FRACTURED

by Amber Lynn Natusch

  Iwastoowiredtogotobed,mymindreelingwithallthenewly gainedhalf-truthsandwarningsfromGavin,andthenewrealitythat Cooperwouldbemovingout.Insteadoftryingtosleep,Iwenttothe livingroomandploppeddownonthecouchinsilence.Thequietwas soberingandisolating.

  Whoknewlivingwithsomanyotherscouldmakemefeelsoalone?

  14

  Ididn'twanttoopentheshopthenextday.I'dsleptterribly,leavingme withsunkeneyesthatjustcouldn'tquitefocusonanythingnomatterhow hardIsquinted.Eventually,Ijuststoppedtrying.

  Cooperwasmillingabouttheapartment,andasmuchasIwantedtotalk tohimtofigureoutasolutiontoourfamilycrisis,Ijustcouldn'tdeal withanymorehostilityfromhim.Instead,Istudiouslyavoidedhim, sneakingintothebathroomasbestIcouldwhilehebangedaroundinthe kitchencabinets.Unfortunatelyforme,Iwasn'tnearlyasstealthyasI thoughtIwas.

  "Iknowyou'reup,"hecalledfromtheadjacentroom."Andyoupee louderthananyoneI'veevermet.Ifyou'retryingtoavoidme,it'snot goingtowork.Besides...Ioweyouanapology.Youmightwanttocome outheresoyoudon'tmissanything."

  Ifinishedupinthebathroombeforejoininghiminthekitchen.Hewas leaninghishipagainsttheedgeofthestove,armscrossed,facestern.He didn'tlooklikehewasfeelingoverlyremorseful.

  "I'msorryIsnappedaboutyouleavingmewiththe girlsyesterday.I don'tlikethembeinghere―thathasn'tchanged―butasmuchasImay dislikeit,theydidhelpyou,andifyoufeelthatthey'relegit,I'mgoingto trustyou.Youknow...trust?ThatthingthatyouandSeandon'thave?Yes, thattrust.We'reapack,Ruby.Wearegoingtostartactinglikeone.And, asmyfirstofficialorderasyouralpha,Iwanttoreiteratethecasually-madecommentfromlastnightthatIdon'twantyoualonewiththem.

  Period.Endofstory."

  Iwasdumbfounded.Ihadn'texpectedanapology,nomatterhow creativelyitwaswrapped.

  "Ican'texplainwhyIwanttohelpthem,Coop;Ijustdo.Butyou wererighttobemadatme.Ican'tjustdumpthemhereandthengoalong likeeverythingisfineanddandy,businessasusual,"Ireplied,movingin towrapmyarmsaroundhiswaist.Itwaseasierthanhavingtolookhim intheeye.Isuckedatapologizing." I'msorry,Coop.I'mjustnotquite surehowtofixthisuntilwefindthemsomewheretogo."Ihedged slightlybeforeamendingmystatement.“Somewhereforallofyouto go."

  "Well,"hestarted,squeezingmealittletighter,"youcouldstartby gettingthatboytoyofyourstolendmehisNavigatorsoIcancartthem aroundinstylewhilewelookforapartments."

  Ilaughed,thinkingthatCooperwasfarmoredesperatetogethis handsonhisowncarthanI'dthought.

  “Whydon'tyoutaketheircar?”

  “Apparently,itwasn'tsomuch theircarasitwasan acquired vehicle.Theyditcheditoutsideoftownwhentheycamehere.That's whereit'sgoingtostay.Wedon'tneedthecopsfindingastolenvehicle here,nordoIneedthemdrivingaroundtownunsupervised."

  "Agreed,”Isaidwithasmile.“And,yes,I'mprettysureIcan sweet-talkSeanoutoftheSUV."

  "Oh,Ihavenodoubtthatyoucangetjustaboutanythingyouwant outofthatoneatthispoint,exceptmaybethetruth,thoughI'dreally rathernotthinkaboutyourmethodsfortrying,"hesaid,pushingaway frommeslightly."I'mgoingtogowaketheladiesupforourlongdayof house-hunting.Wishmeluck."

