Marphurius A robust but uncultivated population is preparing to force its barbarous ways upon the nation.
Don Juan (to Sganarelle) Escort these sweet young ladies to the village and see to it that no evil befalls them.
Marphurius Ah yes, those boatmen I just met …
Sganarelle What boatmen?
Marphurius Three boatmen who escaped this morning’s storm by a hair’s breadth. They have been going about complaining with the utmost insolence that a noble lord owes them fifty-four ducats. Brandishing their oars in blind fury and letting everyone know that they have been taught how to handle them.
Sganarelle The rogues! Fifty-four ducats!
Charlotte Are they looking for you, my lord? You’d better run.
Sganarelle Yes, my lord, you’d better run.
Marphurius Cut the knaves down and basta!
Sganarelle (to the girls) Beg him on your knees or we’ll all be lost.
Marphurius Exterminate them! Wipe them off the face of the earth!
Mathurine (kneeling) Run, my lord.
Charlotte (kneeling) Yes, my lord, run! One of them must be that brute Berthelot from the next village. Run, run!
Marphurius (kneeling) And I implore you to cut them down.
Mathurine Run, my lord. A fine gentleman like you can’t let his nose be bashed in.
Sganarelle They’re coming, they’re coming!
Marphurius Do you vulgarians suppose that a Don Juan Tenorio handles his affairs like you loutish fisherfolk? (He tears linen for bandages and brandishes his instruments)
Mathurine And Charlotte (at once) Run, my lord. They’ll beat you to a pulp.
Don Juan Indeed, the contest seems too unequal. I will have no truck with brute force. Fate has come between us. Ah, my fair maidens, I cannot ignore your entreaties. Sganarelle, I find myself in a position to fulfill your heartfelt wish. You may put on my coat, give me your rags.
Sganarelle You are joking, my lord. Do you want me to die in your clothes?
Don Juan Not if it can be helped. Make ready for the journey home. (Don Juan goes out with Sganarelle. The doctor runs after them)
Marphurius Your lordship! Your lordship! The duel! The duel!
(The fisher maidens look at each other, start laughing, and laugh so hard that they have to sit down on the ground)
Act Three
An overgrown park. Among the trees a white building.
1
Don Juan in Sganarelle’s clothes. Sganarelle in Don Juan’s clothes.
Don Juan Tell me, Sganarelle, haven’t we come this way before? These trees, these bushes, these paths look familiar. This ancient tree—was it not a witness to passionate oaths?
Sganarelle There have been so many trees, my lord, in so many different places. I can’t keep them apart. Permit me to sit down a while, my lord. The excitement, the weight of your clothes, not to mention this basket, have tired me out.
Don Juan Blockhead, why did you have to take the basket? Did I order you to take it? Don Juan does not carry baskets.
Sganarelle Your clothes have not changed me enough to make me forget my duty of catering to Don Juan’s stomach. Shall we eat, my lord?
Don Juan Knave! A nobleman doesn’t bite into a piece of pie on the roadside like a dog. Show my garments more honor. You must behave like me. I will force myself to imitate your manners. And you, knave, will not touch a single bite! (Don Juan eats and drinks)
Sganarelle (while Don Juan eats) I’m still thinking about that doctor. Perhaps I should have gone to him for treatment. I feel extremely weak and my stomach is beginning to toss so strangely: from left to right. God knows my health is not of the best, my lord. (Don Juan gives him a severe look) I think I could really use a doctor.
Don Juan What for?
Sganarelle To cure me.
Don Juan A doctor to cure you? The time to see a doctor is when you want to die.
Sganarelle Don’t you believe in senna leaves?
Don Juan Why should I believe in senna leaves?
Sganarelle (shakes his head in despair) All right, never mind medicine. If you don’t believe in it, you don’t. Let’s talk about something else. (Serves him wine) What about heaven? Don’t you believe in that either?
Don Juan Never mind.
Sganarelle Hm, that means you don’t believe in it. And hell?
Don Juan Bah!
Sganarelle So it’s no again. And the devil?
Don Juan Yes, yes.
Sganarelle So you don’t believe in him either. What about the other world?
(Don Juan laughs loudly)
Sganarelle But how do you feel about the black bishop?
Don Juan The plague take you!
Sganarelle That’s too much. A fact is a fact. Who else do you suppose sucks the blood out of February babies? Who do you believe in if you don’t believe in him?
Don Juan What I believe in?
Sganarelle Yes.
Don Juan I believe that two times two is four.
Sganarelle That’s a lovely thing to believe. A fine article of faith. So your religion is the multiplication table. As for me, my lord, I haven’t studied like you. No man can boast of having taught me anything. But I can see that things aren’t so simple. For instance, I’d be glad to have you tell me who made those trees and those rocks; who made the earth and the sky up there. Did they all make themselves? Take yourself, for instance. You’re here, aren’t you? Well, did you make yourself? Didn’t his lordship your father have to get her ladyship your mother pregnant in order to make you? Don’t you marvel at how everything in a man works, how everything hangs together—the nerves, the bones, the veins, the arteries, these—these lungs, the heart, the liver and all the trimmings which …
Don Juan Are you almost finished?
