Bodies from the Library

by Tony Medawar

  CARRADOS: Oh yes, I am though. I am interested in everything.

  VIOLET: But—surely—

  CARRADOS: I can’t see the ju-jitsuing? Quite true, but do you know, Miss Darragh, that does not make a great deal of difference after all. I have my sense of touch, my sense of taste, my hearing—even my unromantic nose—and you would hardly believe how they rallied to my assistance since my sight went, I often think you seeing people rely too much on your eyes. For instance (they have now reached the chair that Violet had destined for him. To guide him into it, she has taken both his hands in hers. CARRADOS has gently disengaged his right hand and is lightly holding her left hand between both of his). Hulse and I were speaking of you the other day—forgive our impertinence—and he happened to say that you disliked rings and had never worn one. His eyes, you see and perhaps a thoughtless remark of yours. Now I know that until quite recently you undoubtedly wore a ring, broad and smooth, possibly a wedding ring, on this finger. (holds up her wedding ring finger)

  (The other three men have dropped their conversation and are listening. HULSE stares incredulously. DARRAGH and KATO are momentarily disconcerted. VIOLET is embarrassed)

  HULSE: Oh-ho, Max, you’ve come a cropper this time. Miss Darragh has never worn a ring (to Violet) have you?

  VIOLET: N-o.

  (CARRADOS continues to smile benignly on her)

  DARRAGH: (doubtful if they can carry it off and deciding to nip any rising suspicions by frankness) Wait a minute, Violet, wait a minute. Didn’t I see you wearing some sort of old ring a little time ago? I really believe Mr Carrados may be right. Think again.

  VIOLET: (taking the lead) Why, yes, of course—how stupid of me! It, it was my mother’s wedding ring and I wore it to—keep it safely. That was how I found out I disliked the feel of one and I soon gave it up.

  DARRAGH: (genially) Ah—ha. I thought that we should be right

  KATO: (crossing to Carrados) This is really much interesting. I very greatly like your system, Mr Carrados.

  CARRADOS: (good naturedly) Oh, scarcely a system—it’s almost second nature with me now. I don’t have to consider, say ‘Where is the window?’ If I want to open one. (He has never taken the seat and now he goes unerringly towards the window) I know with certainty that the window is here. How? Well it is ten degrees cooler outside than it is in here, so that’s very simple. Was I right? (He now lays his hand on the blind and lace curtains as he stretches it out in the direction of the window)

  VIOLET: (hurriedly) Yes—but, oh, do be careful, Mr Carrados. The police are most awfully particular about the light here and there is a policeman on point duty always, just opposite. We live in constant fear and trembling lest a glimmer should escape.

  (CARRADOS smiles and nods and leaves the window)

  CARRADOS: Then there is the electric light, heat at a certain height, of course.

  KATO: True, but why electric light?

  CARRADOS: No other light is noiseless and odourless—think: gas, oil, candles, all betray their composition yards away. Then (moving on again) the fireplace—I suppose you can only smell soot in wet weather? And by the way, when you last had a fire here, it was mixed coal and logs. The mantelpiece (touching it) Petworth marble with its characteristic fossil shell markings. The wallpaper (brushing his hand over it) arrangements of pansies on a criss-cross background (touching his tongue with one finger)—colour scheme largely green and gold—

  HULSE: (mockingly as he points at a picture) Engraving of Mrs Siddons as the Tragic Muse, suspended one for seven inches from the ceiling on a brass headed nail, supplied by a one-legged ironmonger whose Aunt Jane—(all laugh except KATO)

  CARRADOS: You see what contempt familiarity breeds, Miss Darragh. I look to you, Mr Kuromi, to avenge me by putting Hulse in a variety of undignified attitudes on the floor.

  HULSE: (to Kato) Oh, I shan’t mind if you put me up to a wrinkle or two.

  KATO: You wish?

  HULSE: Indeed I do. I’ve seen the use of it. When I was coming across, one of the passengers held up a bully in the neatest way possible. It looked quite simple, something like this, if I may? (KATO nods smiling assent. HULSE grabs his left arm under KATO’s right and with his left hand grips KATO’s collar) ‘Now’ he said ‘struggle and your right arm snaps.’ I expect you know the grip.

  KATO: (politely amused) Oh, yes. Therefore, it would be foolish to struggle. An expert in ju-jitsu never struggles. He gives way.

