The Conjuring of Zoth-Avarex: The Self-Proclaimed Greatest Dragon in the Multiverse

by K. R. R. Lockhaven

  It was Ian’s leg, with his shoe and sock still on.

  “Yuck,” the dragon said. “That’s the last one of you I’m ever eating.”

  Zoth-Avarex

  “I couldn’t have planned that ridiculous speech any better if I’d tried,” the dragon said with a dome-shaking chuckle. As he spoke his hips moved subtly from side to side and his tail cut a wide arc over the heads of the Casters. “And then eating him like that. . . . Damn, I’ve got style. Timing, too.”

  Bill Gulley must have stepped up to the podium, because his voice blared from the speakers. “Greetings, Zoth-Avarex. On behalf of the Earth, the United States of America, the Site, and the Conjuring Department, I’d like to take this opportunity to welcome you here to our Conjuring Dome. I—”

  “Took ya long enough, didn’t it?” Zoth-Avarex said.

  “We are very sorry about that. Our procedures had to be updated and changed to accommodate one of your . . . formidable powers.”

  “So you took the proper precautions, then? Made sure to bind me good? What are you going to compel me to do, might I ask?”

  “We hope to foster a working relationship with you, oh mighty one. We are prepared to give you enough gold to—”

  “Gold! Now you’re talking.”

  Bill cleared his throat and began again. “We would like you to join our military, so to speak. We would ask you to be a deterrent against foreign attack, and to destroy our enemies when necessary.”

  “I do love destroying enemies. How much gold are we talking about?”

  “We are prepared to give you ten million dollars in gold coins. Gold doubloons minted in Peru.”

  “Millions?”

  “Yes. Millions.” Bill seemed thoroughly pleased with himself.

  “Are you, by any chance, familiar with a contemporary of mine by the name of Smaug?”

  “Yes. . . Smaug from Middle Earth.”

  “Well, I do believe that some human calculated the wealth that Smaug had accumulated in Erebor for a magazine article.1 Any guess as to what he came up with?”

  “No. I have not seen that . . .calculation.”

  “You think it was close to ten million?”

  “Uh . . .”

  “What does your gut say?”

  “Yes?”

  “It was sixty-two billion dollars! With a B. You’re lowballing the shit out of me right now.”

  “Well, you are held by one hundred runes of binding and are compelled by our magic to do as we command.”

  “Then how did I eat Mr. Namekeeper a few minutes ago? Huh? Have you thought about that at all?”

  “You are wise, Zoth-Avarex, but you cannot trick me. I have prepared for this meeting for years. I know our bonds are sound.”

  “Oh, okay. So there’s no way I could, say, eat you next, then?”

  Bill shrank behind the marble podium, sweat visible on his brow. “I think we got off on the wrong foot. I’d like to change the subject if that’s all right with you. Do you wish to bond with a human rider? We have Dragonriders who have trained in Pern. You could choose whichever one you like.”

  Several men and women presented themselves to the dragon. Most wore medieval-looking clothing.

  “Would you let someone ride you?” the dragon said. “I’m not a horse, I’m a super-intelligent force of nature. I made your Einstein look like a preschooler the day I cracked out of my egg. I made the Kessel run in less than eleven parsecs. I see all seven planes of existence. I see the multiverse in all eleven dimensions while you idiots are watching shadows on a cave wall. So no, I don’t need to bond with a rider.”

  “Oh . . .”

  “And while we’re on the subject, do you really think your magic can control me?”

  “I—”

  “I’ve got more magic in a scale on my ass than Merlin, Gandalf, Dumbledore, and Tim the Enchanter combined.”

  “I—”

  “My gold-lust rivals your Conquistadors. It rivals Cortez, leprechauns, even Johann van der Smut.” The dragon looked around the dome as if trying to find a way out. “So, anyway, I’m pretty much done talking with you. I want to get out and stretch my wings, go check out your pathetic little world with my own eyes. I’ve been watching it via other dimensions and your wi-fi long enough.”

