Risk Worth Taking: Music For The Heart - Book Three

by Faith Starr

  “Don’t do this…”

  He shook his head, holding his hand up to cut me off. I had lost. He had already made up his mind. A tear slipped down my cheek.

  “I was a fool to think I could have it all. I’m rarely in one place. How’s that going to work for us? I’m leaving in a week for several months. What will you do, sit idly by and wait for me to come home only for me to go right back on the road again? That’s bullshit! And I don’t want to have to constantly worry that some psychotic fan is going to chase after you again.” Tears fell from his eyes. “Please remember you’ll always own my heart.”

  “Logan, please don’t go.” My voice gained strength. He wouldn’t take hold of my extended hand.

  “It’s what’s best.”

  He shuffled out of the room.

  I closed my eyes and cried my heart out, the one now broken into a million pieces for the second time by Logan Trimble.

  39

  Logan

  Like a motherfucker, I left her alone. I could promise it hurt me a hell of a lot more than it hurt her for me to walk out of her hospital room. With each passing second the aching in my gut intensified until it blossomed into the most excruciating pain I had ever felt. I had tried everything in my power to keep Drew safe and make things good for her. But I failed.

  More than anything else, I wanted her to be happy, but I came to believe I couldn’t be the source of that joy, especially after witnessing her mental and physical condition. My God, one might think a Mack truck had driven over her.

  Fuck! All I seemed to do was wreak havoc on that girl’s heart. I couldn’t continue to do so.

  Tyler and Chris drove me home. I told them they could take off, thanking them for their services. In all honesty, I didn’t want anyone in my house. All I wanted was to take every fragile tchotchke and throw it against a fucking wall.

  Inside my studio, I grabbed my guitar and strummed it, playing it the only thing I knew of that would keep me sane. I ran through every song on our set list. I played until my fingers screamed in agony. I played until I couldn’t strum another chord. Then I played some more.

  I pulled an all-nighter. Trevor and Joey showed up around eleven.

  “What the fuck happened to you? You look like shit, man.” Joey eyeballed me with concern.

  I flipped him the bird and took off for the kitchen to help myself to a bottle of water from the fridge.

  “Seriously, what’s up?” he asked, the two of them following me.

  I gave them the abridged version.

  “You walked out on her again?” Joey puckered his lips, shaking his head. “Ooh, that’s harsh.”

  “No, what’s harsh is her parents blaming me for everything that went down as well as bringing her grief. What’s harsh is the fact that we’re leaving town in a week, and I don’t know when I’ll be able to spend quality time with her again. It’s a no-win situation.” I took a swig from my bottle.

  “Why are you being so dramatic? Make it work.” Trevor had a hint of pissed-offness to his tone.

  “That’s easy for you to say. Your girlfriend works with us. The same goes for you.” I pointed to Joey.

  “Then bring Drew along too. She can continue writing songs on the bus while we tour.”

  “What the fuck are you even talking about, Trevor?” I shook my head at his asinine suggestion.

  “You heard me. I’d rather have a bus full of women than seeing you so beaten down. Honestly, dude, you need to take a look in the mirror.”

  “Trust me, if I look as bad as I feel, I’d rather not.”

  “Listen, you know I’m always straight up with you. I have to say, you royally fucked-up this time, brother,” Joey said bitterly.

  “I can’t hurt her any more than I already have. Her mother was right, Drew’s been through enough.”

  Joey got in my face. “She’s fucking been through enough because of you. And now you’re hurting her and putting her through the wringer again. How could you leave her at her worst? Drew’s the best thing that ever happened to you, and you know it. She’s the reason you fucked anything with two legs and a pussy, tossing women aside, pretending or denying they even had feelings. All of it so you wouldn’t develop any toward another woman and have to go through the pain you felt when you lost her. Fuck, man!” He tensed his muscles and stepped away from me. His back now toward me as he shook his head in anger.

