Love's Cold Burn

by Harry, Jessica

  The kitchen was full, except the student from room one, who still hadn’t been seen by anybody. Hugh had a large audience as he betrayed Andrew’s trust. ‘Brian. You are not the only one with good news. Friend Andrew here has something to share with us all.’

  Andrew had been feeling good, but suddenly he was emotionally deflated. He knew what was coming and he wanted to be anywhere but the kitchen on floor three of Dickens Court, block F.

  ‘Tell us Andrew.’ Hugh was beaming triumphantly.

  ‘What is it?’ Brian was curious.

  ‘Yes. What is it?’ Colin knew already and couldn’t wait to see Andrew’s embarrassment.

  Tom could see his friend was mortified. ‘Just eat your tea Andrew. You don’t have to tell anybody anything.’

  A short silence followed with everybody watching Andrew.

  Hugh, who was loving the pain he could see in Andrew’s face, ended the silence. ‘Andrew told me he loves Pink Socks. Pink Socks! Can you believe that? He doesn’t even know her name, but he loves her.’

  Andrew put his hands in his pockets and looked down at his feet. He felt like crying, but that would be humiliation on a new level.

  Colin Dean started singing. ‘He wants to kiss her. He wants to marry her. He thinks he loves her.’

  It was too much for Andrew. He ran out of the kitchen and locked himself in his room and lay on his bed with his head in his hands. He had only felt this bad once before and he could hear his father’s words repeating over and over in his head.

  ‘You didn’t pack the pump. You stupid boy. What were you thinking? No wonder you haven’t got any friends. You’ll never amount to anything.’

  ‘Andrew told me he loves Pink Socks. Pink Socks. Can you believe that? He doesn’t even know her name, but he loves her.’

  ‘You stupid boy. No wonder you haven’t got any friends. You’ll never amount to anything.’

  Maybe his father was right. He couldn’t even ask the girl her name. And how pathetic must he be to have made the same mistake twice. After confiding in his father he had promised himself not to make the same mistake again. Why did he tell Hugh? He’s the nastiest person he knew. How could he have been so stupid?

  In the kitchen Hugh and Colin had not stopped laughing and Ian Mellor was still smiling. Brian was slightly amused but saw an opportunity to have a couple of extra sausages. Roger Evans carried on as if nothing had happened, put his pots in a cardboard box and left the room. Tom, however, was disgusted.

  ‘Hugh. You’re a twat. Why don’t you give the boy a break? You can see he’s struggling. The last thing he needs is somebody pointing out his weaknesses.’ Tom didn’t raise his voice but hoped his words might have some impact on Hugh.

  They didn’t. It was water off a duck’s back and Hugh was still smiling. ‘You’re right Tom, but come on. He doesn’t even know her name yet. He’s got to grow some balls. If it don’t kill you, it makes you stronger. Maybe I’ve done him a favour.’

  Tom shook his head and left the room. He knocked gently on Andrew’s door. No answer. He knocked a little harder.

  ‘Who is it?’

  ‘Tom.’ A moment later the key turned and the door slowly opened. Tom went in closing the door behind him and settled down in the soft chair. Andrew sat up on the bed.

  For a couple of minutes, they said nothing. Tom thought it best to leave Andrew to his thoughts first. When he was ready to talk, Tom would listen.

  Eventually Andrew looked at Tom. ‘I’m sorry. I don’t know why I told Hugh. I wanted to tell you first … I did.’

  The last thing Tom wanted was an apology. He was worried about his friend and wanted to build his confidence back up. ‘You’ve nothing to be sorry for.’ He paused before adding, ‘do you love her?’.

  Andrew raised his eyebrows in a manner which gave his answer greater meaning. ‘Yes. Yes I think I do.’ He stopped to gather his thoughts before adding, ‘I know I don’t know her name and have only said one sentence to her, but I’ve seen her with other people. She’s special and yes, I love her … I do.’

  Tom took in what Andrew was saying. He had to give him good advice. ‘There’s nothing wrong with that and if it’s a genuine feeling, you shouldn’t care what Hugh has to say. But you mustn’t trust him. Some thoughts are best kept to yourself.’

