by Natasha West
Chapter 12
I was checking my email obsessively, waiting to hear back from Julia. Had it been a mistake to write that story? No, I thought. Even if she doesn’t like it, it’s honest and that’s what writing is for.
After I’d finished with Will, I’d been upset. He’d been my best friend and I had hurt him. I was honestly sad that it was over, even though it had been my choice. But rather than wallow, I’d decided to write my way through it. I’d looked at the story that I’d written at the retreat and I stopped being in denial of the fact that it was about me. Of course it was. And as I reread it, it was obvious that it was only half the story. The other half was about Julia. So I wrote about what had happened and as I wrote, my feelings for her rushed to the surface. What had happened with her was not a plot twist. It was the ending. It was the thing that opened my eyes to everything that was missing from my life and from myself. And now the chapter with Will had closed, I couldn’t deny that I felt something for Julia.
I knew that she had regretted what had happened and I felt sure that she never wanted to see me again. But as far as I was concerned, she was under my skin. Maybe she wouldn’t care about that, maybe she saw me as a stupid kid. No doubt many of her students had lusted after her and I was no different to them. But I couldn’t help it. Julia had unlocked a part of me I didn’t know was there and I had decided I liked that part. And I liked her. I wanted her. I wanted to be with her again. Even if it was just one more time. And that’s why I’d sent the story. I hoped she would see it for what it was. A love letter. I knew it was pointless but I felt I had to try.
My email pinged. It was from Julia.
‘My office. Right now.’
Oh god. She was angry. She hadn’t liked the story and worse, she didn’t like the fact that I’d put her in it. I had to go and face her, to try to explain. I walked to her office and knocked on the door.
‘Come in.’
I walked in, expecting to see infuriation on her face but she looked neutral. And then she bit her lip and a mischievous smile began to creep on to her face.
‘I read your story…’
And I knew she wasn’t angry. She’d liked it. Seeing that look gave me the confidence to walk across her office and grab her hand, pulling her out of her chair. She was surprised by my self-assurance, as was I. But it was a pleasant surprise to both of us. She got to her feet and kissed me, tentatively at first but it quickly became passionate and her hands ran down my back, caressing the length of me. I was encouraged to go further and I ran my hand up her stomach, to her breast. I could feel her nipple go hard under her blouse as I touched it. It felt divine. I hadn’t had much of an opportunity to touch Julia the first time, she done all the work. But this time I wanted to be the one to make her scream. Although I was inexperienced, I hoped my desire to satisfy Julia would be enough and I had an idea of what I needed to do from the first time. I moved down her body, getting down on my knees. I unzipped her, dropping her trousers to the floor. She looked down at me with anticipation. I could feel her body was pent up with need. I wanted to give her release, wanted to make her feel the way she’d made me feel. I teased her knickers down and she opened her legs and put one up on the chair to let me in as I pushed my face between her thighs, tasting her for the first time. It was new, this flavour, but I didn’t need to acquire it. It was delicious. I gripped her waist as I pushed my tongue deeper, discovering her. She gave a sharp intake of breath and put one hand on the back of my head, the other gripping the chair back to steady herself. I held tightly onto her hips as I moved my tongue up and down her sweet lushness. ‘Jesus’, she moaned and I knew I was giving her exactly what she wanted. I could feel her grip on the back of my head tighten with pleasure, and she grabbed a handful of my hair. I liked the feeling of her holding onto me like that. I kept the rhythm, relishing the feeling that Julia needed what I was giving her, and I could feel her body start to quiver, which turned to full on shaking. Then her eyes rolled back in her head and she gave a short sharp cry and went still. I felt the tension release from her body. Her hand dropped from my head. I stopped what I was doing and looked up at her as she took her leg off the chair. She looked satiated. She smiled at me coyly and she shook her head.
‘We shouldn’t have done this in here. Someone might have heard.’