  “Who the fuck are you to judge me? You chased every piece of ass that presented itself to you before Teva came into the picture!”

  He faced me again. “You’re right but I wised up and realized what I had in front of me and did whatever the fuck I could to make things work with her. You forget I was with you the night all that shit went down years ago. And all of us were there when you raged like a lunatic for months on end because of the mistake you’d made.”

  I charged to the living room and dropped down on the couch. My head pounded like Trevor beating on his fucking drums. I closed my eyes and rubbed my brow, hoping, praying it would relieve some of the tension pooling inside my head.

  Joey’s piece of shit rant followed me into the living room.

  “I don’t think you’ll recover this time around.”

  “What the fuck does that mean?” I gave him a death stare.

  “The guilt will continue to feed on you like a parasite.”

  “Ah! I’m so fucking stupid!” I got up and paced back and forth in front of the couch. Joey and Trevor watched as I balled my hands into fists and tensed my muscles.

  “I’ll second that.” Trevor put in his two unwanted cents.

  “Fuck you, Trevor. You had the hots for Dani for fucking ever and wouldn’t man up enough to admit it. So I don’t want to hear your bullshit.”

  “At least I made the right decision in the end. You can too.” He sat on the loveseat.

  “She’ll never forgive me after how I left her.”

  “You won’t know unless you try.”

  Well, seems Joey decided to get a PhD in Relationships overnight.

  At least he gave solid advice. Whether I chose to follow it was another story altogether.

  40

  Drew

  The cops showed up at the hospital in the early morning to get my statement. Things were still hazy in my mind. I told them what I remembered.

  One of the officers placed his laptop on the tray table and slid it next to me.

  “Ms. Sanders, I’m going to show you pictures of six women. Please tell me if you recognize any of them.”

  My attempt at sitting up was futile.

  As soon as I saw the girl’s face on the small screen, I pointed to it. I would never forget her beady eyes and how she had screamed frantically when the police cuffed her, shouting she and Logan were lovers and that they should call him to help clear her name. She’d cried, yelling that she and Logan had engaged in a one-night stand that had turned into a passionate love affair. And when I came into the picture, I ruined everything. Therefore, I deserved to die.

  Two separate charges were filed against her. The first, aggravated battery, which meant she had the intent of harming me with the use of a deadly weapon. The officer advised me it was generally classified as a second-degree felony. Her punishment would be up to fifteen years in prison or fifteen years of probation and up to ten thousand dollars in fines.

  Gosh, the thought alone sent chills down my spine. I was so lucky my parents had come home when they did. I didn’t want to think about the alternative.

  The second offense, home invasion, was a first-degree felony. That would be my primary charge against her, since it carried more weight. In addition, she’d used a weapon on me, which upped her charges and would give her a minimum sentence of sixty-six months in prison. I never wished ill on others but my hope was that she rotted in jail, the evil bitch.

  My mother picked me up a few hours later. I blamed my foul mood on the pain in my body, but my heart hurt so much worse. I couldn’t tell her Logan walked out on me. I wo
uldn’t let her delight in my suffering.

  Whenever I pictured his face, I saw the hurt in his eyes before he left my hospital room. How could he have left me in such a battered state, especially when I chose him over my family to stay with me? Did that not prove to him how much he meant to me?

  “I made an appointment for you with an orthopedist and a neurologist. The orthopedist will see you later this afternoon, so he can cast your arm. The neurologist will see you in a few days to check your head.”

  It hurt too much to talk, so I listened without responding.

  “I know you don’t want to hear it, but you offended me and your father last night when you asked Logan to stay after I specifically offered to take care of you.”

  “Not now, Mom.”

  “I’m surprised he didn’t offer to bring you home from the hospital.” She pulled out of the hospital parking lot.

  Her selfishness knew no bounds. She only tried to dig the knife deeper into an already gaping wound.

  “Why are you doing this?” I had my teeth clenched so tight my jaw ached.

