Come for Me

by Ford, Mia

I gulp down and immediately put my glass on the nearest side. I don’t want him to know I’ve been drinking. I might be able to hide it, especially if he’s been drinking as well which he probably has.

  “Y… yes?” I call out, trying to keep the slurring to a minimum. “I’m in here.”

  He staggers through the house, I can tell by his footsteps that he’s pretty much staggering. Both of us drunk doesn’t exactly spell for a positive evening. I’m sad, upset by what he’s seen, and he’ll be mad…

  “Oh, fucking God.” He sneers in my direction the moment he joins me in the kitchen. “Look at the state of you. You look a mess. Have you been drinking? Are you becoming into one of those sad drunk housewives?”

  I part my lips with a retort but it doesn’t quite come out. I don’t know how he can come here with that attitude when it’s clear from the smell and sight of him that he’s been with another woman tonight.

  “You look disgusting, Savannah, I honestly don’t know what we’re doing here…”

  “I found something.” Shit, those words flew out of my mouth before I felt ready for them. I suppose I’ll have to go with it now. I need to say it anyway so why not now? I was all angry when he went out but now that so much time has gone past and I just feel upset. “In your office, I found something.” I gulp down wishing I’d planned this talk out a bit more. “Something about money that seemed dodgy… and included my father.”

  His face goes through a range of expressions and colors. As it does I feel my blood run ice cold. It’s clear this is something I shouldn’t have seen. But then… surely, that means it’s something worrying. Something that could involve Peter. I don’t know how it’ll involve Peter, but it has to… it just needs to, right?

  Finally, Bryan settles on purple and very, very angry. “What the fuck are you doing going through my stuff?”

  “I didn’t go through your stuff, I found it by accident. When I was in there earlier…”

  “You fucking bitch. I cannot believe that you would look through my personal stuff.” He steps closer to me and looms above me. As I dart my eyes up at him I feel threatened. I don’t know what it is about him but he’s like a storm cloud about ready to burst. “You absolute slut. You don’t know what you’re fucking with.”

  “No, I don’t.” I throw my hands up in distress. “I don’t know, but I want to. I want to know everything. I want to know what the hell happened to my son. Do you understand that? I want Peter back.”

  He rolls his eyes before grabbing onto my wrists and holding them up above my head. I feel small and vulnerable, like he could snap me at any given moment. “Peter is gone.” His spit flows across my face. “He’s dead. You need to stop this, Savannah, it’s getting ridiculous now. You certainly don’t want to get up in my business because you’re too sad and pathetic to deal with what’s happened. Do you understand?”

  I almost nod, just to shut him up but of course, I don’t have the control over myself right now. The alcohol has loosened me and my mouth runs free. “No, I don’t understand. Not at all. I can’t accept it. I never will.”

  “You silly idiot.” He shoves me away, pushing me hard. Because I’ve been drinking I stagger backwards until I hit the wall behind me. I slump to the ground with my head aching. Then the tears start coming. Despite the argument we’re in the middle of having I half expect Bryan to feel bad for shoving me, even if the fall wasn’t necessarily his fault, and to pick me up, but he doesn’t. He stands over me with his hands on his hips and he sneers down at me. “You are fucking pathetic, Savannah. Disgustingly so. No wonder your son is dead, you don’t deserve him. If you were a better mother then maybe he would still be here now.”

  A sob racks through my chest, my face soaks with tears, his words hurt hard. “No, Bryan, I…”

  “You let him go, you left Peter near the road and he got hit by that fucking truck.”

  “No, no,” I try to sound rational but the snot thickens in my nose. It’s impossible to sound sane with snot bubbling. “He isn’t dead. He didn’t get hit by the truck, I saw him… I saw those men.”

  “Oh, Savannah.” Bryan rolls his eyes and snorts. “I know your story, I’ve heard your excuses, and it’s all bullshit. I don’t want to hear your fantasy again. Your son is dead because of you.”

