FRACTURED

by Amber Lynn Natusch

  Ilookeddownquicklytoseewhatshewasgettingat.WhenIwas greetedbythetagofmyshirt,whichwasnotonlyfacingoutbutalso turnedinthewrongdirection,Igotherpoint.

  “No,”Ilamented,“butIwasinahurry.”Embarrassed,Iscurried pasther,leavingmycoffeeonthecounterasImademywaytotheback torectifymywardrobemishap.Shefollowedmeback.

  “Longnight?”

  “Kindof.”Ididn'twanttogointogreatdetailbecauseshedidn't knowabouttheUKtrio,andCooperwantedtokeepherinthedarkas muchaspossible.Seanagreed.Weknewshewasaswellprotectedasshe wasgoingtobewithPCboyssurveyingtheshopwhilesheandIwere there.Giventhetenuousnatureofhermentalstatus,wedidn'twantto addtoherstresslevelanymorethannecessary.Oncetheboyswereout ofthehouseandweknewwhatweweregoingtodowiththem,wewould letherinonourlittlesecret,orsecrets,asthecasemayhavebeen.

  “Areyoubeingevasiveonpurposeorareyoujusttiredand grouchy?”sheasked,leaningashoulderagainstthewall.

  “I'llgowiththelatter.”

  “Pathofleastresistance?”

  “Always.”

  “I'llallowitthistime,”shesighed,feigningannoyance.“Nexttime, Iexpectallthesordiddetails.”

  “Deal.”Concedingwasfareasierthanarguingwithherandwas clearlythebestoptiongivenPeyta'sgeneticpredispositiontogettothe bottomofthingswhenyouleastwantedherto.Shewasjustlikeher mother.

  “SoMomsaidyoustoppedbyyesterday,”shesaid,changingthe subject.

  “Yep...”

  “WasMalcolmthere?”sheaskedcuriously,herfaceimpassive.

  “Hewas.”IdidmybesttobeasneutralasPeyta.Icouldn'ttellif shewastryingtogetareadonhowIfeltabouthim,ortohideher sentiments.

  “So,whatdidyouthink?”

  “Heseemedfine.Betterthanfine,actually.Hemadeahorriblyoff-colorremarkthatmademelaugh.Howbadcanhebe?”

  Shesaidnothing,onlyeyedmefromtheothersideoftheroom.

  “Anythingelse?”

  Isighed.

  “Yourmomseemshappywithhim―likeadifferentpersonalmost.

  Isawglimmersofherhardenededges,butitwasasthoughhefiledthem offwithasingleglance,”Iexplainedwithashrug.“Andwhathedidfor you,P...”

  “Iknow,”shewhispered,lookingaway.“Imetwiththetherapist yesterday.Momletmegobymyself.Ineedtodothisforme.”

  “Howwasit?”Iaskedsoftly,movingslowlytowardher.“Didyou likethisüberspecialist?”

  Shelookedatmethoughtfullyforamoment.

  “Idid.Ireallydid.It'slikeheunderstoodme.HeknewwhereIwas comingfrom.”

  “Well,that'sgreat,P!”

  “Iknow.Itreallyis.I'mnotsurehowtothankMalcolmforhishelp though.Wenevercouldhaveaffordeditwithouthim.”

  “Peyta,”Isaidfirmly,“Iwouldhavemadesureyougotwhatyou needed.Idon'tliketotalkaboutitmuch,butmyinheritancewas substantial.Iwouldhavepaidforitmyself,ifithadcometothat.”

  Shesmiledupatmewithwateryeyes.

  “Well...thanks,Ruby,”shesaid,givingmeahugaroundmywaist,

  “butitlookslikeDaddyWarbucksbeatyoutothetask.Icoulduseacar though.”

  “Getinline,”Ijoked.“Cooper'sbeensingingthattuneforawhile now,thoughIdidmanagetosnaghimacarfromSean.Itseemstohave placatedhimforthetimebeing.”

  “Fine,”shegrumbledintrueteenagerfashion.“Ihadtotry.”