  "Youwon'tneedit,"Icalledtohimashereachedforthedoor."Just wigglethatassofyoursattherealtorsandyou'llgetwhateveryouwant."

  "Ha!Toobaditdoesn'tworkonthetrioupstairs."

  "Maybeitdoes,"Isaidwithawink.Iwasmetwithoneinreturn.

  "PerhapsI'llgotestoutyourtheory..."

  “Don'tbeupsetwhenitworks!”

  Aharshlaughrangoutthroughthehallwayasheclosedthedoor behindhim.Andwiththat,hewasgone.

  *

  Havingfirmlydecidedtobeanirresponsiblebusinessownerand keepthestoreclosedfortheday,Ipostedsomelameexcuseontheshop's doorbeforedecidingtoheadovertoRonnie's.Iwasgratefulthatmy inheritancehadleftmeenoughmoneytobemildlyaloofregarding REWORKEDwhensituationsarose,butitwasn'taluxuryIwouldhave forever,afactIneededtokeeptuckedawayinthebackofmymind.

  TherealitywasthatIwasfarmoreconcernedwithPeytaand whetherornotshehadlethermotherinonherlittlesecretthanIwas aboutworkingthatmorning.Ifshehadtoldher,Iwantedtobesurethat Ronniewashandlingitwell.NothingwasmoreimportanttoRonniethan Peyta,butwhenblindsided,herreactionsweren'talwaysthemostwell thoughtoutorsensitive.

  Ientered BetterWithAgetofindnobodyawaitingmyarrival;it appeareddeserted.JustasIwasabouttocalloutforher,mypanicrising, Iheardalaughfromthebackroom.

  A giggle.

  ThenIheardthelowrumblingsofaman'svoice.

  Morelaughter.

  "Ronnie?It'sme,"Isaidtentatively.Iwasn'tentirelysurewhatI wasinterrupting.

  "Ruby!"sheyelledbeforeanoutbreakofscurryingandwhispering brokeoutinthebackstoreroom."I'llberightout."

  "Don'tworry,"Imumbledundermybreath."I'mnotcomingin."

  Aminutelater,Ronniestumbledthroughthebeadedcurtain, smoothinghervintageblouseoutandfussingwithherhair.Amoment afterthat,afamiliarmanfollowed.

  “Ruby,yourememberMalcolm,"shesaid,tryingherbesttonot looklikeshe'djustgottencaughtmakingoutunderthebleachersinhigh school.

  “Yes,"Irepliedwithatightsmile."It'snicetoseeyouagain."

  Helookedatinybitsheepishasheranahandthroughhis disheveledhair.

  “AlwaysapleasuretoseeoneofRonnie'sfriends."

  Thethreeofusstoodawkwardlyforamoment,ignoringtheneon pinkelephant―orherdofthem―intheroom.Ifeltliketheywere multiplyingwhileIstoodthere.Eventuallyunabletosmile uncomfortablyanylonger,Icracked.

  “Isthisabadtime,Ronnie?Icouldcomebacklater...”

  “No,no,it'sfine.Wewerejust,”shestarted,takingapausetogrin atMalcolm,“lookingforsomethingintheback.”

  Likeacondom...

  “Right,well,IjustcameovertoaskaboutPeyta,”Isaid,shooting heraglancethatsaid'readbetweenthelines,please'.Shegotmeloud andclear.

  “Youcanaskwhateveryouneedto,”sheinformedme,takingastep closertoMalcolm.“Heknows.Heknowseverything."

  “Oh,okay.”Istumbledonthewords.WasImissingsomething morethanIthought?Thetwohadhistory,thatwasplainfromthefirst timeI'dmetMalcolmReed.Hewasa friendfromalongtimeback.A friendofherhusband's.Afriendfromthe Underground.Thepieceofthe puzzlethatIseemedtobelackingwaswhenhe'dbecomesomeone presentenoughinRonnie'slifetowarrantknowingthemostintimate detailsofherdaughter'smentalwell-being.PerhapsIhadmissedmorein thosethreeweeksthanIbargainedfor.“SoPeytatoldyou?Toldyou everything?”

