Can't Stop Loving You

by Miranda Liasson

  “It was that paper route, remember?” Roman said to Lukas. “We used to deliver papers every morning at five a.m. and hide the money under that one bad floorboard on the stairs. Remember when the old man actually fixed the floor? We waited until everyone fell asleep and then pried all the nails out.”

  “And the money was still there,” Lukas said.

  “We helped each other survive. And now . . . it’s nice to have you two back in my life,” Lukas said.

  “If you’re so thankful, maybe you can have this guy come live with you,” Roman said with a wink, pointing to Drew.

  “Look,” Drew said, “you need a ton of work done around this place, and I told you I’d work for free in exchange for room and board.”

  “I should’ve put shaving in that contract,” Roman said.

  “I’d have Drew stay with me,” Lukas said, “but I’m afraid he’d scare Stevie with all that facial hair. What is that, dude, like three days’ growth? That’s incredible.”

  “I have a talent for hair growth, what can I say,” Drew said.

  “Well, I’d love for us to keep reliving our tender childhood memories,” Roman said, “but there’s work to be done.”

  A distinctive Greek-accented voice turned everyone’s attention toward the door. “Yoo-hoo, boys. Open the door, my hands are full.” Roman walked over to find Alethea Panagakos, her arms laden with several large tinfoil-wrapped pans, a paper grocery bag, and a few plastic bags dangling from her wrists. Coming up behind her and carrying more bags were Sam; Maggie; Lukas and Sam’s son, Stevie; and a little guy Roman guessed was Maggie’s son, Griffin.

  “Griffie and I were visiting Sam and Lukas and found out they were heading over here,” Maggie said to Roman. “Hope you don’t mind we stopped by, too.”

  “Glad to have you,” Roman said, relieving Alethea of a few items.

  “Sam told me you boys were working together to help Roman today,” Alethea said, “and I figured you could use some nourishment.” She pulled an embroidered hanky out of her purse and fanned her face. “It’s hot out already.”

  Roman wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “Thank you, Alethea. Will you join us for breakfast?” He gestured at the pile of pancakes he’d just made.

  Her eyes lit up like she was Cinderella just being invited to the ball. “Oh, I’d love to.” She pulled up a stool next to Drew. “Is that a fresh pot of coffee over there?”

  Roman poured her some while Sam and Maggie unloaded a few grocery bags. He couldn’t help noticing how Lukas snagged his wife and kissed her good and hard, then hoisted Stevie up and asked if he wanted some pancakes.

  “Alethea, you should run a restaurant for all the cooking you do,” Maggie said, pulling a few bags of pita bread out of the bag, a giant hunk of feta cheese, and a big container of fancy olives.

  “Oh, it’s nothing,” Alethea said. “It’s what I do. Andreas,” she said, turning to Drew, who’d been sitting there quietly sipping his coffee. “My, all that wondrous Greek hair you have.” She had no hesitation about smoothing it down and attempting to tidy it up.

  “Hey!” Drew ducked away like a boy about to have his ears washed.

  “Yes, it’s positively lustrous,” Maggie teased. Drew frowned and tossed her a look.

  “Mommy, who’s that scary man?” Griffin asked, hiding behind his mother’s legs, his eyes big blue discs in his small face.

  Maggie patted her son on his head. He had blond hair like his mother, except his was curly. Cute kid. “It’s all right, Griff,” Maggie said. “That hairy man won’t hurt you.” Roman laughed. He liked Maggie a lot. Even more when she gave his brother shit.

  Drew rolled his eyes at Maggie, but he smiled at the little boy. Maybe that was his way of trying not to look so creepy, but it tended to make him look a little more so, in Roman’s opinion. “You like bacon?” he asked the boy, who nodded shyly.

  “Is it all right to give him some?” he asked his mother.

  “Well, I don’t usually feed him processed—”

  Too late, because Griffin reached his little fingers out to grab a piece of bacon. Except he promptly dropped it, and as he went to scoop it up off the floor, Gracie got to it first. The dog bit off a chunk, and Griffin, unfazed, popped the rest in his mouth.

