Forgiveness

by Grace R. Duncan

“Well, see? There’s the red,” Eric teased.

  Ben rolled his eyes. “You are terrible.”

  Eric grinned. “Yup. Are you telling me after the time we’ve spent together, you haven’t figured this out yet?”

  Ben shook his head. “You must hide it well.”

  Eric threw his head back and laughed. “Good reply.” He picked up his glass of water and sipped it, looking around the restaurant, hoping for the waiter to come back. He wanted to get on to the next part of their date.

  Just as he set the glass down, a woman walked by that Eric couldn’t keep from looking at. His head swiveled of its own will as she passed. He turned back and blinked at Ben. “Oh shit! I’m so sorry, I—”

  “She had a really nice ass,” Ben murmured, leaning over a little.

  Eric looked at the aforementioned body part, then back at his mate. “She does.” Eric stopped and his eyes widened. “Wait… that didn’t bother you?”

  Ben blinked at him. “What?”

  “I… I was just looking at a woman. While on a date with you.”

  “Okay?” Ben looked genuinely puzzled. “Why would that bother me? Are you planning to go chase her down and ask her out, then dump me? Or go start kissing on her?”

  Eric scowled. “Of course not.”

  “Well, then. We’re mated—even if we’re not claimed yet, but mated. But we are not dead. We can appreciate a nice view.” Ben hesitated. “Look, my wolf would be happy if you never even looked at another person as long as you live. That is obviously not going to happen. So… you were not touching her, just looking.”

  Eric relaxed a little and smiled. “Well… as long as you don’t decide to dump me for her.”

  Ben laughed. “Hardly, cariño. She could not be you.”

  That comment made Eric feel ridiculously good.

  The waiter returned then, and Eric turned his attention to the check.

  “WE’LL BE going back toward home from here,” Eric said as they settled in the car again. “There’s a little place Tanner and Finley told me about that they go to sometimes. It’s a bar with a decent, if small, dance floor. Finley says the music’s good, and Tanner says they’re gay-friendly. It’s not a gay club, per se, they’re just friendly toward LGBT people.”

  “That sounds good to me. You have directions?”

  Eric nodded and pointed toward the way they’d come.

  Ben turned the radio on, and Eric enjoyed the music as they drove, even if he couldn’t understand the language. He liked the melodies and found the Spanish language really could be beautiful. He chuckled softly to himself.

  “Is something funny?” Ben asked.

  Eric cleared his throat. “I was just thinking I liked listening to the Spanish and, uh, was wondering… never mind,” he ended up mumbling.

  “No, tell me, cariño. I will not laugh at you.”

  Eric sighed and looked out the window. “I wondered what it would sound like if you were speaking Spanish to me. You know, like, um… when, uh….”

  “I got it.” Ben squeezed his hand.

  Eric let out a breath. “You know, I used to try to be romantic and stuff with her. Like… flowers and stuff. And she always laughed at it.” He shook his head. “I have no idea what I saw in her. I mean, I get it. Not everyone is into that stuff. I’ve known a few girls who were way more into sports than anything else, right?”

  Ben nodded.

  “But…. Kim wasn’t like that… except with me.” Eric shook his head. “I should have seen things. Tanner tried to tell me. I just wasn’t willing to listen.”

  “Sometimes we have to learn things the hard way. I tried for so long to just hide the part of me that my mamá did not like. But eventually I figured out it was not possible. Especially if I got stressed out—you know how we are—and more than a few times, I have shifted uncontrollably.”

  “You’ll never have to fight that again,” Eric promised him. “You should never have in the first place, but now… well, you’re a beautiful wolf. I’ll want to see it a lot.”

  Ben smiled. “I am looking forward to letting him out more.”

  They drove without talking for a while, the silence only broken by the music and Eric’s directions. When Ben pulled up in front of the small building, Eric was dubious. It didn’t look like much from the outside. A squat brick building with a small awning over the single door and a few high neon-filled windows. He trusted Tanner and Finley, though, and stepped out of the car and went around to open Ben’s door, happy when Ben waited for him to.