  ‘You’re right. I know you’re right and it’s not the first time I’ve made that mistake … it’s not.’ Andrew was feeling as low as he had ever felt and once the subject had been introduced, he couldn’t stop talking. He told Tom all about the caravan trip to Wales and his father’s cruel words.

  Tom listened with sympathy before telling Andrew about his own parents.

  After hearing Tom’s story, Andrew decided his parents were not so bad after all. ‘You should spend the Christmas holiday with my family … Brian too.’

  ‘Don’t say it if you don’t mean it. I might just hold you to that.’ Tom had no plans for Christmas and Andrew’s offer was the most sensible he had so far. Greenpeace Badge had offered, but with the complication of the boyfriend, Tom wasn’t keen.

  ‘Right. I’m off now. Got to sort out my dress for Friday.’ The Drag Disco was a very popular annual event at Southside University and if you didn’t dress up you couldn’t get in. ‘But one last thing before I go. This stuff about Wales and your father.’

  ‘Yes,’ said Andrew expectantly.

  ‘Don’t tell Hugh.’

  Chapter 14

  The Drag Disco

  Three days later, November 19, 1983: It was Saturday, which for Tom and Brian Hill was another football day, but this time against local teams, rather than other colleges. It had been a good win for Southside University but Tom had played a very mediocre game. He was in a thoughtful mood ahead of The Drag Disco and sat alone in his room with no lights watching his small black and white television.

  He wasn’t a fan of game shows and turned it off leaving the room almost dark. His curtains were still open and the soft amber glow of the footpath lights three floors down filled his small study room. He knelt on his bed and looked out of the window with his head resting on his hands and his elbows resting on the windowsill. Looking down at the cherry and silver birch trees with the wide paths and grassed area in front of Dickens Court, there was clean snow reflecting the orange light. Winter arrived two days before and steady snowfall had left a crisp thin layer across the whole of Southside.

  Tom enjoyed moments of peace when he could collect his thoughts and reflect on the big questions in life like why we are here and what happens when we die or why is there so much pain in the world? He never had any clear answers, but firmly believed that you make your own luck and when you’re gone you’re gone. He had shared these thoughts most recently with Greenpeace Badge, who thought very differently. She told him everything happened for a reason and would often say to him ‘if it isn’t meant to be, it isn’t meant to be’.

  Andrew Leopard knocked on Tom’s door half expecting Tom to be out, as there was no light at the foot of his door. Tom pulled it open and flicked on the lights before looking Andrew up and down. He wore a knee length red dress, a blonde wig and black fishnet stockings.

  ‘What do you think?’ Andrew asked. He needed approval. The large spot he had earlier in the week was now almost faded away and the bright clothes and make-up drew attention away from the few spots he still had, so Andrew was feeling relatively good, despite being dressed as a woman.

  ‘The dress fits well, but your breasts are at different heights and you only appear to have one hip.’

  ‘What about my lipstick?’

  ‘Bright and smudged but effective.’

  ‘I think I’ve laddered my stockings … I do.’

  ‘Wouldn’t worry. It’s fashionable.’ Tom hadn’t started dressing for The Drag Disco, but his gear was all prepared.

  The Drag Disco was such a popular event that it had to be held in the Main Hall, the venue used when bands played at the college or for exams at the end of the acad
emic year. It had its own bar in a separate adjoining room. It was getting close to the end of the first term and many of the students were starting to run up heavy overdrafts at the bank. Grants were paid at the start of each term. As a result, Andrew, Tom and Brian had agreed to go out a bit later than normal and start the evening drinking cans from the supermarket in their study rooms.

  As Tom slipped into an extremely short green dress he had picked up at a jumble sale, Andrew opened a couple of cans and sat looking at his beer through the small opening in the top of the can. He had spent most of the afternoon, as usual, thinking about Pink Socks and had reached the conclusion that Tom would not have had the same problems he was having. And not just because he was better looking, but because he knew what to say and do and when to say and do the right thing. In short, if Andrew were Tom, he and Pink Socks would now be a couple. If he could think like Tom, he could make the next step. With this in mind, he had decided to try and be more like Tom.

