My Heart Belongs in Castle Gate, Utah

by Dicken, Angie;

  “My, I’ve never been this close,” Leanna whispered.

  The rocks loomed ahead like a sandstone castle.

  “I only have one pair of snowshoes. May I help you put them on?” he asked.

  She hesitated then lifted her dress just enough to stick out her boot. Alex knelt down and placed her foot on the snowshoe, adjusting it until it was snug. He did the same for her other foot then stood up.

  “Thank you.” She tried to walk. “This is awkward.”

  “You’ll get used to it. Here, let me help.” He hooked arms with her and they walked along the fresh snow.

  “It is so quiet here,” she marveled. “‘Our peace shall stand as firm as rocky mountains.’”

  “Shakespeare?” His heart leaped. “This hike is my sure peace every week.” Until this woman took hold of his thoughts.

  “It’s nice to get away from the busy miners, and the busybodies for that matter,” she grumbled.

  They continued on in silence. Occasionally, she would lose her balance and hold on to him. Each time, he hoped she would keep hold of him. An urge to help her grew stronger with each step.

  When they turned the corner, the rocks towered on each side, a grand entrance to the whole of Price Canyon. Mountains stood as far as they could see.

  Leanna gasped. “It’s beautiful, Alex.”

  He swallowed hard, trying to take in the beauty that captured her, not the beauty that she was. “You are the first person to join me at my personal sanctuary.” He took in a jagged breath.

  A gray storm flooded her eyes. “I see why you come so often.” She pulled off her hat and laid it on a boulder. She tilted her face to the sunshine, with eyes closed. “This is so peaceful.” Her hair was gathered back in a loose bun. Strands of hair framed her face, tempting Alex to brush them away.

  “I tried to catch you before you left today,” she said, opening her eyes and staring into the expanse of rock. “I have accepted the position in Salt Lake City.”

  His stomach twisted. Disappointment flooded him, just like when the next foreman position was given to someone less qualified.

  But Leanna’s opportunity was for the best.

  Everyone would be happy.

  “That is very good for you. I am sure you will find the city a much better fit.” He forced a smile. He must remain strong, unaffected, and ready to continue life as he had planned.

  Leanna’s eyes only darkened and her lip trembled. A deep crevice carved between her eyebrows. “You said that my leaving Castle Gate was a burden to you.” She plucked at the fur of her muff. “Why?”

  “That doesn’t matter,” he said. “I was foolish. How could I fill my promise to dance with you if you leave?” He winked and laughed. But she remained unmoved. Could she tell that he was bluffing? That no matter how much he talked himself into keeping a distance, he found himself increasingly drawn to her? But he could not tell her anything now. His weakness was growing, and everything he thought valuable was falling away, leaving a void that he thought had been filled up with his effort all these years.

  Her cheeks grew red, and she raised an eyebrow. “Alex, I must know.”

  Through gritted teeth, he muttered a benign reason, “You are Maria’s and Teddy’s teacher, are you not?”

  Her mouth parted and she placed a hand on her cheek. Her gaze scattered about and fell on her cast-off hat. She snatched it up. “Yes, of course.” He’d seen her embarrassment before, when she’d first assumed he had invited her here. “I shall inquire about my replacement. Thank you, Alex.” She tried her best to turn down the path with the snowshoes still strapped on her feet, but she stumbled.

  “Wait.” He grabbed her arm.

  She shook his hand off. “I—I should not have come out here. This was foolish. I don’t know why I was so anxious to tell you—”

  “You are kind to let me know.” He wanted to assure her, to release her from the humiliation. “Please, you deserve this new position. It’s a better place for you, no?”

  “Deserve?” Her eyes glistened, and she spun away. “You think awfully highly of me.” The woman had been through enough with the loss of her husband and the pesky neighbors casting judgments on her.

  “Don’t cry, Leanna.”

  “I rarely do,” she blurted through her tears. “Cry, you know? Although, you’ve caught me before.” Wiping her face with a handkerchief, she continued: “I wish I agreed with you. That I deserve this and can move on. I thought that I would be lighter, more free now. But I am burdened by so much regret.”

