Memories of Us

by Fabiola Francisco

I want all of you

  The moment my eyes

  Landed on you

  I knew

  This was the kinda love

  I’d been waiting on

  Gonna give it all,

  Take what you want,

  ‘Cause I promise you,

  I want all of you,

  All of you

  I take your lips

  And claim them as mine,

  They’re sweeter than tea

  And clear summer skies

  Gonna give it all,

  Take what you want,

  ‘Cause I promise you,

  I want all of you,

  All of you

  Cash sings out the final chorus and I hit stop on the recording of my phone to replay.

  “How did that sound?” he asks.

  “I like it.” I hit play for them to hear, and I catch myself singing to some parts.

  “Can you send it to Peyton?” Cash asks me to send it to their manager.

  “Yeah.” I find his name and send him the audio. “It sounds good. I like the change Jason made.”

  “It works,” Cash nods.

  “Ever think of singing?” Cole, the band’s drummer, asks.

  “Nah.” I shake my head and my jaw ticks.

  “Sure looked like it as you were singing along.”

  “That ship sailed. I prefer writing,” I state.

  I hear a chuckle. “There’s a story there.” Ryder, the fourth member and guitarist, leans back on his chair.

  I shrug. “Just prefer the words.”

  “I call bullshit. You’ve been working with us for almost a year, kid. What’s the deal? A woman, I’m sure.” His laughter echoes and I fucking hate that I’m obvious. “Besides, all the songs you write are heavy with meaning. Reminds me of this asshole,” he juts his thumb toward Cash. “You don’t bring generic songs to the table.”

  “It’s always because of a woman,” Cash shakes his head. “Anyway, ignore the ass in the corner. He’s never had his heart broken, so he likes to talk shit. You keep writing like you do. You’ll go far, Hunter.”

  “Thanks. I appreciate it.” I put my notebook away and stretch. “I’ll see you guys tomorrow.”

  I leave the writing session and exhale. I check my phone to find a missed call from my mom and give her a call on my way home.

  The lights are bright on the small stage as Dex sings to a crowd of people cheering him on. I look around, taking in the Nashville scene. Once upon a time that would’ve been me. As I look at him perform, I feel no remorse for the path my life as taken. The day I lost her was the day I stopped being a performer.

  If you play at Riot, chances are your name will be spread throughout the media. I’m happy for him. He’s been busting his ass for his big break, and he’s got the talent to back it up.

  I laugh as a woman whistles loudly. And they say men are bad. It takes a guy with a decent voice and some cowboy boots to drive a woman wild in this town.

  I smile when he sings the song I wrote. Fucker uses my words to get the ladies. As the chorus is sung, I grab my phone and hit record. A few seconds pass before I stop recording and open my messages.

  Hunter: at least forward this to her. It’s all about her.

  I attach my song and send to Tiffany. Maybe I’ll be able to get her to crack if I send her enough messages.

  “Hey,” I hear a soft voice.

  I raise my eyebrows and turn to see big, blue eyes staring at me. “Hi.”

  “Are you Hunter Daniels?” Her eyes widen.

  Yup.” I cross my arms.

  “I’m Jason’s sister. Your songs are amazing.”

  “No way. Thanks to the guys, I’m getting a huge chance. What’s your name?” Her light brown hair frames her face and I’m reminded of my lost Brunette Beauty.

  “Reese.” She holds her hand out. I shake it and smirk.

  “Nice to meet ya. Thanks for the compliment.” I smile. I’m never recognized as a hand in creating songs people like.

  “You’re welcome. Seriously, you’re talented. I’ve heard some of what y’all are working on.”

  I look down at my phone when I feel it vibrate in my other hand.

  Tiffany: sorry hunter… she’s my sis n I gotta respect wat she wants

  Hunter: just send her that. please.

  I rub my face and stare in hopes she’ll reply saying she sent it. Tiffany is my only hope.

  “Girlfriend?” Reese asks. Shit. I just left her hanging.

  I shake my head and see her smile. “I’m unavailable, though.” Straight to the point.