  “Honey, no!” Maggie said, like he’d just eaten Drano.

  “It’s okay, Mommy,” Griffin said. “We shared.”

  The horrified look on Maggie’s face, and the pleased one on her son’s, made Drew burst out laughing.

  “What?” Drew said innocently to Maggie, who looked about to draw blood. “It builds immunity.” He turned back to his plate, his shoulders shaking a little.

  Maggie scowled. “Oh, why don’t you just go . . . get a haircut or something?”

  “Oh, there she is!” a voice said from the door. Roman turned to find Bella at his door. Lucky him. He was just missing her. A lot. “Gracie, what are you doing here again?” As she let herself in, she waved to everyone in the kitchen.

  Roman met her before any of his brothers could beat him to it. His breath caught in his chest at the sight of her, even though she didn’t have a stitch of makeup on, just a freshly scrubbed face and her hair back in a ponytail. He had to restrain himself from lifting her up and swinging her around and telling everyone in sight how happy he was to see her. He was about to at least hug her and give her a big kiss when she spoke.

  “Oh, hi, Roman,” she said casually. Like they hadn’t spent most of the night tangled up with each other in her bed. She handed him a large, covered platter. “I made you guys a batch of cookies. I wish I could stay, but I’m helping over at the center today. Hayrides and pumpkin carving and apple cider.”

  She gave Griffin a little squeeze and tousled Stevie’s hair. “Maybe your moms will bring you guys over for a hayride later.” She looked at her dog in dismay. “Why does she keep coming over here?” Bella bent down and petted the animal. “Gracie, what is the deal?” The dog wagged her tail and basked in being petted but wasn’t telling, thank goodness.

  Roman thanked her for the cookies and couldn’t resist putting an arm around her. “Why don’t you sit down and join us?”

  She smiled at him, and all he could think is how much he loved that smile. And what a relief it was to see her beaming it at him. And how he couldn’t wait to give her more reasons to smile like that again. Without thinking, he bent his head to kiss her, but she quickly stepped back before he could make contact. She frowned and shook her head, like she was asking him to understand she wasn’t ready to broadcast them to the world. “Hey, Lukas. Hey, Drew,” she said, turning to chat with his brothers.

  Roman stood there rubbing his neck. He got that she didn’t want to make things public. Everything was new—brand new—and with their effed-up past, he understood her need to take things slow. But part of him couldn’t help being a little hurt. Just that he was so—happy, and he wanted to touch her. Hold her. Shout out to everyone in the room she was his.

  That thought startled him. He rarely felt any sort of possessiveness over a woman. God knew, if a woman offered a casual, no-strings affair, especially a complicated woman like her, he’d be kissing her feet in gratefulness, in public or private. Whatever you want, honey, no problem. Fabulous sex, no commitments, it was a dream come true.

  “Bella, did you say you brought cookies?” Alethea asked. “May I have one?”

  “Of course,” Bella said, uncovering the platter and setting it on the counter near Alethea.

  “Oh, chocolate chip!” Alethea exclaimed, taking one and dunking it in her coffee. “My favorite.”

  Somehow, Roman ended up next to Bella. He was trying his best not to hover, but it was so hard. Unable to stand it any longer, he took her hand and led her out onto the porch. “Come over tonight,” he whispered into her ear, tempted to nuzzle her neck while they were momentarily alone.

  “Your brother’s here . . .” she whispered back.

  “So what?”

  She sho
ok her head. “The house is too small.”

  “I can’t help it if you’re noisy. Hope we didn’t give any of the seniors cause for alarm last night.”

  “Come to think of it, Mrs. Landerhaven did avoid my gaze at the mailbox this morning.”

  “We can go back to your place,” he suggested. Not to be pushy, but . . .

  “I shouldn’t really stay the night there until I move out of my dad’s.”

  “Why not?” he asked.

  “My dad and my aunt forgot I told them I wasn’t coming home last night. They were worried. But my dad finishes his PT this week, and then I’m leaving for good.”

  He got that she didn’t want to tell them about their relationship yet, and he didn’t push. But he was desperate to be with her again. “Okay, then, what are you doing tomorrow afternoon?”