  “No,” I wail, my eyes falling closed as I see what he’s telling me happened. The truck killing my darling baby boy. I can hardly handle it, which is how I know it can’t possibly be the truth. “No, that’s false.”

  “Get up.” Bryan grabs my hands and he roughly tugs me into a standing position. It aches painfully in my shoulders. “Get your pathetic ass to bed. I don’t want to look at you like this. You make me feel sick.”

  “But, Peter…” I stammer, unable to give it up. “And the paper. What about that I saw…”

  He grabs me again and this time he slams me against the wall. It hurts my back like hell and I start to shiver with fear. My stomach feels ice cold, I actually think he might really go for me right now.

  “You didn’t see anything; do you hear me? You saw nothing at all. You might want to shut your mouth.”

  I don’t say anything but his grip tightens. I’m sure I’ll have finger bruises carved into my arm tomorrow.

  “You will never talk about what you’ve seen because you haven’t seen anything, do you get it?”

  His grip tightens, it’s definitely a warning and now I’m scared as hell. I must have stumbled on something here, but it’s leaving Bryan unhinged, backed into a corner and very dangerous.

  “I… I won’t,” I finally blurt out. “I won’t say anything.”

  Bryan squeezes one more time before releasing me. He shoves me to the side so I fall again. There’s no mistaking it this time, this is what he wants to happen. He wants me hurt and scared.

  “Now, I’m going to bed, and when I wake up in the morning I don’t want to hear about Peter again.”

  I keep my head hung low and I wait for him to stomp up the stairs. He waits for a while, enjoying me stewing. I can almost feel the sick pleasure rolling off him in waves. My shoulders tense up and hunch around my ears and that’s where they stay until I hear the thumping of him finally going and leaving me alone.

  Once he slams the bedroom door behind him I bounce to my feet and I grab my cell phone. Usually I would find some corner to sleep in until Bryan wakes up in the morning to act like nothing happened. I can’t do that this time, not after what just happened. That’s the closest we’ve ever got to violence in our relationship. I need to get out. Luckily, I have the most amazing friend in the world who will be there for me no matter what.

  I race from the house and sneak through the front door with my hart thundering in my ears. I run down the drive way until I feel far enough away that I can call my friend. My hand trembles as I try to dial, the terror combined with the alcohol I’ve consumed definitely isn’t the best combination in the world. I’m such a mess.

  “Hello?” Pippa sounds sleepy. I feel terrible for waking her up.

  “Pippa, I need help. I… I’m scared. Me and Bryan, we… we had this fight and…”

  “Fight?” Now she sounds more alert. “What happened? Do you need me?”

  “What happened is that he’s a terrible man,” I sniff. “I hate him, Pippa, and I’m scared. He’s doing something… it’s bad, I don’t know what it is but it’s bad and I need to get away. He… he freaked out when I tried to talk about it and it got… well, rough, I don’t know how to describe it really.”

  “Did he hit you?” She doesn’t sound surprised. More resigned as if it would always go this way in the end.

  “No, but he pushed me and now… now I’m freaked out and Jayden is here and…”

  “Jayden?” She perks up, but more on high alert than this is a good thing. “Why?”

  “I need him, Pippa, I really do. I want to be with him instead of Bryan. He’s who I should be with now.”

  I can’t believe I’m being so honest but it must
be the high level of emotions tearing through me. I do feel that way, but I shouldn’t be admitting it. At least it’s only to Pippa. She’ll love me no matter what.

  “Okay, get to the bus stop at the end of your road and I’ll be there to pick you up, okay? You can come and stay with me. You shouldn’t be anywhere near Bryan right now.”

  “Okay yes, I’m at the bus stop now. I’ll wait for you. Thank you, Pippa. Thank you so much.”

  As she hangs up the phone I slump to the ground in shock and I weep into my knees. This is all so wrong, my whole life is a giant fucking mess, but it’s been that way ever since I lost my son and it won’t go back to anything like normal until I have him back. Once Peter is back in my arms I can start living again.