  “Ofcourseyoudid.Nowhowaboutyougooutfrontandearnyour keeparoundhere.Ihavetrinketstomake.”

  *

  Thestorewasremarkablybusy,soIgotlittledoneintheback.I’d forgottenthattheholidayseasonwasapproachingandpeoplewouldbe gettingaheadstartsoastoavoidtheThanksgivingthroughChristmas shoppingmelee.Iwasn'tabouttocomplain;businesswasbusiness,and alwayswelcome.

  Weworkedstraightthroughournormallunchbreak,and,asthe towncourthouse'sbellchimedthreeo’clock,IrealizedjusthowhungryI was.JudgingbythelackofanimationinPeyta'sface,shewasdragging too.

  “Doyouwanttoshutdownforthirtyminutes?Wecouldgograb somethingupstairs.”

  “Yes,butweneedtodoitquicklyoryou'llbecarryingmeupthere.

  I'mstarving.”

  Notwantingtohavetopiggybackherupthestairsfireman-style,I shutdowntheshopandleftanoteonthedoorstatingwe'dbebackby 3:30.Wehurriedupstairs,makingourwayintotheapartmentand directlytothekitchenwherePeytaquicklyfoundabagofchipstonibble onwhileIransackedthefridgeforanythingedible.Theboyshada showingjustoutsideoftownatalittleafterthree,soIknewthecoast wouldbeclearlongenoughforustoeatandrun.

  “Okay,”Istarted,knowingourfoodsituationwaslookinggrim,“we havepickles,cheese,cranberryjuice,andsomethinginaTupperware containertowardstheback.Ithinkwemightwannaleavethatonealone actually.Itlooksfuzzy.”

  “Howaboutsoup?”Peytasuggested,pullingtwofamily-sizedcans fromthepantry.

  “Fabulous!”Icried,startingtorummagethroughthedrawersfor thecanopener.Itwasnowheretobefound,andIquicklyremembered why.“Um...P,Ihavetorunupstairsforasec.I'llberightback.”

  “Why?”sheasked,lookingatmestrangely.ItwasalookIgot fairlyoften.

  “Ineedtogograbsomethingtoopenthosethings.Justsittightand eatyourchips.I'llberightdown.”

  “Youleftyourcanopenerupstairs?”

  “Yeah,”Irepliedweakly.“IgethungrywhenIdancesometimes.I musthaveforgottenit.Ijustneedtorunupandgrabit.”

  “Whyareyouactingsoweird?”shecontinued,hotonmyheels.

  “I'mnot.”

  “Youare.”

  “Peyta,seriously.I'llberightback.”

  “Whydon'tyouwantmetocome?”sheaskedwithhermother's seasoneddetectiveglintinhereyes.

  “BecauseIjustabouthadtocarryyouupthestairs,remember?Sit.

  Eatchips.Thelongeryoukeepbadgeringmeaboutthis,thelongerit's goingtotaketoactuallyhavelunch.Wehavecustomerstoserve,don't we...?”

  “Fine,”shegrumbledinresponse.Weweretwoskinnygirlswho reallyneededourbloodsugartostayaboveacertainleveltomaintain civility.

  WithoutanyfurtherprotestationsfromPeyta,Ispedupthestairsto thethirdfloor,prayingcuriositywouldn'tgetthebestofher.Ididn'thave anexcusepreparedforwhyitlookedlikeIhadpeoplesquattinginmy studio.Actually,Idid,butIwasn'tgoingtotellherthat.

  OnceIenteredthespace,Itookinthemess.Thankfully,itwas relativelywell-corralledatthefarendoftheroom,butitwasstillabitof adisaster.Clotheswerestrewnabout,twistedupinthesheets,blankets, andpillowsthattheywereusingfortheirtemporarybeds.Toppingitall offwasalargegreentrashbag,stuffedtonearlyoverflowing.Thoseboys likedtoeat,andoneinparticular.Alistairhadacannedpineapple infatuation.Maybetheydidn'thaveitacrossthepond,ormaybehewas justodd,buthewasdefinitelythereasonwhyIfoundmyselfonthehunt foracanopener.

