by Railyn Stone
“I didn’t give him much choice.”
“He should’ve been more understanding of your situation. He shouldn’t have pushed and he shouldn’t have had a problem with you wanting to give your kids’ father a chance to be in their lives,” Quinn paused. “Syd, I had no right to tell you what to do when it came to Matt spending time with Charlie and Travis. He’s their dad and I don’t blame you for wanting them to have a relationship with him. And I should’ve told you about the job opportunity. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t,” she stopped him from continuing. “You don’t have to apologize. You’ve been so good to us and I should have realized just how attached you were to them. You only want to protect us, and I get it.”
Nodding his head, Quinn took a step closer. “I just want them to be happy. I want you to be happy too.”
“Well, that’s a work in progress,” she muttered. “Uh, so, how have you been?”
“Good.” Quinn stared at her for a moment before continuing. “How are the boys?” He seemed almost too timid to ask her anything. Like he didn’t have a right to.
“Good. They’re growing like weeds.” She thought about the twins and their constant questions about Quinn. It hurt to think of how much they missed him.
“I bet. And, how are you?”
“Good. Work’s been a little busy, but other than that, I’m good.” Both of them were awkwardly trying to figure out what to say to one another and burgeoning silence sprawled between them. “So, how did your interview go? You did interview for the position right?”
“Yes. I did. It went well,” he paused, and looked away before he glanced back at her. “They offered me the job.”
“Quinn, that’s great. You deserve it, you’ve worked hard for it.” Offering up the biggest smile she could muster even though her heart was breaking knowing he would be leaving, she gave him a quick awkward hug. She knew she would regret getting so close to him. The smell of his cologne had her sensory nerves frazzled again. But she couldn’t fight the urge to hold him near her again. Just one more time, to feel the warmth and comfort only his arms could provide.
“Thanks.” Pulling back, he looked almost apologetic for returning the quick affection and he dropped his arms to his sides.
“Are you excited?”
“It’s going to be different. I think I’d be even more excited if you asked me not to go.” His eyes glittered in the mix of moonlight and streetlights and she found herself lost in the shimmering pools, grasping for the right thing to say.
“Quinn-”
“Syd, I miss you. Just tell me not to go and I won’t.” The pleading look in his eyes made her want to ask him to stay, but she knew she couldn’t. There were too many complications. Too much to overcome and she was afraid he would realize he made a mistake later on down the road and she shook her head.
“I can’t. You deserve this chance and I…I won’t hold you back from it.”
“Then if you won’t ask me to stay…come with me?” Her eyes got big at his request and she gasped. At a loss for words, she wasn’t sure she’d quite heard him right and she finally found her voice.
“What?”
“Come with me. Syd, I want to be with you. I don’t want to be without you and the boys anymore. Let me be there for you and them. Let me take care of you.” Her heartbeat bounced off rhythm and she stood speechless. Did he just ask me to go with him? He couldn’t possibly know what he was asking.
“Quinn…I don’t…I don’t know what to say.” Diverting her eyes to the ground, she made sure her feet were still solidly on the asphalt because she couldn’t feel them. She couldn’t pick up and move. Could she? His serious stance had her quivering and possessively grasping for something to say. She’d never expected him to ask her to go with him. “I can’t just leave Louisville. I have a life here.”
“You can honestly say you don’t have feelings for me and you don’t want to see where this can go?”
“That’s not fair.”
“No, Syd, what isn’t fair is you not giving me a chance to love you. To give you the life you deserve. I’m standing here pouring my heart out to you when everything in me is screaming for me not to.” He stopped and took her trembling hands in his. “I’m afraid of putting myself in a position like I was in with Lexie. I don’t want to neglect you like I did with her. I don’t want to be like my dad.” Looking into his eyes, Sydnee finally understood why Quinn had been so adamant about not leaving and why he had such a bond with the boys. Yes, he was going to miss them, but he was most afraid of turning out exactly like the man he had held contempt for during his childhood. He’d been blaming himself for his break up with Lexie, and fighting against becoming just like his father. “But, I love you, don’t you get that?” She heard the faint crack in his voice from the swell of emotion he was fighting so hard to control.