  “Shecametomeaboutityesterday,”shereplied,regainingsomeof thesharpnessoffeaturethatIwasaccustomedtoseeingonherface.“She saidyouweregoingtotellmeifshedidn't.”Inodded.“I'msogladyou pushedheraboutthis,Ruby.Ihadnoidea.”

  Herguiltwovearoundme,wrappingmeinanenergeticblanketthat nearlysuffocatedme.Ronniewasnotlikelytoforgiveherselfforher oversightanytimesoon.Maybenever.

  “Soyou'regettingherhelp?Ilookedupsomereallygreatplaces thatdealwiththisspecificdisorder.Didyoufindsomewhereforherto goordoyouwantthelist?”

  “MalcolmwasabletohelpgetherintoatherapistinBoston.The doctorisanoldgradschoolbuddyofhis.Weneverwouldhavegottenin withouthishelp.There'saone-yearwaitinglist,andit'sacash-only practice.EvenifIcouldhavesecuredanappointmentthere,Iwouldn't havebeenabletopayforit.”Hergazedroppeda
sshefidgetedslightly, pickingathernails.ItwasapparentthatRonniethoughtshe’dnotonly failedherdaughterinemotionalsupport,shealsothoughtshe'dfailedto provideforhertoo.

  “Hanswasahousemateofmine,”Malcolmstarted,allowingRonnie togetaholdofherself.“We'vekeptintouchovertheyears.Icalledina favortohimandheagreedtotakePeytaonasacourtesytome.”He smiledwarmlyandtookRonnie'shandinhis.“Veronica,there'snoneed tofeelbadlyaboutit;besides,”hesaid,atinyglintofmischiefflickering inhiseyes,“itgavemeachancetobringupsomeinterestingphotosof himthatIfoundinmyatticnottoolongago.He'dhavedoneanythingto keepthoseoffoftheinternet.”

  “Youdidn't!”Ronniegasped.

  “No,”heroaredwithlaughter.“Butthatsnappedyououtofyour self-loathingforthemoment,didn'tit?”

  Ihadtolaughtoo;hismovewaswellplayed.Icouldseewhy Ronnielikedhim.Iwasstartingtolikehimmoreaswell.

  “Soshe'singoodhandsthen?”Iasked,tryingtocomposemyself.

  “Thebest,”Ronniereplied.“AndIhaveyoutothankforthattoo, Ruby.I'mnotsureIwouldhaveeverfiguredoutwhatshewasdoing withoutyou.”

  “IfIhadn'tcaughtherintheact,Iwouldn'thaveeither,Ronnie.

  Noneofuswould.YoushouldhaveseenCooperafterhewalkedinonthe aftermath.Hewasinbadshapeaboutit.Heblamedhimselffornotbeing moreofahelptoher.”

  “Hewasbusydoinghisjob,Ruby.Hewasoutlookingfor you,” she said,hervoicetakingonthatfamiliarseriousnessthatI'dcometofind comfortingfromRonnie.Fromanyoneelseitwouldhaveseemed threatening,andonoccasion,itstillwas.“Peytaisn'tCooper's responsibility.She'smine.Tellhimit'snothisfault,please.”

  Asifjustputtingittogether,shenarrowedhereyesandcockedher headslightlytotheside.

  “Isthatwhyheleftthehousetheotherdaylookingpaleasaghost?

  Hewalkedrightpastmewithoutsomuchasaword.Ifiguredhe'd overheardsomethinghedidn'tmeantoandthathadfreakedhimouta little.Nowit'sstartingtomakemoresense.”

  “Yeah,poorguy.Hemightneedatherapistnowtoo,”Ijoked,trying tolightenthemoodslightly.“Gotanyotherfriendsyoucancallfavors into,Malcolm?”

  Theroomboomedwithhislowandheartylaughter.

  “I'mafraidnot,Ruby.ButIhavesomesenatorsIcanblackmailif thatevercomesinhandy.”

  “Youneverknow,”Icautioned.“I'mprettyadeptatgettingmyself intotrouble.”

  Ronnie'sslysmilelitupherface.