  “I know it doesn’t look all that great, but they said it’s decent.”

  “I’m sure if nothing else, we can have a couple of beers before we go home.”

  Eric smiled. “Yeah, true.”

  It took a moment even for Eric’s preternatural vision to adjust to the dark interior. The inside wasn’t any more elaborate than the outside was. A long wooden bar stretched along the right wall. Small round tables and fragile-looking chairs filled the portion of the floor nearest the door, and a postage stamp–sized dance floor took up the space on the other end. A door in the back wall led, presumably, to the restrooms.

  The music wasn’t too loud, and Eric wondered if more wolves visited there than he originally thought. Most bars he’d been in back before he’d gone wolf—though he wasn’t supposed to be in them back then, of course—had been so loud that he hadn’t been able to hear himself think. But this one didn’t make him want to stuff his ears with foam to block the sound.

  While the bar wasn’t lavishly decorated, it was clean and the furniture was in good shape. And there, above the bar, hung a neon rainbow. It wasn’t exactly huge, but it was unmistakable.

  A few guys sat at the bar, and one male/female couple took up a table in the corner. In the other, a couple of other guys sat together, though Eric couldn’t tell if they were together or not.

  They approached the bar and each took a stool. The bartender was younger than Eric expected for some reason, looking barely older than he was. “Evening. What can I get for you?”

  Eric glanced at the taps and nodded. “Rolling Rock works for me.”

  “I will have the same,” Ben said.

  The bartender glanced from one to the other and smiled. “Be right back.”

  Eric relaxed, realizing he’d been interacting with people for a while and hadn’t felt uncomfortable once. He looked over at Ben, sending up a silent prayer of thanks to Diana for him, because he had no doubt the vast majority of his comfort was because of his mate.

  “Well, if nothing else, I don’t think we’ll get any crap if we want to dance.” He waved a hand toward the tiny space for it.

  Ben smiled. “I would like that. Do you dance?”

  “I’m not exactly Fred Astaire, but I like to think I have a little bit of rhythm.”

  Ben laughed. “Well, then, I look forward to it.”

  The bartender came back and Eric paid for the drinks, which they both concentrated on for a little while, talking about mundane things like The Force Awakens and other movies. Eric simply enjoyed being close to Ben. Then the music changed to a dance song even Eric remembered, and he turned to Ben.

  “Well, my mate, would you like to dance?”

  Ben nodded. They went out onto the little dance floor, and Eric pulled Ben close.

  “I have to admit something.”

  “What is that?”

  “I’ve never danced with a guy like this. So, uh, if I step on your toes or something, I swear I don’t mean to.”

  Ben laughed. “For the record, neither have I. I think we can handle it, though.” He rested his hands on Eric’s hips, and Eric put his on Ben’s. Then they started simply moving to the music together. Despite the mostly joking comments, they danced together well, neither stepping on toes or hurting each other.

  At least, not those kinds of problems. Before long, however, Eric was faced with a different kind. Despite his best efforts, before they’d even made it through two full songs, his fo
rmerly loose twill pants were uncomfortably tight, and it was taking all of his fortitude to fight his wolf, who was pushing him to take Ben somewhere—anywhere—pin him to the wall, fuck him within an inch of his life, then bite and claim him.

  As frustrated as Eric was with his fears and hesitation, he wasn’t quite in a place he could let it go completely. The memory of the pain he went through when Kim broke their bond was still way too vivid in his mind. But having Ben in his arms like this—the lean, toned body against him and Ben’s own hard cock grinding into his—was making things incredibly difficult. It took all he had to keep his vision from going gray and his teeth from dropping. He hadn’t smelled any other wolves and didn’t need to scare the rest of the patrons half to death.

  He lasted one more song, then tilted his head toward the bar. “Need a drink,” he said in Ben’s ear. It wasn’t exactly a lie—his throat was dry—and he hoped it would help him get a better hold on his control.

  Ben nodded, and they went back to the bar. They ordered fresh beers and took their seats, sipping on the brews. Except the break didn’t help Eric calm down as much as he was hoping. Still, he wasn’t going to cut their date short because he couldn’t keep his dick from getting hard. For all his wolf was strong, he was stronger, and he would make this the best he could for Ben.