  I stare at my cell phone screen wondering if I should call Jayden too, but I decide against it after what I just confessed aloud. It would be selfish of me to contact him right now. Plus, knowing what he’s like he would probably kill Bryan for putting his hands on me even if it wasn’t a smack.

  I want him to be my hero, but I need him to find my son first and foremost. I’ve already given him a job, piled the mess of my life upon him, no way I can make it any worse.

  10

  Jayden

  I hold my head helplessly in my hands as disappointment crushes through me. It doesn’t matter how deep I dig into this, I keep getting the same answer over and over again. And it isn’t the answer I want.

  “So, there was definitely a funeral?” I ask the kind lady who works in the local café. “You went?”

  “Oh no, I didn’t go.” She shakes her head vigorously. “No one went but family, Bryan was very insistent about that. But I can understand. No parent should have to bury their child. It’s an utter travesty.”

  “But the boy’s mom didn’t go, did she? Do you know why that is?”

  She chews down on her bottom lip, looking like a guilty thought might be running through her brain. She darts her eyes from side to side to check that no one is listening in before she leans forward. She speaks so quietly to guarantee that no one can hear her but me. “She hasn’t ever been very… stable. I don’t like to be mean about it, but Bryan truly is a saint. He puts up with a lot from his wife and her… issues. We all know it and talk about how good he is with her all the time. She puts a lot of pressure on him since he’s already such a busy man.”

  My instincts want to snap back that this cannot possibly be true. I know Savannah well and there’s no way she can be like that… but I stop myself at the last second. The girl I know is from a decade ago, she doesn’t really exist anymore, and to be honest, spending time with her and following up on this investigation hasn’t convinced me otherwise. It’s clear that she has a hard life and that it affects her deeply. This does make unfortunate sense.

  “And so, he was just trying to protect her by organizing everything for her. He organized and got the funeral out of the way so she wouldn’t fall apart. He knew that she’d blame herself and since she was already in hospital it seemed like the kind thing to do, you know? So, she didn’t have to witness and say goodbye.”

  “But…” I fiddle with the cup in my hands, discomfort creeping through my veins. “Don’t you think it would help her? To get some closure, I mean? It seems a bit cruel to keep her away.”

  The lady shrugs. “I don’t know, to be honest. It’s a tough one. I suppose he just did what he thought was for the best. I suppose it’s one of the judgement calls and we don’t always get it right. Plus, she’s really struggled with it anyway, he hasn’t been able to shield her from the pain and blame she puts on herself so I suppose it doesn’t matter. Bryan just tried and now he’s stuck in a hopeless situation.”

  I nod slowly and try to digest this. There are certain people who I expect to be on Bryan’s side, the people in this city who he controls, but even the people who I can’t imagine have anything to do with him all seem to agree on the same story. The boy is dead and Savannah just can’t handle it. She’s falling apart.

  I sigh as I think about her heart broken face. I can almost see what she’s going through, even if I don’t understand it myself since I’m not a parent myself. She truly is destroyed; her heart has been shattered. I guess the question is if it’s been shattered enough to tip her over the edge. I’m scared the answer is yes.

  “Okay, well thank you for helping me out anyway.” I hold up my cup in a cheers gesture. “I appreciate it.”

  “Why do you want to know anyway? Are you a part of the family, or something?”

  “Yeah, something like that.” That seems like the easiest answer. It’s the one I’ve been giving when people finally dish over all the gossip and they get suspicious. “Thank you again. I’m sure I’ll see you soon.”

  I was going to take a seat in the café while I figure things out but I now think I have something more important that needs to be done. If Savannah really is this close to the edge then I need to speak to her, to tell her face to face that I can’t find anything out. She said if I couldn’t then she would believe me, and while there’s a small part in my brain screaming at me that I’m giving up way too easily, despite asking everyone I come across, I’m going to have to ignore it in the end. It’ll never feel like enough because the woman that I love is missing her child, but I can’t keep looking forever. We’ve been apart for a decade and in that time my life has moved on. I need to get back to that life because it’s real. I don’t know what this is, but it isn’t my reality, that’s for sure.