  “LikenooneI'veevermet.”

  *

  IstuckaroundandchattedwithRonnieandMalcolm,or Reed, as shereferredtohiminamorecasualatmosphere,thenexcusedmyself, sensingthattheystillhadsomeunfinishedstoreroombusinesstofinish.

  ItstillflooredmethatRonnie,or Veronica,ashecalledher,wasacting likeacarefreeteenager,butitmademeoddlyhappyforher―envious too.WhatIwouldhavegiventohavehadamiddaysexualencounterin thebackofmyshop.Instead,Iusuallyfilledthattimewithonecrisisor another.CarefreewasanapproachtolifethatIcouldn'taffordtoindulge.

  Withthatinmind,Imademywaybacktotheshoptoopenforat leastpartoftheday.Peytahadaskedforthedayoffandwouldhavebeen disappointedtoknowthatIshuckedallmyresponsibilityatthefirstsign ofhernotbeingaround.Therewereonlyafewhoursleftinthebusiness day,soIdecidedtoworkonsomepiecesoutintheshowroomsoIcould dodoubleduty.Ihopedmytiredeyeswouldallowmetoaccomplishthat.

  Ifoundthatcustomersalwaysenjoyedseeingmefiddlewiththe jewelry.Theyseemedtoloveknowinghowsomethingcametobe―the stepstakentocreateaparticularoutcome—asifseeingand understandinghowapiecewasmoldedandshapedgaveitgreaterappeal.

  Maybeitdid.

  Perhapsthatsameconceptappliedtopeopleaswell.Didwelove themmorewhenweknewtheirfullstory?Howtheycametobewhoand whattheywere?Orwasthemysterywhatkeptuscomingbackformore, slowlyenticingus,knowingthatoncethetruthwasout,theappealwould belost?

  Iwasn'tsureIwantedanswerstothosequestions.

  15

  Afterclose,Istuckaroundforalittlelonger,knowingthatCoopandthe boysweren'tbackyet.NotwantingtogivetheillusionthatIwasopen,I dimmedthefrontlightsandlockedthefrontdoor,flippingthesignto closed.IthenmademywaytothebacktofinishtheearringIhadnearly completed.

  Focusinghardontwistingthetinywiresoftheintricatepiece together,Ididn'texpecttohearthejingleofthedoorbells,andalmost didn'thearthematall.Almost.MyheartsurgedasIshotupfrommy chair;IknewIhadlockedthedoorthattime.Panickedandunarmed,I boltedintotheshowroom,unsureofwhatfateawaitedme.Fearingthe worst,IneverimaginedwhoIwouldfindwaitingforme.

  SeandonningaCheshirecatsmilewasprettylowonmylistof possibilities.

  “DidIstartleyou?”heasked,knowingdamnwellhe'dscaredthe shitoutofme.“Iwashopingtofindyoualone.LookslikeI accomplishedthatforonce.”

  “Youalmostfoundme dead,”Iretorted,breathinghard.“Youwon't besmilingwhenyougivemeadamnheartattack.”

  Ishouldhaveknownitwouldbehim.Hehadakeyforeverything.

  “Howareyourrefugees?”heaskedwithacertaincheerinesstohis voice.Ididn'tbuyitforasecond.

  “They'regreat.They'remakingCooperinsane,sothatshouldmake youhappy.”

  Hissmilewidened,takingonagenuinequality.

  “Itdoes.Verymuchso.”

  Ishothimmyangryparentface.

  “Youpromised,Sean.Yousworeyouwouldtrytogetalongwith him!”

  “Oldhabits,”hereplied,trailingoffasheshruggedambivalently.

  “...aregoingtobethedeathofme,”Imurmuredinresponse, leaningagainstthecounterwhilemyheartratetriedtonormalize.

  “Nothingisgoingtobethedeathofyou,Ruby. Nothing.”Ilooked uptoseeallthehumorwipedfromhisface.Forestgreeneyesmetmine, tellingmethatplaytimewasover.Therewasnomockinginhis statement.

