Berliner Ensemble Adaptations

by Bertolt Brecht

  Plume She’s all yours, man. (Follows Balance into the house. Worthy in consternation follows them)

  Kite (back in the taproom) Long live our good King George! Hip, hip, hurrah!

  (The light changes. More shouts of “hip, hip, hurrah” are heard from the darkened taproom. The stage is dark and empty. Pearmain and Appletree, slightly tipsy, and Kite emerge from the Raven. The broad-shouldered man is still sitting outside the taproom.)

  Kite Hey, boys. That’s the soldier’s life! Plenty of grub and plenty of ale. We live, as the saying goes—we live—how can I describe it? … we live like lords. (To the broad-shouldered man) May I ask, sir, how you enjoyed the king’s ale, sir?

  Broad-Shouldered Man Couldn’t be better, sir.

  Kite You’d enjoy the king’s service even more, sir.

  Broad-Shouldered Man (drains his glass) Don’t make me laugh, sir. I’ve been sitting here all day at your expense. (Gets up to leave)

  Kite One moment, sir. You know the Severn, but do you know the Mississippi? (The man clumps off. We see that he has a wooden leg) What’s this! (Calling after him) Where’s your leg?

  Broad-Shouldered Man Bunker Hill.

  Appletree He’s lost a leg.

  Kite For the king, though. Hats off, boys!—All right; he’s lost a leg. But so has some damned rebel over there.

  Broad-Shouldered Man For himself, though. (Goes out)

  Pearmain For himself, though. (Laughs)

  Kite (stares after the broad-shouldered man) This is a case for the constabulary.—Now listen to me!—The swine!—Have you ever seen a picture of the king?

  Both No.

  Kite I’m surprised at you. I happen to have two of them with me, set in gold; the spitting image of His Majesty, God bless him. Here, both of them set in pure gold. (He takes two gold coins from his pocket and holds them up)

  Appletree (looks at the coin) A miracle of nature! (He looks at it earnestly)

  Pearmain Pretty!

  Kite I’ll make you a present of them, one each. (Hands them the coins) Think nothing of it. One good turn deserves another. (Laughing, they pocket the coins. Plume and Worthy come out of the judge’s house)

  Plume Chin up, Worthy!

  (Worthy takes his leave and goes out)

  Kite Atten-shun! Off with your hats! Damn your souls to hell! Off with your hats! It’s the captain, your captain!

  Appletree (laughing) We’ve seen the captain before. I’ll keep my cap on.

  Pearmain There ain’t a captain in all England I’d take my hat off to, sir. My father owns five acres of land.

  Plume Who are these jolly lads, sergeant?

  Kite A couple of farm lads from Micklesbury. I’ve just enlisted ’em as volunteers in your command, captain.

  Pearmain Tummas? Art tha’ enlisted?

  Appletree Not I, damn me. Art tha’, Costar?

  Pearmain By Jesus, no! Not I! (They both laugh)

  Kite What! Not enlisted!—Ha ha ha! That’s a good one, by God, very good.

  Pearmain Come on, Tummas, let’s go home.

  Appletree Aye, come on. (They start to leave)

  Kite Gentlemen, watch your manners in the presence of your captain!—Dear Tummas!—Honest Costar!

  Appletree No, no; we must be going.

  Kite I command you to stay! You’re in the army now. I’m putting you both on sentry duty here for the next two hours. And the first one who dares to leave his post before he’s relieved gets this sword in his guts! There.

  Plume What’s the trouble, sergeant? Aren’t you being a little harsh on these two gentlemen?

  Kite Too soft, sir, much too soft. These fellows are refusing to obey orders, sir; one of ’em ought to be shot as an example to the other.

  Pearmain Shot, Tummas?

  Plume Gentlemen, what’s this all about?

  Pearmain We don’t know. The sergeant has talked himself into a proper rage, sir. But …

  Kite They refuse to obey orders and they deny that they’re soldiers.

  Appletree No, no, sergeant, we don’t deny it outright; we wouldn’t dare, for fear of being shot. But as humbly and respectfully as you please, we’d like to go home now.

  Plume That’s easily settled. Has either of you received any of the king’s money?

  Pearmain No, sir.

  Kite Turn out your pockets.

  Pearmain Nothing there, sir; only the king’s picture. (Produces the coin)

  Kite You see? A gold piece, and what a gold piece; three and twenty shillings and sixpence. The other one’s got the king’s money in his left trouser pocket.

  Plume Gentlemen, you are enlisted.

  (Kite goes to the recruiting booth and gets the muster roll)

  Appletree We’re enlisted, Costar!

  Pearmain Damnation, that we ain’t, Tummas! I want to be brought before the justice of the peace. It was a present, captain!

  Plume A present! (Aside to Kite) You and your damned tricks! (Pretending to hit him) I won’t stand for it. You scoundrel, you whoreson, I’ll teach you to trick an honest man! Cutthroat! Villain!

