Memories of Us

by Fabiola Francisco

  As the memories of us,

  But I promise you,

  This isn’t our end,

  This isn’t goodbye

  I’m stuck on rewind,

  Staring at memories of us

  And the life we lost,

  Wondering how I got this wrong

  But this ain’t our goodbye,

  no, we won’t say goodbye

  I watch her as I finish the song, soft tears trailing her face. I put the guitar to a side and smile, wiping her face. My hands find her arms and I bring her to me, until she’s sitting on my lap. I kiss her lips, wet from her tears, and hold her. “I’ve been writing this song since I lost you. Three years of flipping pages, unsure if I’d find you. I finished it recently and wanted to share it with you.”

  “It’s beautiful.”

  “It took me a while to write. I wrote it in pieces, each time openin’ a blank page and addin’ a few verses. The chorus was the first thing I wrote when I came back, and you were already gone. I titled it ‘Memories of Us’ because that’s all I had left of you. You were gone except for the memories that would drown me.”

  She shifts in my lap to hug me, her head resting on my shoulder. I hold her, comfort her, letting her know I’ve got her for the rest of my life.

  We she looks up at me again, I see more tears staining her face. “Hey,” I say as I wipe her face.

  “Sorry.” She sniffles.

  “Don’t apologize. What’s goin’ on?”

  “I don’t know. I love the song, and you, and what we’re creating again, but some days I just feel sad.” Her shoulders shrug.

  “I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you. I wasn’t there to help you overcome it all.” It’s my turn to apologize. I touch my forehead to hers.

  She shakes her head against mine. “We both made mistakes.”

  “Yeah.” I tighten my arms around her. “Cry if you need to, I’ve got you.”

  Mackenzie sighs into me, but she doesn’t cry anymore. We both lost a lot, but she physically lived that loss. I’ll make sure she feels a little stronger each day. Her eyes meet mine with a sad smile. “Thank you.”

  “I love you,” I tell her.

  “Love you, too.”

  I kiss her full lips, my tongue teasing the seam of her lips, begging for permission to deepen it. As soon as she grants me what I want, my tongue thrusts into her mouth. Our lips move together, speaking words we can’t hear with our own ears but can feel in the depth of our souls.

  Mackenzie shifts to straddle me and moans. “I can feel you against my underwear.”

  My hands reach under her dress and grips her ass. Her skin is cool against my hands, but the sensation burns me. I rock her into me and she moans again.

  “Fuck, Hunter.” Her voice is gruff.

  “I love hearin’ you like this. I fuckin’ missed it,” I drawl. Her tiny thong does nothing to stop her from feeling my dick in my jeans. “Bet you’re wet.” She whimpers when I move one hand around and run a finger against her soaked underwear.

  “Fuck, babe. Don’t think we’ll have time for much foreplay. I want to feel you wrapped around me, squeezing around me.”

  Mackenzie moans again, words gone from her mouth. I move my hand into her panties and feel her against my skin. She’s wet and ready, but I’m gonna make her feel real good first.

  I rub my thumb against her clit, and she tenses. “Relax,” I say into her ear.

  I continue to please her as she moves above me, her lips on mine in a desperate call for more. When she tenses around my fingers and her breath is labored, I stop and look at her.

  “I love you so damn much. I hope you believe me when I say there ain’t no one else for me.”

  “For me, either.” She reaches for my jeans, unbuckling my belt and pants, I kick my boots off, followed by my jeans. Mackenzie slips out of her underwear, keeping her own boots on.

  “I want you under me,” I lean her back on the blankets, cover her body with mine. I slip into her, slow and steady, and under a blanket of stars I make love to the only woman who has ever had a place in my heart and life.

  IF SOMEONE WOULD’VE TOLD me a year ago that I’d be standing in my childhood home, in my room, packing the bits I had unpacked after moving back from California, so I could move to Nashville with Hunter, I’d tell them they’d gone and lost their damn mind. Yet, here I stand with a stack of boxes and a suitcase full of clothes, getting ready to do just that.