  “Strengthen your bonding runes,” Bill said over the speakers. “Do not let him break free!”

  Erase the bonding runes.

  Harris fought the compulsion to obey the dragon’s voice inside his head.

  Just wipe those worthless things away. It’s fine.

  Others erased the bonds in front of them, but Harris stayed still through force of will. Silvia and Patrick resisted as well.

  “I would love to open the dome now,” Bill Gulley said with the affectation of a zombie. He pushed a button on the podium and the dome began to open above. “It is such a beautiful day out. Let us get some of that lovely sunshine in here.”

  The dragon moved toward Harris, who clenched his butt cheeks harder than he ever had before. Xop dove behind Harris and clung to his back.

  “Are you a princess by any chance?” the dragon asked Silvia, in the most polite voice a dragon could possibly muster.

  “N-no.”

  “Oh well. You’re sure pretty enough. Princess or not, you’ll have to do.” He snatched Silvia up in his claws like she was a doll.

  Harris wanted to reach for her, but was frozen by fear.

  “Silvia!” Both Jake and Ana called out her name. Harris could see Jake sprinting for the dragon, but couldn’t see Ana through the panicking crowd.

  Zoth-Avarex turned his massive head and looked directly into Harris’s eyes.

  “Calm down, man,” he said, before taking wing and soaring up through the opened dome.

  Harris stared, dumbfounded, as a very old and forlorn man propped up an A-frame ladder, climbed up, and rolled back the numbers on the sign that now read:

  It Has Been

  0

  Days Since a Recordable Conjuring Death

  * * *

  1 Zoth-Avarex is referring to the Forbes article, “How Much is a Dragon Worth, Revisited,” by Michael Noer, April 23, 2012.

  The Dragon’s Perch

  Zoth-Avarex glided over the Site with a few flaps of his great wings. As he passed through the concealment bubble, he closed his eyes and tucked Silvia against his chest to protect her.

  Outside the bubble a vast forest stretched out underneath him. He dove down near the treetops and breathed in the fresh pine scent.

  “Ah, that’s much better than that old musty dome,” he said.

  The dragon held Silvia out in front of his face as he flew and addressed her. “Are you doing okay?”

  “No.”

  “Are you cold? Can I get you anything?”

  “You can put me down and let me go.”

  “Anything other than that?”

  “No.”

  “Where are my manners? My name, as you might have heard, is Zoth-Avarex, but I didn’t catch yours.”

  “My name is Silvia.”

  “That’s a nice name. Great to meet you, Silvia.”

  Silvia’s mouth was a small, straight line.

  “And you’re sure you’re not a princess?”

  “I’m sure.”

  “Are you, by any chance, descended from royalty? Perhaps when you were a baby you were hidden away from some evil sorceress to conceal the truth about your legitimate claim to the throne, or something?”

  “Not that I’m aware of.”

  “Okay . . . And just so you know, there’s no judgment, here. I don’t think you’re worth less because you’re not a princess. I was just wondering if you maybe happened to be one. That’s all.”

  The skyline of a city became visible on the horizon
. Zoth-Avarex altered his course so he could go and check it out. In minutes he arrived over the suburbs. He looked down at the rows of houses as he swept over them. He loved watching his majestic shadow rolling across buildings. If he really concentrated, he could almost hear the screams of the people below. It was just like old times. He dipped lower, and . . . yep . . . there they were. The shrieks of existential terror sent a warm nostalgia coursing through his chest.

  He climbed in altitude and made for the skyscrapers.

  “Hey, it’s that thing that looks like a flying saucer on a stick. What’s that thing called again?”

  “The Space Needle.”

  “Yeah, that’s it. So we must be in . . . don’t tell me . . . Seattle, right?”

  “Yeah.”

  The dragon took a direct line to the Space Needle and alighted on its top.