  With a gentle hand, he swept away the strands of hair by her face. “Forgive me for my words.”

  She sniffled then sat on the boulder. “It’s not you, Alex. I pray and pray, and I’m never released of this burden.”

  His jaw tensed, and he understood the frustration. There was a time when he prayed and prayed and nothing but guilt came from it.

  “You are hard on yourself.” He crouched beside the boulder. “We should just sit. Enjoy the beauty.”

  “Yes, no more talking,” she whispered.

  The distant rush of a train rumbled below; then all was silent. He focused on the slopes ahead, trying to spy any wildlife like he usually did on his hikes. One day last spring, he had spotted a magnificent elk, and since then he had hoped to see it again. Leanna’s profile was more interesting now. He couldn’t keep his eyes off the woman who seemed perfectly content in their quiet solitude. She’d almost left, but now, she was choosing to stay.

  The moment was just as fragile as finding the elk. The slightest movement and Alex feared she would disappear.

  “Look, a fox,” Leanna whispered, pointing down the slope. The animal slipped in and out of the dormant bushes, disappearing into its hole. “Beautiful.” Her face lit with excitement. He imagined he wore the same expression when he caught sight of wildlife for the first time.

  “You are beautiful, Leanna,” his words slipped out, and he wished he’d spoke Greek instead.

  Her ice-blue gaze settled upon him. The corners of her lips twitched. “Is that what you tried to tell me on our walk to school?” She gave a genuine smile. “You don’t realize how much a woman wants to be told such things.”

  He swallowed hard. “I’ve wrestled with all I want to say, and all that I should say.” His father’s bargain irritated him now—leave her alone and he would forget the match. Yet how could he abandon his heart right now?

  Her loose bun grazed the back of her neck, begging to tumble out and show its length. Light from the open view of the mountain range reflected on her ivory skin, and she fluttered her eyes to a close.

  Everything fell away. The world was this woman and his beating heart.

  He lifted his hand to her cheek. She didn’t flinch, just gently pushed into his palm. With trembling fingers, he brushed down her neck and wrapped his hand around her gathered hair. With little effort, he released the knot. Golden hair fell down her back in one glorious wave.

  “Beautiful,” he whispered. He cupped his hand beneath her chin. The pale blue shimmer of her eyes awakened. “Leanna, your leaving is not Maria or Teddy’s burden. It is my own.”

  “Is it?” Her voice was small.

  “My father is right about one thing, I need to live more. Working in the dark mines is not much of an existence.” He chuckled at his own blindness all these years. “But there was a time when I needed to bury myself in the effort.” The loud piercing whistle of the train below interrupted his confession, awakening his good sense. He should not speak further.

  “To forget?” Leanna questioned. “You loved her very much.” She gave a sad smile. “I can tell.”

  “I did. And I thought that I followed a good plan. Yet all the effort was in vain. Helena died. A foolish mistake on my part. One that I shall never make again.”

  “You couldn’t have known. What could you have done?”

  “Depended on reason instead of an empty prayer,” he grumbled.

  She tilted her head and frown
ed. “I wish I leaned more into prayer during my marriage and less on my own reason.” Her teeth rested on her lip as she appeared lost in thought. “Perhaps then I wouldn’t have been such a bitter wife to Jack. And maybe I could have understood him better. Anthis said Jack was trying to work our way out of this place—for me.”

  “Like I said before, you are too hard on yourself.”

  “And you aren’t too hard on yourself?” She narrowed her eyes. Perhaps he had been. Could he have known how long he had to save Helena? Nobody knew. “Look at all that you’ve accomplished, because of following your heart—or a prayer?” She raised an eyebrow.

  His first step in America was because of his heart, wasn’t it? “We are both difficult people, aren’t we?” They laughed together and in the midst of it, they twined their fingers.

  Leanna laid her head on his shoulder. “You are a good man, Alex.”