  Our journey to this moment—three years late—has been wilder than an eight second ride. I’ve hurt, cried, drowned, and been lost, but Hunter found me. He found me in a way most people can’t. He didn’t just show up at my apartment in Los Angeles and saw me, he reached deep inside, into a part of me I had laid to rest, because it was easier than remembering who I was.

  It was easier to live hidden away in the palm trees and beaches than to come home and face that I was really hurting for losing Hunter, hurting about the miscarriage. Admit that I was afraid Hunter moved on without me when I didn’t try to hold on to him.

  Although this move is happening three years later than we planned, I’m grateful it’s happening.

  “Come in,” I say when I hear a knock on my door. “Hi.” I smile when I see my dad.

  “How you doin’ in here?” He stands in my room, looking around.

  “Good. Just thinkin’.”

  “Hunter’s a good man.” My dad takes a seat on the end of my bed and calls me over. I sit next to him and smile, waiting for more of his words. “You deserve to be happy and loved the way he makes you feel. Y’all had your issues, which I never asked about. It ain’t my thing to be nosy and ask questions, but you deserve the kinda love he gives you. That boy’s been broken without you, and although you pretend, I know you were broken, too. If you can forgive each other and accept one another with flaws, then you’ll be happy. That’s all I want for my little girl, for you to be happy.” He hugs me with one arm.

  “Thanks, daddy. I’ll be spending some more time here once I’m settled before school starts up again.” Being back here has revitalized me.

  “We ain’t goin’ nowhere.” He smiles.

  Two weeks after I went to Nashville for the first time, Cassidy Rae called me and told me the principal in Rae’s school was going to be contacting me for an interview. My heart spiked when I heard her say that, tumbling me down in the barn. I got a call that afternoon from the principal, asking me to come in the next day for an interview. I drove the two hours, stayed with Hunter, and met with my soon-to-be-new employer that day. It didn’t take her long to call me back and offer me a second-grade position.

  Hunter was beside himself, making all kinds of plans. I was in blissful shock. I wasn’t expecting all of that so soon, but it worked out perfectly. It’s been a week since I accepted the offer, and I’ll be moving to Nashville today.

  “I’m glad we’ll be close,” I tell my dad.

  “We know you’ll be around. Hunter’s also been helping his father, so you won’t stay gone for too long. This is his home as well.”

  I hug my dad tightly. I know he’s responsible for sending Hunter to my apartment, but we’ve never talked it out completely.

  “Thanks for your hand in this,” I look him in the eyes.

  “Wouldn’t let you make a mistake.” He shakes his head, his face now serious. I know he didn’t like Justin, but I think he disliked the idea of me hiding out and possibly settling for a life I didn’t really want even more.

  “I appreciate that, whether things with Hunter would’ve worked out or not, I’m glad you tried to knock sense into me any way possible.”

  “It’s my job to take care of you and make sure you’re happy. You weren’t,” he states matter-of-factly. I simply nod and look at the boxes. “What time will Hunter be here?”

  “In about an hour or so.”

  He smiles. “So you have time for a family ride?” He squeezes my hand.

  “Always. I’ll change and head downstairs.”<
br />
  “Great. Your momma and Tiffany already have the horses ready.”

  Excitement shoots through me. I love riding Macey. It’s one of my favorite things to do, spend time with her. Some days, I just walk with her. I change quickly and run downstairs after I let Hunter know I’ll be out of the house for some time.

  I get on Macey, my mom smiling, and Tiffany pretending to be upset about my move. She’s happy to have a place to visit in Nashville, but she’s a brat.

  We chat as we ride, taking familiar paths. I tell my parents more about Nashville, the school, and Hunter’s friends. I make sure to let Tiffany know that I expect her to come visit before summer ends.

  It’s nice to be out, the four of us. It’s been years since we’ve done this, life always getting in the way. Before I realize it, we’re getting to the old watermill. My heart stops when I see Hunter sitting on the steps, his back to me. What is he doing here? He said he wouldn’t arrive until this evening.

  I dismount and walk toward him. “Hunter?” He turns to face me, with a smile. “What are you doin’ here?” My eyebrows furrow as I look at him.