  “This seems like a perfect place to set up shop,” he said. “We’ll have a great view, and there’s lots of room for you to stretch your legs up here.” He appraised the area. “They can pile my gold up right here. It’s a bit tight for me, but yeah, I think this could very well be it.”

  “It’s great, but why do I have to be here?” Silvia seemed much calmer than the average person would have been.

  “Well, that’s hard to explain.”

  “Try.”

  “Okay.” There was a pause, and the scaly head dipped in contemplation. “To my noble kind, princesses are extremely important. We dragons covet them over all else, even treasure. I don’t know how it even started, but I know I’m caught up in it, like one of your . . . drug addicts. I mean, you guys had a hundred binding runes back at that dome and I resisted those like they were nothing. But the urge to have a beautiful humanoid woman by my side, I can’t fight that one. It’s kind of morphed for me over the centuries. It’s more about beauty than blood, now. Although royalty still has a strong draw.”

  “It’s not cool, though, to just snatch someone up and take them away.”

  “I know. But—” His head snapped to the south. “Did you hear that?”

  Before Silvia had a chance to respond, an F-15 fighter jet streaked across the sky above them. She hadn’t heard it until it was nearly overhead.

  The jet banked on a dime and began to turn back toward them.

  Zoth-Avarex reached up, gripped the needle-like projection on top of the Space Needle, and broke off twenty or so feet of it from the top. As the F-15 approached, the dragon lined up his target and launched the needle as if it were a throwing dagger. The giant steel projectile struck the jet in its right wing, sending it spinning uncontrollably. It smashed into Lake Washington with a fiery explosion. The pilot, who had ejected just before the needle struck, deployed a parachute and floated down onto a busy city street.

  “Woo!” the dragon exclaimed. “Damn! I sure missed the thrill of battle. I—”

  He detected several more incoming enemies from the west. The spikes on the back of his neck stood up straight. After inhaling a deep breath, he exhaled a violent burst of gray smoke. Shaking his head in disgust, he cleared his throat, then unleashed a proper torrent of flame. The next fighter jet flew just over the fire, unscathed.

  Zoth-Avarex put his claws out in front of him and muttered a few words in a strange language. A protective shield formed over the top of the Space Needle, encapsulating everything on top of the observation deck.

  Through the nearly invisible shield, the dragon saw several of the jets launch a barrage of missiles in his direction. He made a show of yawning, leaning back onto his tail and stretching both claws in the air, acting as if he’d just awakened from a nap. The missiles struck the protective spell and exploded. Impressive fireballs detonated all around them, but the world under the shield was peaceful and quiet.

  “I’d kind of hoped there would be a bigger challenge for me,” the dragon told Silvia, who was hiding behind his back leg. “I knew what human capabilities were but I guess, in the moment, I hoped that I had missed something and was possibly in for a real fight.” He craned his neck around to see her. “You can come out now. We’re perfectly safe in here. The only thing you humans have that could have a chance to break through this magic is a nuclear bomb.” His face turned serious. “You don’t think they’ll go that far, do you?”

  “I would hope not,” Silvia said, stepping out from behind the dragon’s leg.

  “All right. Good.” Zoth-Avarex could barely be bothered by the second round of detonations outside the protective sphere. “How do you think I would go about getting a hold of your leaders? Could you call them up and put me on speaker phone or something?”

  “It doesn’t work that way.”

  “Okay then. How does it work? I’m itching to get some nice gold around me. I want to get this show on the road.”

  “I thought we were discussing my release? Before the jets came.”

  “Well, I’m horribly sorry to have to put it to you straight like this, but we were definitely not discussing your release. I hope you’ll find that I am quite good company, but that is one thing that is not negotiable. In fact, I’d be really upset if I had to hear the idea mentioned again. And I must admit, I’m a real drag to be around when I’m upset.” The spikes on the back of the dragon’s neck stood up, like they had before he blew fire at the passing plane.

  Silvia must have taken the heavy-clawed hint well enough because she didn’t say another word about being let go.