I stood up and watched her get herself back together, putting her clothes back in place. I shrugged.
‘You could have stopped me anytime.’
She stopped buttoning for a second and look at me ironically.
‘I definitely couldn’t.’
We both laughed. Then she looked at me seriously.
‘Was this… Was this OK?’
I was confused.
‘I mean, this is… Is this what you want?’
I was surprised.
‘Couldn’t you tell from the story I sent you?’
‘That was fiction and this is real life. I just don’t want you to rush into anything.’
I understood what she was asking me.
‘I used to think rushing into things was bad. I’ve been cautious my whole life. But I feel different now. I don’t want to keep waiting for things to happen. I want to make them happen. I wanted to make this happen. And I want it to happen again.’
She seem relieved to hear that. She leaned forward and kissed me softly and I felt excited and nervous, like maybe this was the start of something.
Chapter 13
It had been a week since Penny had walked into my office and knocked the world off its axis. I had to hand it to her, for an ingénue, she had a lot of natural talent. Having her go down on me in my office had broken yet another rule but unlike that first time with Amy, I’d completely lost any self-control. Penny had a way of shattering my resolve. Since then, I‘d done better. I’d only seen her in normal class time and we’d been careful to be simply cordial with one another in the presence of other students. There had been no calls, no texts, no emails. I understood that Penny was putting the ball in my court because she knew the risks were mine alone. And I’d decided to hold back. Usually, after sleeping with one of my targets, I would wait before letting it happen again and usually, it was part of the game. But now I held back for different reasons, reasons I didn’t fully understand.
I was walking across the campus at the end of a long day and my night held a ton of reading. As I headed toward my car, I passed a campus coffee shop and Penny was sitting in there. She was reading a book, completely absorbed. I stopped to watch her from outside, enjoying watching her without her knowing. She was frowning with concentration at the book and then her face lit up, delighted by something. It was a beautiful moment to see and I decided I’d had enough of waiting. I walked into the coffee shop and right up to her table but still, she didn’t glance up. I sat down across from her.
‘Good book?’
She looked up startled and then she smiled to see me.
‘Pretty good.’
We just looked at each other for a moment, saying nothing. Then I leaned in to her ear.
‘Do you want to come to my place right now?’
She turned to look at me and for a second, I thought I’d made a mistake. She’d had a change of heart and this was done before it started. Then she nodded shyly.
‘I really would.’
‘I’ll be waiting outside in my car.’
I left her getting her coat on as I went outside to wait for her, buzzing with anticipation.
We’d been at my house for half an hour and so far it had been innocent. We’d sat at the table in the kitchen, drinking white wine, just talking. She was telling me a story from when she was twelve.
‘So, he put the frog in front of me and I thought, ‘I have to do this’. I didn’t want to be the girl who couldn’t dissect a frog when everyone else was just digging in like it was nothing. So I pressed the scalpel to the frog and then…’
She paused. I was rapt.
‘And then?’
‘I don�
��t know but I woke up in the nurses offices with a massive bump on my head.’
I snorted with laughter.
‘You fainted?’
She nodded, faintly embarrassed.
‘And that was the day I found out that I was not going to be a doctor.’
‘I’m glad. Literature would have suffered a loss.’
She raised an eyebrow.
‘You’re making fun of me.’
I shook my head vehemently.
‘I’m not. I mean it.’
She seemed a little embarrassed by that.
‘What about you?’
‘I don’t want to be a doctor.’
‘No, I meant-’
She realised I was playing with her and she gave me a lopsided smile.
‘You know what I mean. You and literature. What are you working on?’
I lifted the wine.
‘At the moment, this bottle of white.’
Her face got a little serious.
‘Why don’t you want to tell me what you’re working on?’
I sighed. She was not letting this go.
‘Because I’m not working on anything. I don’t write anymore.’
Her mouth dropped open.
‘What? Why not?!’
I grabbed the bottle and poured myself another glass.