  “She’s lucky. I’m sure she’s a great muse.” I like a woman who isn’t resentful. Instead of walking away or convincing me why she’s a better choice, she just respected what I said. Besides, no way I’d hook up with Jason’s sister and fuck myself over.

  “She sure is,” sarcasm slips.

  “Uh, oh.” Reese laughs.

  I shake my head and ask, “What are you drinking?”

  “I’m good.”

  “Nah, it’s on me. Come on.”

  “Fine. A beer is perfect.” I nod and order two, leaning the side of my body against the bar afterward.

  “Thanks,” she says. “So, you do write about someone?”

  Guess she doesn’t sugarcoat things either.

  “Yup. Long story.”

  “Well, anyone who hears a song and knows it’s about them must feel special.”

  “I guess,” I shrug. I don’t even know if she hears them.

  “Hey.” I look to my right.

  “What’s up, man. You did good,” I smile at Dex.

  Dex thanks me and looks between Reese and me. “This is Reese. She’s Jason Stone’s sister.” I make sure to emphasize the last part, so he knows to keep his distance.

  “No shit. Nice to meet ya.” He winks and shakes her hand. Reese throws her head back and laughs.

  “Smooth, Country Boy. Well, I’m gonna head back to my friends. Thanks for the beer, Hunter. Nice to meet you, Dex. Good job up there.” She winks back at him, a lot smoother than he did a few seconds ago, and I chuckle.

  “Fuck. She’s hot.” Dex tilts his head and stares at her ass as she walks away.

  “Don’t even think about it. Not with one of the big dog’s sisters. Focus on your goal.”

  “Whatever,” he shrugs. “So, I did good?”

  “Yeah, brother.” I nod and sip my beer, wishing my phone would alert me of a new message.

  “Fuck. I hope someone was watching.” He orders a drink and looks around, probably trying to see if any reps were around.

  “You’ll get there.” I slap his shoulder.

  I open my email and begin typing her email address until it drops down from my saved contacts. Tiffany never responded to me. I gave her five days to tell me if she sent Mackenzie the recording of the song. So now I’m back to emailing her and hope that one day she responds. Not that she has in the past, but fuck if I’ll stop trying.

  To: Mackenzie

  Hey Kenzie,

  It’s me again. I miss you. Come on. I need you to respond. Talk to me. It’s been 3 years. I fucked up. I said the wrong thing, but you gotta come back to me and work this through. If we can talk in person, we can work this out. I know we can. I never stopped loving you. Nashville is lonely without you. You are supposed to be here with me, but instead I’m alone, missing you.

  I went home a couple weeks ago. Saw your parents and sister at my parents’ anniversary party. Saw my dad. He’s still mad at me. I fucked it all up, babe. I fucked us up. I fucked up my family. Writing these songs means nothing if you aren’t here to share it with me. I fucking miss you.

  Wrote this for you. Rebel Desire will be singing it. I hope you still listen to the radio and catch my words I wrote for you.

  Your hand in mine,

  Breath in my ear,

  Whispers of what could be

  As I promise you,

  Promise you,

  The world and m
y heart

  My heart is still yours. Come back to me, babe, so we can work this out.

  I’ll never stop loving you,

  Hunter

  Without a second thought, I hit send and close my eyes. I smile at the memory of a new seven-year-old with two pigtails and a smile with missing front teeth. I spent that first week of school teasing the hell out of her and pulling her pigtails. I was an idiot. An idiot who had a crush on a girl for the first time in my life.

  When I heard another kid in our class making fun of her pigtails, I pushed him. Mackenzie looked at me confused and I told her I liked her pigtails. She called me a liar and walked away.

  It was true though. I teased her because I liked her. Fucking idiot.

  I open my eyes, returning from the memory, and refresh my email. I should’ve never gone back home. I should’ve never walked away from her in the first place. When she asked for space, I should’ve pitched a tent and stayed.

  How long is too long to hold on to hope?

  I shake my head and work on a song for Rebel Desire. At least time will pass by faster while I do.