  “Yousaidyouweretryingtogetmealone,”Iprompted,hopingto easilytransitiontowhatitwashehadcomefor.Whenmyheartstartedto racealittlewithhisapproach,Irealizedthatmybodywashopingitwas me.

  “WasI?”Hefluidlymadehiswaytowardme,closingthedistance betweenus.Onlythefrontcounterseparatedourbodies,andhe swallowedupthatspacequickly,leaningforwardoverittoprophimself uponhiselbows.Itputhimateyelevel,pinninghisonceagainemerald irisesonme.“Ididwanttoseeyoualone,Ruby.Iwishitwasforamore entertainingreason.”Whilehiseyesrakedmeover,hisenergysurged throughme,andmybodyreactedasitalwaysdid.“JayisoverinLondon, lookingintothepack.Itseemsthattheboys'storychecksoutthusfar.

  Theirpreviousalphaisgoneandthenewoneisdirty,that'sforsure,but he'ssmart.Whateverhe'supto,he'skeepingitwellunderwraps.Nobody istalking,especiallynothispack.”

  “SomehowIfindithardtobelievethatyourbrothersweren'tableto coerceanswersoutofthem.”

  Anothernoncommittalshrug.

  “Theyknowhowtointerrogateeffectively,ifthat'swhatyou're gettingat.SoI'mleftwithtwopotentialimplications.Eitherthesepack memberstrulydon'tknowanything,ortheyfearTobiasmorethanthey fearus,”hesaid,hisexpressionhardeningslightly.“And thatwouldbea fatalerrorinjudgmentontheirpart.”

  Noshit.

  “HowisJaydoing?”Iaskedcasually,hopingtogainalittleinsight intothatsituation.

  “He'swell,”herepliedcuriously,eyebrowinfullforce.“How's Peyta?”

  “Justdandy,”Iquipped,stilltryingtoplayitcool.Aswestaredat eachother,Icouldn'thelpbutwonderiftherewa
smoretothe disappearanceofJayfromPeyta'slife,and,iftherewas,ifSeanknew morethanhewaslettingon.BeforeIcouldletmyimaginationrunaway withme,Ichangedthesubject.“Sohow'sthestuffwithMcGurney coming?Anythingnewtogooffof?”

  Hesmiledacunningsmile,knowingthatI'djustchangedthe subjectintentionally.

  “Professionalhitsarenoteasytotrace,Ruby.Someonevery powerful,withavestedinterestinkeepingthingsquiet,calledinthathit onMcGurney.I'vegotasmanyPCbrothersasIcanspareonthecase,but nothinghasturnedupasofyet.WhateverMcGurneyhadintendedto showmethatnightmusthaveexposedsomeoneenoughforthemtogoto greatlengthstoshuthimupforgood.Unfortunatelyforme,Igotthere toolate.Hishousewaswipedclean.Everythingwasgone.”

  “TherehastobesomewaytogetintoKeith'sfilewithoutCIA clearanceorsomebodyontheinside.”

  “Maybe,butitdoesn'tmatternow.KeithJamesnolongerexistsin theirdatabase.He'saghost―aspecter.Whoeverknewwewereonto themwipedouthisentireexistenceasifheneveroncesetfootin Langley.”

  “Holyshit...”

  “Indeed.”

  “Soyoujustwalkawayfromit?”Iaskeddisbelievingly.

  “Notachance,”hegrowled,eyesnarrowing.“Nowwepouronthe heatlikethere'snotomorrow,becauseforsomeonetherewon'tbe.Iwant toknowexactlywho'sbehindthis.Ifthegovernmenthassomehow stumbleduponthewerewolfpopulation,Ineedtofleshoutexactlywho knowswhatandhowdeeplythatknowledgepermeates.”

  Hestoppedhimselfbeforecontinuing.Ihadaprettygoodideawhat he'ddotothoseinonit.Hedidn'twanttoconfirmmysuspicions.

  “Sountilthen?”

  “Untilthen,wedig,interrogate,anddigsomemore.”

  “Alanisn'tgoingtogiveuponMcGurney,Sean.He'scertainlynot goingtoletyouoffthehookforiteither.”