Sganarelle So there is something wonderful about man, whatever you may say. Isn’t it a wonder that I’m here? That I have something in my head, something that can think a hundred things at once and move my body the way I want. I want to clap my hands, (demonstrating) lift my arm, raise my eyes, lower my head, move my feet, go to the right, to the left, forward, backward, about face! (Turns around and falls down)
Don Juan Lovely. But now we’ve got to be thinking about how to get to the city.
Sganarelle Here comes a man. We’ll ask him the way. (Enter a beggar)
Sganarelle Hey, you! Hey!
Don Juan Eat properly at least. Don’t forget that you’re me. (Sganarelle starts to eat. He eats wastefully like Don Juan)
2
Don Juan. Sganarelle. The beggar.
Sganarelle Which is the quickest way to the city?
Beggar (to Sganarelle) You just have to take this path, turn right, and then straight ahead. But I advise you to be on your guard, my lord. A little while ago some dangerous-looking men passed by, they were brandishing big cudgels and shouting terrible threats against noblemen.
Sganarelle I’m very much obliged to you, my friend.
Beggar (to Sganarelle) I am a poor beggar, your lordship. A trifling gift, if you please.
Don Juan Ha, I see your helpfulness was not entirely disinterested.
Beggar (to Sganarelle) I am a poor man. I shall not fail to pray heaven to send you riches.
Sganarelle Thank you, my friend.
Don Juan My foot! Why doesn’t he pray heaven to send him a coat without holes in it?
Sganarelle My friend, you don’t know his lordship. He only believes in “two times two is four.”
Don Juan How do you spend your time in the woods?
Beggar (to Sganarelle) All day long I pray heaven to increase the prosperity of the good people who treat me generously.
Don Juan Then you must be doing very well.
Beggar (to Sganarelle) Oh, your lordship, I’m as poor as a church mouse.
Don Juan You must be joking. If you pray all day your affairs are sure to prosper.
Beggar I assure you, your lordship, that most of the time I haven’t even a crust
of bread for my toothless mouth.
Don Juan (to Sganarelle) Strange, very strange, your lordship. (To the beggar) Your efforts are ill rewarded. (He laughs loudly) His lordship will give you a louis d’or, his last, but only on one condition: you must curse.
Sganarelle Your lordship, please!
Beggar (to Sganarelle) Oh, your lordship, don’t lead me into temptation.
Don Juan Make up your mind: do you want to earn a louis d’or or don’t you? Here it is. (To Sganarelle) In the left-hand pocket, knave. (He takes a louis d’or from Sganarelle’s pocket. To the beggar) Go on. Take it, but curse!
Sganarelle But your lordship …
Beggar (to Sganarelle) Your lordship …
Don Juan Or you don’t get anything. (Aside to Sganarelle, giving him a shove) Sganarelle!
Sganarelle Just a little curse! There’s nothing to it…
Don Juan Go ahead, in the devil’s name take it, but curse!
Beggar No, your lordship, I’d rather starve and go to heaven.
Don Juan (gives him the louis d’or) You idiots! There! I give it to you for love of humanity.
(The beggar takes the gold piece and goes off in a fright)
Sganarelle Your lordship, we must be going! Night is coming on.
3
Don Juan. Sganarelle. Angelica. Nurse.
Accompanied by her nurse, Angelica, a young girl in mourning, steps out of the park carrying a basket of flowers. They go into the mausoleum.
Don Juan Oh, what a divine apparition!
Sganarelle (holds him back) Your lordship! Pull yourself together. How can you take the field of love in such a ridiculous outfit?
Don Juan You’re perfectly right. Only a great beauty could make me forget my disguise. Quick, my clothes. Hurry, knave, she’ll soon be coming out.
Sganarelle (begins taking his coat off. Grumpily) Oh … (He has barely unbuttoned his vest when a great uproar is heard. Amid shouts the boatmen are besetting a young nobleman)
Don Juan What’s this? A noble assaulted by three oafs!
Sganarelle The boatmen!
Don Juan The contest is too unequal; such cowardice is more than my eyes can bear. Go to the man’s help immediately. I myself do not fight with ruffians who brandish cudgels. Get in there and fight, knave! (He gives Sganarelle a kick which sends him into the mêlée, and goes off to one side)
4
Don Juan. Sganarelle. Don Carlos. Boatmen. Angelica. Nurse.
Pantomime: Fight. Struck by a boatman, the nobleman falls unconscious to the ground. Sganarelle’s roars put the boatmen to flight. Angelica and her nurse emerge from the mausoleum, see the limping half-naked and groaning Sganarelle, and take flight. While Sganarelle tries to revive the young nobleman with wine, Don Juan looks after the fleeing young girl in dismay.
