual. Elizabeth hoped whatever was bothering her patient was not serious.

  “Come in,” she said, gesturing toward her consulting room. When they were both seated, she asked, “What brings you here today?”

  Laura gripped the chair arms, her eyes searching the room before she looked at Elizabeth. “Is it true that you have a baby in your infirmary?”

  It was far from the response Elizabeth had expected, but there was no reason to deny the truth. “Yes. I’ve been caring for Louella since her birth.”

  Though she hadn’t thought it possible, Laura’s pallor increased. “Her name is Louella?” she asked, her voice shaky. Her eyelids closed and her lips moved without making a sound, as if she were praying.

  “That’s the name her mother gave her.” Elizabeth watched her patient, waiting until Laura opened her eyes again before she spoke. “If you know she’s here, you probably also know that Louella’s mother died in childbirth.”

  “I do.” Lacing her fingers together, Laura leaned forward. “Oh, Doctor, I’ve prayed and prayed about this, and I believe that Louella is the answer to my prayers. You know how much I want another child. Please, let me have this one.”

  Elizabeth kept her expression emotionless as she considered the woman’s plea. If this truly was God’s will, it could indeed be the answer to prayers, both hers and Laura’s. “I thou
ght you and your husband were opposed to adoption.”

  Laura nodded. “We were, but it’s different this time. No matter what I did, I couldn’t stop thinking about this little girl ever since I heard about her.” Louella must have wakened, for a faint cry penetrated the closed door. At the sound, Laura turned abruptly, color staining her cheeks. “When you told me her name was Louella, I knew she was the one God meant for us. You see, that was my mother’s name. Lloyd and I always said we’d name our first daughter after Ma.” Laura placed her folded hands on Elizabeth’s desk and fixed her gaze on her. “Is it possible? Could we adopt her?”

  There was no doubting the woman’s sincerity or the fact that Louella needed a home. “Are you both certain this is what you want?” Elizabeth had never met Lloyd Seaman, but she’d heard that he was a good man. A bit stern, perhaps, but basically a loving father.

  “Yes.” Laura dropped her eyes. “At first Lloyd objected. He didn’t approve of the mother’s profession, but eventually he agreed with me. A baby’s a baby, and this may be our only chance to give Louis a sister.”

  The feeling of peace that settled over Elizabeth told her this was indeed God’s will. “I can’t think of anyone who’d be a better mother than you. Would you like to see Louella now?” Elizabeth raised her voice slightly so that Jason would hear her.

  “Oh yes!”

  When she heard the back door close and knew that Jason had left rather than provoke more gossip, Elizabeth rose and took a step toward the hallway. “Come with me.”

  When they reached the infirmary, the baby was stirring. Elizabeth drew Louella out of the makeshift cradle and handed her to Laura, watching the thin woman beam with happiness as she held the child.

  “She’s beautiful.” Laura traced the outline of Louella’s face with one finger, as if memorizing it. “Can I take her home today?”

  Though Elizabeth wished she could agree, she could not. “Louella had some problems breathing at the beginning. I believe she’s fine now, but I want her to stay here for a few more days.” Seeing the woman’s disappointment, she added, “You and Lloyd and Louis are welcome to spend as much time as you like with her. In fact, it would be a big help to me if you’d take over Louella’s care.”