“You love me?” It was the first time he’d ever directly told her he loved her. She had overheard him with her mother talking about how much he cared about her and the boys, but to hear him say he loved her made her nearly faint.
“Yes. I do. And I love the boys too.” His undeniably sexy lips curved slightly and she wanted to say yes. She wanted to follow him to the ends of the earth, but she couldn’t. Life wouldn’t allow her to. Her own insecurities wouldn’t let her give in.
“Quinn, I can’t just drop everything.”
“I’m not asking you to drop everything.” Releasing her hands, he reached into his pocket and pulled out an envelope. “Here.”
“What’s this?” She took the envelope, flashing him a puzzled look. Opening the flap, she pulled out the folded paper. “Plane tickets?”
“Yes. They are open vouchers, so you can fly whenever you want. One for you and each of the boys. Come with me. We can be a family there; together.”
She looked in his hopeful eyes and nearly cried. “I-”
“Before you say you can’t, hear me out. I have never felt this way about anyone. Even Lexie. I miss you every minute I’m not near you or don’t hear your voice. You’ve done something to me. With you I know how special a relationship can be and how powerful the connection between two people really is. Being with you and being able to be myself and talk about any and everything under the sun with no inhibitions and no prejudices; it’s been incredible. Syd, I love you and I want to be with you for as long as you will let me.”
Reaching up to cradle his face in her hand, she felt the old familiar sparks that ignited each time they touched. “You’re making this so hard for me.” The eyes that beckoned to her before flickered with so much hope, and an innocence she could barely fathom. “It would be so easy for me to fall into your arms and run away with you, but-”
“Syd…please?”
“I have my boys to think about. If it was just me then maybe…but I can’t just uproot them for something that may or may not last. I have to think of them.” Tears formed in the corners of her eyes watching his face fall. She knew he was sincere. She knew he loved her. Hell, she loved him. But it would never work. She was just starting to regain friendships and she’d even been in touch with her mother for the first time in months. Was she just supposed to throw all of that away?
“Do you think I would hurt them? Or you?”
“No. I know you wouldn’t do that.” She reached out and held his hand in hers and cherished the warmth as their fingers intertwined. “But you deserve to be happy and have a family and reach every goal you have set for yourself.”
“Why can’t you understand you make me happy? You’re the family I want. I don’t want anybody else. I just want you.”
Sydnee looked in his eyes and it broke her heart knowing she couldn’t go with him. “It just wouldn’t work.”
“Please. Come with me?”
“Quinn-” He dropped her hand and stopped her before she could get out her sentence.
“No. Don’t say anything. Look, those tickets are open ended. You don’t have to give me an answer right now. Just think
about it. I leave in a few weeks. If I don’t hear from you before I leave, then I guess I’ll have my answer.” Before she could respond, he leaned over and placed his firm lips against hers, sending a sweet sensation through her that she had missed desperately. Before she could respond, he turned and disappeared into the night. What am I going to do?
###
“Nana!”
“Oh, hello, my big boys. How are you, my darlings?” Carroll leaned over to hug Travis and Charlie as they ran into her arms. Sydnee had agonized over whether she should take the plunge and go with Quinn or stay in Louisville. She had laid the plane tickets on the counter, passing by them every day. There were times she’d come really close to calling Quinn to accept his offer, but she just couldn’t bring herself to pick up the phone. She finally pushed the envelope into the drawer, hoping ‘out of sight, out of mind’, would relieve her of the worrisome thoughts. No such luck.
To top it off, now that she and her mother were back on speaking terms, she’d agreed to fly to Atlanta for her family reunion, and even though it may help take her mind off of Quinn, she wasn’t in the mood to deal with Carroll. Listening to ‘I told you so’ just wasn’t something she wanted to hear.