‘It turns out I’m not really cut out for it.’
She was incredulous.
‘How is that possible? I’ve read your stories. Your stuff is…’
I looked up from sipping my wine, waiting to see what adjective she was going to choose.
‘…Special.’
I was moved by the word. But there was no point getting into this.
‘Look, writers write. That’s the fact. And I stopped, so I’m not a writer anymore. I’m a professor. Trust me, I’m happier.’
‘Are you?’
Her eyes watched me carefully. She seemed unconvinced. I looked away, feeling uncomfortable. She suddenly leaned back in her chair, annoyed with herself.
‘I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be putting you under the microscope like that. If you say you don’t want to write anymore, I accept that.’
She was genuinely angry with herself for probing me and god help me, I found her deep frown adorable. I put my glass down and stood up. I grabbed her hand and pulled her up with me, pulling her toward the stairs. She started to grin.
‘Where are you taking me?’
‘Where do you think? To see my etchings.’
She giggled lightly. We went upstairs to my bedroom and she let go of my hand to walk around the room, inspecting the décor.
‘This is pretty.’
‘You’re pretty.’
She blushed a little at that and I knew it was a cheesy line but I meant it. She sat down on the edge of the bed. I sat down next to her. I suddenly became nervous. Imagine that, the serial seducer was nervous. I think it was because this had never happened in so calculated a fashion before with Penny. It had always been spontaneous. I felt like more was expected of me. Ordinarily, I’d never really given much thought to taking a girl to bed but it felt with Penny like it had to be extraordinary for some reason. That was the problem. I didn’t know how to make it special for her. No trick in my arsenal was any use to me right now.
I was beginning to feel like I should call it off when she started laughing, really laughing at something.
‘Is that you?’
She got up and picked a picture up from the dresser. It was of me when I was five, standing with my mother. I was dressed as a clown but I looked miserable. I kept the picture out because it had my mother in it, who was now gone, but it was an awful picture of me.
‘This is the unhappiest clown I’ve ever seen.’
‘It was not my choice of outfit.’
She kept staring at it, bemused. Watching her look at the photo endeared her to me and it pushed away any fears that she shouldn’t be here. She put the photo down and turned to me. She walked over to the bed and climbing gently onto my lap, put her arms around my neck. We didn’t kiss or touch, she just looked into my eyes for a moment and I forgot my nerves. I reached for her as I lay back on the bed, pulling her down into a kiss. It wasn’t like the kisses we’d had before. It was unhurried, leisurely. I eased into it, enjoying its slowness, its sweetness. After a time, I began to feel strong urges building and I pulled her around and lay her on the bed, climbing on top of her. She responded eagerly, wrapping her legs around my body, holding me close as we undulated rhythmically against each other as the kissing deepened. I soon felt the need to have her naked.
I began to feel underneath her t-shirt and she got up, slipping the top off completely. I sat up and pulled down her jeans and she wriggled out of them, her knickers coming off at the same time. She was quick to straddle me once the bottoms were off. That just left the bra, which I snapped open with a quick flick of my fingers, flinging it god knows where. She was now how I wanted her and where I wanted her. I leaned into her perfectly flat tummy, running my tongue around her naval and her head rolled back. I added my fingernails to the proceedings, raking them down her spine and I heard her gasp. She liked a little pain with her pleasure, I surmised. I tested further, biting her thigh lightly and she whimpered with delight. I wondered what other things she might like.