  In hindsight, Eric should have taken a few more minutes in the shower and jacked off. He didn’t know if it would have helped all that much, but considering it’d been way too long since he’d done anything with another person, a short masturbation session couldn’t hurt either. In fact, he hadn’t done that more than a couple of times since he’d been back either. Both times had been when Ben’s scent had damned near driven him nuts. He’d closed his bedroom door and did his best to stay silent in an attempt to relieve a bit of the tension.

  Regardless, he hadn’t done it and was regretting that as he did his best to get control of his body. By the time he’d finished his new beer, though, he knew he wasn’t going to be able to calm down much.

  Still, he and Ben went back out for another couple of songs. But within a few moments, he knew it was hopeless. Having his mate in his arms, so close, the scent filling him, the feel of the hard body—and equally hard cock—grinding into him, was driving him crazy. He buried his nose in Ben’s neck, inhaling deeply, unable to resist. “Gods, you smell amazing,” he murmured. When he opened his eyes, he was chagrined to find everything had turned gray this time. He forced his teeth to retract before he lifted his face again to kiss Ben once more.

  Ben was already tilting his head and kissing Eric’s neck, then nuzzling him. “So do you, cariño. And you feel even better.”

  “Want you,” Eric said, closing his eyes and struggling against the things his wolf was still pushing him to do. “Gods, I wish I was over this already. But—”

  Ben reached up and put his fingers over Eric’s lips. “Stop, cariño. I know. You are only going to make it worse. Kiss me, hold me. We will get to the rest. Just… maybe not tonight.” He winked and Eric grinned.

  “Yeah, okay.” He caught Ben’s lips with his, intending it to be a light kiss, but Ben opened to him and Eric couldn’t resist deepening it. He let himself get lost in the feel and taste of his mate for a moment. When they broke apart, he stared into the gorgeous eyes—noting they’d bled black. “I… fuck, let’s get out of here before we shift on the spot.”

  Ben chuckled and nodded. “Okay. Look—I do not want you to do anything you do not want to. That you are not ready for.”

  Eric shook his head. “No. But… if we stay here much longer, I will do something I’m not ready for. I… this was not the smartest idea for our date. I’m sorry.”

  “Shh,” Ben said, shaking his head. “I am not unhappy.”

  A moment later they hurried out of the bar, hand in hand. Not long after that, they were on their way home.

  Eric spent the entire time thinking of ways they could be together that wouldn’t freak him out. He was determined not to ruin another of their firsts like he had their kiss. But his hard dick was making it extremely difficult to think, and touching Ben—even holding his hand—wasn’t helping anymore.

  He’d have to figure something out, though, because he had a feeling they weren’t going to make it much longer—probably not even through the night—without doing something together.

  Chapter 10

  BEN COULDN’T miss the scent of Eric’s arousal, and he was running the problem of what they could do through his mind as they turned off the smooth pavement onto the rough driveway leading up to the house. Having never had sex with another man, he wasn’t sure exactly what they could do that wouldn’t exchange fluids—and, thus, strengthen their bond. He’d certainly seen plenty of porn. It was the closest he’d felt safe doing to give in to that side of himself back home. But all of the porn he’d seen had either been oral to the point of orgasm or anal. Neither of which was going to work when it came to not strengthening their bond. He wished he’d thought to buy condoms, but it just hadn’t entered his mind that they’d want to do something like this before they wanted to bond. So he was once again trying to figure something out that wouldn’t strengthen it.

  As much as he wanted to be with Eric, he didn’t want to freak his mate out, didn’t want to risk setting them back at all.

  He contemplated that as he put the car into park, glad to see the blue Outlander wasn’t there, which meant they had the house to themselves. They didn’t speak as they stepped out of the car and turned to each other. Without a word—Ben suspected Eric didn’t know what to say any more than he did—they clasped hands and walked up to the house.