  “Let’s see, it’s Sunday.” She pretended to check her phone. “Looks like I can fit you into my schedule.” She said schedule the British way—shed-ule. Cute.

  “I’ll pick you up at the end of the drive, okay? Around one?”

  She frowned. “You don’t need tutoring, do you?”

  “Oh, definitely,” he said, then he stepped close to her and really did nuzzle that sweet neck. “I have this goal. It’s to memorize every inch of your body. Want to quiz me and make sure I’ve got it all covered?”

  “As I recall, memorizing used to be one of your strong points.”

  Then he kissed her. Her lips melted softly into his, and he was reassured by the fact that she gave herself over to the kiss, molding herself against him, putting all of herself into it. He was conscious of how well they fit together, thrilled to have her back in his arms where she belonged.

  Where she belonged? There he went again. Dreaming of the future when he needed to reel himself back into the present. Even after the screen creaked and she tore herself away, and Drew said an embarrassed “excuse me,” even after she collected her dog and walked back into the woods with a little wave over her shoulder, he couldn’t stop thinking about her. How nothing was enough, how he wanted to make up for all those lost years by not missing a single second with her.

  Scary thoughts.

  He gradually became aware that Drew was still standing next to him on the little porch. His brother slapped him on the back. “Not sure I’d let that one go, bro.”

  He smiled a little. Judging by the way his heart was thumping hard in his chest, how every muscle was ready to grab her and kiss her and tell her what a great time they had, and how he couldn’t wait to get her in his arms again . . . yeah, this wasn’t feeling like a fling. Or anything close to casual at all.

  “Where are you taking us?” Bella asked. She was sitting across from Roman in a little rowboat on a brilliant early-October day, nothing but the lake and the golden lazy afternoon ahead of them.

  She could hardly believe they got to spend the whole day together. She tried to sit back and just enjoy the view—the view inside the boat, that is—how Roman’s biceps flexed with every row, his simple gray T-shirt stretching across his spectacular chest. That same warm, muscled expanse she’d admired up close and personal the other night. Happiness and incredulity washed over her, and at the same time, a sense of thick, absolute panic that kept trying to crowd out the other feelings.

  Roman, however, looked as tranquil as the lake around them. His lips turned up in a small, secretive smile, and he shrugged his gorgeous shoulders. “You’ll just have to wait and see.”

  That smile nearly did her in. She kept her own smile small, but inside, it was taking over her entire insides, tearing through her head and her chest, making her heart expand and stretch in a terrifying way.

  When he’d suggested going out on the lake today, she’d been excited to go. She loved being on the lake. But the privacy appealed, too. She had no experience in knowing how long flings lasted, but judging by their nature, probably not that long. Reminding herself of that would be . . . prudent.

  Oh, but this didn’t feel like a fling. It felt like something far more threatening. She’d hoped to avoid talking about serious things, but the weight on her chest felt crushing. It was the weight of guilt, and it had sat there squatting on her chest for too many years. She owed him honesty, and she didn’t want to shy away from that. He deserved to know what had happened, even though the thought of telling him something that could turn him away for good made her blood suddenly turn the consistency of icy sludge.

  “What are you thinking, Bella?” Roman stopped rowing, sat forward, and took up her hands in his big, slightly roughened ones. It reminded her of a long time ago when she used to marvel at how large and engulfing his hands were, something that had always made her feel safe. Except she wasn’t safe. He was still dangerous to her in ways she’d never dreamed possible.

  He stroked his thumbs over the backs of her hands. His eyes held a warmth and a playfulness that she could get lost in if she allowed herself. It was exhilarating and exhausting being with him, like being on an incline treadmill, all this fighting to keep up her pace. A fight she felt destined to lose.

  He leaned in, so close she could feel his breath on her cheek. “I just want you to know that, for years, I dreamed of being with you like this,” he said.

  Wonderful, terrible words. She didn’t dare answer. He reached up, his hand tangling in her hair, drawing her closer. Putting his mouth on hers and kissing her until her resistance melted and she got lost in the sensation of kissing him back, the feel of his eager lips, the familiar taste of him, the smell of his soap. She stopped fighting. She fell into the danger. There was simply no way she could stop.

