Pulse

by Gail McHugh

Page 79

 

  “Come on,” he mumbled, holding out a shaky hand. “We’ll all go in together. ”

  “I can’t,” Emily cried, unable to keep her voice from cracking. “I can’t right now. You go ahead. I just need a few minutes. ”

  Chad nodded pensively. Unshed tears clouded his eyes as he walked away, wrapping a supportive arm around Lillian’s waist. Emily watched the grieving couple walk into the hall, her heart shredding with their departure. Head hung low and shoulders slumped, Colton followed them.

  In seconds, Olivia was at Emily’s side. She tenderly wiped tears from Emily’s cheek. “Don’t give up on him, Em,” she whispered, her voice strained with fatigue. Blinking her bloodshot eyes, Olivia shook her head. “He needs you right now. ”

  Longing filled Emily’s chest. She didn’t want to give up on Gavin; she knew she had to stay strong for him and their son. But somewhere in the back of her mind, hideous whispers told her otherwise. They screamed Noah would never see Gavin’s warm, loving eyes. He’d never feel Gavin’s spark, the way he lit up so many around him with a simple smile. Their poison warned of years dragging, one right into the next, with nothing but sorrow for the man she’d loved more than she loved herself. She silently begged them to stop their barrage on any hope she had left.

  Trevor and Fallon stood, pulling Emily from the attack rumbling in her mind. Trevor cleared his throat and, with his arm over Fallon’s shoulder, moved toward Emily and Olivia. Face splintered with grief, he shoved a hand through his hair. “I’m taking Fallon back to the house. She’s going to keep an eye on Timothy and Teresa so Melanie can come up to visit. ” He paused, his eyes weary and broken. “Em, you need to eat. Let me pick you up something on my way back. ”

  Emily shook her head. She couldn’t wrap her mind around anything, not even eating. “I’m fine. ”

  “Jude and I are going to grab something from the drink machine. ” Olivia kissed Emily’s cheek and stood. “We’ll be back in a few. ”

  Emily nodded, able to tell everyone needed a minute to gather their thoughts. Mentally depleted and alone, Emily dropped her head into her hands, gasping against the pain. As she prayed to a God she was no longer sure existed, in that moment, a small flicker of hope shot through her. A flicker of what made her and Gavin one, what solidified them as two complete souls meant to be, washed over her.

  Standing, she slid her trembling hands from her face, sucked in a deep breath, and started for the door. Upon emerging from the waiting room, her heart slammed as she slowly made her way down the hall. Stopping a few feet away from Gavin’s room, Emily was nearly brought to her knees by Lillian’s cries. Emily’s stomach knotted, as a faint but noticeable contraction rippled through her, pulling the air from her lungs. Pushing through the pain, she entered the room.

  With the view of the love of her life obstructed by the view of his family standing by his bedside, Emily watched silently, her hand over her mouth as she listened to Lillian speak to Gavin. She spoke of the first time he called her mommy and how that’d made her feel. Through tears, she trilled about his first day of school and how he’d clung to her legs, scared to get on the bus without her. She explained that though her heart had been crushed for him, she was proud when he let go and got on. Lillian broke down when she begged him to wake up so he could feel the same joy when his son let go of his hand on his first day into a very scary world.

  A quiet sob ripped up Emily’s throat, her body shaking from her fear of him missing so many beautiful memories. Countless seconds, hours, minutes, days, and years their son would need him. Sunrises and sunsets he had yet to share with Noah, explaining what it means to be a man, a real man. Little League, Boy Scouts, first date, prom, graduations, his first love, his wedding. Every morsel of life’s precious gifts that he’d miss if he didn’t pull through this.

  A nurse walked into the room, breaking Emily away from dreams that may never happen. Dreams slipping away. She watched the middle-aged woman quietly check beeping monitors, replace clear, fluid-filled bags on Gavin’s IV, and jot something onto a chart. Colton stepped back and caught Emily’s gaze. As he approached her, she shivered at how much he’d looked like Gavin.

  Hands in his pockets, he stared at her a beat before speaking. His voice was a shaky whisper. “He’s so in love with you, Emily. I know the little bastard’s trying to punch his way out of whatever he’s in right now just to be with you. ” Lips trembling, Emily sucked in a shuddering breath as Colton gathered her in his arms. “He is. I know he’s fighting. He’s too stubborn not to. ”

  “I hope he is,” she choked out, clinging to him. “I can’t lose him. ”

  Lillian joined their embrace, her whimpers ringing through Emily’s ears. Chad stood silently behind his wife, his eyes smothered with grief. Lillian held Emily’s face. “You need time alone with him. We’ll be in the waiting room if you need us. ”

  Emily nodded, missing the gentleness of her touch as they walked out. With a shaky breath, she took a tentative step forward, her heart sinking immediately. Gavin’s strong chest rose and fell in rhythm with the ventilator pumping oxygen into his lungs. Another step closer and her eyes dripped with tears as she observed his head wrapped in white gauze, a dapple of blood soaking through the material. His injured leg was hoisted up in some kind of sling. Breathing heavily, she reached the bed and touched his hand. There was warmth but no movement.

  Not a twitch.

  Not a flutter.

  Nothing.

  God. All Emily wanted to do was kiss him, but she couldn’t. The tube in his mouth prevented her from doing so. She wanted to pull him from his pain, but she wasn’t sure where to touch him. His body was covered in wires connected to the monitors flanking the bed. Unable to resist, she leaned over and placed a soft kiss on his black and blue bruised cheek. Letting her lips linger, a tear fell from her eye to his face. It slid down the side of his nose, almost as though it was his tear.

  And that’s when Emily really lost it.

  “Please, Gavin, you can’t do this to us. ” She brought a hand to his cheek, her body trembling as she sobbed. “You’re the reason I’m breathing. I’m carrying the child our love created. Remember? The love they make movies about? That’s us, Gavin. Our past is imperfect, but our future’s breathtaking. You can’t leave me. You can’t. I need you. I need your bottle caps and twenty questions. I need your wiseass comments and that stupid look you give me when I try to cook for us. Please. God, Gavin, please fight. Fight for us. Fight for Noah. There’re too many things I won’t be able to teach him without you. ” Rain gurgled in a drainpipe outside the window as she waited for a sign. For a whisper of life. For anything that said he heard her, felt her.

  Again… nothing.

  “God, please. Please…” Her cries trailed off as she buried her face against his shoulder. The strong shoulder Gavin had so many times before tossed her over. She breathed in his musky scent that had made her dizzy for him the first time he was close to her. As she thought of every spoken and unspoken word they’d shared, her body jerked as an alarm suddenly sounded. Her eyes flew to one of the machines, its screen rapidly flashing red. Emily swallowed and stumbled back when a nurse ran into the room.