  Withmypressingneedtohurry,Iattackedthechaoticpile, throwingthingsaroundatwill,doingmybesttotrackdownthemissing kitchenutensil.Itbecameabundantlyclearinmysearchthatitwastime forthoserunawaystodosomelaundry.EvenifIhadfoundtheopenerin thatpile,Iwouldn'thaveusedit.

  Comingupempty-handed,Isighedaloud,pressingmyhandsonmy hipsasIscannedtherestoftherelativelyvacantroomformymissing item.ThenIspottedit,sittingbenignlyontopofthestereothatI adored―theonethathadbeendormantforweeks.Iranoverand snatcheditup,turningquicklytoheaddownstairs.

  IslammedrightintoPeyta.Thatgir
lwassneaky―foranalmost-human.

  “Jesus!”Iscreamed,clutchingmychest.“Youscaredthecrapout ofme,P!”

  “Um,Ruby?”sheasked,lookingatthemessI'dscatteredabout.

  “Doweneedtohaveaninterventionorsomething?Leavingyourrooma completedisasterisonething,butwhenitspillsoverontoanentirely differentfloorofyourhome,Ithinkit'stimetogetsomehelp.”Shepried hereyesfromtheboys'stufftomeetmine.“ShouldIseeifmytherapist hasanybuddieswhospecializeinsomekindofhoarding-likedisorder?”

  Ilaughednervously,tryingtousherheroutoftheroom.

  “Nope.Ijustneedtohireacleaner,that'sall.Let'sgoeat.”

  “Waitaminute,”shesaid,grindingtoahaltwhenshesawapairof strayboxersthathadlandedneartheexit.“Whydoyouhave men’s underwearuphere?Thisisn'tyourstuff,isit?”

  “Well,no.Notexactly.”Icringedasshewentovertoinvestigate further,prayingforadistractionofanykindtoderailherfromher mission.Shewaslikeadogonatrail;shewasn'tgoingtoletupeasily.

  Inarareactofkindnessfromheavenabove,IgotwhatIaskedfor.

  “Ruby?”amalevoicecalledfrombehindPeytaandme.

  Matty...

  17

  WhenIturnedtoseehim,hegrinnedshyly,makinghimlookyounger thanthelasttimeIsawhim.Hisexpressiontightenedslightlywhenhe sawPeytacomeupbehindme,butshesoonputhimatease.Shewasall apologies.

  “Matty...theotherday,”shestartedasshenervouslyavoidedeye contact.“Imayhaveoverreacted.Ididn'trealizethatyouweren't yourself wheneverythinghappened.”Hisfacewasblankwhilehestoodstill, staringatPeytaasshemuddledherwaythroughherexplanation.“Iknow whomadeyou;youdidn'tstandachance.Rubytoldmethatyou―the old you―wouldneverhavedonethosethings.Iwassoupsetabout Jay...aboutRubytoo.Itookitoutonyou,andthatmaynothavebeen entirelyfair.”

  Shewasbeyonduncomfortable;Icouldfeeltheerraticvibrations hummingaroundherbody.

  “I'msorrytoo,Peyta,”hesaidsoftlyinresponse.“Iwishyoucould haveknownmebefore.”

  Ifeltthetearsstarttostingthebackofmyeyes.InthatmomentI wantednothingmorethantohavehimback―forPeytatohavethe chancetogettoknowhim.Butitwouldneverbe.Mattycouldn'tstay.

  Iwalkedawayasthefirsttearfell.Bracingmyselfagainstthe cabinetthatheldthestereo,Ihunchedforward,doingmybesttocontain everythingthatthreatenedtoescapeme.Thenhewasrightbehindme.

  “Don'tcry,blueeyes.”Hishandbrushedmycheeklightly,andI liftedituptowardhim.“You'llforcemetodosomethingembarrassingto cheeryouup.”

  Hereachedaroundmetoturnthestereoon.Iwatched,completely infatuated,ashepressedthepowerbuttononandcueduponeofthe manyplaylists.Peyta'spowersallowedMatty,likeGregory,tomake contactwithobjectsandpeoplearoundhim.ItimpliedthatMattywasa prettypowerfulwolfaswell,butIwasalreadymorethanawareofthat.