  Eric led him all the way in and up to the hallway outside their doors. Ben turned to him, and they stared at each other for a very long moment.

  “Perhaps it would be best if we simply left it here, cariño, went to our separate beds. I… I do not want to, but I also do not want to cause you problems.”

  Eric tilted his head and studied Ben, tightening the hand he had around Ben’s. He brushed his other thumb over Ben’s cheek. “So worried about me. I care about you too, baby. I don’t want to hurt you either.”

  It wasn’t a declaration of love—though Ben was well aware he’d made no such declarations either—but Eric saying outright that he cared filled Ben with warmth. “It will not—no, I mean it,” Ben hurried to add when Eric opened his mouth to interrupt. “It will not hurt me if we do not do anything more. Of course I want to be with you. I always want to be with you, touch you—or more. In this I think you’re more important, though. You have a right to these fears.”

  Eric nodded. “Yeah, I do. I won’t argue that. Come here,” he whispered, tugging on Ben. “The least we can do is kiss good night.”

  Ben couldn’t resist if he wanted to. His wolf—never the most insistent since he’d pushed him away so much—surprised him, pushing back for once. He wanted their mate. He wanted Ben to bite and claim. He didn’t understand the hesitation. Ben gave in, at least a little, and poured all his want and need for Eric into the kiss. He let out the love he hadn’t dared admit to out loud, sure Eric wasn’t ready to hear it. But the time since he’d arrived in Pittsburgh, all the time he’d been able to spend with his mate, had given him ample opportunity to realize it wasn’t just the link to Eric that made him want their mating so much. He’d fallen in love. Ben wrapped his free arm around his mate and tugged until they were flush against each other, opening to Eric’s tongue touching his lips.

  Eric wrapped his free arm around Ben as well, then let go of Ben’s hand and lifted his to thread his fingers through Ben’s hair. Eric tilted his head, his tongue sliding along Ben’s and deepening the kiss even further.

  Ben couldn’t miss the hard length of Eric’s cock against his own equally stiff length. He tried, he really did, to resist rocking into Eric, but he failed rather spectacularly. The movement brought a moan from Eric. When they broke apart, Eric rested his forehead against Ben’s, both of them panting. Ben was
gratified to see through the gray of his vision that Eric’s eyes were now black and his teeth had dropped.

  “I’m not sure I can just go to bed alone, baby.” Eric swallowed. “I… I can’t promise I won’t freak out if we strengthen our bond, though, and I will not hurt you or ruin another first.”

  Ben closed his eyes, trying hard not to let it hurt. It shouldn’t. He did understand Eric’s fears. He might not have had the same thing happen to him, but he had his own set of fears. Still, despite that, a small stab went through him at the words. Annoyingly, it had no effect whatsoever on the state of his cock—or his vision or teeth. He took a breath to reassure his mate again, and an idea came to him.

  “What if we just, uh, touched each other?” He blushed at stumbling over his words, but Eric apparently got the meaning. His eyes widened, and a slow smile spread over his face.

  “Yeah, I think we could handle that.” He let go of Ben, took his hand again, and backed toward Ben’s room. “It’s not much farther away from them.” Eric tossed his head toward Tanner and Finley’s room. “But it’s at least a little more distance, if they come back before we finish.”

  After Eric opened Ben’s door and they went inside, closing it behind them, they turned to each other, and Ben found himself more than a little anxious. Now his cock would choose to react—softening because of that.

  Eric stepped up to him and brushed the backs of his fingers over Ben’s cheek. “No need to be nervous, baby.”

  “You can feel that?”

  Eric nodded. “You’re transmitting pretty loudly.” He gave a crooked smile. “I’ve never done anything with another guy. It’s more likely you’ll think I’m—”

  Ben shook his head quickly. Eric raised an eyebrow, and Ben cleared his throat. “I have not been with a man either. I…. My experience is limited to my one girlfriend, and we did not do that much.”

  Eric’s lips tilted. “My wolf wants to rip her throat out right now. He thinks she’s competition for me.”

  Ben actually laughed. “No, cariño. Even if we were not destined, she could not compare. I did not love her.”