  Pearmain There’s a captain for you!

  Plume (turning to them) What a shabby way to treat two lads like you.—I come to you as an officer to enlist soldiers, not as a kidnapper to carry off slaves.

  Appletree Hear that, Costar? Ain’t that nice?

  Plume It’s true, gentlemen, I could take advantage of you; the king’s money was in your pocket and my sergeant is ready to swear you’ve enlisted. But I don’t believe in using force. Gentlemen, you are free to go.

  Pearmain Thankee, captain. You’re a real gentleman.

  (They turn to leave)

  Plume Wait, boys, just one more thing. You’re first-rate chaps, both of you, and—believe it or not—the army is the one place to make real men of you. The world is a lottery; every man has his ticket and you’ve got yours. Look at me: a little while ago I carried a musket; today, I’m commanding a company.

  Pearmain I’d follow him to the ends of the earth!

  Appletree Better not, Costar.

  Pearmain Captain, I’d follow you to the ends of the earth!

  Appletree Costar, don’t be daft!

  Plume Here, my young hero, here are two real English guineas. That’s only a taste of what I’ll do for you later on.

  Pearmain Gimme!

  Appletree Don’t take it, don’t take it, Costar. (He begins to cry and tries to pull Pearmain back by the arm)

  Pearmain I will, I will!—Damn ye, don’t hold me back when something tells me I’ll be a captain yet.—I’ll take your money, sir.

  Plume There. And now you and I will go marching across the world, and wherever we set foot, we shall be the masters.

  Pearmain To the end of the world!

  Plume (aside) Bring your friend with you, if you can.

  Pearmain Yes, sir. Tummas, must we part?

  (Appletree undergoes an inner struggle)

  Appletree No, Costar! I can’t leave ’ee—I’d rather come along, captain.

  Plume Here, my boy. (Gives Appletree the money) There. Now: your name?

  Appletree Thomas Appletree.

  Plume And yours?

  Pearmain Costar Pearmain.

  Plume Look after them, Kite. (Goes into the Raven)

  Kite (beckons them to come over) A fine pair you turned out to be. I bet you’ve tried to talk the captain into giving me the boot and making one of you sergeant. Which one of you wants my sergeant’s pike?

  Both Me.

  Kite Here.—In your guts!—Get a move on, you bastards!

  (Drives them off)

  5

  Market place.

  Plume and Kite are sitting in the recruiting booth. They are bored. Workless, an unemployed laborer, passes by.

  Kite Sir, you know the Severn, but do you know the Mississippi?

  Workless Nope. (Goes out)

  Kite We’re getting no place fast!

  Rose’s Voice Pullets! Young and tender! Fre
sh Picklewood pullets! Get your pullets!

  Plume Look what’s coming!

  Kite Look at the strapping farm boy with her.

  Plume That concert cleaned out the company’s funds and only bagged us two recruits. Both yokels. Perhaps we ought to pay more attention to the rural population.

  Kite We’ll give another concert next Sunday.

  Plume What will we use for money?

  (Rose and her brother, Bullock, approach. Rose is carrying a basket of pullets)

  Plume Here, chick, chick! Here, pretty child!

  Rose Buy a chicken, sir?

  Kite Show the captain all you have!

  Plume You tend to your own knitting, Mr. Kite.

  (Rose laughs)

  Kite (leads Bullock to the recruiting booth) Sir, you know the Severn, but do you know the Mississippi?

  Plume Come, child; I’ll take all you have.

  Rose All I have is at your service, sir. (She laughs)

  Plume Let me see. Young and tender, you say. (Chucks her under the chin) What is your name, pretty creature?

  Rose Rose, sir. My father’s a tenant farmer. We’re always here on market day. I sell chickens, eggs, and butter; my brother Bullock sells the corn.

  Plume May I touch, my pretty?

  Rose Touching is buying, sir.

  Bullock Hurry up, Rose!

  Rose Twelve shillings, sir, and it’s all yours.

  Plume Here’s a pound, my dear.

  Rose I can’t make change, sir.

  Plume Oh, but you can. My lodgings are two steps from here. You can make change there, my pretty. Tell me, have you many admirers in Picklewood?

  Rose Yes, six admirers, and one intended.

  Plume Wouldn’t any of them want to join the army?

  Rose No.

  Plume We’ll have to talk that over too. Come along.

  (Plume and Rose disappear into the Raven. Bullock is looking at the pictures on the recruiting booth)

  Bullock Would you be needing a drum major, for instance?

  Kite No, only grenadiers.

  (Bullock looks at the display again)

  Bullock What’s that?

  Kite It’s the Sultan of Okk’s harem.

  Bullock Okk? Is that in America?

  Kite Where else?

  Bullock And you pay money for it?

  Kite Of course.

  Bullock I’d get seasick.