  “Got here a little early, doin’ some thinkin’.”

  “What about?” I whisper, nerves shooting through me.

  “Us.”

  I stare at him as he stands. “You know, when I came back from that first trip to LA, I came to see your dad. I wanted to thank him personally for bringin’ you back in my life, even if you wanted nothin’ to do with me.” I look into his dark eyes and smile. When he nods toward my dad, I turn to look at him, smiling in silent thanks. My mom and Tiffany both watching as well.

  I turn around to face Hunter just as he’s getting down on a knee. I gasp and hear Tiffany say, “Oh my God.” One hand covers my mouth, the other over my chest.

  “I also asked him for your hand that day. I told him if I won you back, I was making you mine, like I should’ve done so long ago. I ran out and bought a ring that I’ve been carryin’ around for some time. We made mistakes, Mackenzie, but we’re here, at the watermill, creating new memories. I’ve been in love with you for ten years and loved you for even longer. You’re the only woman I’d ever spend my life with. I don’t want anyone else, never have. All my songs are for you and about you, and I want to spend the rest of my life writin’ about our love. Mackenzie Grace, will you be my wife?”

  I nod as tears stream down my face. “Yes.” I wipe my eyes with the heels of my hands and smile when he stands and hugs me, lifting my body from the ground.

  “You make me so fuckin’ happy. I love you.” His lips crash against mine. I kiss him back, melting into him. I was not expecting this.

  When he releases me, he opens the black box and holds the sparkly ring. My hand trembles as he slides the princess cut diamond ring onto my finger. Hunter lifts my hand and kisses my palm, his stubble tickling my skin.

  “Congrats!” Tiffany yells and dismounts to give us a hug. “Oh my God. No wonder daddy was so strict about comin’ out on a ride today.” She turns to look at him with a glare. “How come I didn’t know?”

  “Because you would’ve run and told Mackenzie,” Hunter tells her.

  “I can keep a secret.”

  “Sometimes,” he teases her.

  My parents make their way to us and congratulate us. I hug them both, my mom crying.

  “We’re so happy for you. For the both of you,” she looks at me and Hunter.

  I’m in shock as I look from the ring to Hunter.

  “We’ll take Macey back. Go share the good news with your parents, Hunter,” my dad breaks through my haze.

  “Thank you, sir. We’ll see you tonight for dinner.”

  Dinner? I tilt my head and look at Hunter.

  “We’re having dinner with our families tonight. To celebrate,” he answers my unspoken question.

  “So we’re not going to Nashville tonight?”

  “Nope. Tomorrow morning. We’ll be starting our new life.” He hugs me, now alone, and kisses me without hesitation. My arms link behind his neck and I smile.

  “I wasn’t expectin’ this at all.” I look at him in awe.

  “As soon as your dad gave me his blessing a few months ago, I knew I’d work to make myself worthy of your love again, so I could make you my wife.”

  “You are worthy.” I touch his cheek and he leans his head into my hand, his eyes closing. He’s beautiful. His heart is beautiful. He isn’t perfect, and that’s okay. Perfect doesn’t exist. I learned that after I had lost him. I used to think we had this perfect relationship. I realized we didn’t, and we still don’t, but I don’t want that. I want real. I want someone by my side to work at this relationship with. Loving him is easy, but it takes more than that to make this work.

  “Let’s go see my parents. They’re gonna flip.” Hunter smirks.

  “They don’t know?” I open my eyes wide.

  Hunter shakes his head. I’m surprised he didn’t tell them. “Only your dad knew. I needed to get you here somehow, and he was already expectin’ it to happen soon.”

  I hug him before we walk to his truck and climb on.

  “Take the long way,” I tell him, wanting more time with his hand in mine. His answering smirk fills my heart.

  My hands rest on my hips as I look around the mess in the apartment, my things scattered everywhere. I blow out air, my breath lifting the strands of hair that have fallen over my face. I hear a deep chuckle from somewhere behind me and turn around.

  “I have too much shit.”