  I look up a couple hours later, a mess of words on the page and stretch. Scratching my jaw, I press the space bar on my laptop and bring it back to life.

  Fuck.

  I sit and bring the computer to my lap. She responded.

  I exhale and open the email, heart racing faster than Daytona 500.

  From: Mackenzie

  Oh, the cowboy ex. Sweet message. Mackenzie is done with you. I should know, she keeps my bed warm for me. You sound like a pussy desperate for a woman who’s moved on.

  I rub my eyes and read the message again.

  The fuck?

  My fists clench and I throw my laptop on my coffee table as if it burned my skin more than hot lava.

  I grab my phone and call Tiffany.

  “Hello? Hunter?” Her voice is groggy. “What the fuck? It’s eleven.”

  “She has a boyfriend?” I bite.

  “Crap. I’m sorry,” she whispers.

  “Tiffany, you have to tell me where she is. Please. You love your sister and you know I’m the one for her.” My voice cracks.

  “You were, but she’s moved on.”

  “Motherfucker,” I yell.

  “Hunter,” Tiffany whispers. “I really am sorry, but it’s been years.”

  “I don’t give a fuck if it’s been a lifetime, Tiff. Who is this fucker?”

  “I promised I wouldn’t tell you anything,” she pleads.

  “I’ll drive down to you right now if you don’t tell me where she is.”

  “Don’t put me in the middle of this,” her voice becomes stronger.

  “Her fucking boyfriend responded to my email calling me a pussy. I’m beyond being patient. She’s fucking him.”

  I hear Tiffany gasp. “Fuck this.” I hang up and throw my phone on the couch, kicking the corner of the couch for good measure.

  Boyfriend.

  I pull my hair, rage taking over. I stalk to the kitchen and open the cabinet holding my liquor. Gripping the bottle of Jack, I open it and tilt my head back, taking a swig.

  She keeps my bed warm.

  I wipe my nose with the sleeve of my shirt and wipe my eyes with the heels of my hand. I shake my head and try to forget the words I read and drink more until I’m sitting on the kitchen floor with a half empty bottle of Jack and a knot in my throat. I stumble to my room and drop on my bed.

  “Mackenzie,” I call out, choking on my words, until I fall asleep.

  “You look like shit,” Ryder says as I walk into the studio and take a seat. I’m fucking this up by showing up to work hungover and broken.

  “Sorry, guys.” I clear my throat. “I’m usually not like this, but I promise I’m ready to work.” I pull out the song I was working on last night before my life turned into a nightmare.

  “You wanna talk about it?” Cash asks.

  “Nah. I’m here to work.”

  “Won’t be the first time we switch writing songs for talking about women,” Cole laughs.

  “I’m good.” My words are harsh. I notice they all look at each other with raised eyebrows before diving into work.

  The more I work on this song, the more I think back to the email I received. Fucking boyfriend. I wonder how serious it is. Does she want to marry him? We promised each other forever. I promised to always put her first. And I let her down. No wonder she fucking moved on.

  I guess this is how it ends.

  “Man, you need a minute?”

  I look up at Cash. “What?”

  “What’s going on? You look like you’ve been beaten bad.” He crosses his arms and sits straighter in the chair.

  I shake my head. I’ve been beaten, just not the way he means it.

  “You really do,” Cole adds.

  “It’s okay, really. Sorry. I spaced. This is work, not therapy hour.” I can’t let this get in the way of my dreams. This job is all I have left of her.

  “We’ll grab some beers once we’re done here,” Cash decides, nodding once.

  As much as I try to focus on what they’re saying, my mind is with Mackenzie and the douche that calls himself her boyfriend.

  I SIT ACROSS FROM Cash and Ryder, Cole and Jason to my sides. Feeling like I’m about to get some kind of intervention to mend a broken heart, I sit back and cross my arms. I wasn’t on top of my game today, and I feel like I’ve let these guys down.

  “This isn’t a business meeting. Relax,” Cash laughs. I exhale and lower my arms.