I kept kissing her as I ran my fingers up her legs and between her thighs. Her wetness told me she was ready to feel me inside her so I pushed one finger in, and then a second. She moaned as I began to slide my fingers back and forth and I could feel her body go taut as I gathered speed. I reached around her with my free hand and gave her one small, sharp slap to her bottom and she gave a shocked gasp of excitement. She liked it. I kept touching her inside while I issued a series of smacks to her bottom, growing in firmness with each slap. She let out series of sharp exhalations as I kept up the twin manoeuvres and I could feel her getting closer. Then she climaxed and I could tell it had been powerful but I wasn’t done. It had been fun to play with Penny but now I wanted to go further, to push her pleasure further. I kept up the movement inside her and stopped the spanking, taking the punishing hand and slipping into my mouth, getting it lubricated. Then I slipped it between her cheeks, finding her second hole. I began to massage the entrance as I kept penetrating her front with my fingers as well as moving my thumb up to push against her clitoris. I kept all three places stimulated, in harmony with each other. But I didn’t have to balance them for long. I could feel that I was sending the second wave through her. She suddenly grabbed onto the sheets, gripping them hard as her body constricted in ecstasy. She gave a high scream of pleasure and this time she didn’t stifle it. It rang out clear. I released her and she slumped on top of me.
After she’d taken a moment to collect herself, she looked up at me.
‘Oh my god’ she breathed and I laughed.
‘How was that?’
‘I think you know. Where did you learn how to do that?’
‘Same as anything else. A few good teachers.’
She nodded.
‘And now you’re teaching me.’
‘I guess so.’
She paused.
‘Well, I’ll never learn without practice.’
She pushed me back on the bed. I sighed happily, anticipating what the night would bring.
The following morning, I awoke to the sun shining through a gap in the curtains. I turned to see Penny sleeping next to me, beautiful in the light. It had been a while since I’d woken up with someone. I usually had my fun and kicked them out once it was done. But it had been an extremely long night and I suppose we’d fallen asleep from sheer exhaustion.
Her eyes opened. She look at me and smiled sleepily.
‘I’m so hungry’ she yawned.
‘I’m not surprised. We burned a lot of calories last night. I’m gonna jump in the shower and then I guess we both need to get to uni. We could grab breakfast on the way.’
It was as though she’d forgotten Medford exis
ted.
‘Right. Uni.’
I could see it was not an enticing prospect.
‘You really need to switch degrees. You know that, don’t you?’
She shrugged.
I got up and went into the bathroom, climbing into the shower. I ran the water until it was a nice temperature and then stood underneath its stream. The warm water felt incredible on my skin and I knew that was down to Penny. She had my skin humming with everything we’d done last night. I let the water run down my back and then I heard the shower door open. A pair of hands reached around my waist. I didn’t turn around.
‘How can you possibly want more?’
‘I’m just trying to conserve water.’
But then her hands began to reach down and I knew she wanted more than hot water.
Chapter 14
We were eating in a café near Medford. I was sipping a cup of coffee, trying to wake myself up, as Julia daintily ate an omelette. I’d already eaten an enormous stack of pancakes and Julia glanced at my plate where the oily remains of syrup lingered.
‘You put that away quick for such a petite girl.’
‘I told you I was hungry.’
I took another sip and we sat quietly for a moment. But in that silence, thoughts were beginning to creep into my mind, questions.
‘Julia?’
‘Yes?
‘I was wondering…’
She put her fork down, sensing a serious question and what I was thinking about was indeed serious. I was wondering what came next. What was this? What were we to each other? We hadn’t had any conversations about that so far because everything had happened in a whirl, but after spending a whole night in her bed, I wanted to know how she felt. I knew how I felt about it. I wanted to be with her, properly. It had become obvious to me this morning when I woke up next to her. It had felt right. But looking at her waiting to hear my question, a look of trepidation on her face, I decided not to say anything. I didn’t want to ruin our time if she didn’t want to talk about it. It was all new to me and I felt a bit in over my head. Julia was a real woman with all the trappings that came with that and here I was, only having left my parents’ house last year and freshly de-virginised. My experiences of sex had so far been earth shaking and I thought that even if Julia wasn’t on quite the same page, she seemed to like being with me in that way. But what did that mean? Did she like me? I just didn’t know and I didn’t really know how to ask. She was still waiting for my question.