  Heexpertlyscrolledthroughituntilhefoundwhathewaslooking for.Whenhedid,helaughed.Drake's“TakeCare”cameblaringthrough thespeakersatanuncomfortablevolume,thebassviolentlyshakingthe floor.Itfeltamazing.

  Justashehadonsomanyoccasionsindanceclass,Mattystarted clowningaroundinagrandefforttocheermeup.Italwaysworked.He'd pickedahip-hoppiecethatwasdonebyaguestchoreographerforour company.Hip-hopwas notmyforte,andheknewit.He'dshownmeup thatclass,butIneverlethimknowit.HewasmockingmeintrueMatty fashion,andItotallytookthebait.

  Hook,line,andsinker.

  “Rememberthis?”hegoaded,easilybreakingoutthechoreography we'dlearnedmonthsearlier.“Ibelievetheterm'hotmess'wasthrown aroundduringthatclass.Itwasaimedatyou,wasitnot?”

  “IgotbetteratitwhileyouwereinLA,”Iretorted.

  “Well,let'sseeitthen,whitegirl.”

  “Whoareyoucallingwhite,Italianboy?”Isnipped,takingalong anddramaticslideinhisdirectionbeforeIbustedoutthestepstothat sectionofthesong.Hewasintotalsyncwithmeinseconds.

  IsawPeytasnickerinthemirrorwhileshewatchedusgoheadto headinadance-offofepicproportion.Dancingwithaghosteasily qualifiedasepic,regardlessofhowridiculousweappeareddoingit.

  “Lookingbetterthistimearound,Ruby,”hemocked,slidingin behindmeaswebothwatchedtheotherinthemirror.

  “Ha!Ilookgoodallthetime,”Iretorted.“Youjusthaven't noticed.”

  Hestoppedsuddenly,catchingmyarm.Histouchfeltstrangethe longerheheldon,likeitwasleachingme,drainingmeslightly.

  “Ialwaysnoticed,Ruby,”hesaid,leaningintomyear.“Youjust didn'tnoticemenoticing.”

  Myheartsank.

  Ipulledawaytolookathimandassesstheexpressiononhisface.

  Unfortunately,Inevergotthechance.

  Ifeltthementertheroombeforeawordwassaid.Beforetheir bodieswerevisibletome.AngercrashedintomybackasIsparedone glanceoveratPeyta'sblankexpression.Iknewthejigwasup―bigtime.

  Iwantedtohide,butknewthatwasanimpossibility,soinsteadI turnedtofacethemusic―orthealphas,asthecaseseemedtobe.Facing anangryCooperwouldhavebeenbadenough,butwithSeanathisside, formingawallofhostility,itwasjustaboutmorethanIcouldtake.

  BeforeIcouldevengetawordoutinmydefense,Cooperstartedin.

  “What.The.Fuck.”Itwasn'treallyaquestion,morean acknowledgmentofhow,onceagain,I'dmanagedtonotlethiminon crucialinformation.

  “Cooper,”Iprotested.“Icanexplain.”

  WhenIstartedtomovetowardtheircollectiveboilingrage,Matty steppedbetweenus.Hethought Iwastheonethatneededprotecting.

  Ilookedatthembeseechingly,butwhenmyhopelessstareturnedto Sean,allIsawwasawild,fearsomelookinhispitchblackeyes.His energycrashedwithviolentwavesinourdirection,andIfearedwewere secondsawayfromhiswarcrythatwouldthreatentoshatterthewindows aswellasanyhopethatIcouldsalvagethesituation.

  Cooperstartedinonmeagain,butSeansilencedhimwiththe slightestofhandgestures.HiseyesneverleftMatty,glaringathimwith emotionsbubblingunderthesurfacethatIcouldn'tevenplace.He wouldn'tlookatmeasIslinkedaroundfrombehindMatty.Hedidn't speaktomeeither.