  (KATO appears to be falling helplessly away from Hulse sideways. HULSE is compelled to follow. KATO saves himself by his left arm while his bent left leg is an obstacle that brings HULSE to the ground. KATO is immediately upright again and politely assists HULSE to rise)

  Probably the bully did not know of that. But if he was so careless as to allow your friend to take him by the hand, this would have been better thing to do.

  (He approaches HULSE who has recovered his breath. HULSE gives him his right hand and KATO, grasping the fingers in his own right, lightly presses the tip of his thumb into the slack flesh between Hulse’s thumb and first finger. HULSE at once doubles up in a helpless attitude)

  (releasing him) Then, in addition, there are several other ways for disposing of assailant who attacks as your friend did. The one I showed was very mild and would scarcely be used serious. The others are more violent. (offering his hand for attack again) Perhaps you would wish me to show you them?

  HULSE: (holding back) Well, if it’s all the same to you, I’d rather you showed me something—something where I downed the other fellow.

  KATO: Oh, but you would—only for now you represent the other fellow.

  DARRAGH: But this is all mere ABC, surely, Kuromi? I’ve seen ordinary gymnastic instructors do it. We understood that you were a master of the art.

  KATO: Oh, well, I never say so.

  VIOLET: No, that’s why we thought you were. Haven’t you some wonderful secrets that you keep for an emergency?

  DARRAGH: Yes. I seem to remember hearing about secret grips and so on that were known and handed down in families for generations. They were said to be regarded as valuable heirlooms and were never taught except by father to son.

  VIOLET: Oh, how exciting! I’m sure there must be some in your family, Mr Kuromi?

  KATO: (apparently disinclined to pursue the subject, turning away) Oh yes. Perhaps.

  VIOLET: Oh, do show us.

  HULSE: I should very much like to see something of the very real thing, Mr Kuromi.

  VIOLET: We won’t breathe a word.

  KATO: (returning to centre) Oh, that matters nothing because you could not possibly have any idea of the secret hold to tell. No. I don’t like, as you say, showing it off.

  VIOLET: Oh, just this once.

  HULSE: (they are speaking together) As a great favour.

  DARRAGH: Nonsense, man.

  KATO: Well, as you all wish it so. (Chorus of assent) This is not only hold, it is (thinks for a word)—control. It is not known to me alone only. Of course, in reality I could make use of it not often for it would depend on my being able to secure the exact conditions, which with a practised opponent would be unlikely. But for now Mr Hulse will please allow me to do so. (encouragingly) It is not violent, this one.

  (KATO has removed his coat as he speaks and now stands expectantly as HULSE does nothing)

  (smiling) Will you so? (points to his shirtsleeves)

  HULSE: (hesitating and betraying some little concern) Oh—is it necessary?

  KATO: Please, yes. Or I shall be unable.

  (HULSE takes off his coat, first touching the outside of the left breast pocket as he has a betraying habit of doing. KATO has laid his coat already on a chair behind him. HULSE now does the same, using a chair on his side. KATO takes the action further down stage, away from the chairs. DARRAGH moves casually to a convenient spot. KATO now takes Hulse’s right hand in his own right, puts his left hand round Hulse’s right wrist and slowly pushes his left hand up as far as Hulse’s elbow)


  (pleasantly) The object of the control is not only to reduce a person to helplessness but to be able to make him do exactly as one would wish against his will. All these master holds have their particular names and this one is called—literally—‘The Thunderbolt in a Silk Package’.

  VIOLET: Your countrymen are so romantic!

  KATO: And yet so practical! Mr Hulse is now in condition to do exactly as he is told, he can move no single limb or joint except by my permission. Mr Carrados will have his revenge. I will tell Mr Hulse what to do and he will do it—or, yes, perhaps it will be more amusing if I compel him to do just what I tell him not to do. Well, do not put out your left arm. Hulse. We see.

  (HULSE’s left arm goes rigidly out. This is DARRAGH’s cue. He knows that Hulse is inflexibly rigid and he rapidly but coolly proceeds to change the positions of the coats, transferring the ordinary contents of Hulse’s pockets to the pockets of the substituted coat. Meanwhile)

  (smilingly) Now turn your head and look round.

  HULSE: (with an effort and in an altered voice) I cannot. I am held in a vice.

