by Ford, Mia
So, as if suffering that humiliation wasn’t enough with them grabbing all my stuff, including my underwear, and shoving it in bags, often with scathing comments attached, I didn’t get to speak to Pippa properly then to say my goodbyes either, thank goodness we stayed in touch! I don’t think my dad wanted me to talk to anyone in case I came up with a plan to get out of it… which I wanted to. Instead, I got sucked along with it and it all spiraled out of my control. My father and Bryan had all the power and I felt lost. In reality, I was probably just weak, too scared to act out, I felt buried under. I couldn’t breathe, never mind battle it.
I never stopped thinking about Jayden though, but the only time I got to speak to him was in front of my dad so I had to cut him off curtly without saying all the things I wanted to. I thought about him a lot though. Maybe if it had been more than just one kiss I would’ve fought for us, but I felt helpless and I didn’t think it fair to get anyone else involved in my family mess. Even if he was my friend before. I stayed away for his own good.
Bryan did turn out to be quite nice for a while, and we do have Pete who I would give anything to have back in my arms, I adore him even if I don’t do that for his father, but aside from that I regret my decision every single day. I should have fought harder, refused to go, given everything I had to keep the life I loved.
Now, as I lean into Jayden, I’m hit again by how different everything could have been. I could still be the real me and not this version of me who Bryan wants me to be. I’ve become everything that I hate for him and still it isn’t enough. I never will be, I can see that now. I’m always going to be nothing.
I know Jayden is skeptical, he isn’t sure about everything I’m telling him, but he’s still here offering to help me. A decade after I basically rejected him, at least in his eyes. I always knew he was the best person I ever met, but now I really know it.
I don’t think I’ve ever really fallen out of love with this man, but I’ll have to find a way to keep it inside. It’s unfair if I don’t. He doesn’t deserve to be hurt by me again. That’s why I never contacted him again after that first time because there wasn’t anything I could change. I was still going to end up married to Bryan, which I still am.
No, anything I’m feeling, whether it’s emotional turmoil or real, I’ll have to stuff down and not think about ever again.
“Where are we going?” Jayden asks me quietly. “It’s up to you?”
“The park,” I finally answer, knowing we can have privacy without watchful eyes. “Let’s go to the park where we all used to hang out before. I need that right now.”
6
Jayden
“Are you okay?” Savannah nods and takes a seat on a bench. “Okay, so is this alright for you?”
I don’t know how much I believe her nodding. She looks pale and shocked like something is slowly destroying her from the inside out. Makes sense, whatever the outcome of this story is, she’s lost a son. And it seems like her husband, the man she blew me off for, is responsible. At least in her mind. I don’t know anything yet.
“Okay.” I blow out a deep breath of air. “Do you want to tell me everything?”
She gives me a desperate look. “Where do you want me to begin?”
From the beginning. From the moment you left college. I want to know it all.
“Well, why don’t you start with telling me what happened to your son? I know it might be hard…”
“I was walking Peter home from school.” The way she jumps in makes me think that she’s been dying to say this story for a while now. “We were just walking along there actually.” She points towards the sidewalk with a wistful look in her eyes. “And then, I don’t even know what happened really, my memory is a little fuzzy, but not so much that I don’t remember anything. Despite what everyone says.” Her cheeks stain red with anger. This must be a sore point for her. “That black van didn’t hit us, it didn’t run over Peter, I know it.”
Shit, as her eyes fill with tears and she clutches onto her stomach I wonder if this is a coping mechanism. I’ve seen and heard a lot of people in the army who cope with their post-traumatic stress disorder by allowing themselves to believe something else. I don’t want this to be true, but it seems it.
“The black van, I remember that, it pulled up beside us and two men got out with, like, those masks over their faces. The black ones which cover everything. You know what I mean? Anyway, because of that I couldn’t see their faces. Then one of them hit me over the back of the head and I blacked out.”