  “So about those leaders. You don’t have any way to start the process of contacting them?”

  “I guess I could call my manager at the Site. It’d be a start anyway.” She checked her pocket. “Oh yeah. We can’t have our phones on Site. I have her number written down, but I don’t have a way to call her.”

  The dragon snapped his fingers and a cell phone appeared in Silvia’s hand. She looked down at it, dumbfounded.

  “I know, I know. I’m pretty impressive. I’m telling you, these people had no idea what they were doing when they brought me over. Their minds can’t even begin to comprehend my magical abilities.”

  “Why don’t you just snap your fingers and get all the gold, or whatever, that you want?”

  “Shit.” He shook his head. “It doesn’t work that way.”

  “Why not?”

  “Gold and jewels . . . I guess treasure in general is out of reach of my magic. Princesses, too. I guess that’s probably why my kind covets those things so much. We want what we can’t have. It’s the dragon condition.” He shrugged his gargantuan shoulders. “Now, about that call . . .”

  Meanwhile, Back at the Conjuring Dome

  After several minutes, Ana and Jake converged on the spot where the dragon had taken Silvia. Tears dripped down Ana’s cheeks, though she also had a look of fierce determination. Jake seemed as if he still didn’t quite believe what had just happened. He gaped up at the open dome like he was hoping Silvia would simply come back through it at any minute.

  “Jake!” Ana said. “What do we do?”

  “I . . . don’t know.” His voice was shaky.

  The scene inside the Conjuring Dome was pure pandemonium. Throngs of people ran in every direction and the din of panic made it difficult for Harris to hear himself think. Only one thought stood out to be acknowledged: he wanted to help Ana if he could.

  “Magician,” Jake said.

  The word grazed Harris’s consciousness.

  “Magician!”

  “Yeah?”

  “Could you help us?”

  “How?”

  “I don’t know, yet. But we need to get my,” he paused and looked to Ana, “I mean our Silvia back.”

  “Of course,” Harris said. “But I don’t know what I can do.”

  “All I know is that we can’t leave it up to the Site management. You guys are brand new, so you don’t really understand yet.”

  “No, I th
ink I get it already,” Ana said. “I don’t trust them to get my sister back, either.”

  “So us three will work together as a team, then?” Harris said hopefully, before mentally kicking himself for sounding so dopey.

  “Exactly,” Jake said. “And believe me, we’ll have a better chance than they ever will.”

  Ana’s features gradually lost some of their sadness. Now her determination shone through. Harris had never been as sure about anything since he was asked to go to magic school: he knew that he would do anything to help these two people he had met only yesterday. He still didn’t know how he could accomplish this, but he knew he had to try.

  Marian approached Harris. “Are you okay?”

  “Yeah. How about you?”

  “Besides just losing one of my employees, I’m fine.” Marian moved on to talk to Patrick.

  Harris stood and thought about what he could do to help. He came up blank. Eager to switch his attention from the frustration of having no idea what to do, Harris focused on a ringing cell phone just behind him. He didn’t think cell phones were allowed on Site. He’d been told to leave his at home.

  “Hello, this is Marian Campbell,” his boss said. There must have been an exemption for managers.

  “Silvia?” Marian almost shouted, drawing the immediate attention of Ana and Jake. “Are you okay?” After a brief pause she said, “The Space Needle?”

  “Can I talk to her?” Ana pleaded. “She’s my sister.”

  Marian handed the phone to her without a word.

  “Sis, it’s me.” Tears of relief streamed down Ana’s face as she listened. “It hasn’t hurt you, has it?” A short pause. “Good.”

  Their conversation continued, sounding like mumbles from Silvia’s side. Harris was torn between wanting to hear everything and not wanting to be nosy.

  “Jake is here with me. Do you want to talk to him? All right, I love you, sis. You’re gonna be okay.”

  She handed the phone to Jake, who stepped away for a private conversation. After several minutes he walked back to the huddled group.