  Anxiety mixed with joy frenzied in his veins. How natural this seemed. They may be from lands thousands of miles apart, but they were together now, and all the darkness of his past faded away. “I have not been honest with you, Leanna.” He leaned his cheek into her soft hair. “I am finding an even greater burden to bear—I’ve never wanted to be out of the dark mines and in the sunshine more than when I know I might see you. And now you are leaving.”

  She squeezed his hand. “You have brought more light to my time in Castle Gate than I’d ever imagined could be so.”

  “Then why don’t you stay?” He lifted his head.

  She slipped her fingers from his, taking all the warmth that made him bold. A sad smile crossed her face. “I’ve only brought you scrutiny from the Coffeys and trouble with your father. I saw how he looked at us that last time I was in the restaurant.” Leanna sighed. “And the good Lord knows that I will never find forgiveness amid all the bitter memories.”

  “Forgiveness?”

  “I haven’t forgiven Jack, not really.” Leanna searched his eyes. “God’s hand has been in all of this. I am inclined to think that leaving Salt Lake City is my greatest hope to move on.”

  Alex looked away. She sounded like he did when he left for America. “You see, God and I don’t align much,” he frowned. “I don’t think He deserves such credit.”

  “It is okay to be angry. He can handle it.” Leanna slipped her hands in his again.

  “I am not angry.” Alex stood up, her hands falling away.

  “Oh?” She stood, too, compassion filling her eyes.

  He diverted his gaze and looked around for his hiking stick, without really seeing. “Come, we must go before all the Americans fill the streets after church,” he said, finally noticing the stick at his feet.

  “See, it’s best that I go.” She knotted her hair and put her hat on. “Neither of us can live life in hiding.”

  She was right. As they trekked back down toward town, the usual torment of his thoughts were just as apparent with Leanna by his side as they were when he was alone.

  Had he been living life in hiding from more than just his foes, but from God as well?

  In his mind, He had been his greatest foe all along.

  Meesus McKee, you promised to show me how to dance.” Maria begged as they walked down the hill on the day before winter break—Leanna’s last day to walk with the children. Teddy skipped ahead.

  “I will not show you here, in the middle of the road, Maria.” She tried to maintain a firm tone.

  “Thios Alex would love to dance with you. Come to our house.” She began to walk toward the path to the Greek neighborhood.

  “Maria. We will not go to your house,” she snapped. “Come here this instant.”

  How could the mention of Alex bring such a fluster of emotion? Their hike was not the finality she had hoped for. She should have left much earlier than she did. Why did she prod into his heart so much? Only a few more weeks and she would leave Castle Gate, never to return. If she thought too much about Alex, her own heart might lead her in the wrong direction.

  “This way, Miss Pappas.” She steered Maria away from the path, to the street toward the restaurant.

  “Hmph.” Maria crossed her arms on her chest.

  Teddy tugged on Leanna’s coat sleeve. “She likes you good.” He smiled.

  “She likes me very much?” She corrected with a raised brow. Teddy nodded.

  And to think, just months ago, she cursed her pitiful position to teach English to little Greeks. How easy it was to trick a heart into misery.

  When they reached the restaurant, Maria yanked the door, but it was locked.

  “How strange.” Leanna peered into the window, but darkness revealed nothing.

  Teddy began to cry. “Where are they, Meesus McKee?”

  “Let’s go around to the back door. Perhaps they are outside?” She ushered the children around the corner of the building, but the yard was empty. The outdoor oven, unlit.

  “Walk us home, Meesus McKee.” Maria snuggled up next to her as if more than just the winter air had gone cold.

  “I can walk you to the path, then you can find your way from there, right?”

  “No!” Teddy wrapped his arms around her skirt.

  “Do not be ridiculous.” She peeled him off and placed her hands on her hips.

  “We cannot walk alone.” Maria’s eyes were round like chestnuts. “Please, the gypsies will take us.”

  “There are no gypsies—” Before Leanna could convince them, they both began to sob.

  “Please, no go alone.” Teddy grabbed her hand and held it to his cheek.

  “Please, Meesus McKee.” Maria sniffled.

  Leanna glanced at the tree line that led to her house. What eyes were watching her?