  “Guys, this is ridiculous. Are y’all gonna go all Dr. Phil on me now?” I try to joke but my words are tense.

  “No, but we all know what it’s like to lose the woman.”

  “Speak for yourself,” Ryder looks at Cash. “This guy lost his shit when him and Olivia broke up. Acted like a pussy and almost threw away our chance.”

  I look to Cash, who’s nodding. “He’s right. Almost fucked up big time. I was fighting with these guys, getting drunk, moping around. None of that brought her back though.”

  “So what did?”

  Cash smirks. “Music.”

  I nod in understanding. “If she doesn’t listen, I can’t win her back.”

  “What’s the deal?” Jason asks.

  “Long story short, she ran off and I have no idea where she is. I’ve spent three years trying to contact her, but she never responds. Her sister won’t tell me where she left off to. I emailed her last night and got a response from her boyfriend.” I look down and rub my forehead. “It wasn’t exactly the most welcoming message, either.”

  “Damn,” Cole mumbles.

  “No shit. It’s been three years and I’m still holding on to hope that I can get to her.”

  “Three years?” Ryder raises his eyebrows. I nod. “So what, you broke up and she moved?”

  “We got into a fight. She asked for space. I thought she needed to cool down and we’d talk in a few days, but that didn’t happen. Next thing I know, she wants nothing to do with me and I’m packing my car and driving up here earlier than planned. No matter how much I called, she wouldn’t pick up. When I drove home to talk to her, she was already gone. No one close to me knows where she went.”

  “Did you cheat on her?” Cole asks.

  “Nah, and I rather not talk about what happened yet. I’m an idiot. That’s all that matters. A big fucking idiot.” I grab my beer and drink.

  “This is tough,” Cash shakes his head. “A runaway.”

  “Hell, if you ain’t got some inspiring words, I don’t think the rest of us can help,” Cole chuckles. “Sorry, buddy.”

  “It’s always been her, ya know. I can’t think about her with someone else. Not knowing gave me hope, but is this a guy she wants to marry, or are they still new? All these questions and anger led to Jack Daniels last night.”

  “That explains the hangover,” Ryder juts his chin toward me. “How do you get the girl now?”

  “I think I’m done. Al
l I can do is work and prove myself until I’m writing songs for more people like you.”

  “Ah, brother, first rule in love, you never give up on the girl.” Cash smirks and I see his mind working. “What’s her name?”

  “Oh, no,” Ryder groans. “You not gonna do what you did to Olivia.”

  “What?” He shrugs.

  “He’s gonna make you call her out in public,” Ryder warns.

  “I’m not gon’ do that,” I shake my head quickly.

  “Just a thought,” Cash offers.

  I’ve been working with these guys for about nine months now. From a movie soundtrack to the album they’re currently working on. I keep to myself, reserved because I’m always too fucking busy thinking about Mackenzie. While she’s off God knows where, moving on.

  “Honestly, knowing she moved on leaves me no choice.”

  “Having a boyfriend and moving on are two very different things. Don’t let that make you give up on going for the woman you love,” Cash reasons. “Have you searched her up?”

  “Can’t find her on social media. She must’ve shut them down.”

  “What’s her name?” he asks again, unlocking his phone.

  “Mackenzie Hill.” I watch as he types on his phone, knowing it’s pointless but appreciative of his help. Thank fuck these guys are down-to-earth.

  His smile grows and he turns the phone to me. “This her?”

  I grab the phone and stare at her. Fucking gorgeous smile on her face, hair blowing in the wind, and I can’t help but think that jackass took this picture. She used to smile like that for me.

  “I’ll take that as a yes.” He leans back and drinks his beer, proud smirk on his face.

  “I’ve searched like a lunatic. How the fuck did you find her in two seconds?”

  “I bet she blocked you,” Ryder says.

  I grab my phone and type her name. I even type her username, MackenzieGrace. Nothing. She fucking blocked me.

  “Her account is private,” Cash is doing something on his phone. “But she must be somewhere on the west coast from the background.” He holds the phone out to the guys.