  KATO: (pleadingly) At all events, Mr Hulse, do not stand on your left leg and pirouette with your right—it is so undignified! (HULSE executes this movement) And finally, do not box my ear for my pain.

  (HULSE swings his left hand violently round. KATO releases him and ducks agilely, thus avoiding the blow and bringing the demonstration to an end)

  HULSE: (feeling his arms and neck) Crumbs! That was an experience! I felt—well, I don’t believe that I was half there. And yet I knew all the time what I was doing. (is putting on his coat—which is the wrong coat. Touches his pocket, feels the dummy packet and is satisfied) Now I don’t suppose, Kuromi—(turns and finds that KATO has moved off to speak quietly to Violet and Darragh and learn that all is right. He therefore crosses to Carrados)

  You old scoundrel, Max. it was you who put him up to that. Have a cigarette all the same.

  (He offers his case to Carrados. CARRADOS leans forward to take one. It is now that he strikes upon the change of coats, though not yet fully understanding the details. For a moment his action is arrested in doubt and incredulity—then he leans still moreover and while affecting to pick out a cigarette—touches the cloth. Then, rising and standing between Hulse and the others he smells the lapel of the coat)

  CARRADOS: (with rapid intensity) You wear a gardenia, Hulse?

  HULSE: Yes, but I—

  CARRADOS: (still masking the action and conversation under the detail of taking a cigarette) There has never been a flower in this coat! Be on your guard, man. By Heavens, we’re in a nice fix!

  HULSE: (not yet grasping the full necessity) What—

  (All through this there is business of lighting cigarettes and putting the box away)

  CARRADOS: Don’t speak aloud. There is some treachery here. ‘MIDNIGHT SUN’!

  HULSE: ‘MIDNIGHT SUN’! The password! Godfrey Daniel! Then you must be the man the Government told me would be put on to look after me!

  CARRADOS: That’s why I’m here now. Take no particular notice of me. Carry on just as usual and raise no suspicions. Move away now. (CARRADOS sits down again)

  (HULSE moves off towards the others. VIOLET turns as he approaches)

  VIOLET: Was it a very dreadful experience?

  HULSE: Well, curious certainly. Yes, curious. The more I think of it the more—(fears that he is getting too significant, though as yet his ideas on the situation are far from collected) You’ve never seen it done before?

  VIOLET: Oh, no. It is a great honour to get Mr Kuromi ‘show it off’ as he says.

  HULSE: (with deadly simpleness) Yes, I should say so. I quite feel that.

  VIOLET: And are you really going so soon? A month hence—a week—and the memory of this—of me—will all be a dream?

  HULSE: Never! If I live to be a hundred—yes, if by any oversight I live to be a thousand. I shall never forget this evening!

  VIOLET: Oh, this evening! Not poor me!

  HULSE: This evening is you—very largely. And a little of Mr Kuromi, perhaps.

  KATO: (hearing his name and turning to them) Yes, you say me? Mr Hulse. It is all understood? You bear me no ill malice?

  HULSE: I won’t go so far as to say it’s quite all understood but the malice in any composition wouldn’t fill an egg-cup.(It is at this moment that the full nature of the plot dawns on CARRADOS. In his moment of discovery he incautiously brings down his right hand on his right left with an emphatic slap. They all look at him, slightly startled)

  CARRADOS: (divining the feeling) Only a little catastrophe with the hot end of my cigarette. Yes, thanks, it’s all right. I knocked it out. Hulse, I’ll trouble you again.

  (HULSE crosses over, taking out his case)

  DARRAGH: (to the other two, resuming interrupted conversation) No, there’s no need to hurry them. Better not, in fact. We’re absolutely safe now.

  CARRADOS: (taking cigarette) Thanks, old man. (as he gets a light from HULSE) I’ve got it. We may be able to carry it through. Play up to me for all you’re worth.

  HULSE: Sure!

  DARRAGH: (advancing by way of table, from which he picks up a box) Cigarettes, did you say, Mr Carrados? Won’t you try one of these?

  CARRADOS: Thanks but I’ve just taken one of Hulse’s (humorously) I felt I had to be nice to him, you know.

  DARRAGH: (grinning) Oh, I understand that we’re all forgiven. A pity you should miss so wonderful a feat.

  CARRADOS: (with slow deliberation and gradually raising his voice so that Kato shall not fail to hear) Still I think I can imagine it all … As a matter of fact, the trick of that grip was known to me long ago.