“Oh God, so you think they knocked you out? Why? To rob you or something?”
“No, no, nothing was taken.” She shakes her head emphatically. “Nothing but Peter.”
“So, let me get this straight.” I just need to work this out for myself. “You woke up and he was gone.”
“No, I er… I woke up in the hospital afterwards. Apparently, I was out for a while. A few days.”
To me, this is sounding more and more like she didn’t want to accept what had happened to her child.
“I woke up and they said that… Bryan said that… that Peter was… well, that he’d been run over and he didn’t make it. But I know that didn’t happen. Those men, they took him, they bundled him in the van and stole him.”
I rub her back gently as I work out what I need to ask next. This is so delicate, so awful, I feel horrible. “Why? I mean, why would you think they did that? Why did they steal your son?”
Savannah doesn’t answer that question. Instead, she plunges her hand into her bag and shows me something on her phone screen. “Look, I have a proof. When the van pulled up next to us I felt freaked, I could just tell that something wasn’t right. So, I snapped a picture. You can’t see much, but there’s a distinctive key mark in the paint work. I was aiming for the number plate but obviously that didn’t quite pan out. I didn’t have much time.”
I nod, wishing I could accept this as proof, just as she does, but it’s just the side of a van. It could’ve been taken anywhere. If she’s decided that this is her story then anything will work to help her.
“But, you said there was a funeral, right? That wouldn’t happen if… well, you know.”
“I don’t know about that. I was in hospital when it happened. Bryan said it couldn’t wait.”
“Hmm, okay, that is weird. Did you try talking to the cops about it? Wouldn’t they know?”
“They’ve all told me exactly the same as Bryan. I’m sure he’s got them under his control. That’s why I think he’s involved too. Or maybe not involved, but he knows more than he’s letting on. He keeps telling me to move on. Like, I have to simply stop thinking about my son and get on with it. How can I do that?”
If she was talking about anyone other than the man she married, I’d assume she was being all ‘conspiracy theory’ about stuff, but I’m not too sure. He is super powerful so this is possible.
“Oh wow. This is all just so…”
Savannah clutches onto my arm. “I know, I do know, but I’m right, please trust me.”
“Oh no, trust me, I’m going to help you. I do think there are parts to this that are a little strange. But… you do know this might not turn out the way you want it to? I hate to say it but I want to be honest.”
“If you try for me and you can’t find him, I’ll accept it, but for now I can’t. I just can’t.”
I pull her to me, I hold her head against my chest and I silently pray to every God out there. I really would love this to work out. I’ve spent all these years assuming that at least she has a happy life but judging by the way she’s falling apart right now, none of this is right. It’s all hell.
“Well, I’m here now, I have a motel room booked for a while and some leave sorted out. I’m here to help.”
“Thank you so much, Jayden. You have no idea what I would do without you. You’re my hero.”
She leans against me and makes my heart beat faster. I feel that all too familiar sense of need inside my chest. I c
an’t fall for her again, I can’t accept the feelings even if they’ve never left, that ship has sailed long ago.
* * *
“You’re my hero,” Savannah whispers while writhing on my bed sheets. “I love you, Jayden.”
“You… you love me?” I narrow my eyes at her. “For real this time? You really love me?”
She flips around onto her front and winks playfully at me. “I always have, always will.”
This must be a dream, that’s the only thing that makes sense, but you know what, if it’s that then I’m more than willing to go along with it. I climb over the bed to greet her like a predator. A growl threatens to burst free from my stomach. I feel animalistic and wild, free to finally just feel how I feel.
“You look much better like this,” I mutter while brushing her hair out of her eyes. “I like it when your hair is down and you’re more natural. It’s more you. You’re like college Savannah again.”
I kiss her hard, recreating that amazing sensation I’ve had only one time before. Tingles spread around my mouth, the spread over my cheeks and down my neck. Lightning bolts of desire shoot down to my cock and stiffen it. I’m rock hard, and that’s showing in the intensity of our kiss. Savannah can feel it.