  Nobody was about. She walked to Main Street and saw no one of concern. She had sat in the restaurant twice now, and both times were of little consequence except the harmless judgments by the Coffeys.

  “Come on, children.” She took each child by the hand and walked to Greek Town.

  Only a handful of houses lay nestled in the neighborhood. A couple were simply old railroad cars serving as shelter. After her hike with Alex, she was certain that most of the Greeks chose the boardinghouse.

  Leanna rushed the children along, thankful for the biting chill keeping everyone inside.

  “This is our house.” Maria ran up to the door and her brother ran around the back. “Yiayia! Momma!” The house seemed well built. Better than Leanna’s. She noticed a wall of mine crates making up part of the house, extending it far wider than Leanna’s little home.

  Mrs. Pappas appeared in the doorway. “Tiepethis, Maria?” When she saw Leanna she gasped and looked about.

  “The restaurant was closed.” Leanna pointed back toward town.

  Maria interpreted and Mrs. Pappas’s eyes popped as she pursed her lips.

  “Stergios!” She yelled louder than a train engine as she walked in the middle of the path. “Stergios!”

  The door of the house across the way flung open and Stergios stumbled out, yelling in Greek.

  When Mrs. Pappas retorted, he grew pale and clutched Maria to his frame, mumbling words and stroking her hair.

  Mrs. Pappas returned to their door. Her face was pinched in anger, but in a weary voice she said, “He forget,” then paused a moment and stared at Leanna from toe to head. “Come. You help.”

  “What?”

  “Penelope.” She darted a glance at Maria then flicked her head to the door. “Come.”

  The forcefulness in her voice and the seriousness of her look gave Leanna little choice but to obey.

  She entered the home. It was warm with a blazing oven in one corner, and the sweet, spicy smell of cinnamon. Delicious, just like the scents of the restaurant. A long table with a bench on either side and chairs at each end lined the wall opposite a kitchen boasting a sink and a wall of cabinetry. A bed in the corner was made up as a settee, a small table was decked with a Grecian statue, and a wall was laden with a wooden crucifix and icons with grave expressions.r />
  She followed Mrs. Pappas to a bedroom. The children’s mother, a petite lady with wavy hair, who’d walked with the children this fall, knelt on the floor, her arms and head resting on a bed. Her body lurched forward, and a long moan escaped her while she gripped the bedsheets with white knuckles.

  Mrs. Pappas whispered continuously as Penelope groaned, wiping the hair from her neck.

  How could Leanna help? What would she do?

  “Yiayia?” Maria cheeped at the door. Leanna turned and ushered her out.

  “Come, Maria. Your mother is having the baby today.”

  Maria shook her head, her face filled with panic. “No! It’s not time.”

  “When is she due?”

  “January, Meesus McKee. It too early.” She began to cry.

  “Come, Maria. There is only one thing to do now.” She led the little girl to the long table. They sat together, and Leanna bowed her head. “Heavenly Father, You are the God who sees. Watch over Penelope, and give her strength. Bless the baby, and protect its tiny body. Give Maria, and all the family, a peace that surpasses all understanding. I pray this in Your name. Amen.” She looked up to see Maria still reverent. The child crossed herself like she’d seen Greeks do before then lifted her head.

  “God will protect her, sweet Maria.” She brushed a stray curl from Maria’s forehead. The girl wiped her eyes and gave her a hug. How she would miss this girl. Leanna gently pulled away, begging her own eyes to stay dry.

  The door burst open with a whipping blast of freezing air. Yanni and Alex stepped into the room. Both men gaped at her. They were tall Greek statues dusted in black.

  “Papa!” Maria ran into her father’s arms. “Don’t worry, we pray for Momma,” she then continued in Greek.

  Yanni put her down and hurried into the back bedroom.

  “What are you doing here?” Alex tossed his gloves onto a counter then took off his hat.

  “The restaurant was closed, and the children were afraid to walk home alone.”

  “I see.” His voice was cool, harsher than the wind. “Thank you, Mrs. McKee.”