  With a deep sigh, I grab my cell phone and I hit dial on her number before I can change my mind. While it rings, I regret everything, I half wish I never came back so I don’t have to take away her dream of getting her child back, but I suppose if it helps her then what else can I do? I have to be the one with the bad news.

  “Jayden?” A sharp female voice answers, but it doesn’t belong to Savannah.

  “Erm, yes?” I’m confused. Am I about to be dragged deeper under the waters of confusion. “It is.”

  “Oh right, it’s Pippa. I was Savannah’s roommate in college for a while. I don’t know if you remember?”

  Her face floods my mind and I almost smile. This is a good sign. If she still has friends from her past then she can’t be that bad. I know Pippa too. Not as well as Savannah, but it helps. “Yes, I remember.”

  “Right, I’m not too sure why you’re back, Savannah never gave me that much, but I’m glad you are…”

  “She called me and asked me to come back to find her son. She er… doesn’t think he’s dead.”

  Pippa’s silence speaks volumes. It tells me everything I already knew, but somehow, hearing it (or not hearing it as the case might be) from her is a million times worse. I don’t like the sad hollow feeling it gives me.

  “I see.” She sounds sad. “I think we better meet up face to face, don’t you?”

  “Yes, that’s probably for the best. Then you can tell me what’s going on here.”

  “Right. Do you remember the café by the casino? Can we meet there in half an hour?”

  “Sure. Sounds good. And… where is Savannah? Is everything okay?”

  “She’s staying with me. She’s fine.” That fills me with relief. At least she isn’t with Bryan. Whichever version of him is the truth I would rather her be away from him. “I won’t tell her that I’m meeting you though. I think this is something we need to do alone so I can be more honest with you.”

  “Yeah, I would love that… that sounds amazing.” I blow out a breath, letting out just a small bit of the tension that I’ve been carrying around with me. “I will see you in a little bit then.”

  As I hang up the phone I’m actually glad that Pippa answered the phone instead of Savannah. She’s got answers and it means I can put off disappointing her for just a little bit longer. I don’t want to say those words. Not yet. I haven’t yet figured out how to tell her that her son really isn’t alive.

  Urgh, it’s going to be a total nightmare.

  I guess
my only hope now is that Pippa will tell me something different. That she will know something to put an end to all of this. Something positive as well. I could really use that right now.

  * * *

  “This is odd, isn’t it?” Pippa twirls her fingers around each other awkwardly. “But I suppose it always is when it’s me and you and Savannah is nowhere to be seen. I haven’t forgotten about the last time.”

  “No.” I hang my head sadly. “I haven’t either. That was… something else.”

  “And I suppose you’re wondering what’s going on here now. Ten years on and there’s still drama in Savannah’s life. Some things never change, I suppose.”

  “Yeah, I wasn’t expecting that call and it… well, it certainly shook things up a bit.”

  Pippa eyes me curiously. “So, what did your girlfriend think about you leaping up and leaving your life behind to come and help an ex from a decade ago? I don’t think I would have been happy…”

  “No, there’s no girlfriend. No one but Tommy who I live with in my army barracks.”

  She nods slowly. “Okay, so can I ask why you’re here because Savannah is married?”

  “No, I know. I haven’t come back for anything in particular. I just came to help. She said she needed me.”

  “Right, I see. And now you know why, right? Because of this mess with Peter?”

  I lean in closer because I need this part of the conversation to be private. “What’s going on with that? Because Savannah is convinced that he isn’t dead and that something’s happened involving her husband.”

  “Look, I’ll be the first one to admit that I don’t like Bryan. He’s an asshole. But I don’t know about what she’s saying. It’s really hard for me, I don’t want to say that she’s not telling the truth because I always want to believe my friend, but… I don’t know, really. I don’t know if she’s just giving herself something to believe in.”

  I let my head fall onto the table, this is terrible news. Poor, poor Savannah. I would do anything to make her feel a little better right now, but what can I do? Hope is slipping through my fingers like sand.