  She looked at him, so handsome, in the prime of his life, and she realized she had to stop spooking herself. Maybe the dream was too good to be true. Maybe it wouldn’t last. But everything in her, every last particle and blood and marrow cell, wanted him. Like she’d never wanted another man. Life had made her wary and gun shy. It had hurt her and roughed her up a little bit. It rarely offered any certainties. But she wasn’t going to let anything mar this joy. She was going to live today, live it like her last day on earth.

  “Roman, I want to tell you something,” she began. She wanted to tell him now, before things went any further. It was the right thing to do, and she had to act fast while her courage was up. She’d always been honest with him, until she’d hurt him so badly. She needed for her own sake to come clean.

  “Hey! Your boat’s drifting!” someone on a passing boat called out. Sure enough, they were headed into an inlet where straggly tree branches jutted out into the lake.

  “Thanks!” Roman called, taking up the oars. Bella waved to the people in the boat, a pontoon with a middle-aged couple aboard, enjoying the sunny day.

  Suddenly she did a double take. The woman had thick, dark hair. Dangling pearl earrings. And she’d been laughing with her partner. Even as she looked, the woman quickly bent over, busying herself with something on the floor of the boat.

  “Fran?” Bella called. “Aunt Fran, is that you?”

  “Hey, Francesca, you know that girl?” the man asked, confirming her suspicions. A gray-haired, gray-bearded, distinguished-looking man. With an Italian accent.

  He was real? Her beau? From Italy? And he was here, in Mirror Lake?

  “Aunt Fran!” Bella called again.

  Slowly, the woman straightened. Turned her face so Bella could see it. Yep, it was Frannie all right, looking like she’d just been caught tippling in the liquor cabinet. “What are you doing out here?” Fran asked a little indignantly.

  “What do you mean what am I doing out here? What are you doing?” Bella asked.

  “Having a picnic,” she said. “You should try it. It’s fun.”

  “Hey, Fran,” Roman said with a wave.

  “Hello, Roman,” Fran answered on a sigh. “I’ll see you kids later,” she said, making the be-quiet sign against her lips and then the slitting-her-throat sign and pointing to Bella.

  “Interesting,” Bella said, waving. “T
he Italian prince exists.”

  “So he does. Stranger things have happened.” He full-out smiled. “But I don’t want to waste our time together talking about your aunt.”

  “All right, then.” She reached over and kissed him on the cheek, smiling brightly in return. “Roman?” she said.

  “Yes, Arabella?”

  “I’m so happy to be here with you. But please tell me you’re not taking us to that abominable cabin.”

  He shrugged. “I thought it might be fun to relive the magic.”

  She raised a brow. “Some people might not think that fear and dread are great memories to relive.”

  He laughed. Stopped rowing. “I thought the part before the fear and dread was pretty spectacular, personally.”

  Their gazes locked. She wanted to tell him that their innocent, awkward lovemaking back then had been just as spectacular as this week’s. Just as meaningful. And that scared her to death. “That cabin was falling apart back then. It’s probably gone.”

  “Maybe, maybe not,” he said. “Either way, it’s a lot better being here in the daytime instead of a misty winter night.”

  She looked around at the gorgeous lake and the sky that only seemed to be that pure of a blue on a sunny, cloudless fall day like today. They were almost to the shore, at the same place where they’d banked all those years ago. Just thinking about that night made her stomach churn with apprehension. She didn’t want to let those memories loose. Like a gift wrapped in layers of fragile packaging, once it was taken out, it could never be replaced quite the same way again.

  “Maybe we shouldn’t,” she said. “I mean, I don’t really want to see it.”

  “Aw, come on. We’re here. It’s part of our past, Bella.” He gave her a serious look. A look that made her wonder if his plan included discussing that past.

  That reminded her of her resolve to tell him everything. She’d lost him once with a lie, but this time the truth might make her lose him again. And expose everything she’d ever felt for him, her deepest, darkest secret. Yes, she was truly feeling nauseous now.