  IwatchedhishatefulstarepierceMattyandwishedthatI'djusttold himthathisghosthadreturnedwhenIhadthechance.Mybodywas failingme,hoveringbetweenthetwoofthemasthoughsomehowIalone couldkeeptheshitstormthatwasbrewingatbay.TheonethingIknew aboutSeanwasthattherewasnostoppinghim.Ever.Hewouldhave someformofrevenge,andIwonderedjusthowbigthecostwouldbefor himtogetit.

  Suddenly,hisarmdriftedupslowly,extendedtowardme.Hiseyes wouldn'tmeetmine,buthisbodywould.Knowingthathewasaffording methechoicetogotohim,Ididmybestnottofalter,andIlaidmyhand inhissoftly,halfexpectingtobeyankedtowardhimbeforeabrawlbroke out.Instead,heledmegentlyovertohimandCooper.

  “Sean,”Iwhispered,knowinghe'dhearmeanyway.“ThisiswhatI wastryingtotellyouabouttheotherday.Iwantedyoutoknowthat Mattywasback;Ijustdidn'tknow how.Andthenyouhadtogo...”

  “Idon'twanttoseeyoueveragain,”herumbled,andmyheart plummeted.Mypleadingeyesshotuptohisfacetofindthat,onceagain, hiswerepinnedtoMatty.“Thisends now, ”hethreatened.“Ifitdoesn't, youwon'tenjoytheoutcome.”

  Mattyscoffed.

  “I'malreadydead,”hereplied,splayinghisarmswide,displaying hiseversoslightlytranslucentform.“Whatexactlydoyouthinkyou're goingtodothattrumpsthat?”

  Sean'sfacegavenothingaway,butIfeltasurgefromhim,arushof somes
ort,andIknewthathewasbarelykeepinghimselfcomposed.He'd secretlyprayedthatMattywouldcomearoundagainsohecouldshow himjustwhatwasworsethandeath.

  “Awisemanwouldn'tasksuchaquestionforfearoffindingoutthe answer.”

  Everyhaironmybodystoodatattentionwhilehepurredthose words.

  “Cooper,”hegrowled,hisvoicesolowitwashardtohearovertop ofthemusicthatragedonaroundus.“TakePeytasomewherefaraway andsafe. Now. ”

  IwatchedasCooperhesitated.Iwasn'tsureifhedidn'twantto appearweak,orifhedidn'twanttoleavemealonewithSean.Eventually, hewalkedovertoher,wrappinghislongarmaroundherpetiteframeand usheredhertothedoor.That'swhenIfirstnoticedthattheboyswere there.Thethreeofthemwerecrammedtogetherinthedoorway, watchingcuriouslyaseverythingunfolded.Coopersnarledatthem slightlywhenheapproached,signalingforthemtomakeway.

  Peytawasaskingquestionsbeforetheyevenlefttheroom.Theone sherepeatedthemostwas,“Whoarethey?”Cooperwasgoingtohave someseriousexplainingtodoonthedrivetoherhouse.

  ThefartherawayPeytagot,themoreMattyfaded,buthisbravado neverwavered.HestoodhisgroundagainstSeanintheirsilentbattle untilhewasalmostgone.

  “I'llseeyouaround,blueeyes,”hesaidbeforehissilhouette vanishedentirely.Myheartseizedatinybit.

  “ButIwon'tseeyou...”

  Saddened,IwalkedthroughwhereMattyhadjuststoodandshutoff thestereo.Thesilencewasdeafening.

  Sean'seyesfinallyfelluponme,butIcouldn'treadthematall.The deeppoolsofblackgavenothingaway.

  “Whatinthebloodyhellwas that?”Alistairasked,slowlymaking hiswayintotheroom.

  “Longstory,”Irepliedwithashakyvoice.“Youguysstayuphere, please.Cooperwillbehomeshortly,andIdon'twanttogetshitfor somethingelsewhenhegetsback.”

  Alistairlookedasthoughhewantedtoarguethenthoughtbetterof it.Jannereyedmeassympatheticallyashisunexpressivefacewould allow.Surprisingly,itwasBeckettwhohadsomethingtosay.

  “Youlovedhim,”hesaidsoftly,hisfaceimpassiveasalways.