  He watched Tom apply his lipstick in the mirror above the sink in the corner.

  ‘Tom!’

  ‘Yes Andrew.’

  ‘I think I need a new approach … I do.’

  ‘To what?’

  ‘Pink Socks,’ he said assertively before expanding. ‘Well. Not just Pink Socks. Everything really.’

  ‘Sounds like a good plan.’

  ‘If you fancied Pink Socks, you would have done something about it and she would be your girlfriend by now.’

  ‘Not necessarily. But, yes, I would have done something.’

  ‘My mother always tells me that the right girl is out there waiting to meet me and I’ll know she is the one when I meet her … I will.’

  ‘So your mother believes in fate? Whatever is going to happen will happen and there’s nothing you can do about it?’

  ‘Pretty much. Yes.’

  ‘So if Pink Socks is the right girl for you, you just have to wait and it will happen?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Do you really believe she’s right?’

  Andrew thought for a moment. He had never doubted that she was right. ‘I’m sure she’s right, but if I thought like you, it would help move things along a bit faster.’

  ‘So does that mean I was destined to meet Greenpeace Badge?’

  ‘I think it does. Yes. After all, you didn’t approach her, she reached past you to look at a poster and you acted in your usual way, which led to a close bond. If she had reached past me to the poster, nothing would have happened. So what do you do differently to me? How can I be more like you?’

  Tom rubbed his chin in thought. He had no patience for people who sat back and waited for things to happen to them. He liked Andrew a lot and wanted him to be happy but felt very strongly that Andrew would never be happy unless he took control of his own life and made things happen. Andrew was now asking Tom how he could give fate a little push. That was tough to answer when you don’t believe in fate at all.

  After a great deal of chin rubbing and considered thought, Tom came up with a plan. He finished his second can of beer, adjusted his false breasts and sat next to Andrew.

  ‘So. As I understand it, you want me to teach you my approach to life?’

  ‘If you could, that would be fantastic … it would.’

  ‘Okay, here’s what you must do.’ Andrew listened carefully in the firm belief that his wise and gifted friend would help him get close to Pink Socks. ‘I want you to do three tasks this evening and then I’ll tell you what they mean.’

  ‘I’m happy with that.’

  ‘You can’t ask me what the tasks mean until the end of the evening.’

  Andrew nodded.

  ‘You just do them without question.’

  Andrew nodded again.

  ‘Agreed.’

  ‘Yes. Agreed.’

  ‘Right. First thing you must do is walk across campus to the football pitch and pretend to score a penalty before kissing each post.’

  ‘In my dress and stilettos through the snow?’

  ‘Yes. And on the way back, after every ten steps, you must stand on one leg and bark like a dog.’

  Andrew screwed his face up in horror. ‘You’re joking right?’

  ‘No. It doesn’t matter if you score the penalty. It’s an imaginary ball. Kiss the posts and come back.’

  ‘Barking on one foot every tenth step?’

  ‘Yes. Every tenth step. And when we go out tonight, for the whole evening, if anybody drops the word disco into the conversation, you must say to them “do you come here often?” again standing on one leg.’

  Andrew now looked utterly bewildered but nodded slowly and set off to the football pitch.

  Fifteen minutes later, Brian, next door to Tom, was on his third can of lager and was struggling with his suspender belt when he thought he heard a dog bark outside. He had been listening to Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen and turned the music down before looking out of the window. He had never seen a dog on campus.

  There was no dog, but Brian was very alarmed to see where the noise was coming from. Andrew Leopard, wearing a red dress, blonde wig, bright red lipstick and stiletto heels was making very slow progress towards Dickens Court. He must have thought he was being followed because he stopped every few steps and looked all around before barking like a dog with one foot off the ground.

  Things then got even more surreal as Brian looked beyond Andrew to see what appeared to be a Chicago gangster fast approaching his timid friend. The gangster had a violin case, presumably a machine gun, under his arm and wore a fat white tie over a black shirt with a brown pin-striped suit. Brian expected trouble but the gangster stopped to talk to Andrew and the two walked together towards Dickens Court.