  “Doing what?”

  “Trying to manipulate me. I’m so over it. I want you to know that Logan played one of my songs for his manager, who then brought it to a music executive. His label wants to buy my song. They asked for me to send others as well.”

  It didn’t feel as exciting saying it now, knowing Logan wouldn’t be celebrating the opportunity with me. In fact, it only brought tears to my eyes.

  “Don’t even tell me you’re thinking of giving up school for an unstable career in songwriting. Grrr. I wish you’d never run into Logan at that ranch. It makes me so darn angry. I’ll have you know your father and I are not going to support you forever. You need to get a career. Kate did. It took her a while, but she found her calling. You have to do the same, Drew.”

  “Oh my God! Do you hear yourself? I work and pay my own bills. I barely ask for a thing. If Dad paid me more, maybe I could get my own place. It’s not like I’m lying around in bed all day doing nothing. I work my ass off at the clinic and take classes. You know what? I’m done. As soon as I feel better, I’m out.”

  “Stop making threats. You know you’re not going anywhere.”

  “No, this time I mean it. You can go ahead and put an ad in the paper to hire a front-desk person at the clinic. I’ll help out until you find a replacement for me. I should’ve made this decision months ago. Logan was right. You and Dad try to keep me on a tight leash, close to home. In my heart of hearts, I don’t think you want me to get ahead and move on because then you’d have to be alone with Dad.”

  “How dare you say something so cruel and utterly disrespectful to me.”

  “It’s the truth. You don’t think I know how miserable you are with him? Be real. The two of you fight constantly. You immersed yourself in Kate’s life and whatever chaos she would bring into the house, the perfect escape for you, so you wouldn’t have to dwell on your own unhappiness. Then when she got involved with Joe and settled down, you tried to get over-involved in my life. I can’t take it anymore. I’m suffocating. I couldn’t figure out what I wanted to do with my life, but deep down I always knew I wanted more, to see more, to do more. There’s an entire world waiting for me to explore. In my current situation, I’ll never have the opportunity to see it. Logan was a blessing in disguise. If I can sell one song, I can sell another. That’s my passion, writing. And I’m going to stop being afraid to follow my dreams. Can you say the same?”

  “I’m warning you. Don’t bring up my theater days.”

  “Why not? You wanted to be an actress. Dad considered it to be a pipe dream, similar to your view of Logan’s aspirations to be a professional musician. You tried to brainwash me into believing the same thing, that he’d never succeed or amount to anything. Well, you know what? Logan followed his dreams and made it. You didn’t.”

  She slammed on the breaks, causing me to be thrown forward. The seatbelt slammed against my ribs. I yelped in pain. She pulled over to the side of the road.

  “You deserve to be in pain. I can’t believe you’re trying to put all this on me. For once, take responsibility for yourself.”

  “Why don’t you do the same, Mom? If you don’t mind, please drop me off at Kate’s.”

  “She’s at work. Who’s going to take you to your doctor appointment?”

  “I’ll take a car service.”

  “Stop acting like a child.”

  “I’m serious. Please drive me to Kate’s. I have a key to her place.”

  “Don’t do this, Drew. Some mistakes can’t be forgiven.”

  “According to you, no mistakes can be forgiven.”

  “I’m going to pretend this little conversation between the two us never happened. I advise you to do the same. I’m taking you home. After you see the doctor, if you still want to go to Kate’s, she can come and pick you up at the house.”

  My mother accelerated back onto to the road and drove home. Neither of us said another word during the trip there.

  41

  Logan

  I kept postponing the inevitable out of fear Drew would push me away. Not that I blamed her. My behavior had been despicable to say the least.

  Camilla called me and the guys together for a meeting. We were leaving in two days to head back on tour. She went over city details and time frames. We wouldn’t have another extended break for about two months. She went on and on, discussing meet and greets and our new heightened security measures thanks to Liz Piper.