“I need you,” she groans. “I can’t be without you any longer. I’ve missed you so much.”
She rolls her hips into me, grinding against my cock, causing the butterflies to flap even harder. I tug at her clothing, needing her naked now and she does the same to me. All the years where we haven’t been allowed to see one another, all the years I haven’t let her in my fantasies or dreams, flood to the surface making all of this even more intense. I feel everything, every inch of her all over me, and it’s fucking incredible.
“I should have married you,” she whispers as I take her nipple in my mouth. “You’re the one.”
I suck and tease, tugging ever so slightly as the passion gets the better of me. Savannah feels so fucking good, I want more. So much more. I run my hands down her body, brushing over her hips, and a groan flies out of my mouth. Her soft skin is incredible, it makes me feel phenomenal, I gasp with desperation.
“Oh, Savannah, you have no idea how I feel about you. Absolutely none.”
The next moment she’s flipped me onto my back and her tight little mouth is wrapped around my cock. I don’t even know when the change happened, but I don’t give a fuck. It feels amazing. I can barely stand to look down on her because I’m scared I’ll lose control too quickly. I don’t want this to end just yet.
“Fucking hell, Savannah.” I knot my hands up in her hair. “You’re killing me here. This is…”
She takes me so far in that I hit the back of her throat. The wet feel of her mouth around me is too much to bear. Little sweet Savannah is a fucking minx in the bedroom and I absolutely love it.
“I need to be inside you, Savannah, I need to fuck you, I need this…”
She leaps back off me and flattens back on the bed, spreading her thighs apart. I slide between her legs and kiss her hard while I slide my cock deep into her. Bury myself into her body and groan with bliss. She’s so tight around me, so wet, so needy. Fucking her, now making love to her, feels better than anything before.
I use the strength in my arms to control my movements. I pump slow at first, then hard and fast as the passion gets the better of me. The pleasure feels good as it builds behind my balls, it feels powerful and intense. I feel like I belong to her at last, after all these years.
“Oh, Jayden,” she cries out. “Jayden, Jayden, oh, Jayden…”
I love hearing my name flying off her lips, it rolls through me like pure seduction. I can’t keep it in any longer and the hot bliss shoots and explodes from me. I’m free with wild abandon, happy at last, this is everything that I’ve ever wanted and more. Now I just have to hope that I can keep her. I don’t want to let go…
“Savannah,” I mutter loud enough to wake myself up. “Savannah, don’t go…”
It’s only when I finally open my eyes and I accept that none of that happened in reality that I feel a bit sad about it. I spent many lonely nights imagining what it might feel like to be with Savannah. Two minutes with her, and in the worst circumstances too, and I’m right back to where I started. Dreaming about her and never having her. Always the same, I’m always in some sort of zone where I can’t just have her.
“Urgh, idiot.” I roll my eyes and rub my head, trying to get my thoughts in order. “Stop it already.”
But the thoughts won’t ever stop coming, I’ve just reopened the door that was barely shut anyway, and I’m sinking deeper into that hole. Any minute now I’ll be back in heart break mode in a hotel which is somewhere I didn’t ever want to check into again. Sad, alone, and totally crushed.
I slide out of the bed and make my way over to the window. I pull the curtains apart and I stare out into the city wondering if Savannah is right. I wonder if her son is out there somewhere in the world, kidnapped. It doesn’t sound likely, but I can’t give up. Not if everyone else has. She needs me and even if I can’t really have her in the way that I want, I’ll still do this for her.
7
Savannah
My heart leaps up into my throat as I hear the front door slam open. I know when it hits the wall in the hallway, I’m in trouble. It could be something work related that’s pissed him off, or one of his friends has annoyed him, or occasionally it’s actually my fault… it doesn’t matter what gets to him, I’m the one to suffer.
“H… hello, honey,” I call out, trying to act like everything is okay. “Would you like a drink?”