  KATO: (hearing and hastening to the men, to confront CARRADOS with some acerbity) Trick! And known to you! Oh, but impossible!

  CARRADOS: Perhaps ‘The Thunderbolt in a Silk Package’ is not quite so exclusive a possession as you imagine, Mr Kuromi. It was shown to me by a Turk in Cairo many years ago—before I lost my sight. He not only demonstrated it but, for a consideration, showed me the dodge and made me quite proficient myself.

  KATO: Dodge, you say! Oh, with difficulty I restrain myself quite politely. Well, Mr Carrados, since the Turk so proficiently showed you, perhaps you can return the table on me to my discomfiture.

  CARRADOS: (smiling and shaking his head) You know very well that my dead eyes would be a fatal handicap now. But as you are proposing a return match I will put up Hulse against you and under my direction. We shall see if he can’t make you—say—well, comb your hair with your left foot (To add jealousy to Kato’s already rising pique and to ensure his acceptance of the challenge CARRADOS adds) I’m sure that he is pining to shine again in Miss Darragh’s bright eyes.

  KATO: (in the desired mood) Oh, yes. Come on. We’ll try.

  HULSE: (in very modest tones) Well, I’ll do my level best.

  CARRADOS: (finessing DARRAGH out of harm’s way) And Mr Darragh shall sit here in my place and judge impartially.

  (DARRAGH is induced to take the seat and the other three men go further up stage towards the window. They stand much in their original positions. CARRADOS is behind them and nearer to the window. They remove their coats and place them as before without comment.)

  CARRADOS: Are you well under the light, Hulse? And with it shining as much as possible into Kuromi’s eyes? (This induces the two to move a little further away from him—and their coats)

  Now you know the position, take his right hand in yours—quite firmly and suddenly—like this. (CARRADOS’s right hand goes quickly out and comes into contact with the blind cord. There is a pull, a crack and the blind comes bodily down, displaying the unguarded window)

  (CARRADOS stumbling forward from the window with groping hands he encounters the sofa and in a helpless confused way pushes it forwards on its easy castors so that it more effectively cuts off the two chairs, the coats and that part of the room from the others) Good Heavens! What have I done? What has happe
ned?

  CONSTABLE: (voice outside window, peremptorily) Put out that light!

  (There is a pause of stupefaction all round. The next moment)

  VIOLET: Better, Hugh …

  KATO: (moving towards switch) Shall I?

  CONSTABLE: (voice outside window, still sharper) Put out that light at once. Do you hear?

  DARRAGH: (springing to the switch and jerking off the light). Curse the thing!

  (The room is totally dark. CARRADOS is now seen by the audience to re-change the positions of the coats, so that the coat with the dummy packet is where Hulse’s real coat was and vice versa)

  DARRAGH: Fetch that candle reading lamp out of my room. Be quick. We can do nothing till we have a light.

  CARRADOS: I’m most terribly distressed. Did I really do it?

  KATO: (ironically) We think you must have done. You cannot have been quite—quite proficient.

  (Re-enter VIOLET with a lamp or candle with its shaded hood)

  DARRAGH: Bring it carefully up here, Violet. Now Kato, help me with this table.

  (Lighted by VIOLET they move a table to beneath the window and DARRAGH quickly fixes the blind. The light is again turned on.)

  CARRADOS (To VIOLET) I hardly know how to apologise after your warning, Miss Darragh. My unfortunate over-confidence (sighs).

  VIOLET: Oh, don’t think so much of it, Mr Carrados, it might have been worse.

  DARRAGH: It was damned unfortunate all the same.

  KATO: (back in his position in the centre of the stage) I am still expectantly ready.

  CARRADOS: No. No. I withdraw my man. I’m too distressed to be able to do anything of the sort now (They resume their re-changed coats and, by a curious preoccupation, not only HULSE but KATO also touches the outside of his coat over the packet and is satisfied) Mr Darragh is right. A catastrophe like this breaks up the harmony of our evening, we all feel it, much as we may regret the fact. Besides, Hulse, you haven’t much time to spare.

  HULSE: (looking at watch) That’s true. I have a lot to do yet.

  DARRAGH: Of course if you think that you must—

  CARRADOS: I really think that we must. And if, through my clumsiness, it hasn’t been altogether a pleasant evening, it has certainly been an instructive one.