  While she spoke, I zoned in and out. The pain in my heart overflowed to other areas of my body, causing my limbs to feel weak and my senses to be dulled. All in all, I felt like shit. Getting myself together had to be a top priority because touring became gruesome. I needed to have focus, stamina, and energy. Right now, I had none of it, no motivation to do anything whatsoever, a first for me.

  “Logan… Logan…” I thought I heard a female voice say my name. “Logan!”

  Yup, I had. I faced Camilla, devoid of any expression, too numb to show any emotion.

  “What in the hell is going on with you?” She gave me a thorough inspection. “You look like something the cat dragged in.”

  My face had no desire to get involved either. Neither did my mouth. So I didn’t reply. Basically, my body sat in the meeting, but my mind had drifted someplace else, wondering how Drew’s head felt, if she had worked things out with her parents, if she hated me. That thought alone had me frowning. Guess my mouth worked after all.

  “I’ll tell you what’s wrong with him.” Joey spoke to Camilla, his eyes on mine.

  “Don’t get involved in my shit, Joey.” This time my face showed some movement. Well, mostly my eyes. I glared at him.

  “No, man, either shit or get off the pot. I already told you, I’m not going through this shit again with you. We’ve been down this road before, and I don’t want you dragging us down the path of destruction with you.”

  Camilla put her hand out, clearly not understanding the happenings taking place around her. She studied me, waiting for a response. I didn’t give her one. “Logan, does this have something to do with Drew?”

  My focus drifted toward the table. Just hearing Drew’s name caused searing pain to shoot through my entire body.

  “Yes. The asshole left her in the hospital after that shit went down with his stalker, and he hasn’t been in touch with her since. The dick somehow thinks she’s better off without him. I think he made the right choice, don’t you?” Joey sarcasm had me glowering at him.

  “Fuck you, Joey!” I stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind me.

  I raged down the hall and out the exit, desperate for air. I couldn’t breathe, a feeling which had become quite familiar over the last several days.

  “Hey.”

  Shit, Camilla headed toward me. I so didn’t want to deal with her.

  “Listen here, Logan. I know you’ve been under a lot of stress these last few weeks with the entire stalker
situation and all. It’s understandable. But my sense is this has more to do with Drew.”

  I put my hand up, not wanting to talk to her about this.

  “Please, hear me out. I’ve known you guys for years. When you spend so much time with people, you learn a lot about their idiosyncrasies, their preferences, how they behave in public versus private. I’ve seen it all. But I’ve never seen you so despondent. I’m concerned as both your manager and your friend.”

  Friend?

  I leered at her.

  “Don’t look at me with such disbelief. You know I care about you guys. I also know if you don’t patch things up with this girl, that shit you’re feeling inside won’t disappear. It’ll fester and build. As your friend, I don’t revel in seeing you hurting. You were over-the-wall ecstatic when you were with her. Shit, you blew off Jessica Hauser at the video shoot. In my wildest dreams, I never would’ve thought I’d see that happen. But it did, which shows me you’re committed to making this thing between you and Drew work. Now as your manager, I can’t let you bring this negative energy with you on the bus. It’ll affect the entire band. It’ll affect your performances at shows. The label has a lot of money riding on you guys to perform well. In your present state, I don’t see that happening. You have two days to sort this out before we take off.”

  “Thanks for the pep talk.”

  I took off for the parking lot. According to me, the meeting was adjourned.

  “Logan!” Camilla called after me.

  I ignored her, got in my car, and screeched out of the lot. I didn’t know where to go. I had no desire to go to my empty house. I hit my fist on the steering well. “Fuck!”

  Listening to tunes, I drove nowhere in particular. Yet somehow I ended up parked in front of Drew’s house. I stared at the door for a few minutes, my stomach tied up in knots.

  Nope. I couldn’t do this. I put the car in reverse, then noticed the garage door opening. I put the car in park again.