“Fucking drink. Why the fuck would I want a drink? Especially one poured by you.”
My blood frees cold, I suddenly panic that maybe someone’s told him about me with Jayden today. I tried to be careful with where we went but I know the power that Bryan wields. He could be anywhere. I brace myself, expecting the worst and this time, I’ll know that I deserve it. Meeting up with another man isn’t great… even if my husband is a cheating asshole who treats me like shit. No one should act that way…
“I have had such a fucking bad day.” As he enters the kitchen, Bryan throws his brief case down on the table but he doesn’t come anywhere near me which is good. When he’s up my face I get scared. “Fucking work is just terrible at the moment. I can hardly stand that fucking father of yours. Honestly, who does he think he is?”
The man who made you, I want to say, the man who gave you your first job and gave you a chance.
“My… my father?” I gulp instead. “Why are you working with my father? You don’t need to, do you?”
Bryan glares at me, I can hear rage flowing from his tone. “I don’t fucking need to work with your father at all. I don’t know why I still give him and his shitty business a chance. I don’t need him anymore.”
I can’t keep my eyes on him, I drag my gaze away to the floor. There’s a real intensity to him, it almost hurts. The way he’s staring through me like he wants to crush me like a bug under his shoe.
“Your father is fucking useless, isn’t he?” He prods me, he wants to irritate me, we’ve been here before. “He’s shit at business, he was crap in raising you, and he was a terrible husband as well.” I can’t help but flinch at that remark. “Your mother probably didn’t die, she probably killed herself to get away from him.”
I gasp, I can’t help myself, giving him the reaction that he wants. I just can’t believe anyone would say something so horrible. Even after all this time, he finds a way to stun me. He must get a sick kick from it.
“Yeah, I bet she thought fuck this asshole and this whiny brat of a kid, I’m out.” He laughs loudly and nastily. Each sound makes me cringe inside. How did I ever think he was nice? “At least she didn’t get to see you grow up to be such a silly slut. She would be very disappointed to see what a state you’ve become.”
Tears threaten to make an appearance but I refuse to let them out. I won’t let him see how much he
’s gotten to me. I try to lift my head up but as I do I see a lipstick stain on his shirt which causes me to dart my eyes away. That fucking asshole has been sleeping with someone else and now he’s going in on me.
“Where the fuck is dinner, anyway? Have you bothered to make anything yet? What’s the point of having a housewife if you don’t do any of the shit you’re supposed to while here?”
“I er… I’ve had lots of errands to run today. I’m sorry I didn’t get around to it.”
“Errands,” he scoffs. “What errands? You don’t have anything to do today?”
I don’t argue with him, mostly because I have nothing to say. I’ve been doing my own errands today with Jayden. I can’t exactly tell him that now, can I? ‘Oh sorry, I’ve been with another guy’. Yeah that would go down real well. It’s better for me to stay silent so I don’t wind him up.
“Urgh, this is fucking ridiculous. I’m going to my office. Bring my dinner there.”
I watch him walk away, my heart thundering as I do. He’s always been this way, but he’s become worse ever since Peter has gone missing. He doesn’t want me to spend any time grieving, he just wants me to go back to doing all the chores around the house. He doesn’t want me to feel sad at all. And he doesn’t care himself.
“Right,” I mutter to myself while attempting to calm down. “Get dinner done.”
The main thing I need to do is act normal. I cannot let Bryan get suspicious. If he thinks anything is out of the ordinary he’ll be like a hound dog, sniffing like crazy. He can get beastly when he’s desperate. I don’t want to be the target of that. Not today when I’m at the edge of my tether anyway. I just need to cope.
I switch the cooker on and make myself busy with food. I need to just bury myself in what I’m doing. I don’t want to think about anything that happened today, I just need to forget. I need to try and push Jayden’s gorgeous face down. He’s going to be my hero, I really think he’s going to solve this. I’m sure I’ll have Peter back soon.