  Hunter moves from leaning against the wall and walk towards me. “Your stuff isn’t shit.” He stands before me, in well-fitted jeans, a white tee shirt, and his signature boots. I take him in, my Alabama guy, still true to his country roots.

  “It’s a lot of things I probably don’t need.”

  “So let’s sort through it.” He squeezes my fingers and sits on the floor. I look at him with a smile. I take a seat next to him, my leg rubbing against his. He looks at me with a cocked eyebrow and I shrug. Not my fault I want to be close to him.

  As soon as we got here this morning, we brought up the boxes and I began unpacking, getting overwhelmed by the amount of things I have. I’m tempted to just trash it all except my clothes and shoes, but I know I’ll regret it later. I have albums and keepsakes mixed in here.

  “Let’s start with this box.” Hunter drags the box closest to us and begins removing things. For now, I ignore the other things I threw around the living room.

  “What’s in here?” He holds up a tin box.

  “Oh my God.” My mouth drops open and I grab the box from him, lifting the lid. “You’ll never guess what’s in here.”

  His eyebrows raise and wait for me to show him. I grin, grabbing the first piece of folded paper.

  “Are those?” His dark eyes widen.

  “Yeah.” I open the note and read it out loud. “Kenzie, I can’t wait for this weekend. Let’s go for a ride.”

  “You were so romantic,” I tease.

  “Give me that,” he yanks the paper from my hand and reads it to himself. “I was only fifteen. You kept them?”

  I nod. “All of them.” Four years of memories wrapped up in paper and pen.

  I open another note and read it. “You and me down an old dirt road/ No one to tells us how to love/ Just your kisses on me/ And my hands on you.”

  “I always did love leaving you song verses in your locker.” I sift through all the notes Hunter used to leave me while we were in high school, taking turns reading them out loud together.

  “Kenzie, I’ll always love you. I’m proud of what you’re accomplishing,” Hunter reads. “I remember leaving you this one when you got accepted into Alabama. I’m glad we went through this instead of just throwing it all away.”

  I nod, recalling the memory.

  “I missed you last night, but I wrote a new song I want to show you. I’ll drive you home today after basketball practice and sing to you. Wait for me,” I read. “I used to lo
ve when you’d sing your new songs to me. I felt special, gettin’ some inside look into our basketball hero.”

  “You are special. You’re the only one I wanted to share my music with.”

  “And now you’re sharin’ it with the world.” I wear a proud smile.

  “What else do you have in these boxes?” He folds the note I finished reading and places it back in the box. “You kept so many things.” He holds the silver crown and places it atop my messy hair. “My queen.” I lean forward and brush my lips against his. We were the stereotype of homecoming king and queen, but I didn’t care. I had him by my side, and that’s all that I ever wanted.

  We sort through photo albums, school events, dances, and having fun at parties out in the middle of nowhere with a bonfire.

  “Remember this?” I hold up a picture.

  “Hell yeah. I worked so hard to plan that surprise party for you. I figured we’d be okay out there in the fields.” I giggle as he retells the story. He surprised me for my seventeenth birthday with a huge party with all our friends, but the sheriff came and broke it up. Apparently, we were in a drought and the fire was a no-go. We were also all underage and caught with beer cans in hand. We were lucky he let us go with a warning.

  “It was a great party,” I kiss his cheek.

  “I’m so glad you have all this stuff. It’s cool to look back.”

  “Thank you for sitting down and going through it. I would’ve gotten frustrated and missed out on this.” I lean into him, his arm around me, and hug his middle.

  We continue to look through my boxes, making a bigger mess, but enjoying the things we find. Hunter has been a part of my life in some way for most of it. Almost everything I have packed has a connection to him.

  “Is this…” He holds out a top and smirks. He digs in the box until he finds the matching skirt. “Try it on,” he shoves my high school cheerleading uniform at me.

  “No way. That doesn’t fit me.”

  “It might. Come on,” he begs. I hold my old uniform. I used to love cheer.

  “There’s no way this still fits me. I was a twig back then.” I shake my head, eyeing the uniform.