“Sydnee, sweetheart, it’s so good to see you.” Carroll stood to give Sydnee their perfunctory hug.
“Hello, Mother.” She still couldn’t believe her mother had cut off all communication with her over who she chose to date. And the most unbelievable part was how it seemed like nothing had ever happened in Carroll’s mind. It was as if Sydnee had a brief lapse of sanity and now she had gotten back on the right track and everything was okay.
“I’m so happy you came. We’re going to have so much fun and you two are going to get to see all of your cousins,” Carroll added. Sydnee watched her mother inciting more enthusiasm and excitement in the boys. They were already hyper from the flight and Sydnee knew it would work in her favor when they finally crashed from their exciting travel-filled day.
“Well, finally, it’s about time you came home.” Sydnee looked up and smiled seeing her brother and his wife, Laila, exiting the house, arms outstretched. The sight of Kellen lifted the heavy weight she was feeling from her shoulders. Just knowing her brother was there was such a huge help. He was her sounding board and it felt so good to see him that she nearly burst into tears.
“Hey. I’ve missed you.” She hugged both of them and laughed as her niece and nephew hugged and talked with Travis and Charlie.
“Well, let’s head in the house and get you settled.” Carroll herded the clan in the house and once they were settled they sat down to a family dinner.
“Sydnee, it’s so good to see you. My gosh, you look great.”
“Thank you, Laila. I’ve missed you guys. Work has been quite busy and of course these two keep me on my toes.” She glanced at the twins before sharing a smile with her sister-in-law.
“I’m glad she could finally fit us in to her busy schedule. The family is going to be so happy to see you.” Sydnee bit the inside of her jaw hearing her mother’s interjection. By the time she left Atlanta, she would need stitches to close up the hole she was working into her mouth. How could Carroll act like it was her fault she hadn’t come home? Carroll had been the one not answering phone calls or reaching out and calling her and now it was Sydnee’s busy schedule and her fault she hadn’t visited? The nerve of this woman.
Disregarding her mother’s comments, Sydnee added. “Well, we’re looking forward to it. I think the boys will have a lot of fun. They couldn’t stop talking about this trip.”
“They’re growing so fast. I keep looking at Mia and KJ and wanting them to slow down.” Laila added motioning to Sydnee’s niece and nephew. “I’m not ready for them to be independent of me, you know?”
“Yes. They change every day.”
“Yet another reason you should consider moving back to Atlanta.”
“Mother, please don’t start.” Sydnee rolled her eyes at her mother’s lilting blatant ploy to get her to move home; something she’d been trying for years.
“I’m just saying, Sydnee. Moving here, you would have a supportive network and the boys would be able to know their family, who they are and where they come from. And it’s not like I don’t have the room here.” It was true. Her father had been highly successful and had left her mother well taken care of upon his death.
“Mom, I’m sure Syd’s happy where she is and if she decides to move back to Atlanta it will be her choice.” Sydnee sighed, hearing her brother defend her. She could always count on Kellen to be the peacemaker between them.
“I just think it would be good for you to be here. What’s so wrong with wanting you to live here?” Sydnee had heard it all before. I’m getting older. You need a network of friends and family. I want to spend more time with my grandkids. “I don’t like you being there alone.”
Continuing to push her food around on the plate now that she’d lost her appetite, Sydnee avoided any eye contact with Carroll. “Mother, I’m not alone. I have a supportive network. Charles and Leanne have been great and I have friends that help me out.”
“That’s all fine and good, Sydnee, but how fair is it that Leanne and Charles get to spend so much time with them and I don’t? I’m their grandmother, too.” And there it is. Sydnee took a deep breath and placed her fork on the table, smoothing her napkin across her lap. There was the tension that had been lying in wait, ready to emerge and pounce on her like a lion. One, one thousand. Two, one thousand. Three, one thousand.
“Mother, I know that. No one’s keeping you from them, but I’m not going to just up and move because you want me to. I have a job and friends, and a home.” Sydnee looked up to see Carroll’s unwavering disapproving stare.