  Kite Where are you from?

  Bullock Picklewood.

  Kite Picklewooders don’t get seasick.

  Bullock (looking again at the display) There isn’t even a shop in all Picklewood. I’m yer man, sergeant.

  Kite And here’s your money. Your name?

  Bullock Bullock.

  Kite Bullock, you’re in the army now.

  Bullock Rose! Where did Rose get to? Rose! Rose!

  Kite Stop that noise. She’s probably gone off with your captain.

  Bullock To hell with you and your harem! (Runs off)

  Kite Wait till you see those harems—you’re in for a big surprise.

  (Victoria enters, disguised as a young squire)

  Victoria I must see Captain Plume at once.

  Kite Hmmm.

  Victoria Where is he?

  (Kite doesn’t answer. Victoria hands him some money)

  Kite He’s at the Raven. But you can’t see him now. He’ll be back.

  Victoria Is Captain Plume busy?

  Kite I should say so. He’s working himself to a frazzle.

  Victoria May I ask what he’s busy with?

  Kite The rural population, sir. The rural population. Right now we’ve got our eye on the rural population.

  Victoria Quite so. The rural population is a breed apart. How long do you think your captain will be busy?

  Kite A good fifteen minutes.

  Victoria Then I’ll wait.

  (Brazen approaches the booth)

  Brazen Sergeant, where’s your captain? I’ve got to shake his hand. What’s his name again?

  Kite (standing at attention) Captain Plume, Captain.

  Brazen (catching sight of Victoria) Stop! Let me look at you. (Victoria shrinks back) Would you believe it! Mort de ma vie! But that’s … Like two bullets from the same barrel! The spit and image of Charles! Charles! (He embraces Victoria and whirls her around)

  Victoria Sir, what’s the meaning of this?

  Brazen The very image of Charles! Even the voice! Except for a slight modulation to minor, E–G sharp–A, don’t you know.

  Victoria My name’s Wilful, sir, Victor Wilful.

  Brazen The Kentish Wilfuls or the Devonshire Wilfuls?

  Victoria Both, sir, both. I am related to all the Wilfuls in Europe. At present I am head of the whole Wilful family.

  Brazen Splendid. (To Kite) Where’s Frank?

  Kite Captain Plume is engaged in business …

  Brazen I see. Business and so forth … (Looks at his watch) A scoundrel, that’s what I am! See you later, gentlemen. Wilful, your servant and so forth. (Goes out)

  Victoria (mopping her forehead; subdued) My name is Wilful.

  Kite Of course, sir.

  (Enter Lady Prude with Bullock)

  Prude Where is your captain, sergeant? This young man, the son of my tenant, tells my Captain Plume has abducted his sister. What do you know about this?

  Kite Nothing, madam.

  Bullock But he was there. He showed me the pi … (Lady Prude looks at him sternly) … pictures. And meantime the captain disappeared with the slut!

  Kite Atten-shun! Why don’t you take better care of your sister?

  Prude Are you Turks? Where is the girl?

  Bullock He told me himself that she went off with the captain.

  Kite Shut up!

  Prude Where is the captain? By your mother’s immortal soul, where is he?

  Kite Madam, by that same immortal soul, I swear I don’t know.

  Prude Turks!

  Victoria (to Kite) Busy! With the rural population! (Crosses the square and goes into the Raven)

  Prude Who was that young man? (To Bullock) Fetch the justice! (Bullock leaves)

  Kite You’re wasting your time, madam.

  Prude (looks at the pictures) Disgusting! You are an evil man.

  Kite Why?

  Prude Because you lie like Caiaphas. You may think you’re doing it for your captain, but it’s lying all the same. Where’s the girl?

  Kite (reproachfully) Madam!

  (Loud voices are heard from the inn)

  Landlady’s Voice You know very well you’re not allowed into the officers’ quarters.

  Rose’s Voice I was only selling my chickens.

  Landlady’s Voice Chickens indeed! I know that kind of chickens. This isn’t a bawdyhouse. Get out!

  (Rose runs out of the inn. She is met by Lady Prude)

  Prude Rose!

  Rose Oh, Lady Prude! I’ve sold the lot. At two shillings a piece! Begging Your Grace’s pardon, what would this lace be worth a yard? (Shows her a piece of genuine lace)

  Prude Mercy me! Creole lace! Where did you get it, child?

  Rose I came by it honestly, my lady

  Prude I doubt it very much. What did you give in return? Look me in the eye!

  Rose Why? I’m giving my brother for a soldier. And Cartwheel, my intended, as well. And two or three of my admirers from the village. That’s what the captain wanted. Would you believe it, my lady; he took me into his own quarters, and he made me a garter out of a band off his sleeve, and put it on with his own hands. He was dreadfully sorry, he told me so, when the landlady knocked at the door and said she had to speak to him. But we’re going to see each other again.