5
Don Juan. Sganarelle. Don Carlos.
Don Juan Hurry, knave, hurry! She’s feeding the does in the clearing!
Sganarelle (busy dressing Don Juan, apologizes to the moaning Don Carlos) Patience, sir. As soon as his coat is buttoned you shall have wine.
Don Juan Button it properly, he’ll come to by himself. (The coat is buttoned, Sganarelle wants to go to Don Carlos) Sash! (Sganarelle puts on Don Juan’s sash) Bandolier! (Sganarelle continues to busy himself with Don Juan)
Sganarelle (to Don Carlos who staggers to his feet) Nothing serious, young sir. You were hit by an oar! I got it in the knee.
Don Juan Wig!
Don Carlos (to Don Juan as Sganarelle adjusts his wig) Sir!
Don Juan (whose accoutrement is not yet fully in order, motions him to wait)
Don Carlos (when Don Juan is fully dressed) Permit me, sir, to tender my thanks for your magnanimous assistance and your …
Don Juan (looking around impatiently) Sir, I only did what you would have done in my place.
Sganarelle (aside) Meaning, nothing.
Don Carlos Indeed, your mere presence sufficed. Your look of authority, your voice accustomed to command. You are wondering, sir, why those devils flung themselves upon me. An unfortunate accident separated me from my brother in whose company I set out this morning to settle a certain affair. While looking for him, I came across these bandits. Though I was a total stranger to them, they importuned me with a story about some nobleman who owed them money, so they claimed, and slandered him most abominably. When I remonstrated with them over their disgraceful maligning of our station, they unleashed such a storm of insults that despite their superior number I resolved to punish them. Their only weapons were oars. But they handled them with such dexterity (Sganarelle bows complacently) that I should have succumbed but for your exemplary courage.
Don Juan Are you on your way to the city?
Don Carlos No, my elder brother and I are involved in one of those affairs with which our families are so painfully afflicted and which constrain us noblemen to the most extreme sacrifices. O honor, thou inexorable taskmaster!
Don Juan (to Sganarelle) Quick! Run! Find that girl!
Don Carlos Indeed, the outcome of a duel is bitter in either case. If we do not leave our life on the field, we have to leave the country. We noblemen have a hard lot. Neither caution nor blameless conduct can help us. Our laws of honor make us the victims of other men’s transgressions. Our life, our peace of mind depend on the whims of any scoundrel who sees fit to inflict upon us, out of the clear blue sky, one of those insults that a nobleman can expunge only with his sword.
Don Juan At least we have the advantage of being able to inflict the same inconveniences on anyone who annoys us. If I am not being indiscreet: what sort of affair are you involved in?
Don Carlos The matter has gone so far that there is no further need of secrecy. Since the insult has become public knowledge, our honor commands us not to overlook it but to avenge it. Accordingly, my dear sir, I need not hesitate to inform you that the disgrace we are resolved to avenge is that of a sister wrested from the holy seclusion of a convent and seduced. The offender is a certain Don Juan Tenorio, son of the venerable Don Luis Tenorio. We have been tracking him since this morning.
Don Juan Do you know this Don Juan you speak of?
Don Carlos I myself do not. I have never seen him. But my elder brother has given me a description of him. The life he leads is utterly …
Don Juan If you please, sir, not another word. Don Juan is my best, to tell you the truth, my only friend. I will hear no evil said of him.
Don Carlos To oblige you I will say no more. That is little enough to ask of a man who owes you his life. But despite your friendship with this Don Juan, I venture to hope that you will frown on his conduct and therefore find it no more than natural that we mean to wreak bloody vengeance on him.
Don Juan I am Don Juan’s friend, I cannot alter the fact, but even he may not with impunity transgress against the honor of our station. To spare you the trouble of tracking him down, I shall impel him to give you satisfaction where and when you desire. You have my word of honor.
Don Carlos What high hope you arouse in us! We are most obliged to you, sir, though it would grieve me to see you involved in this affair.
Don Juan I am so close to Don Juan that he would never fight without my consent.
Don Carlos O cruel fate! Why must I owe you my life when Don Juan is your friend?
6
Don Juan. Don Carlos. Don Alonso.
Don Alonso (speaking to someone behind him, does not see Don Juan and Don Carlos) Water the horses and bring them after me. I wish to walk a while. (He sees the two) What do I see? You, my brother, with our family’s deadly enemy?
Don Carlos Deadly enemy?
Don Juan (his hand on his sword) Yes, I am Don Juan. Your superior number cannot move me to conceal my name.
Don Alonso (drawing his sword) Ah! Scoundrel! Now you must die!
Don Carlos Stop, brother, stop! I owe him my life. If not for him, ruffians would have killed me.
Don Alonso Will you permit such a consideration to hamp
er our vengeance? Such gratitude is absurd. Since honor is far more precious than life, if we owe our life to the man who has robbed us of our honor we owe him nothing.
Berliner Ensemble Adaptations Page 25