“Sydnee-”
Apparently, Kellen was prepared to enter his stealth protective mode and realized his sister needed saving. “Mom, let’s just let it go okay? Syd and the boys are here to have a great time this week. Can we try and enjoy dinner?” Sydnee sat adding more diamond points to her teeth as she ground the enamel into oblivion, realizing no matter what anyone said her mother was never going to give up the argument.
“Kellen, I’m just making conversation. If I would like for my daughter to move closer to us so we can see her and my grandsons, I should be able to tell her that.” She couldn’t let it go. Carroll Duprey was always going to have the last word if it killed her.
“Mom-”
“Okay, fine. I won’t say anything else. Far be it from me to express my opinions on the issue.” Switching from her teeth to her jaw, Sydnee bit down on the sensitive skin and swore she drew blood this time and knew she was in for the longest week of her life.
###
“Mommy, look. There’s Daddy!” Travis yelled as he went sprinting across the sprawling yard. The family reunion was being held at a family farm outside of Atlanta and Sydnee’s head snapped in the direction her little boy ran. She and the twins and her niece and nephew had just finished a walk after feeding the ducks on the pond, and she watched, dumbfounded, as Matt sauntered up, flanked by none other than her mother.
“Oh, Sydnee, look who’s here,” Carroll gushed as she held onto Matt’s arm. He looked as pleased as punch and Sydnee realized the inside of her jaw was never going to heal. At this point, it felt like a lioness had swiped her claw through the sensitive flesh. As only Matt could do, he stooped to give Travis the biggest hug she’d ever seen and he made quite a show of being the doting dad to the little boy before turning to Charlie to do the same.
“What are you doing here?” Sydnee fumed as Matt stood to look at her. Before he could answer, Carroll gleefully answered.
“It’s a family reunion Sydnee. Of course, Matt was invited. He is family. Come on everyone, it’s time for homemade ice cream. Who wants some?” Sydnee stood in complete shock as her mother tantalized the children with the sweet confection and Matt winked, grabbing the hands of the twins as they followed Carroll to the dessert bar. It was absol
utely unbelievable to watch the way her mother just welcomed Matt with open arms and act as if their divorce had never happened. She felt like she was in a loop of a horrible nightmare. The rest of the day she was subjected to Matt and if she didn’t know better, she’d think her mother was playing chess with her life as she kept putting Sydnee in situations to have to deal with him. She was a pawn in this grand game and her mother was the queen. The only reason she put up with it was because of the boys. They were having such a good time and she wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize their happiness. Especially since she’d yanked Quinn out of their lives. They kept up the charade for most of the day and once everyone left, she and the boys headed back to her mother’s house, where an impromptu gathering was taking place. A plethora of uncles, aunts and cousins converged on the house and Sydnee tried her best to forget Matt was still there, but it was getting increasingly difficult to do. She slipped away from the circus of people for a moment of solace in the study. Taking a deep breath, she sat forward on the overstuffed sofa, holding her head in her hands. She slowly raised her head and glanced to her right when she heard footsteps stop in the doorway.
“Sydnee?”
Looking up, Sydnee frowned at seeing her ex-husband watching her. “Matt, please. I really don’t feel like arguing with you right now.”
“Well, then don’t.” He walked over to the sofa and sat beside her. “I know you weren’t expecting me, but I wanted to see you.”
She crossed her arms and gave him the most hateful look she could muster. “Why did you want to see me?”
“So we can talk about us.”
“Matt, there is no us. I told you-” Before she could get the rest of it out, he sat forward and pushed a brochure towards her. “What’s this?”
“Our future. The boys’ future. Look, Syd, I know your dream is to be able to provide the best education and future for our sons, right?” She nodded as she looked from him to the brochure. She was skeptical of anything he was offering at this point. On the front of the slick paper was a picture of a majestic looking building and uniformed students wearing plastic expressions plastered across their faces. “Sydnee, our boys could be here. Getting the education you have dreamed of them getting.”