  Brian returned to his suspender belt. He was a little nervous. It was nearly a week since he had rolled around on the bed with Black Lips and was already regretting inviting her to The Drag Disco. He had been very drunk at The Skin Shop and a few weak cans of cheap lager had not been enough to prepare him for her visit. He had thought about the possibility of a long-term relationship all week. To Brian a fortnight would mean long-term and he had concluded that he couldn’t afford it. Beer, football, one-night stands. He had to focus on his priorities.

  There was a knock at the door. Brian shouted ‘come in’, but when the gangster pushed open the door and pointed the violin case straight at him as he struggled with his lingerie, he fell back in a heap on the floor spilling beer all over his dress.

  ‘You’re obviously pleased to see me,’ said Lisa Wentworth-Simpson, her stick-on moustache twitching as her black lips moved.

  ‘Ooh … you gave me a fright. What an excellent costume.’

  ‘Looks like you need a bit of help with your underwear,’ said Lisa, reaching for Brian’s thighs.

  Tom and Andrew let themselves in. Andrew had already introduced himself To Lisa. Tom didn’t wait for an introduction.

  ‘You must be Lisa. I’m Brian’s brother Tom. Excellent outfit.’

  ‘Why thank-you. And that’s a very nice green dress you’re wearing,’ She then grimaced a little. ‘Although it doesn’t match your lippy and you’ve got more on your face than your lips.’ She then turned back to Brian. ‘I think I’d better do your lipstick.’

  She carefully did his lips, which completed the outfit. ‘Beautiful. You’re quite the disco diva.’

  Andrew stood on one leg and quietly asked Lisa if she came here often.

  ‘Sorry Andrew?’ she asked.

  ‘Nothing … no. Nothing.’

  ‘Louder next time,’ Tom urged Andrew.

  They collected Hugh Grundy, Colin Dean and Ian Mellor in the kitchen and headed for the Main Hall. The six boys and Lisa stood at the bar in their dresses and gangster outfit studying the room for people they knew. There were plenty. It was packed and a lot of students had gone to a lot of trouble dressing up.

  Andrew bought the drinks for Tom, Brian and Lisa. A tall bearded barman handed Andrew his change.

  ‘While it
lasts, we have special disco punch for 50p a glass.’

  ‘Do you come here often?’ replied Andrew.

  The barman looked at Andrew with disgust. ‘You gay or something?’

  Tom overheard and rescued Andrew. ‘Sorry mate. He’s a Danish exchange student. Gets mixed up.’

  The barman smiled at Tom understanding the error and spoke very slowly to Andrew one word at a time. ‘I’m … sorry … Have … a … good … evening.’

  They edged away from the bar. ‘Thanks Tom.’

  ‘No problem. Right. Here’s the third task for tonight.’

  Andrew leant towards Tom. The music was quite loud. ‘If anybody says the word “original” tonight, and that’s unlikely, you must say to them “are you a lesbian?” Okay?’

  ‘I can’t see that happening. So, okay.’ Andrew was bemused by his tasks, but prepared to go along with them in his pursuit of Pink Socks, even though the barman nearly punched him.

  ‘Can you see Pink Socks here?’

  Andrew had a good look around to check. He had already checked the whole room for her three times. ‘No.’

  ‘Good. You need to practise talking to girls. Do you recognise anybody else from your economics and politics course?’

  ‘There’s a couple of girls over by the fire exit, but I’ve never spoken to them in class.’

  ‘Follow me.’ Tom headed for the two girls with Andrew reluctantly following.

  ‘Hi. How’s it going?’ Tom asked the girls with a friendly smile.

  ‘Good thanks.’

  ‘You look like economics and politics students.’

  ‘How do you know?’ said the taller of the two coal miners.

  ‘Complete guess,’ said Tom, ‘but the miners’ strikes in the 70s were a big issue in the world of economics and politics, so it would be a good choice of outfit.’